41. Jenna
JENNA
M onday comes quickly, and I wake feeling resigned to what I always knew—Miles and I were temporary, it’s over now.
I’m okay alone; in fact, I am used to it.
I will be okay.But even as I tell myself this, a heaviness settles in my chest. I am a stupid girl for letting myself be hopeful.
I thought perhaps Miles might be my person, but I cannot believe how wrong I was.
I never could trust my instincts. Growing up, I often perceived things that weren’t really there.
In high school, I thought for sure my boyfriend was cheating on me with my best friend.
I kept hinting around at my suspicions, but all I did was make them both mad at me.
When the relationship ended, they actually did start dating, and I was left with no one.
My instincts were wrong then, and they’re wrong about Miles, too.
I trudge down the hallway to the bathroom and turn on the shower.
While I wait for it to heat, I scroll back through his apologetic text messages.
I want so badly to hear him out, but he betrayed me in a way I never expected.
I can’t help but wonder if there’s a reason things worked out this way.
Maybe I’m not meant for Miles and instead, I’m meant to stand on my own two feet.
All I really know is the only person I can truly rely on is myself.
I let myself fall for Miles and in turn, I became dependent on him.
And where did that leave me? Heartbroken.
It’s time I get serious about what I am doing with my life—without thinking about Miles.
I don’t dare listen to the voicemails he left though; if I hear his voice, I’ll cave.
“No,” I say to my reflection. “This is how it has to be.”
After my shower, I find Aunt Leona sipping her coffee on the couch and watching Good Morning America . She smiles and gestures to the TV. A very attractive actor about my age, whose name is escaping me, is being interviewed.
“Isn’t he handsome?” Aunt Leona murmurs, nodding toward the screen.
I force a smile before walking over to the coffee pot. “He is,” I agree.
I fix my coffee and join her on the sofa, putting my mug on the end table and tucking my feet under me.
“So, how did you sleep?” Aunt Leona asks. “I hope you’re finding everything you need.”
I nod, sipping my coffee. It tastes burnt. “I am, thank you.”
“Are you okay, though? You’ve been awfully quiet.” Aunt Leona’s brow softens and she scoots closer to me.
“I’m a little sad,” I admit with a helpless shrug. “I thought Miles was different.”
Aunt Leona purses her lips. “Maybe he is. Did you give him a chance to explain?”
I shift uncomfortably. “Sort of. I heard enough to know he kept the secret from me for weeks.” I exhale. “I just can’t believe he kept it from me. And it’s my dad . I lost my dad and Miles lived and then kept it from me. I just don’t know how to move past that.”
Aunt Leona purses her lips thoughtfully.
“I understand. But, did you ever stop to think that maybe he wasn’t keeping it from you?
That he knows how delicate you are and he was trying to figure out how to tell you?
” She doesn’t wait for me to argue, instead she gets up and walks back into the kitchen, patting my shoulder as she passes.
You have to do what’s right for you.” She peeks around the corner.
“You can stay here as long as you like.”
“Thank you.” I slurp another sip of burnt coffee. “I’m going to get the rest of my things from the house today, I think.”
Aunt Leona comes out of the kitchen and hands me a plate with a warm blueberry muffin, a melting slab of butter sandwiched in the middle. “That sounds like a good idea,”
I spend an hour with Aunt Leona, drinking coffee and catching up.
I will admit, she and Jake are the silver lining in all of this.
I came to Cape May feeling lost and alone.
Since arriving, I’ve connected with long-lost family members, and now I know I’m not alone.
I might be heartbroken, but I’m not alone.
“I better get on with it,” I mutter, standing and carrying my dishes into the kitchen.
“I’ll be here if you need me!” Aunt Leona calls. Oh, to be retired.
My first stop of the day is Cape Realty. On my way out of Aunt Leona’s complex, I drive by Miles’s side and see his car isn’t there. I am running the risk of seeing him at his office, but the sooner I cut ties, the better.
I pull into the parking lot, relieved to see only two cars—neither of which are Miles’s.
I look in the rearview mirror, fluff my hair, and swipe on a little lip gloss. It’s amazing what a shower and a little makeup can do when you’re sad. My trauma bangs are finally growing out. I won’t be making that mistake again.
“It’s now or never,” I tell my reflection. I don’t know how long it’ll be before Miles is here.
I pull open the glass door and the wind catches it, swinging both me and the door backward—drawing attention to myself.
“Hello, how may I help you?” A sweet voice greets me.
Before I can respond, Nate says, “Jenna.” He coughs. “I wasn’t expecting you. Miles is…not here.”
I clear my throat and suck in a breath. “I actually came to see you.”
My words hang in the air before Nate gathers himself enough to respond.
“Oh,” Nate says. “Well, then, please come sit.” He gestures to the chair in front of his desk.
I offer his secretary a small smile, tucking my hair behind my ear as I walk by.
I sit down in front of Nate, and for the first time notice how much he resembles Miles.
With the exception ofhaving shorter hair, Nate could be Miles’s twin.
It’s startling, and I have to ignore the twinge in my chest at the sight of him. “So,” I say.
