Chapter Forty-Eight
Morgan
I lay in bed on my side and watched Jude sleep. We’d been up here for three days while he got his strength back. The Highway Sinners left yesterday. They stayed two extra days to make sure the Satan’s Angels didn’t retaliate.
Seeing Venom and Krypto carry him inside brought back memories I didn’t want to think about. Memories of the day King knocked on my door to tell me he was dead.
“You’re thinking hard over there.”
“Just remembering what it was like when King told me you had died.” I bit my lip, and tears welled up in my eyes. “I can’t go through that again, Jude.”
“You don’t know how much I wish you didn’t have to go through that, baby. But I had to be sure you were safe.”
“Am I safe, Jude?” I asked. “Are any of us safe?”
“I will always keep you safe, Morgan.”
“Even if it means leaving me again?” I asked, not wanting the answer. Jude ran his hand over his face.
“Tell me about it?”
“About what?”
“The day King told you.”
Did I want to relive that memory? Could I go through it again, even in words, without losing it the way I did that day? I took a deep breath and began...
Seven years ago...
It was an ordinary day. I was making dinner, knowing Jude would be home today.
He’d been gone for three days on a run with King.
I should tell him who King was. Tell him that my father was Braesal O’Malley and that King was my uncle.
The only thing holding me back was that I didn’t think King knew he was related to the Irish Mob boss.
I closed the oven after checking on the lasagna and startled at the knock on the door of our small apartment. After wiping my hands on a towel, I walked slowly toward the door.
Something settled in my chest. An omen maybe. A warning telling me not to open the door. Only a few of the Silver Shadows knew we lived here, but none of them would come over with Jude being gone.
I placed one hand on the doorknob, the other on the door.
“Morgan?”
I whipped the door open and stared at King. His eyes were swollen and red. His shoulders were slumped, and his hands were tucked in his pockets. His eyes were on the ground beneath us.
King always smiled at me. He wasn’t shy; he was confident and sometimes arrogant. Just like my father. But this wasn’t the King I knew. This King was someone I didn’t want to know.
“No,” I whispered, shaking my head. “No.”
“Morgan, can I come in?”
“NO!” I shouted.
My hands covered my mouth, and tears fell without permission. I didn’t need to hear the words. I didn’t want to hear the words.
“No.” I shook my head and backed away from the door. “Please don’t say it. Please, King.”
I knew what they did was dangerous. Knew there was a possibility this day would come, but it was supposed to be years later. Not today. Not when we’d only been together for six months, only been married for less than two.
Not when we had a child on the way.
My knees gave out and King rushed to catch me before I fell to the floor. He sat down and pulled me onto his lap and held me. His strong arms wrapped around me, trying to stop the shaking and the trembling as my body was wracked with sobs.
“I’m so sorry, Morgan. I’m so sorry.”
I looked up at Jude; tears streamed down his cheeks, matching my own. My hand reached out and wiped them away, and he grabbed it, bringing my palm to his lips.
“I lost the baby less than a week later.”
“Baby, I wish I could promise you’ll never go through that again, but I can’t. Even if I wasn’t in the MC, anything could happen. No one knows when our ticket will get punched.”
“I know, but the life you live.” I took a deep breath. “The life you live is dangerous.”
“It is. So is your brother’s, and your father’s.”
I sat up and swung my legs over the bed. “It’s not the same, Jude.”
“What do you want me to do?” he asked. “Give up the club? Get a regular job? That will kill me faster than anything else, Morgan.”
“I know. I don’t have the answer. I just... when I saw you being carried into the clubhouse, it all came rushing back.”
The bed shifted beside me and before I knew it, Jude was pulling me back against his chest. “One day at a time, baby. It’s all we can do.”
“I’m tired of living in fear.”
I turned in his arms and snuggled against his chest. My fingers traced over the scars, a constant reminder of what this life had done to him. Done to us.
“Justin waited until I was being released to tell me about the baby.”
“What?” I asked, looking up at him.
“I had asked him to watch over you; I wanted pictures. I wanted to see your belly growing over the months with our child—the child I had given everything up for so you and he could be safe.”
“There were no pictures,” I said.
“There were. He fabricated them. For six months he showed me pictures on his phone of you living your life. Your hand cradling our son.”
“That son of a bitch!” I cursed. “How could he do that?”
“Because he knew I’d give up. He knew that if he told me we had lost our son, I would have died. You and our baby were the only things keeping me alive. Making me fight.” He ran his fingers up and down my arm, and then across my stomach, which had started to poke out.
“When he finally told me the truth, I knew you were better off without me.”
“That’s not true,” I cried.
“It was. I needed you safe. I wanted you to move on without me holding you back.”
“Until you found out I tried.”
