Chapter 37
MADDY
Ileave the hotel in a daze, my hands tight on the steering wheel as the city blurs past. I drive as fast as I dare, the roads slick with snow, the sky a heavy, endless gray pressing down on the world. Every red light feels like a punishment. Every second, an eternity.
By the time I reach the condo, my heart is pounding so hard I can barely breathe.
The elevator ride feels slower than it’s ever been, and when the doors finally part, I’m sprinting down the hall like my life depends on it.
I shove the key into the lock with shaking hands. The door swings open.
Cheshire is the only one waiting for me.
Ben isn’t here.
I try his phone again, my fingers trembling, the call going straight to voicemail like it has for the last hour. I tell myself it’s just a dead battery. I tell myself a hundred things I don’t believe. Panic tightens its hold around my ribs making it hard to breathe.
There are no new messages from Beth. No news.
So I sit on the couch, my arms wrapped around my middle like they can hold me together.
The living room grows darker as the evening slides into night, the soft hum of the city outside the windows a distant, indifferent sound. I think about turning on the Christmas lights, but the thought of their festive glow feels all wrong.
So I sit. In the dark. In the silence. Waiting.
For anything.
For some sign from the universe that he’s okay.
Beside me, Cheshire lifts his head, his ears perking up as he looks toward the door.
A moment later, I hear it—the jangle of keys.
I’m off the couch in a heartbeat, the air catching in my lungs as I run, faster than I thought I could move, faster than I can think.
“Maddy?” Ben’s voice cracks through the darkness just as I round the corner.
And there he is.
Alive. Whole.
He looks rumpled and windblown, his eyes wide with worry, but he’s here and he’s safe.
I don’t stop to think. I crash into him with all the force of my fear and relief, my body folding into his chest as he stumbles back a step, catching me instinctively.
I bury my face against him, breathing him in—the clean, familiar scent of him, the faint cold clinging to his clothes, the wild pounding of his heart against mine.
“I’m so sorry, baby,” he murmurs, his fingers slipping into my hair, his lips finding the crown of my head.
“You’re okay,” I whisper, not sure if I’m trying to reassure myself or him.
“I didn’t mean to miss the rehearsal. My phone died—”
“You’re okay,” I repeat, clutching fistfuls of his jacket like I can anchor us both here.
“I’m fine. I was on my way, and then Elliot called—”
I pull back, my pulse stuttering. “Sam’s mom? Is he okay?”
“He’s fine. He didn’t come home from school. She panicked. I went looking for him...I found him. He’s safe.”
He pulls me back against him so fiercely it almost hurts.
“But my fucking phone died and I couldn’t get in touch with you,” he breathes. His arms tighten around me, holding on to me like I might run.
“It’s alright,” I murmur against his chest, my hands sliding up his back, trying to soothe the tremors rippling through him.
“But it’s not.” His voice breaks. “I told you I’d be there. I promised. I let you down and I’m so fucking sorry.”
“Hey,” I say softly, cupping his jaw, feeling the coldness of his skin, the rough scrape of stubble against my palm.
He won’t meet my eyes.
“Ben.”
Slowly, he lifts his gaze to mine. Broken. Beautiful.
“You didn’t let me down.” I speak the words with all the certainty I can find. “Something happened. You had to make a choice. You made the right one.”
“But I didn’t put you first,” he says hoarsely.
“No.” I furrow my brow. “And you shouldn’t have. Who cares about a dress rehearsal when a child is missing?”
He shakes his head. “I should have gotten a new phone.”
“We’ll take care of that tomorrow. Unless you want me to install a tracking device.” I huff a laugh. “I was...I was so scared, Ben.”
I see it hit him—the realization that I wasn’t angry. I was terrified.
His face crumples, just a little. “I thought...I thought you’d think I didn’t care. That I forgot.”
I gape at him, stunned by the sheer absurdity of it.
“Not for one second,” I insist. “Not even for a millisecond did I think that. I thought...I thought something happened to you. That you were gone.”
A heavy breath shudders out of him, his forehead dropping against mine, the relief pouring out of him.
“I know I did what I had to do,” he whispers. “I just hate that it hurt you. I can’t lose you again, Maddy. I can’t do it.”
