Chapter 13
“What is she doing here?” Gage's bitter words make me feel highly unwelcomed.
His hands are tucked away into his black hoodie, his dark hair falling into his eyes.
He looks every bit of the dark demon he wants people to believe he is.
But I know Everett wouldn't take to him if he was as menacing as he appears.
“Don’t be dick. She’s coming with us to Portland.” Ev slings his arm around my shoulders, and I automatically tuck myself into him. My reactions to him are automatic. As if my body and mind completely disconnect and she acts of her own accord.
“I am?"
Ev retrieved me from Mill’s with no explanation but the promise of good coffee.
I had no idea what he could have meant by that, but I wasn’t expecting Gage to be tagging along.
Gage seems like he was also unaware he was going to be third wheeling today.
Which makes his resentment toward me all the more powerful.
“You are.” He leans down and places a kiss on my nose. His confidence oozing out of him.
Gage gags, mocking us, and then climbs into the back seat of Ev’s truck. He reaches for the door handle to the passenger side, and I climb in. My curls bounce as I shake my head at him as he buckles me in. “I am more than capable of buckling myself.”
“Oh, I know. This just gives me one more chance to be up close and personal with you. I can’t help myself.”
“I’m going to be sick,” Gage pipes up from the back, and I giggle. How such a bright, sunshiney person and a doom-and-gloom type became best friends is a mystery to me.
“What are we going to Portland for?”
I have never been to the city, and thinking now about all the people and noise, my heart is racing, my palms leaking sweat. Ev skipped homecoming with me to take me to a place with even more people? I’m beginning to question him and his great ideas.
“Gage and I go every year in November. The weekend varies depending on how football plays out, but it’s nice to just get away from a small town and see that there is more out there for us. Plus, being surrounded by all the people, no one recognizing you? It’s nice.”
I see now why Ev likes it. He is like a celebrity here in small-town Aurora, Oregon, but in a big city, nobody knows him. He can be free. But why Gage?
I look back at him, expecting him to add to Ev’s explanation, but he stays glued to his phone.
“Okay, well, what do you do when you go?” My curiosity is piqued. Do they have favorite spots they go to each year, or do they go somewhere new? Are we going to be walking around or stagnant in a crowded place? I need to know these things. I need to prepare.
“Mostly just walk around, see if we can find any cool spots. Last year, we found this little hole-in-the-wall record store. The year before that, a donut shop that tops all their donuts with food items like bacon, pepperoni, pineapples—it was fucking disgusting but also strangely good.”
“Yeah, except that one with fucking ketchup,” Gage adds from the back.
“God, I fucking hate ketchup.” Ev shakes his head in disgust, and it makes me giggle.
“Well, I guess I don’t hate it. I like it on the appropriate foods—burger, hot dogs, and fries—but people who put ketchup on anything else, like donuts or eggs…fucking aliens, I swear.”
“I put ketchup on my eggs, you dipshit.” Gage’s voice is teasing.
He is so guarded, and I’m sure he has his reasons, but it’s still a relief to know that Gage is capable of friendship.
Even if it’s with one person. People need people, and with what little I know of Gage, I am happy he has someone.
I fear what would happen to him without Everett.
“Exactly my point. Fucking alien.” Ev looks at me and points his thumb back at Gage, who reaches out and smacks it away.
Their antics make me laugh, a genuine laugh that is so very rare in my life that it sounds foreign, strange. I’m self-conscious about it, but when I look at Ev and he is beaming at me, his stupid fucking dimples on full display, I can’t help but feel a little more confident in myself.
The rest of our drive is filled with small talk from Ev and me, an occasional smart-aleck comment from Gage, and rock music. Ev said I was a fraud by not listening to the bands I was sporting on my T-shirts. So we blasted Nirvana and Guns N’ Roses and even AC/DC.
As we enter the city, I am in awe of how many buildings there are and how tall they rise.
Pulling into a seven-floor concrete parking garage has my heart beating wildly.
My urge to turn and run back to the safety of my quiet town is ever present.
And of course, Ev can see it. He can read me so easily, and I hate it sometimes.
Hopping out of his large truck, he comes to my side, opening the door, but I feel frozen. I don’t want to get out. Maybe I’ll just wait here for them. Shit, I never should have come.
