Chapter Sixteen #2
“I learned, thanks to Maisy, that Michelle turned her life around.” Chase felt it was important for Simon to know Maisy was the one who’d made this possible.
“From what this friend of Michelle’s told me,” Chase continued, “Michelle found sobriety several years ago. She made it her life’s work to help others.”
His father was known to keep his feelings well in check, so Chase was surprised to see the shock show in his father’s widening eyes. “Your mother wrote me, you know.”
Chase didn’t.
“I…” His father hesitated. “I’d built up an emotional wall when it came to anything having to do with her.
I loved her with everything that was in me.
God knows I tried to help her, tried to get her to agree to treatment.
I wasn’t willing to open my heart to her again for fear of what would happen. ”
“I did the same thing.” Chase deeply regretted that now.
His father uncrossed his legs and wiped his hand down his face. “I thought that…Never mind, it doesn’t matter what I thought. I’m happy she managed to make something of her life.”
“The two women I met with loved her. She apparently regularly walked the streets and offered food and hope to those who had lost their way. She would share her own story, feed them, and personally escort them to AA meetings. There’s no telling how many lives she touched.”
His father nodded.
“What happened, Dad?” Chase asked. “Was she always an alcoholic? Did you know that when you married her?”
His father took his time answering. “She barely touched anything more than a glass of wine when we were first married. That was why I found it hard to understand when she turned to alcohol.”
“Something must have led her to that point. What was it?”
Again, Simon hesitated. His mouth tightened, and for a moment Chase was afraid his father wasn’t going to answer him.
“Michelle was raised as an only child and was basically alone after her parents died. When we married, she told me she wanted us to have a large family. She loved the idea of mothering a houseful of children. She had no problem getting pregnant with you. She adored you and was eager to give you a little brother or sister.”
“What happened?”
“She miscarried the next pregnancy. Naturally, she was upset. The physician assured her all was well and said he could see no problem with her getting pregnant again. As soon as her body healed, we were excited by how quickly she was able to conceive once more.”
“She lost that baby, too?”
His father nodded. “And the next three. The doctors couldn’t find any medical reason this should be happening. You can’t imagine the lengths Michelle went to with each pregnancy.” Simon briefly closed his eyes, as if reliving the agony of those days.
“She tried extreme diets, one after another. All protein. No protein. Even some crazy concoction that came from cows. It was nuts. I lost count of the number of different physicians she saw. She took so many supplements that the entire bathroom countertop wasn’t big enough to hold all the bottles.
There wasn’t anything she wouldn’t do to prevent another miscarriage.
No matter what she did, no matter who advised her, she was never able to carry a pregnancy beyond four months. ”
All this happened, Chase realized, at about the time his father was heavily involved in assuming the responsibilities of Furst Bank, expanding on what was already a huge financial enterprise.
“As you can imagine, after each failed pregnancy your mother went into a deep, dark depression. She would weep for days on end. To say she was inconsolable is an understatement. Nothing I said or did would comfort her.”
Chase knew how difficult those times must have been for his father. How useless he must have felt, wanting to ease his wife’s disappointment and finding his efforts insufficient.
“Finally, I took matters into my own hands,” he continued, his gaze focused on the carpet. “I didn’t care that we couldn’t have any more children, especially seeing what this obsession for more children had done to Michelle. Without telling her, I got a vasectomy.”
Chase sucked in his breath, thinking about how his father could betray his mother in this way. “How long did it take her to discover the reason she couldn’t get pregnant again?”
“Sooner than I would have liked. She’d found a new doctor who convinced her all she needed was a simple surgery to fix the problem. She’d been filled with such hope. She danced around the house, twirled you up in the air, and promised you a little sister one day.”
“And that’s when you told her?”
Simon swallowed hard and nodded. “I hated that I killed her dream, but we couldn’t continue with the emotional highs and lows the way we had done for nearly six years.”
“Is that when she started drinking?”
With a deep, painful sigh, his father nodded. “Understandably, she was angry with me. I tried again and again to reassure her of my love and that you were a gift God gave us, and we should be grateful.”
“Did that help?”
“I thought it did, until I learned she was drinking her lunch.”
Nearly all the memories Chase had of his mother were of her being in bed with the blinds closed or so drunk she wobbled on unsteady feet from room to room.
He didn’t know what was happening and assumed every mother was like her.
It wasn’t until he started school that he realized his mother wasn’t like other mothers.
One of his most embarrassing moments was when Michelle attended a winter program at the school just before Christmas.
He’d been in first grade, and she’d arrived at the auditorium drunk.
When Chase came onstage with the other children, she stood, waving her arms over her head and shouting that he was her son.
She’d caused such a ruckus that the school principal had to escort her out of the room.
“Her drinking only got worse,” Simon said.
“I tried to get her into rehab, but she wouldn’t hear of it.
Finally, I told her that unless she quit drinking, I was going to see an attorney.
” His face tightened. “I thought…hoped, that would be enough to wake her up to the fact that she had a disease and needed help.”
“Clearly, it didn’t.”
“Instead, I arrived home to discover Michelle had packed up and moved out. I had no idea where she’d gone or who she was with. Frantically, I called everyone who might have a clue where she could possibly have gone. No one knew.
“A week later I got a letter from her attorney. She didn’t contest the divorce and asked for nothing in the settlement. She had money and intended to live on that. She made it clear she needed nothing from me. She knew that, because of her drinking, any access to you would be limited.”
“She never tried, then, until after I was eighteen,” Chase said, thinking out loud.
“No, she didn’t, and once you were considered an adult, I left the decision up to you.
It took some time for me to discover she’d moved to Seattle.
I doubt she knew anyone there. As best I could figure, she was looking for a fresh start, seeking a geographical cure.
All I did know was that she was completely out of both our lives, and hard as it was to accept, we were better off without her. ”
Chase had little memory of that time. He missed her dreadfully, because when she wasn’t in bed or drunk, she’d been a good mother. She was always there when he got home from school and gave him snacks.
The room fell silent while they both absorbed the memories of the wife and mother they never had a chance to know.
Finally, Chase felt he had to say something. “I’m sorry, Dad.” Sorry for all that they both had lost without even knowing it.
His father smiled weakly as a means of accepting Chase’s condolence. “I am, too.”
Simon straightened and leaned slightly forward. “On a completely different subject, I want to ask you something.”
“Anything.” Chase had no secrets.
“It’s about this woman in Seattle.”
“Maisy? What about her?” He stiffened with unease.
“You like her, don’t you?”
“I do,” he admitted. He wasn’t going to elaborate on his feelings or explain how deep they ran when he had his own questions about this relationship.
He was strongly attracted to Maisy and wasn’t willing to pretend otherwise.
He realized this would disappoint his father, who had his heart set on Chase marrying Astrid.
He hadn’t mentioned they had decided to give each other a break and had parted as friends.
Chase found his father studying him intently.
“I know what you’re thinking,” he said, unwilling to hear his father say it aloud. “You’re wondering about me and Astrid.”
“Frankly, yes. I can tell you from experience it isn’t a good idea to string a woman along if you’re interested in someone else.”
“You know me better than that,” Chase said, somewhat affronted by his father’s words. “Astrid and I have an agreement. We’ve parted as friends for now.”
“For now? What does that mean?”
“We aren’t in love…”
“Okay, okay. Got it.” His father raised his hands as if to end the conversation.
Chase snapped his mouth closed as he read the disappointment in his father’s eyes.
Simon stood to leave the office, paused, and said, “Be smart, son, and watch yourself when it comes to this woman in Seattle.”