35. JOSH
JOSH
Pretending not to hear her, I rolled over.
Those three little words made my spine tingle.
She loved me? How? She couldn’t possibly mean it.
I liked her. A lot. I thought about her even when we were not together and I was certainly enjoying the sex.
But this wasn’t love. It couldn’t be. Could it?
I know I had said it to the guys earlier, but I also said I wasn’t sure. It hadn’t been long enough.
It was mumbled and she was asleep, but still, it counted, right?
The sounds of the city kept me company through the night.
Was this getting too deep? At some point, it needed to end.
My condo felt small, claustrophobic. The urge to run and escape was crawling up my skin.
Sweat started to bead around my forehead as I laid in the darkness.
I got out of bed, careful not to wake April.
I couldn’t handle all the questions right now.
Then tiptoed out, careful not to creak the door.
I padded my way down the hallway and into the kitchen, filling up a tall glass of ice-cold water and downing it, hoping to cool the burning sensation coursing through my body. Breathe. I was spiraling.
When that didn’t work, I went and stood out on the balcony.
The breeze from the penthouse was refreshing and I let my lungs fill with the cool air as my breathing finally steadied into a semi-regular rhythm.
My thoughts swirled around the last few weeks and how things had gone.
In all of the conversations, I couldn’t recall either of us ever bringing up a how to end things conversation.
We had plenty of debates on whether it would or could work, how to make it work, and yet, not one on how to end it.
I replayed last night. The trench coat. It was all surreal.
I’d gone too far. My feelings for her have grown, but was this something that could be more?
We agreed to a situationship but this was spinning out of control.
I wasn’t good at relationships. There was too much pressure.
The beauty of our fake dating was there was none of that.
But this was beginning to feel more real and that could jeopardize our careers. Hers more than mine.
Sure the guys knew, but if the rest of the team found out, we’d be in hot water.
But if we came clean, confessed it was fake and we had been lying, well, that would be worse.
Carlos would really have it out for me. Why the hell hadn’t I really thought this through?
Desperation. She’d voiced the concerns and I’d brushed them off. Because that was what I did.
When the morning light finally came, I sat at the edge of the bed, waiting for April to wake. We needed to talk. To figure out our next steps and how to end things without making a fuss. If we waited too much longer, it would all blow up.
I reached over and gently swiped the underside of her arm. I watched her smile turn into a grin.
“Morning,” she whispered, her voice still full of sleep.
“Hey, I know it’s early but I’m going for a run.”
“Okay,” she replied lazily.
I hesitated for a moment, closing my eyes, before letting the next part slip out. “When I get back, we should have a chat.”
Her eyes flew open and she bolted upright. “What’s up?”
Calmly, as if that was going to help the bundle of nerves being lit inside me, I said, “Nothing, I just think we should start talking about how to end things.”
She blinked at me, as if she was trying to decode what I had said. Her mouth opened and closed, then she abruptly stood up. Her foot tangled in the sheet and she fell forward. I reached out, but her hand caught the side table and she managed to straighten up.
“April… I…”
She twirled toward me with a flash of burning anger in her eyes. But she took a deep breath, and simply said, “No need to talk about it.”
My turn to blink. “What?”
She stormed to the drawer I had given her to keep stuff, so she wouldn’t have to always carry it with her, and yanked out shorts and a tank. She shoved her legs into her shorts and threw on the tank top. “Don’t worry about it. Consider it done.”
“April, I didn’t mean now.” At least, I didn’t think I did.
“Why drag it out?” Her eyes narrowed at me. “You brought it up, right? Which means you had been thinking about it.”
I swallowed harshly, making my Adams apple bob. “It’s just that, your Papi’s party was weeks ago and I, well…the guys—”
“You’re right.” She cut me off. “Thanks for the service. You’re free.” She spun on her heel and out of the bedroom door.
Free? What am I, the freaking genie? I went after her. “April, let’s talk about it. I don’t mean right now.”
She raised up her chin, collected her clothes strewn across the floor, and balled them up. “Let’s not. We both got what we needed and now it’s over. The show last night probably sealed the deal for your bet, right?”
Her words sounded like venom to me. When I didn’t answer, she knew it did.
“Then, we’re done.” She sounded like a robot.
Zero emotions. I wasn’t sure what I expected, but this certainly wasn’t it.
I reached out to grab her and she moved out of reach.
She scooped her heels into her hand, not even bothering to put them on.
“You wanted it over, it’s over. Super simple.
No need to talk about it. No drama. No fuss. ”
“So, that’s it then?” Maybe I wanted a little drama. This was unnatural. Maybe a scene, an argument? To be honest, I hadn’t thought about this part. Was just saying it’s over and walking away the way to do it? It was odd and it felt like the opposite of relief in breaking up.
“Yup.” She turned and reached for the knob of the front door and somehow, I was now angry.
“Why are you so eager to walk away?” I demanded.
