Chapter 8
The first week after our talk in the coffee shop, I ignore him—well, try to.
I still smile when he smiles at me and glance his way when I think he isn’t looking.
But he is always looking at me. Always. There has been a shift between us.
I am still resistant to him, but I feel myself slowly relenting, and it's terrifying. And although I’m not responding to them, the notes still come.
Talk to me, Leo. Please.
– Ev
I won’t give up on you. I can be really annoying. Sorry, but not really.
– Ev
You look beautiful today.
– Ev
Have you ever listened to AC/DC, or is this just another style choice?
– Ev
I’m fighting the urge to snap your picture right now. You look so peaceful when you read.
– Ev
“And when you smile, the whole world stops and stares for a while…”
– Ev
That was Bruno Mars, if you didn’t know. I can find you a Bruno shirt.
– Ev
I’m Romeo, throwin’ pebbles here.
– Ev
That was a Taylor Swift reference… Did you get it?
– Ev
I feel as though I’m having a one-sided conversation here. Should we go to couples counseling?
– Ev
The second week. He has ditched the flirty comments. Now he is giving me pieces of himself.
Since you aren’t talking to me, I am going to tell you about myself. Ready for Everett James fact bombardment? Here we go …
Fact 1.
My favorite food is breakfast. I want my restaurant to focus on breakfast and lunch but upscale, you know?
But I also want to open up a food truck with the same food and deliver breakfast to the homeless and underserved communities.
All free of course. Just because they have had a hard time doesn’t mean they don’t deserve kindness and a good meal.
– Ev
Fact 2.
I noticed you the first day you arrived at our school.
July 7th. The first day of 7th grade. We were both enrolled in summer classes.
You were like nothing I had ever seen. And I say nothing because I don’t just mean people…
I had never seen a sunset as beautiful as you.
I had never seen a creature as breathtaking as you.
I had never seen the moon shine as bright as you.
But I was a boy, under my parents’ wishes.
I wanted you. But I was afraid of the consequences.
I’m not a boy anymore, and I’m not afraid.
P.S. Did you notice what my jersey number is? Not a coincidence.
– Ev
Fact 3.
You smell like cinnamon and coffee. It’s my new favorite combination. I can’t get it out of my head. I want it all the time. Do you think they make car fresheners that smell like you? If not, they should.
– Ev
Fact 4.
I hate football.
I used to like it, but when you get really good at something, everyone always expects perfection, and that is a heavy weight to carry.
I used to love it, but I don’t anymore.
My parents want me to play in college and get an uppity degree to become a doctor or lawyer.
I want to go to culinary school.
Do you think I’m brave enough?
– Ev
Fact 5.
I’m fucking terrified of spiders. I’ll scream like a little bitch if I see one.
Any other creature on this earth, I’ll adopt and love all its days.
Spiders can go fuck themselves.
Will you protect me and kill all the spiders in our house?
– Ev
Fact 6.
I put on a front like I’m happy all the time. A bright light, as you call me.
But there is darkness inside me, Leo.
Inside, I feel like I’m suffocating. I am held to an expectation that I cannot meet.
I’m not allowed to be angry, sad, frustrated. I’m supposed to be perfect.
All the time.
I’m exhausted.
But being near you?
My chest doesn’t hurt as much.
My head is quieter.
I feel lighter because you don’t expect perfection.
You’re my Leora.
– Ev
Fact 7.
I want a big family one day.
I want my house to be small but my family to be large so that we stay close.
I want to be the dad I never had.
I want my kids to grow up feeling loved for who they are and who they want to be.
I want them to feel safe coming to me for anything.
I wouldn’t care if they weren’t straight-A students or played a sport.
I’d love the fuck out of them.
They would want for nothing.
PS. You’re going to have to be the tough parent because I will give those tiny humans whatever they want.
– Ev
His notes make me smile. Every. Damn. Time. His song references, his silly little comments about couples counseling, even his comments about my looks. I’m all smiles over here. He is relentless, and each day I burn for him more and more, crumbling to ashes.
The facts about himself… I have committed them to memory.
I have a feeling that these facts are for me and me alone, that no one knows them but me.
It’s special. It’s real. It makes me fall for him even more.
The way he includes me in his future, like it’s set in stone, makes my heart-wings flutter.
I want all that too. With him. And as I think about us, what that would look like, the self-doubt and words my mother has placed in my head surface.
