Chapter 30 Deserved
DESERVED
Everyone seated at that table could’ve heard the echo of a pin hitting the ground in the wake of Zoey’s announcement. Any remaining blood drained swiftly from Jesse’s face as he sat stock still in his chair, awaiting the room’s reaction.
“Zoey–” Eliana paused, trying to make sense of the announcement and what it meant. She took a slow breath and then rose to her feet, holding her daughter’s eyes. “Explain.”
“Abby told me about Dad’s girlfriend and I—“
“She was never—“ Jesse began.
“Pipe down, boy,” Bill barked before smiling kindly at Zoey. “Please continue, sweetheart.”
“I saw Dad kissing Bea,” Abby interrupted instead, her words coming fast. “Weeks ago. I didn’t say anything because I thought you knew.
I swear.” Her eyes rose, and Eliana flinched at the pain she found nestled in those brilliant green irises.
The pain she’d been trying so hard to avoid.
To protect her from. All of it in vain. “I thought that was why you were fighting.”
“I haven’t seen them fighting,” Zoey mumbled.
“I’m sorry,” Abby said, her words growing more and more frantic as she rambled.
“I should’ve told you, I thought you knew.
But then she showed up yesterday, and they were talking, and then I talked to Dad, and I realized that you didn’t know, and I panicked, so I told Zoey, and you know how Zoey is, but I tried–”
“Abby, honey,” Eliana moved around the table, pulling the girl into a hug. “I did know. I promise. You were never keeping any secrets from me.”
“But Dad said he didn’t tell you.”
“Did he now?” Eliana asked through gritted teeth, raising her eyes to the man at the end of the table, who looked for all the world to be on the verge of passing out. She tore her gaze away, focusing back upon the daughter who needed her.
“Listen,” she began, running a hand over Abby’s hair.
“It was never meant to be your responsibility to handle this. It was between me and him. And I’m so, so sorry that you had to bear that burden.
That goes for you, too, Zoey,” Eliana said, glancing across the table at the girl who suddenly looked more like a child than she had in years.
Eliana beckoned her over until they both stood before her, staring back with eyes full of fear and guilt. Looking to her for guidance on what came next – how one handles such a situation.
It was everything she’d planned to prevent.
It was something she’d never thought to prepare for.
And it was all too much.
She pulled them close, pressing a kiss to each of their foreheads. “We’re going to talk more, I promise. But right now, I need to talk to your dad and figure some things out, okay? But this is not your fault, do you understand?”
They both nodded.
“Clem,” Eliana said, feeling at a loss. “I need—”
“I got it,” Clem said, swooping in and snagging the girls’ plates off the table. “Talking makes for a strong appetite,” she said as she ushered them towards the master bedroom at the end of the hall.
But even after the door snicked closed, and the sound of the television turned on, the dining room remained quiet.
“Elly—” Jesse said, the first to break through the ice shrouding the room in silence.
“No,” Eliana shook her head, rolling her lips inwards.
She was not ready to hear his words. Not ready to consider the fact that he had allowed the girls to know.
To suffer with the knowledge of his affair.
Because to believe that would break the final joist on which she’d built the foundation of their lives.
There would be nothing left. Nothing redeemable.
“I’m sorry, Elly.” Jesse’s voice was broken. Pathetic.
“For what, though?” She laughed, feeling hysteria bubble within as she turned to survey the room.
Jesse sat forward in his chair, his skin tinted green, his hands gripped tight around the armrests, as if to hold him in place.
To his left, Milo sat back, his arms crossed loosely over his chest as he watched the scene, expressionless.
At the other end of the table, Bill was rigid in his chair, his eyes squinted as he quietly absorbed the drama, and Sue, across from him, simply wiped her cloth napkin beneath her eyes, smoothing away her tears as she listened.
“Let’s be clear. Are you talking about the cheating?
” Eliana shook her head. “I’ve come to terms with that.
” She breathed deeply, filling her lungs.
“For the credit debt, maybe? Because I feel like we’re past the point for apologies there.
” She tapped her chin in sarcastic contemplation.
“Ah, you must be talking about the fact that you let our twelve-year old daughters in on the secret of your infidelity and likely gave them lifelong trauma in the process. Damn it, Jesse, they were innocent. How could you let this happen?”
“It’s not like I told her,” Jesse said, standing. “I thought she was sleeping the night she saw. I’d checked on her, and she was in bed!”
“Oh my, what a good father you were—making sure to tuck your daughters in snug before you went next fucking door for your tryst with the married neighbor. Nothing could go wrong there!”
“It didn’t mean anything,” Jesse argued, throwing his hands up. “I was just angry and—“ he glanced around at the audience hanging on his every word. “Could we maybe take this somewhere—“
“Fuck that, say it here or get out.”
Jesse gulped. “I felt like I was losing you. It made me panic.”
“Of course, you were losing me! You never even started fighting for me!”
“That’s not true!” Jesse’s voice rose as he argued. “I’ve been fighting for us since day one! For this life that we have. We had such a good thing going.”
“Where I stayed home and handled all the household work and childcare like a good little wife?” Eliana scoffed. She glanced down the hall, lowering her voice. “That’s not the life I wanted, Jesse,” she hissed.
“Yeah, well, when I created the opportunity, you slipped into the role awfully quick.”
“What do you mean . . .” Eliana stilled. “When you created the opportunity?”
Jesse waved a hand through the air. “I knew you wanted kids, but you were so hung up on going to school first . . . so I took initiative. A couple pokes in the wrapper is all it took, and look at how things turned out. I was right. I knew you wouldn’t want to go to school once you became a mother.
It was all just for show, and I gave you what you really wanted because I know you, Eliana. ”
The words began to dull as a ringing took up residence in her ears.
The accidental pregnancy. The twins. Their little suburban life .
. . it wasn’t by happenstance. The workings of fate.
Jesse had plotted to steal away her dreams. To take away the pieces of her individualism one by one until he’d shaped her into his perfect, docile wife.
“I know what you need,” he was saying. “And yes, I’ve made some mistakes, but can’t you see how we were meant to be together? We can get past this. I see you, just like you see me.”
She saw his arm moving in slow motion, reaching to grab her forearm, to pull her closer and make her listen—but what she didn’t see coming was the burly hand that landed on Jesse’s shoulder, spinning him on the spot.
She also didn’t see the fist that collided with the side of Jesse’s face, spinning him back around the other direction and dropping him to the floor, where he curled into the fetal position, holding his face.
“You weren’t seeing shit,” Milo spat. “You knew she was out of your league, and you were doing whatever it took to keep your slimy grip on her. Everything but being a man who actually fucking deserved her.”