Chapter 31
CADE
Istared into Ivy’s big brown eyes as I held her in front of me.
My eyes found Brooke’s. Would our baby have her brown eyes, or my blue ones?
The thought came to me, unbidden. We’d never discussed having children, but I knew deep inside of myself that this girl was my future—whatever that ended up looking like.
When Blaze had said I was “gone” for Brooke, that couldn’t have been more true. And while I wasn’t typically a worrier, even I had felt the strain the distance had been causing us. We’d make it work, though. The raw emotion of last night made me certain of it. We were both in this.
“You’re a beautiful girl,” I observed in a slightly babyish voice, meeting Ivy’s eyes again. Locks of wavy dark brown hair covered her head, curling at the ends. She peered up at me, giving me another toothless grin.
My heart ached a bit thinking of the man who had walked away from this sweet girl.
How did parents do it? My mind catalogued examples, from Bryan’s mom to Brooke’s dad.
It was so clear that simply having a kid didn’t mean you were fit to be a parent.
The thought pissed me off. I felt a rush of gratitude for my consistently-loving parents.
Ivy began to fuss, and Whit scooped her from my arms.
“Have a place I can change her?” she asked Owen.
As they walked down the hall, Brooke slid onto the couch beside me. She laid her head against my shoulder. The smell of her peach shampoo flooded my nostrils.
“What time’s your flight?” she asked me.
“Three,” I said forlornly.
“But you’ll come to Ivy’s birthday?” she asked. I nodded, but my chest seized at the thought. That was months away, and my heart ached at the thought of once again separating.
Brooke drove Echo and me to the airport, and I could see she was choking back tears. She got out of the car at the passenger drop-off and fell into my arms. Despite my own emotions, I resolved to try to be strong for her.
“Baby—” I brushed the tears off her cheeks. “It’ll be okay. It’s only a few months.”
“It’s just . . . so hard,” she said on a hiccup. “I want us to have more than a weekend every few months. I want us to be able to have a normal relationship, without all these roadblocks.”
“I want that too, baby. So bad. But I’d rather have what we have that not have you at all.” I looked down at my phone, checking the time. “I’ve got to go through security. I promise it’ll get better, okay? Trust me. I love you.” I squeezed her hand, then grabbed my bag and Echo’s leash.
“Love you,” she said back forlornly.
When I got to my gate I texted Val. She’d be picking me up in San Diego, which was good—I needed a sounding board for my current turmoil.
When I climbed in her ancient Subaru, Val scanned my expression. “Alright, what happened?”
There was no point in hiding anything from Val.
“Brooke was really emotional about me leaving. She’s really struggling with the distance.”
“Have you thought about moving closer to her?”
“I mean yeah, I’ve thought about it. I’d love to be near her. But it isn’t that easy . . . there’s my job, my apartment, my life . . . I just don’t want to jump the gun. I want us to be ready. We just need to make the most of each of our visits.”
“I guess you need to ask yourself—is she worth making those sacrifices for?”
“Without question, yeah.”
Val looked at me like I was thick-headed. “Sounds like you’re living on the wrong coast.”