Chapter 7 Rosie
ROSIE
Ididn’t know how long I sat out there in my car.
I was officially late, and I should care, because I was going to appear rude.
I didn’t want that, so I inhaled a few gulps of air as I clenched the steering wheel.
You got this, I told myself, as a few soft thuds sounded on my window.
Normally, that would have caused me to jump, but I felt disconnected, like while my body was there and present, I’d built a wall of plexiglass where I could feel the vibrations of the words but I couldn’t understand them, and if I didn’t understand them. They couldn’t hurt me.
“Are you planning on coming in anytime soon?” Lake stood, and just like the plexiglass, the window created that same barrier; I could hear the words, but they didn’t cause me anxiety. It just was. He was smoking a cigarette, which was weird because he quit right after college.
I opened my door, causing him to step out of the way as he took another drag. Once I was out, I leaned against the driver’s side and took him in, not bothering to answer his question.
“I thought you gave that up.” I gestured to the air where the smoke was dissipating, only to be met with a shrug.
Clearly, he had things he didn’t wanna talk about either.
His eyes raked over me in assessment like he could tell I wasn’t the same, but instead of saying anything about it, he just extended his hand and offered me his cigarette.
I studied it for a second before I decided why not.
I reached for it, brought it to my lips, and sucked in hard before I heard Lake’s, “Careful.” Holy mother that burns. I started coughing, gagging. I couldn’t breathe. What was that?
Oh my god.
Lake’s hand pulled it from my mouth. I was unaware I still had it dangling, and while I was trying to suck in clean air, I was inhaling more smoke.
Lake’s chest was rumbling, and I knew he was laughing, even though I couldn’t hear him with all the blood rushing to my ears. I was still fighting for my life.
“I thought I heard you out here.” Wesley appeared in the doorway as I had tears streaming down my face and my chest was still on fire. And for once, it had nothing to do with him.
Lake was still laughing but answered for me. “I was just corrupting sweet Rosie here.” His eyes held a playful glint as he started to rub my back, trying to soothe me.
“Need air,” I managed to get out, and Wesley made his way down the driveway and over to us.
“What did you do?” He grimaced as he took me in and glared at Lake.
“Are you okay?” He pointed the question at me, and I saw the concern etched on his features.
His lips turned down in a mild frown as he took me in, and suddenly, the pain in my chest wasn’t because of the cigarette.
I folded my fingers in on themselves in a fist and dug my nails into my palm to try to steady myself.
“I’m good. Just…”
“She decided to take up smoking.” Lake winked at me, and I couldn’t help shooting him a ya right look.
“What?” Absolutely not,” Wesley said, and swung his gaze to me, looking at me like I’d grown two heads. “You hate smoking.”
“Maybe, but I’m trying new things.”
“New things?” he questioned.
“Yeah. You know, like my book club.” I kept my eyes trained on a very specific spot behind Wesley—an imperfection among the stone.
Megan’s house had damage from a summer storm.
She always said she would get around to fixing it and repainting, but she never did, and right then, I was extremely grateful for that.
“Book club and smoking are two very different things.” His tone was lower, seething, and his jaw was clenched in annoyance.
“Chill, man. You aren’t her dad, and it was one hit.” Lake rolled his eyes at him and slapped him on his shoulder. “Let’s go inside, yeah? Megan and Caitlin are probably wondering what we are doing now.”
I didn’t need any further prompting. The sooner I got in there, the sooner I could get out, go home, and get back to Daddy Orc—who I was, in fact, infatuated with.
And I needed to catch up for tomorrow’s discussion.
If Orla spoiled one more thing because I was behind, I was going to be very upset, because of course she was a virgin, and of course there is only one bed, and I was hanging on by a thread.
“Rosie?” Wesley must have been talking, but I hadn’t been paying attention, just focusing on walking forward and literally anything other than the fact that Caitlin was a few yards away, and I was about to meet her for real this time. See them together, for real this time.
“Hmm?” I was able to get out, walking toward the house.
“Hey, will you stop for one second?” His fingertips grazed my elbow, and I almost misstepped. I couldn’t remember the last time he touched me—honestly, that was for the best—but I was suddenly thinking about all the times he did, and all the times they affected me.
When he bought Ted the espresso machine. I was so excited when I hugged him that I wrapped my legs around him, and he spun me around.
Every time he pushes my glasses up when they fall down.
“Rosie?” Wesley waved his hand in front of my face.
“Are you okay?” He shot me a worried look, and I knew I had to get it together or risk everyone realizing what was happening.
I risked everyone finding out that I’d been pining over Wesley for years.
I risked him finding out. My mouth dried at that thought, and I started to sweat.
I shook out my hands in front of me, where he couldn’t see, before I turned to face him and plastered on a smile.
“Of course. I just feel bad. I was running a little late, and I know you’ve been looking forward to this…” I rambled, trying to keep my feet planted even though they were flexing to move back and away from him, to create more distance.
“You’ve been really MIA. Haven’t seen you in a few weeks. Haven’t even stopped by for coffee.”
My eyes flew to his before I could stop them, and I knew the second they connected that I had made a mistake. He looked sad, like he missed me, and I wanted to comfort him, reassure him. But I couldn’t.
“You know how it goes for me during this time of the year.” I tried to roll off his concerns and pivot back toward the door, but he clearly wasn’t accepting my answer.
“This feels different, Rosie. You barely…You’ve never gone weeks without stopping by.” He reached for me, and I sidestepped him, which shocked him enough for me to put even more space between us.
“Wesley, I can’t just…stop by now. That’s not ...I can’t do that.” I shook my head at him. Images of him and Caitlin coming out of his room flashed before I could stop them, and I felt the way bile rose in the back of my throat.
“I don’t understand.”
Of course he doesn’t. Why would he?
“Wesley, it would be disrespectful of me to show up like before. Things have to change when…”
“Guys! Come on! Catch up with everyone else.” Megan opened the door, and I sent a silent prayer her way for getting me out of this conversation as I gripped the intrusion with both hands and shot off toward her.
“We were done anyway,” I told her as I passed. But I didn’t miss the way she kept her eyes on Wesley as I said it.
“Let’s get this over with,” I whispered, more to myself, and hoped that no one else heard me as I went inside.