Face it Leora, you'll never leave this place. Just like me, you'll be stuck.
Girls like us don't get the knight in shiny armor. We aren't meant for great love stories. The sooner you realize that, the better.
Each day, I received a new note, and Ev has been kind enough not to push me in class. It’s been hard for him. I can tell he wants to talk to me, not just about chemistry. But he remains steadfast.
I’m contemplating all this, all that he has given me, while I slurp down my cup of noodles at lunch. I’m making the most unattractive noises when I hear it. Footsteps, coming my way.
“Hi,” a tall, scrawny boy speaks up. His dark hair is long and messy, hanging into his eyes, and he is wearing similar clothes to Ev.
Black slacks and a button-up that remains untucked.
He has that whole rich kid emo vibe, but is also strangely…
pretty. I like it. But I don't like him intruding on my safe place.
I sucked in the noodle that was dangling from my shocked mouth. “Hi.”
“Are you Leora?” His voice is gravelly and cold. Deeper than I was expecting for such a pretty guy.
My brows pinch in. “Why?”
He pulls out the chair next to me.
“What do you want?” Don't sit. Don't sit. Don't sit.
He gives a soft huff that he keeps in his throat, not even smiling, and sits. “Yeah, he said you would want to be alone.”
“Who— Never mind. Everett sent you?”
“Not so much sent me as begged me.”
He pulls out a note, and when I don’t immediately take it, he speaks again.
“Look, I don’t care if you take the note or not, but I do care about Everett.
He is good, Leora. Not like anyone else.
He sticks up for the little guy, and he seems to have taken a liking to you.
The least you could do is give him a chance. ”
He slides me the note and then stands to leave.
“Wait. Who are you?”
“The little guy.”
I throw my head forward and rest it on the table.
Banging it three times. Why won't he let me move on in misery? But I know why, because as much as he can’t let me go, I can’t let him go.
The twenty-something portraits I have drawn of him in the last two weeks would be solid proof of that.
He fills every crevice in my brain. He's infected my heart with his sweet words and stupid dimples.
Damn him.
I open his origami heart-note.
Leora. Definition: light.
Gage will be at Senior Tree tonight at 7.
Please meet him.
There is no winning without you.
My Leora.
– Ev
My Leora. My light. I didn’t even know what my name meant. Why does he have to be so perfect? Why did he have to come into my life at a time where I am trying to escape it? Why can’t he let me go?
Because you’re his light.
But he is mine.
Stupid, stupid girl.
Hours later, I find myself standing fifty feet from Senior Tree.
I don't know what kind of tree it is, but it's a decently sized one, enough to shade the ground below it.
It's named Senior Tree after a group of seniors who died in a drunk driving accident twenty years ago.
In their memory, they planted it, but now, it's where all the "cool" seniors gather before and after school.
I don't know the unwritten law that surrounds it.
But underclassmen don't approach. Then, one day you walk onto campus and are suddenly good enough to crowd around Senior Tree.
It's funny how something meant to be remembered can be so easily forgotten.
I send the signals to my feet to move. But they don't. Stupid feet. Stupid tree. Stupid heart. Everything is just stupid right now. Am I pouting? Absolutely. Because I know he has already won, but I didn’t want him to.
“Leora.” Gage walks up next to me, coming out from between the main office building and the gym, hands tucked into the pocket of his black hoodie.
I practically jump out of my skin. “God! You scared me!” If I didn't know it was him, I would be running for my life. He borders that line between creepy and dark and mysterious.
“Everett said you might not show.”
“Well, he wasn’t wrong. I did think about it.” I turn to face him now. He is so calm and quiet.
“Why didn’t you?”
“Curiosity…” I give him a face that says please believe my lie.
Based on his amused smirk, he doesn’t. “Sure. Come on.”
He nods his dark-haired head toward the stadium. I can hear the crowd from here, see the bright lights illuminating the field.
When we get to the entrance, he hands me a ticket. I raise my brow at him and take it from his hands. “He knew I’d come?”
He shrugs. “He was hoping.”
The crowd of people is much larger than it would be if we had a regular football team.
But we don’t, thanks to Everett. His skills on the field are brilliant, or so I’ve heard.
Whispers of him going pro float around town, but I know better.
I know that he hates football now. The expectation of perfection has siphoned all the joy he once experienced from it.