He lays his warm hands on my thighs, and I immediately feel more at ease. Soaking up his comfort like a desert flower after a drought.
“Hey, it’s okay. I got you.” He says as he places a soft kiss to my hand.
I stay silent, biting at my lip and picking at the edges of my sleeves. He moves his hands on top of mine, forcing me to stop and look up at him.
“Why don’t we start with coffee? The city is flooded with little coffee shops. We can find the closest one.”
Gage doesn’t even notice me freaking out. He just starts walking in the direction of the bustling street.
“Come on, Leo. Put your big-girl panties on,” he yells back at us.
Okay, maybe he did notice my freak-out. I take a big deep breath in and let it out. Okay, time to do this. I can do this. I have Ev with me, and Gage. Nothing is going to happen. No one is going to even notice me.
As I hold Ev’s hand, probably way tighter than I should, I step out onto the busy street, and people just pass us by. They don’t even look at me. Don’t stare, don’t stop to assess me, don’t even notice me.
Holy cow.
I love the city.
And like Ev said, I can literally see four coffee shops in the near vicinity. Gage has already decided which one we are going to as he walks into a funky little shop with the words HazyDaze Coffee.
I order a black coffee, splash of heavy cream, and dash of cinnamon on top, and so does Ev. Once the coffee is in my hand and I can run my fingers over the lid, the smell invading my nose, a peace washes over me. Washing away the remaining nerves that were overtaking my mind.
“What did you get?” I look over at Gage as he sips his own, quietly just staring out at the gray, cloud-covered sky.
“An Americano.”
Ah yes. Gage does seem like the Americano type. He is bold and reserved. Simple but striking.
As we sit at a table next to the pane-glass window overlooking the busy street, sipping our coffee and people watching, I can’t help but imagine living in a place like this. There is a buzz of commotion and chaos. I feel forgotten about, and for a girl like me, that’s a good thing.
“So, Gage, what is it that you love about coming to the city? Mr. Celebrity over here, I understand. But what about you?”
He is silent for what seems like a while, long enough where I think he won’t answer, but then he does. “It’s quiet.”
I look to Ev, who shrugs in a I don’t know what the fuck he is talking about manner.
“Quiet?” I question.
“That’s what I said. All the noises blur together to create a white noise, silencing my head. When I am surrounded by the quiet, my mind is too loud.”
I close my eyes, confining my sight but expanding all my other senses, and I realize that Gage is right.
All the commotion, the scuffling of shoes and heels on the ground, the rumbling of engines, the soft murmurs of hundreds of conversations happening around us, the honking horns and rustling of the leaves, it all blurs together creating a hum of peace. Of silence in my mind.
I see now that only someone whose mind is plagued with chaos can find peace in the roar of the city. Gage’s mind calls to mine. Like to like. Maybe that’s why we both find such beautiful stillness in Ev. His joy and boisterous personality create peace in our chaos.
For the rest of the day, we pop in and out of little shops, from clothing boutiques to bookstores, even a few thrift stores along the way.
I fall more and more in love with the city as we go.
No one looks at me unless I engage first. No one cares about a mixed girl with a white boy.
And if they do, they don’t say anything, not like the people in Aurora, who have no problem blatantly judging.
Ev doesn’t see it. He is too good, too na?ve, but I know what their stares say. I’ve been seeing them all my life.
Gage remains pretty quiet, just observing Ev and me, and I can’t shake the feeling that I am being tested. The way he watches me… It’s not filled with dislike, but definitely not like either. Untrusting, maybe.
I’m looking over some records when Ev runs up to me and pulls me to the back. “Come on, pretty bird. I have a surprise.”
“What?” I’m utterly confused until I see the photo booth in the back of the store.
The kind that you squeeze into tightly and it takes multiple photos, printing them out on a small little reel.
I’ve never done one before, but I have heard of them, seen some of the photos in girls' binders and taped to lockers. I’ve always wanted to do one.
He is collecting my firsts like prized possessions.
Ev ushers me inside and begins pressing buttons. He is moving so fast, not even questioning what he is typing. Then the little countdown begins.
Five seconds! I need more time.
I look at the screen that is reflecting our image and try to pat down my frizzy curls, but it’s no use. The camera flashes, and I don’t even know what kind of face I was making.
Why is this so stressful?