“Excuse me?” She paused mid-stride.
“Why are you so eager to let me go?”
With her hand on the doorknob, she didn’t even look back when she said, “I never had you, remember, it was all pretend.”
My chest squeezed and I felt like an asshole. I had no words. The door closed behind her and I stayed put.
The locker room was eerily quiet when I got in. Carlos approached and for some reason, the urge to deck him had my knuckles itching to be used. He saddled up next to me and held out his hand. “Well, it looks like you won.”
“Won?”
“The bet,” he grumbled, reaching for his beer. “Time is up as of today and after last night’s uh…” He paused and for a split moment, a blush creeped across his face. “Whatever that was. I guess it’s safe to say you won.”
There was a round of cheers. Except for me. I sat stunned. The last few weeks were a blur and I hadn’t even realized how much time had lapsed. It was over. I leaned back in my chair, taking my beer with me.
“Man, I thought you’d be gloating. Throwing it in my face how you pulled it together and found love.”
Love.
That one word had me seeing double. Carlos dropped his key on the table. It was a simple silver keychain with red dice on it and attached was the key to his fully restored 1970s Aston Martin Vantage. That car was his pride and joy. My eyes floated from the table up to his.
“Holy shit,” I stuttered. Surprised that he upheld his end of the bargain.
“Tell me about it,” he mumbled, shaking his head. “To be honest, I never thought I’d see you in love.”
There it was again. Love. I swallowed the large lump in my throat.
“Love?” I croaked.
“Shit, man. I’ve never seen you so damn giddy.” Kev smacked me on the back. Ironically, it helped push the air back into my lungs.
“The bet was to make her fall for you,” Milos stated, as if I needed a reminder.
I shook my head. At a loss for words. Sure, April and I liked each other.
We had great conversations, I was at ease with her, I didn’t need to be someone I wasn’t.
And the sex, well let’s just say, it was untouchable compared to the others.
But that didn’t equate to love. This was all an arrangement.
One we happened to be very good at. This wasn’t supposed to be real.
I was helping her with her family, although that was over a while ago, and I had proven my bet, so why was I still doing this?
Maybe it was my fault I led her on. I thought we had both been clear.
This was an illusion, all smoke and mirrors, for each of us to win something.
“Dude, the girl showed up in a trench coat,” Jake added, as if he was reading the doubt skimming across my mind.
“If that ain’t love, I dunno what is,” Carlos chimed in, finishing Jake’s message. “A bet is a bet. You came through.” He stared at me, long and hard. His gaze was burning into my soul, as if he was waiting for me to confess something. Guilt formed a knot in my stomach.
“You have 48 hours with the car and you better bring it back in the mint condition it is in.”
My mouth fell open. Wow. I was a douche bag. I handed the keys back and walked out. I needed to find April.
I searched the clubhouse for an hour, only to find out she’d left early for an appointment. I had called her phone, but it went to voicemail and no amount of texts were going to make her call me back.
Ugh, I did the one thing I never thought I would. I stalked her. Waiting outside her apartment door until she got home. Unfortunately, she was not alone. Nora was with her and she looked like she was about to kick me square in the nuts.
“What do you want?”
“To talk to April?”
“Nope.” Nora sneered, waltzing past me to unlock the door I was blocking. April sighed and stared at me, but didn’t say anything.
“April, I didn’t expect things to go that way.”
“You didn’t? You thought you could casually bring it up and then what, continue to fuck me?”
Her words were laced with sarcasm. “No.”
“Then what?” She folded her arms over her chest.
I rubbed the palm of my hand down my face. Fuck, I had no idea. “There wasn’t a plan. I just thought…” My voice trailed off. I had no actual idea of what to say.
“Look, Josh, we had an agreement.” She sharply inhaled a breath, bringing her eyes to mine. There was sadness in them and it was crushing me. “Maybe it could have ended differently, but it didn’t. This was probably the best way to go.”
“It wasn’t,” I rushed.
“Too bad, because it did. Did you win the bet?”
I hated the answer to that question. She shrugged. “There’s no need to be dramatic. We both won. We’re done.”
Her casualness was irritating me.
“And just what are you going to tell people?” I demanded.
“The same as always. It just didn’t work. Schedules, whatever.”
“Schedules? We have the same one.”
“Yeah, well, I am not a player in the public eye, so maybe another model will come along and—”
“That’s what you think of me?” I snapped.
“Josh, what difference does it make? The point is, it ends. Today, tomorrow, another month? The issue isn’t the how, but the when, so let’s just call it what it is and move on.”
My mouth damn near fell open. “April.”
“No, seriously. You did us a favor. Ripped that Band-Aid right off. Now, if you don’t mind, I need to prepare for tomorrow and stuff.
See ya around, champ.” She patted my chest in a patronizing way that had me wanting to do nothing more than pin her against the doorframe, but I held my restraint as she passed by me.
The door closed in my face. The symbolism wasn’t missed.