Chapter 29 Rosie
ROSIE
Carol’s snoring from the other side of my bed woke me up, and my head was pounding.
After the worst date of my life and Wesley’s audacity that made me want to rip him apart, she had invited herself to sleep over, and then we got into the wine.
At one point, I had a glass of red in one hand, a glass of white in the other, and a judgy tortoise watching on in annoyance before he took himself outside for the night instead of sleeping on my floor like he usually did.
I could taste my breath, and that wasn’t good for anyone.
I groaned as I went to roll out of bed. My legs were unable to catch me, so I just starfished on the floor while I waited for the room to stop spinning.
I needed to brush my teeth, I needed water, and I needed a Coke and a greasy sandwich at an inhuman speed.
Why don’t small towns have a delivery service?
What’s a girl to do when she is unable to stop the ceiling from moving and make it to her bathroom?
There was no way an egg breakfast sandwich was happening.
Carol’s snoring was about to lull me back to sleep until the pounding between my eyeballs intensified.
“Make it stop. For the love of everything, make it stop,” she cried out. I popped an eye open, and could see her throw a pillow over her face from my spot on the floor.
“Wait, that isn’t just in my head?”
Carol jumped up. One eye seemed glued shut with sleep, her hair a bird’s nest on top of her head. I couldn’t help but laugh. She was a sight. “What the hell happened? Why are you on the floor? Why is that banging so loud?”
“You hear that too?”
“Yes. That’s why I’m getting ready to commit a murder.”
It’s the front door.
“Oh my god, it’s the door! What time is it?” I basically shouted.
“Shhhh. There is absolutely no reason to be yelling.”
“Carol, I’m supposed to be hosting the book club today!
I haven’t even showered, let alone made the brunch I said I was going to!
We have to get up.” I got on my knees as the room was still spinning, grabbing onto my bed for dear life as I hoisted myself up, and used the wall as support.
I made my way to the front door, throwing it open.
“Oh, no!” Jeanie said in horror. “You look absolutely dreadful. Was the sex that bad, ma chérie? Come. I think I have something in my purse for that…”
“If you whip out a vibrator, Jeanie, I will beat you with it,” Evelyn said from behind her. Maggie seemed to be grabbing supplies out of her car. No sign of Meredith or Orla yet.
“Please, come in,” I told them as I held my front door open. The sun was out and currently blinding me, causing my head to split, and I reached my hand up to ease the ache.
“Hi, there.” Carol came flying out of the bedroom as they all flooded into my place.
“Well, this is a turn of events, and very French of you.” Jeanie looked at me gleefully. What?
“What?” I asked. Then realization dawned on me. She thinks Carol and I must have… Carol burst out laughing. “Lord, no. She couldn’t handle this.”
“Not true.” I pouted. “But you have some serious explaining to do.” I swiveled to where Evelyn stood. “What in the world were you thinking with Peter?”
“What?” she asked, like she really had no idea what I was talking about. The shock was evident across her features, so I knew she wasn’t messing with me.
“He fed me a grass smoothie. I threw up in his toilet! All within half an hour, might I add.”
Jeanie, Maggie, and Carol all erupted into a fit of giggles as Evelyn looked at me sheepishly. “I thought you might like something different,” she says.
“Different is fine. A thirty-five-year-old with a Bob Marley poster and still living in the same apartment since college isn’t exactly what I’m looking for in a long-term partner, so if any of the other men were selected because you guys thought I might want something different…
Speak now or deal with my wrath later.” I could tell not a single one of them took me seriously as they tried their best to give me reassuring nods.
“Dear, usually when you say there will be brunch, that means there’s food.” We made our way into my kitchen, where the only things out were a few empty bottles of wine and a knocked-over glass. Lionel chose that moment to make his appearance.
“Well, would you just look at that dapper young man?” Evelyn cooed over him while Jeanie looked amused and appalled at the same time.
“Would you just look at him,” the former said again as she started digging through her satchel.
“Look at what Grandma Evelyn has made you.” She pulled out a pink crochet concoction of sorts and started to walk over to him.
Carol intercepted her before she could get there. “He bites!” she said.
“Nonsense.” Evelyn proceeded to bat her away, and finally reached Lionel, who was standing still, taking in the new visitors. I really couldn’t be sure that he wouldn’t bite her.
“Evelyn, Carol’s being serious. Lionel gets what we call chompy.”
“Psh.” She paid me no mind whatsoever and bent over to tie a perfectly pink bonnet on Lionel’s head. I sucked in a breath waiting for the yelp that usually came when anyone who wasn’t me or Larry tried to come close.
“See, now what’s this fuss?” she asked us. I was just staring at Lionel, my pet tortoise, in a pink hat, standing in the middle of my living room. The pure joy I felt at that moment came out in an uncontained cackle. I winced at the shooting pain that caused my head as it began to throb again.
“I have just the thing!” Jeanie said, and went scrambling through her purse. She pulled out a joint, and Carol fist-pumped into the air. “This is exactly what we need.”
Maggie did her famous tsk. but Jeanie just turned and stuck her tongue out at her, “What? We aren’t in the library, no? This is acceptable.”
“It’s illegal,” Maggie reminded her.
“Pish posh. There are far bigger things in life to worry about. It’s just a little pot, no?”
“Not for me,” she told her as she moved to go through my fridge. “I see you have all the ingredients here for brunch. Just overslept.” She winked at me and started pulling stuff out. The girls all moved outside, leaving Maggie and me in the kitchen.
“I can do that, really. We might just be starting a little late. Are Orla and Meredith coming?”
“They should both be here soon. Orla had to open, and Meredith won’t leave her very capable employee until the last possible second.”
“Rosie, get your ass out here. Take a puff.” Carol opened the sliding door, and Maggie just shook her head at her antics. “Go on. I’ll get brunch sorted. You’re only young once.”
I grinned at her and took off toward the cure for my hangover.