Chapter 23
Chapter
Twenty-Three
West
The next morning is a bit harried. Since I need my SUV to go to practice, I drop Joey off at daycare and then Serena and Lindy at school. I don’t mind but I’m not used to having so many responsibilities. Usually, all I think about on days like this is hockey.
After practice, I go home and make travel arrangements for next week and then start looking online for cars for Serena.
I already know I’m going to try to talk her into letting me help her buy a new one.
It’s going to be complicated, because she already feels weird about owing me money, but what’s the alternative?
Another cheap, used car that’s going to need work in six months?
I feel like buying something new protects her in the long run.
It’s just a matter of finding something she can afford that I think is right for her.
Christ.
What am I doing?
She’s a grown woman who can choose her own car. She’s been on her own a long time—she doesn’t need me to step in and try to run her life.
I just want to help.
What I don’t want is to be overbearing.
We’re involved, even though we haven’t defined our relationship, so I feel like she should accept my help. But how do I do it in a way that doesn’t seem like overstepping boundaries? I guess we have to talk about it.
I make an appointment at a local dealership before I pick her up from work. She’s leaving a little early so we can look at cars before she has to pick up Joey, but I don’t think we’re on the same page about new versus used.
“Hi.” She smiles as she slides into the passenger seat.
“Hi yourself.” I lean over to kiss her. “How was your day?”
“Not bad. How was practice?”
“Always good.”
“Excellent.” She fastens her seatbelt. “So, where are we headed?”
“We have to talk about expectations.”
“What do you mean?” She sounds confused.
“I’m in no position to tell you what to do. I know that. But I have opinions, so instead of just barraging you with what I think, let’s discuss your budget.”
She sighs as she stares straight ahead. “I guess I don’t have a set budget. My goal was to keep the car I have until Joey starts kindergarten. Then the ridiculous amount I spend on daycare goes away and I can add a car payment without having to tighten my belt.”
“Do you have any wiggle room at all?”
“Yeah, but that means…” She shakes her head. “It’s complicated. It won’t just be the car payment, but then my insurance will go up because it’s a new car. That could be four or five hundred dollars a month that I truly don’t have.” She dips her head. “And it’s humiliating.”
“It’s not.” I reach across the console for her hand. “Let’s just look at a few options, see what the payments will come to, and then after dinner tonight, we can crunch numbers.”
She looks like she’s going to cry, and it breaks my heart.
“I work so hard,” she whispers, shaking her head.
“I mean, I make a decent living but it’s just me.
My rent includes utilities, but I still have my phone, car insurance, cable, gas, groceries, and internet.
I mean, my take home pay, after taxes and health insurance, is twenty-five hundred.
Daycare for Joey is seven-fifty a month.
My rent is eleven hundred… there simply isn’t much left over. ”
Fuck.
I hate this for her and for me. I’m in a position to help but are we at a place in our relationship where I can offer to without making things awkward?
“You know I want to help,” I say after a moment. “But I don’t want things to be weird. And I really don’t want you to feel like you owe me anything.”
“I know. That’s my worry too.”
I squeeze her fingers. “How can I help? Really. Is there anything I can do to make this work?”
“I don’t know.”
“Let’s stick to the plan,” I say after a beat. “We’ll go look at a few cars, get some data, and then talk about it tonight.”
“Nothing is going to change. You can do the math in your head. Until I can eliminate daycare costs, I can’t afford much of anything extra.”
“Maybe there’s a way for you to make some extra money,” I say thoughtfully.
“I can’t get a second job—what would I do with Joey?”
“Let me think about it. There are a handful of single guys on the team who might love to have someone meal prep for them. Maybe you could spend a few hours on the weekends, with Joey, doing that.”
“That wouldn’t be bad. I don’t want handouts, West. I’m willing to work hard. It’s just so hard to get ahead when you have a kid and no one to help.”
“You don’t get any money at all from his dad?”
She huffs. “No. His father gave me a choice that was all or nothing, so I made the only one that was acceptable to me. Because there was no universe where I was going to let him take full custody.”
I stiffen. “Wait, he threatened to take full custody?”
“He said either I get rid of it or he’d sue me for full custody, and with his money and status as a pro athlete, he would win. I couldn’t risk it.”
“I’m so sorry, angel. I didn’t realize it was cut and dried like that.”
“I’d rather struggle than have someone like that in Joey’s life anyway.”
“Agreed.”
“He was charming for a weekend but long-term, it never would have worked out anyway.”
“Is he…” I pause. “No, never mind. I don’t even want to know because if it turns out that I know him, I’m going to pummel the fuck out of him the next time I see him on the ice. Unless—” He grimaces. “He isn’t one of my teammates, is he?”
“Honestly, I have no idea. I really don’t follow hockey. Mostly because I didn’t grow up with it, but I also have no interest in seeing his face or his name. I don’t think about him at all, if I can help it.”
“Google the Thunder’s roster on your phone. If he’s one of my teammates, I need to know.”
“Shit, I never even thought of that.” She quickly starts typing on her phone.
It feels like I’m holding my breath the entire time but then she exhales.
“No. Not on your team. You want to know who it is?”
“Not really, unless you want to talk about it. Otherwise, I don’t give a fuck. The past is the past. All that matters now is us and what we’re doing.”
We’ve just pulled into the dealership, and I glance over at her.
“Don’t worry, okay? Let’s look around with an open mind.”
“Car salesmen can be so smarmy and pushy. They make me nervous.”
I chuckle. “That’s the least of your worries, angel. Let me handle that part of it. All you have to do is look around, see if anything catches your eye, and we’ll discuss what monthly payments might look like when we’re home.”
“Okay.” To my surprise, she doesn’t argue, merely gets out of the SUV and then slides her hand into mine.
It almost feels like she’s beginning to trust me.
Which is a double-edged sword because I don’t know if I deserve that trust. I want to be the man she needs. I just don’t know if I’m capable of that. She needs a man who’s going to love her—and her son—unconditionally.
Is that me?
I swore I’d never date another single mom, but here I am in the thick of it, starting to get attached to a woman who could hurt me.
Can I open myself up like that again after what happened in the past?
There’s no way to answer that just yet, but I don’t have the luxury of taking my time because she needs my help today. We’re going to look at cars, and tonight, somehow, I’m going to find a way to make sure she can buy something safe and affordable. No matter what I have to do.
It would make the most sense for her to move in with me.
I can’t believe I’m even considering it.
She would say no if I brought it up.
Right?
“West?” I realize she’s been talking to me.
“Sorry, I was just checking out all the cars. Do you see one you like?”
“That little SUV over there.” She points at something relatively compact and red.
“Let’s go look at it.”
I tug her hand and we walk in that direction, pushing away all thoughts of asking her to move in.
That’s a conversation for another time.
Maybe after I’ve gotten my head out of my ass.