Chapter 38
Chapter
Thirty-Eight
Serena
My first reaction when I see West’s text is hurt.
I don’t know exactly what he’s mad about but the fact that he won’t even have a conversation with me breaks my heart. And simultaneously pisses me off.
After all we’ve shared, he won’t even talk to me?
He mentioned more than once that he doesn’t like long, drawn-out drama, that once he’s done, he’s done, but I’d like to think I’m worth one damn phone call.
Apparently not.
I’m at work, so I keep the tears at bay until the end of the day.
Jayne is at the library, which means the house is empty, so this is my opportunity to pack up all my shit and get everything back to my apartment. If he’s done with me, then I’ll be damned if I stay at his house.
The first tears fall as I pack up my toiletries, staring at the massive tub where we shared so many romantic evenings.
I cry harder when I’m pulling my clothes out of the closet that’s bigger than my entire bedroom.
Not because I’m going to miss his big, beautiful house, but because I’m going to miss the big, beautiful man who’s come to mean so much to me.
I can smell his aftershave on one of his suits, and I bury my face in it as I cry.
“I trusted you, you big jerk,” I whisper.
The next round of tears comes when I get to the kitchen and start packing my favorite pans in a box I found in the garage. We spent so much time in this kitchen, not just cooking but making memories with our friends.
His friends.
They were nice to me, but I don’t think any of them are going to continue being my friend once they find out what’s going on. I’m not going to say anything, not even to Jayne, because I don’t want her to be caught in the middle. She lives here. Her boyfriend is West’s teammate.
If West wants me to disappear without so much as a final conversation, that’s what I’m going to do. Even though my chest feels heavy, like the weight of the world is pressing on it.
Good things are finally happening for me, but none of it matters without West. I’d walk away from Dusty Peaks in a heartbeat if it meant West would forgive me, but the truth is, I don’t know what I’ve done.
He thinks I took money from Tony, but that’s not true.
And I’m not sure what new thing he’s upset about—I haven’t told him about the contract with Dusty Peaks—but the fact that he won’t even give me a chance to explain tells me he doesn’t really care about me.
Whether it’s trauma from his ex or something else, I don’t know, but he told me he was my person. Someone I could always count on, no matter what.
Turns out—that was a lie.
I’ve just gotten everything in my pretty new SUV when I see Jayne’s name flash on my phone.
I don’t want to lie to her, but I also don’t want to ghost her.
“Hey,” I reply.
“Hi!” she says. “I was wondering if we have a plan for dinner tonight?”
“Oh.” God, this is hard.
She’s become a good friend, and now I’m going to make something up so she doesn’t notice that I’ve moved out of the house.
“I’m sorry,” I say contritely. “I made plans with Holly. I’m going to stay at my place for a few days. She needs the support.”
“Oh, okay. No problem.” She doesn’t sound mad. “You’re a good friend. Tell her I hope things start to turn around for her.”
Ugh.
Jayne is so nice.
Lying sucks.
But it’s better for her to not know what’s going on until West tells her. Then I might reach out to apologize for not telling her everything.
“I will.”
“Are you okay? You sound funny?”
“No, I’m fine. Just a little distracted. I’ve got a lot going on.”
“Well, duh. You’re going to be a star! I hope you remember us little people when you’re famous.” She giggles, but it makes me want to cry.
She’s probably going to think I’m ghosting her because I’m too good for her or something, and that’s the furthest thing from the truth.
“Absolutely not,” I say, fighting off another wave of emotion. “You’re stuck with me now. And believe me, being on TV isn’t all fun and games. I’ll be completely exhausted some nights, other days will be a lot of sitting around and waiting for my turn. The long days on set aren’t very glamorous.”
“Well, I still think it’s incredibly cool!” she gushes. “And I’m so proud of you. You’ve had such a hard time the last few years, but now you have your career back, a great guy, and awesome friends like me.”
I laugh even though I want to cry again. “Life can certainly be unexpected.”
“And I have a huge favor to ask.”
“Anything.”
“If there’s any chance that I could be an extra, just one day, I’d love you forever. It’s like a bucket list item. I don’t want to act, and the thought of memorizing lines terrifies me, but if I could be in the background of a scene? That would be the coolest thing ever.”
“That’s easy,” I say softly. “When the time comes, we’ll figure it out.”
“You are the best!”
If she only knew what a shitty friend I am right now.
“Okay, now I have to figure out dinner on my own,” she continues before I can respond. “Boo. You’ve spoiled me.”
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, more emotional than warranted, but she immediately back pedals.
“Oh, you know I’m kidding! It’s not a big deal. I’ll make pasta for Lindy and me. She loves it and it’s quick and easy. Bodi and the others will be home Friday and we’ll probably order out.” She pauses. “Unless you plan to come back and cook?” she adds hopefully.
I squeeze my eyes shut, saying a mental apology. “I don’t know yet,” I hedge. “But I’ll let you know what happens. I have some meetings and stuff coming up.”
“Ah, yes, the busy movie star.” She laughs good-naturedly. “Okay, well, I’ll talk to you later.”
“Bye.” I hang up feeling even more depressed.
I’m going to pick up Joey, go home and unpack, get something to eat, and then once Joey’s in bed, I’m going to curl up under the covers and cry myself to sleep.
One night of feeling sorry for myself is all I can afford.
Then I have to focus on Joey, my career, and all the changes that are about to hit my life. Most of them are good, but the thought of going forward without West is daunting. I thought we had something special.
More than that, I trusted him.
Not just with me but with my son. I warned him that Joey would get attached, and he has. He’ll be okay, I’ll make sure of it, but it’s still frustrating that West is letting me down in so many ways.
I thought he was different.
This is one of the reasons I swore I’d never get involved with a hockey player.
They’re all different, but when it counts, I guess they’re all the same.
It’s a hard-learned lesson but just like I won’t let Tony bully me this time, I also won’t allow this break-up to break me. Short-term, it hurts, but I’m tougher than that. I survived pregnancy and the loss of my career with very little support.
It won’t be easy, but I’ll get through this.
Even if it feels like my heart is filled with shards of glass.
One way or another, I can and will survive the loss of West McGregor.