37. Jaymie
Jaymie
The hospital room is too quiet after what we’ve been through.
Just hours ago, I was kneeling on the cold tile of my bathroom floor, soaked from the waist down, blood on my hands, a phone clutched between my shoulder and ear as I listened to a stranger talk me through delivering a baby.
Mallory’s baby. The ride to the hospital was nervewracking at best, following behind was not part of the pl an but when the EMTs saw the size of Mal's hospital bag, they recommended a seperate car.
Now, Mallory’s resting in the hospital bed, half-reclined, dark circles beneath her eyes and damp strands of hair sticking to her forehead.
She’s radiant in a raw, exhausted kind of way.
Not flawless, more like the afterglow of a wildfire.
She’s bundled under a blanket, Lola swaddled tightly on her chest, pink-cheeked and perfectly still… sound asleep.
I can’t stop looking at her. Either of them.
“She’s heavier than I thought she’d be,” I say finally, my voice too loud in the silence.
Mallory’s lips quirk into a tired smile. “You held her like she was fine china.”
“She kind of came out of nowhere,” I say, rubbing a hand over the back of my neck. “Like, one minute I’m helping you take a bath and the next I’m—”
“Catching a baby,” she finishes, her eyes crinkling.
“That was a once in a lifetime expierence thats for sure. I really panicked there.” I took off my glasses and wiped the lenses on the edge of my tee shirt, feeling more awkward and uncomfortable than I should.
“No, you didn’t. You didn’t flinch. You were steady.”
I snort. “I called 911 and nearly dropped the phone in the tub. That’s not what I’d call ‘steady.’”
“You didn’t drop me,” she says. “You caught my daughter. You st ayed.”
I pause. My throat closes up. “Of course. I would do anything for you Mallory, well now I would do anything for the both of you"
Mallory watched for a long beat, then gently shifts Lola off her chest and pats the space beside her. “Come here.”
I hesitate, then sit carefully on the edge of the bed, stretching my arms out. She places Lola in them, and I cradle the baby like she’s a star plucked from the sky.
“She looks like you,” I murmur.
Mallory leans her head on my shoulder. “She has her father’s nose.”
I flinch. Not because I forgot, but because it still stings sometimes. That reminder. That boundary.
“You okay?” she asks gently.
“Yeah,” I say quickly, then soften. “I mean… I don’t know. I don’t have the words for this.”
“You don’t have to.”
“I want to. I want to say all the right things and promise everything and…God, I’m such a mess. I’m not her dad, I know that, and I don't know what we are, I don't do well with ambiguity.”
“I want you in both of our lives,” she says. “You showed up. You’ve been showing up.”
I nod, swallowing hard. “I’ll never try to take something that’s not mine. But if you’ll let me… I’d like to be something, to her and to you.”
Mal lory lifts her hand, resting it over my heart. “You already are. You’re everything.”
Tears prick my eyes again. "When did I turn into such a crier!?"
“You keep saying that,” she murmurs, amused. “But I’m pretty sure you've always been a softy for your family.”
Mal's phone buzzes on the bedside table, lit up with an incoming FaceTime from Dakota.
“Want to let her in on the chaos?” Mallory asks.
“Oh, absolutely.”
She answers, and Dakota’s face fills the screen. She’s in a hallway, hair up, wearing a hoodie with UVM plastered across the front, her expression instantly collapsing into tears.
“Mallory. Oh my god. Oh my god, that’s her? Is she okay? Are you okay?”
“We’re good,” Mallory says, her voice shaking. “We did it.”
Dakota gasps. “Did it? I think you did more than that!? You gave birth in a bathtub, Mal. Without a doctor. Or drugs. Or me.”
Jaymie leans in to make sure she sees him. “Hey. You would’ve passed out, for the record.”
“I would not have—” she starts, then sighs. “Okay, maybe. But I would’ve rallied! That’s what med school is for.”
“ She’s beautiful,” Dakota whispers, leaning close to the screen. “She looks like you. And a little like Jaymie, which is weird, right?”
“I imprint on babies,” I joke. “It’s a gift.”
Dakota sniffles. “I can’t believe I missed it. I should’ve been there.”
“You’re here now,” Mallory says softly. “And you’re gonna be the best auntie ever.”
“I already bought a lab coat for when she wants to play doctor.”
“She’s like twelve hours old,” I say.
“Never too early to prep her for med school,” Dakota says fiercely.
Mallory laughs, a sound that makes the whole room brighter. “We love you.”
“I love you more,” Dakota says. “Jaymie?”
“Yeah?”
She sobers. “Thank you. For being there. For not leaving her alone.”
I feel something in me unclench. “There’s nowhere else I’d ever be.”
Dakota nods, teary again. “Okay, I have to go fail a BioChem quiz, but I’ll call back later!! Send pics. Constantly. Love you.”
“Love you too,” Mallory and I echo together.
She ends the call and sets the phone down. Lola stirs slightly, face scrunching. I rub her back gently, whispering nonsense.
“She’s gonna have so many people loving her,” I say.
“She already does.”
Mallory turned, her eyes meeting mine, her expression serious. “I don’t expect anything from you, Jaymie. You’ve already given me more than I thought I was allowed to have.”
“You don’t have to expect it,” I say. “I want it. I want to be here. With you. With her. I don’t need a title. You don’t have to call me dad. Just… let me love her. However you’ll let me.”
Mallory blinks rapidly. “I do.”
I lean down and kiss her forehead, then brush a fingertip along Lola’s tiny cheek. “Then that’s enough.”