Chapter 5
‘Now the latest one,’ says Graham Norton, holding up Rosie’s new book. ‘And the Devil Blinked First. Tell us a little about it.’
The camera cuts to Rosie. She has her hand on Denzel Washington’s thigh, and he is making no attempt to remove it.
‘I ask you this question,’ says Rosie, her accent hovering above the Atlantic Ocean, all things to all people. ‘Do you like murder, helicopters and sexual intercourse?’
‘I’m fairly nervous about all three, if I’m honest,’ replies Graham. ‘But the murders are not just in your books now? I heard a very interesting story about you, is this right, you’ve set up a detective agency?’
‘That is right,’ says Rosie. ‘I have my own detective agency. With my close-protection officer – her name is Amy – and her handsome father-in-law. His name is Stevie, a very attractive man.’
‘And single?’
‘He is available, yes,’ confirms Rosie. ‘Whether he is turnable, I couldn’t say.’
‘And it’s the real deal, this detective agency? This is not fiction?’
‘It’s the real deal. We solve murders.’
‘You’ve solved actual murders? You and the handsome single man and his daughter-in-law?’
‘We have,’ says Rosie. ‘We’re very busy, because we’re very good.’
‘So if there are any murderers watching?’
‘Watch out.’
‘And what are the three of you working on at the moment?’
‘Graham,’ says Rosie, leaning in, ‘I say to my clients exactly what I say to my lovers: I guarantee absolute discretion.’
She turns to Denzel and looks him squarely in the eyes. ‘And I also tell them, I am videotaping this purely for my own records.’
This gets a laugh from the audience.
‘So you solve murders,’ says Graham. ‘And what’s the agency called?’
‘We Solve Murders.’
‘Fairly on the nose, then?’ says Graham.
Rosie smiles. ‘Says the man hosting The Graham Norton Show.’
Graham laughs. He looks further down the line now, at the tough-guy British actor Max Highfield.
‘Now, Max, you and Denzel look like you’re having a ball in Rampage 8?’
Max Highfield gives a knowing smirk. ‘The thing about acting, Graham, in fact, the thing about life …’