Nate offers me a remorseful smile. “So.” He meets my eyes. “What can I do for you?” His expression is open and trusting. I trust him.
I chew on my lip for a moment, knowing what I’m about to say will change things in a way I may not be prepared for. “I think it would be a good idea if you managed the sale of my house now…” I pause, wincing, “instead of Miles.”
Nate sighs. “Jenna, I know you’re upset,” he begins.
I hold up my hand. “I’m beyond upset, Nate. I can’t work with Miles anymore.” My voice catches, and suddenly, I’m afraid I might cry. Something tells me if I did, Nate would handle it with gentle grace.
He nods apologetically. “I get it. And it’s probably bringing up all kinds of complicated feelings about losing your dad.
I’ve dealt with loss too, so I understand how you feel.
” He pushes his lips together, pausing. “Miles knows he messed up. We all warned him keeping that secret would backfire.” Nate shakes his head sadly.
“This is going to kill him.” He meets my eyes, giving me a chance to back out.
I take a deep breath. “I just can’t let myself be hurt anymore. Please say you’ll help me, Nate.”
Nate closes his eyes and then opens them again, scraping his hand down his face. “You’re putting me in the middle of you and my brother, Jenna. He’s my best friend.”
I catch a single tear escaping from my eye with my thumb and Nate notices. He lets out a relenting breath. “Okay. Fine. I’ll take over.”
I shudder and offer him a shaky smile. “Thank you, Nate. I know it’s awkward for you, but this means a lot to me. And I’m sorry for your loss, too.” I push back my chair and stand to go. “I’ll be in touch when I hear from Danny,” I say, walking toward the door.
“Jenna?” Nate calls after me.
I turn back around. His jaw clenches, then loosens. Whatever Nate wants to say, he’s struggling with it.
“Yeah?” I ask, waiting.
“For what it’s worth, Miles really does love you. You should see the guy. I sent him home. He looked awful.” Nate shrugs, helplessly.
My heart constricts at his words, and my eyes well up again. If I talk, the floodgates will break, so all I can do is nod. I put a hand to my mouth as if I can stop the avalanche of tears, and walk out.
When I pull into the lot on Aunt Leona’s side of the complex, I see him.
He’s parked diagonally across from me, sitting in his car.
If he sees me, he’ll try and talk, and I’m not ready for that.
I sit for a few moments, watching him, my heart thundering in my chest. Finally, I decide to just make a break for it, hoping he doesn’t see me.
I manage three paces before I hear my name.
“Jenna.” Miles’s voice is hoarse.
I close my eyes, stopping in my tracks, and sucking in a breath. Then I keep walking without looking in his direction.
“Jenna, please,” Miles begs. “Please talk to me.”
I stop, sighing, and turn to face him. He looks like I feel—his hair is disheveled, his clothes are rumpled, and the look of torment on his face matches the storm inside my chest. The sight of him almost has me running into his arms. He’s holding the most beautiful bouquet of pink roses, white lilies, and eucalyptus.
A small card sticks out of the top of the bouquet
“Please,” he says again. “Jenna, I’m so sorry I broke your trust.”
It takes me a moment to find my voice and when I do, it comes out wobbly. “I know you’re sorry, Miles,” I murmur. “But?—”
“No.” He takes a step closer to me. “No, don’t say but.” He shakes his head, as if to clear it.
Against my better judgment, I step toward him. He thrusts the bouquet at me, and I take it. I close my eyes, inhaling the beautiful, comforting scent, then slowly meet Miles's gaze.
“These are lovely, thank you,” I start slowly.
“Jenna, I love you,” Miles pleads.
I shake my head, holding up my hand. “Miles, you don’t. You might have thought you did, but maybe we rushed into things. I’m just so sad—about you, about my dad. I need some space.” My eyes well with tears, but I rapidly blink them away. I can’t let him see me cry.
“No. We didn’t rush into this. This found us.
” Miles moves so he’s standing in front of me.
He catches my elbow, and I force myself to ignore the sizzle bolting up my arm at his touch.
Even when I’m mad at him, the chemistry between us is electric.
Another few minutes here, watching him plead for forgiveness, and I’ll be putty in his hands.
I close my eyes, then open them again, attempting to control my emotions. “I accept your apology,” I say calmly.
Relief floods his face, and he runs his hand up and down my bicep, sending a shiver throughout my body.
I take a step back, being this close to him, when emotions are this high, is dangerous to my resolve. I shake my head, and his face falls.
“I just need some time to figure this out. I haven’t dated anyone seriously in years and…all of this feels really heavy.” I look down, pushing my lips together to fight off the threatening tears.
“Jenna,” Miles rasps. “I love you so much. What can I do?”
I slowly bring my eyes up to his and shrug. “I don’t know, Miles. Just let me figure this out on my own,” I say sadly, averting my eyes to the pavement between us.
“Let me fix it, please.” He steps closer, forcing me to back up.
“I can’t, Miles. I’m so sorry.” I turn and race up the stairs behind me, leaving him staring after me.