Chapter 33
Chapter
Thirty-Three
West
My schedule has been crazy. Between flying to Seattle, moving on to Vancouver, and now being in Alaska for back-to-back games, I haven’t heard Serena’s voice in days.
Tonight I make a point of calling her. She texted that she had something to talk to me about, which worries me, so I’m taking a little time before tonight’s game to call her.
“Hi.” She sounds breathless, like she’s in the middle of something.
“Is this a good time?” I ask.
“Joey and I are playing hockey in the great room,” she says. “So…thanks for that. It’s all he talks about now.”
I chuckle. “I’m sorry. I’ll make it up to you when I get home.”
“You’d better!”
“So, what did you want to talk about?” I ask. “Is it good or bad?”
“Uh, I’m not sure. I need advice.”
“What’s up?”
“I got a call from my old agent,” she says, a hint of excitement in her voice. “And guess what? They’re doing a reboot of Dusty Peaks.”
My eyes widen even though she can’t see me. “Holy shit—do they want you back?”
“They do. Unfortunately, there’s a catch.”
“Uh oh.” I mentally brace myself.
“They’re planning to film in L.A.”
I grimace. “Oh.”
“I know. It’s not good news.” She sounds frustrated.
“I want to do it so badly, but I’ve been thinking about it since yesterday and I just don’t know if it’s feasible.
First and foremost, I’d have to quit my very stable job to work on a television show that could get canceled after a few episodes. It happens all the time, you know?”
“Yeah.” I’m trying to keep an open mind for her sake, but the last thing I want is for her to move to Los Angeles. Other than a couple of games per season, I have no interest in visiting.
“And then there’s moving to L.A,” she continues.
“Even if it’s temporary, it’s expensive and what would I do with Joey?
I’m willing to bet daycare out there is even more expensive than here, and what would I do on the days shooting runs late?
I was there until midnight sometimes. No matter how much they pay me, I don’t think a full-time nanny is in the budget. ”
I respond honestly. “I can tell you firsthand, everything in L.A. is super expensive.”
“The more I think about it, the more I realize it’s just not feasible. I can’t risk my security for a pipe dream. Even though the money would be incredible.” She pauses, her voice turning curious. “Why aren’t you saying much?”
“The only person whose opinion counts is yours. I’m not the one who’d have to move.”
“I’d like to hear your thoughts, regardless. That’s why I wanted to talk about it.”
“Obviously, I don’t want you to leave Atlanta, or me, but it would be selfish as fuck for me to ask you to walk away from that kind of opportunity.”
“I don’t want to leave either,” she whispers. “Especially not now that I’ve met you.”
I love hearing that, but I need to make sure this is really what she wants. “But will you resent me for it a year from now?”
“If leaving you was the only obstacle, we might be having a different conversation, but the truth is, I realistically can’t move to L.A.
Even if money weren’t an issue, and we both know it is, it would be brutal for Joey.
Uprooting him, new school, new teachers, new friends—not to mention having a nanny…
I just don’t see any way to do it. I have to tell Norm that the answer is no.
I guess I just needed to say it out loud. ”
I can practically feel how hard it is for her to say that, and I feel like an ass for being a tiny bit happy about it.
Not wanting her to leave me and being happy that her dream is about to be crushed—again—are not the same things. I just don’t know how to express that without sounding like the selfish fuck I don’t want to be.
“Maybe he could find you some work here in Atlanta,” I suggest lightly. “I mean, you must have some contacts here from before?”
She sighs. “I guess I do, but it wouldn’t be practical.
Maybe after Joey’s in school full time, but for now, I’m happy.
It was never my dream to work in a school cafeteria, but I do like my job and the people I work with, plus the idea that Joey can attend for free when he’s older.
I came to terms with the loss of my acting career four years ago. ”
“I’m sorry, angel.” I wish I could hold her. “If I was there, I’d have a few ideas on ways to distract you.”
She chuckles. “And that would be a very welcome distraction. But since you’re not here, I’m happy to know you’re thinking about me.”
“Always. By the way, the next couple of days are going to be rough. Between the time difference and our wonky schedule, I may not have much time to even text, much less talk.”
“How come you’re playing back-to-back in Anchorage?”
“Because Alaska is so far away, compared to all the other teams, they try to do it this way to make it easier on us. And them. They usually do two- or three-week trips, and then they stay home for a stretch.”
“I guess that makes sense. I never thought about the difference.”
“The team from Lauderdale has the farthest distance to travel.”
“Yeah, two geographical extremes.”
“And then Tampa is the next farthest. So for us, they bring us out here once a year and we do Seattle, Vancouver, and Anchorage. There will be other cities too, but those are the big ones. Once we start heading east, to Calgary and Winnipeg, it’ll be easier to talk.”
“Don’t worry about me. I’m fine.”
“You sure you’re okay with the whole Dusty Peaks thing?” I ask carefully. “It’s okay to be disappointed or even mad about it.”
“I’m mostly okay. I made the decision to always put Joey first the moment I found out I was pregnant, and that will never change, so I have no choice but to be okay with it. Plus, and this is the truth…I really, really don’t want to leave you.”
“And I really don’t want you to move there because I have no interest in ever going back there.”
“Because that’s where your ex is?”
“I told you this before, but it’s true—I’m the kind of man who doesn’t look back once I walk away from something. When I’m done, I’m done.”
“I understand that. But it’s okay. And I’m okay. I have you and my son. What more could I ask for?”
“I guess only you can answer that.”
“West, aren’t my feelings obvious by now?”
“For the most part, yes.”
“For the most part?”
“We’ve both been playing things close to the vest. You live with me, but you don’t want to move in. You drive my car but you don’t want me to buy you one. To be honest, there’s a slight feeling that you have one foot out the door.”
“Oh, babe, no.” Her voice changes. Now it’s soft.
Loving. “Not at all. Please don’t confuse caution with lack of interest. The simplified truth is—I don’t want to take advantage of you.
It’s important to me that I do some things on my own.
But I’ve started to realize that I’m never going to be able to be your equal financially.
It’s not even about being equal, I guess.
It’s more about wanting to be independent.
So, if things go south, I’m not in a position where I have to start over. ”
“I understand that, but we have to learn to trust each other,” I say gently. “And there’s no judgment on my part because I don’t trust easily either. For me, it’s emotional trust, but it essentially boils down to us being a little too cautious sometimes.”
“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking,” she says, “and when you get back, we’re going to talk about all of this stuff. Because I’m falling for you, West. And before I reach the point of no return, I need to know if I’m alone in that.”
It’s like letting out a breath I didn’t realize I’d been holding. That’s a stupid cliché you see in movies but that’s literally how I feel right now—like I’ve been waiting for her to admit to her feelings first.
And she just did.
“You’re definitely not alone,” I say gruffly. “This thing between us is intense. Beautiful. Passionate. And I can’t get enough of you. I don’t know what I would do if you moved to L.A. because I can’t imagine ever going back there, but I might have anyway. For you.”
“You really need to hurry home,” she says with a soft laugh.
“Believe me, I’ll be there as soon as I can.”