He snorted, and a rumble tore through his chest. “My point is, I thought I was being selfless. The truth was, I stayed away from you because I knew if I set my eyes on you again, I’d never be able to let you go.”
“So now you are being selfish?” I asked with a chuckle.
“Fuck yes. All my life I didn’t want to be like my father. It took seeing you again to realize I wasn’t anything like him. I didn’t want just any pussy; I wanted yours.”
“How romantic,” I said, rolling my eyes and trying to sit up, but Jude held me tighter against him.
“My father took and took and took. He always wanted more. Nothing ever satisfied him. I’m not like that.
You satisfy me. You are the only thing I have ever taken for myself.
I spent my life doing things for others, and the one time I found something for me, I got scared and thought I had to give it up to keep you safe.
But I realize now the best way to keep you safe is to keep you here.
With me. Surrounded by men who will give their lives for you and our baby.
Death is inevitable, Morgan. We can’t stop it, no matter how hard we try.
All we can do is make the best of the days we’re given. ”
I knew he was right. I hated it, but I had to accept that one day, whether it was tomorrow or next year or fifty years from now, I would lose him. Our children would lose him.
This war wasn’t over. It had only just begun. There were still people out there trying to tear our lives apart. Wanting things that didn’t belong to them. Things they didn’t deserve.
None of the clubs were safe, nor were the children. I rubbed my hand over my stomach and breathed deeply, praying our baby wouldn’t get caught in the crossfire.
“Are you having second thoughts?” Jude asked. “About leaving when the baby is born?”
“No, leaving you would kill me. I just don’t know how to get past the fear.”
“I know someone who might be able to help?”
“Who?”
“Haizley Walker. She’s in Nebraska and she’s Gunner’s old lady. She’s a psychologist.”
“Maybe we could take a trip up there?”
“When everything is over, we can. But Haizley has clients online. She can see you anywhere.”
I nodded, though I couldn’t say I wasn’t disappointed.
I’d never been to Nebraska. I wanted to see the place where my brother lived.
I wanted to spend time with him and Grace, and Cash, and Romeo.
And Gunner. I didn’t know him quite as well as the others, but I remembered the day he picked me up in his truck and drove me to the courthouse.
“You sure he’s the one?” Gunner asked in the quiet of the truck cab.
“I’m sure.”
“Do you understand the life?”
“I do. I grew up around the Sons of Hell. I know what MCs entail,” I explained, looking out the window.
I knew more than that.
“Being on the outside and looking in isn’t the same as being a part of it, Morgan. I don’t want to see my brother get hurt.”
I smiled at Gunner. I respected the way he was looking out for Jude.
“I think I’m the one at risk of being hurt,” I said softly.
My nerves were on edge with anticipation. I’d known the moment Jude stopped to talk to me in that coffee shop all those months ago that he was what I was waiting for.
Studies showed that women grew up and chose someone like their father. My father was a criminal. He was a Mob boss. You didn’t get much further from the law than that.
Except maybe a 1% motorcycle club.
But there was something about Jude that called out to me. Something that made me feel safe, protected.
Loved.
Even if I only had it for a day, it was worth the risk.
“You’re worth the risk,” I said, looking up into his eyes.
“Are you sure?” His voice cracked with emotion, and I knew I’d never be able to walk away. Never be able to live my life without him in it.
“I’m sure. Greater the risk, greater the reward, right? Without the risk, there is no reward, and a lifetime with you would be the greatest reward.”
I smiled as he leaned down and pressed his lips to mine. His hand trailed down my arm, to my hip. Then back up again, lifting his T-shirt I was wearing with it.
“You’re hurt,” I mumbled against his lips.
“Then I guess you’ll have to do all the work.”
Jude rolled over on his back and shoved his boxers down over his hips, wincing as his hand hit the spot where he’d been shot. He tossed them on the floor and grinned.
“Come ride my cock, baby.”
I groaned at the deep timbre of his voice and then climbed up on my knees. I yanked his T-shirt over my head and tossed it on the floor to join his boxers.
“Fuck, you’re beautiful.” He reached out and tweaked my nipple. “They’re getting bigger.”
Carefully, I swung my leg over his hips, then cupped my breasts, feeling the weight as I looked down at how much they had grown.
Jude groaned. “I can’t wait to see you feeding our child. Can’t wait to taste the milk your body makes.”
I smirked as he stared at my breasts. He replaced my hands with his and leaned forward, taking a nipple in his mouth.
“Do you have a breastfeeding kink?” I asked with a laugh that quickly turned to a moan when Jude bit down on my nipple.
“I might,” he said with a smirk. He smacked my ass and ordered, “Sit on my cock.”
My body shivered at the order and as I lifted my body up and slowly sank down on his thick, hard cock, I knew there was no other place I’d rather be.