I lift onto my toes, pressing a kiss to his mouth, soft and sure. A vow.
“You’re not going to lose me,” I whisper against his lips. “I hate to break it to you, Hockeyboi17, but we’re stuck with each other. We’re going to screw up. We’re going to hurt each other sometimes. But we’ll figure it out. Together.”
I feel his smile against my cheek.
“Promise?”
“I promise,” I say. And I mean it with everything I have.
He brushes his knuckles along my cheek tenderly.
“I’m sorry I scared you,” he says again.
“I know,” I whisper. “I trust you, Ben. With my whole heart. But I am seriously considering the tracking device.”
His answering laugh is broken and relieved at the same time. The deep vibration travels from his body to mine as he holds me against him. “Whatever you want. I’ll wear a collar if it makes you feel better.”
I pull back and give him an appraising look up and down. “Well, this conversation has taken an unexpectedly kinky turn.”
His grin lights up the dark hallway as he starts to advance on me. “If you’re looking to train me, Madness, I respond very well to positive reinforcement.”
“I don’t think that’s necessary.” I almost trip over my own feet as I back away. His hands find my hips and steady me.
“You could teach me tricks…” His five o’clock shadow brushes against my neck and instantly I wish it were between my thighs. He spins me around pressing me against the hallway wall, all the while his hands continue to roam my body. Gentle caresses that make me want more.
“Ben,” I gasp as his teeth graze my earlobe. I can’t understand why he hasn’t picked me up and carried me to bed. Or why he isn’t taking me right here and now. He’s just pinned me here, touching and not touching me. “What are you doing?”
His lips brush against mine, but when I try to deepen the kiss, he pulls away. “I’m waiting for you to give me a command.”
If it were possible for a person to physically melt from desire, I would right here and now. I thread my fingers through his dark hair and whisper, “Take my top off.”
His eyes don’t leave mine as his hand glides up my abdomen, lightly grazing my breast. Starting with the top button, he undoes my blouse, achingly slowly.
When the last one has been undone, he separates the two sides, staring appreciatively down at my bare skin.
He slides the silk fabric off my shoulders and to the floor.
His lips dip to brush the tops of my breasts, pushed up by my bra.
“Now my skirt,” I tell him.
Is it my imagination, or are his hands less steady than they were before? They encircle my waist, fumbling with the clasp at the back of the garment.
“Have I told you how much I love your work clothes, Madness? Especially the more reserved ones. The self control it takes for me not to peel every layer off you the moment you put them on is downright admirable.” His thumbs hook in the fabric and push the skirt over my ass.
It lands in a crumpled heap next to my blouse.
“Panties.” My voice is breathy but firm. Ben’s heated gaze remains fixed on mine as he drops to his knees before me. His hands start at my ankles and travel up my calves, my knees, my thighs until finally, he grabs the flimsy material of my thong and drags it down.
He stares at my pussy like a starving man looks at his next meal. Like it’s the key to his salvation. I’m not sure if I’ve ever felt more in control than I do at this moment.
When his eyes find mine, they downright plead with me, but I’m not ready to give in. I know the moment he touches me there, I will be putty in his hands and I’m enjoying this new dynamic too much to give it up just yet.
“Take off your shirt.”
His jaw flexes and I can tell that was not the command he was hoping for.
“Madness…” he warns.
“Your shirt.”
He releases a breath and I stifle a gasp as the air from his mouth hits my sensitive skin. Ben reaches behind his back and grasps the cotton t-shirt, pulling it over his head and off in one smooth motion.
God, he’s beautiful. I mean, really beautiful. I trace the lines and ridges of his broad shoulders and chest with my eyes down to his toned abdomen. He stares up at me with his big brown eyes, begging me to let him touch me without making a sound. I cup his face in mine and he leans into my touch.
“On your feet.”
His shoulders slump in defeat. He’s so used to getting what he wants, denying him would be amusing if I weren’t also punishing myself. He stands and hovers inches away from me. We’re not touching in any way, but the tension radiating between us feels like an embrace.
Slowly, I bring my hands to the waist of his jeans.
My fingers graze his tight stomach and he reacts like I’ve just given him an electric shock.
I undo the button on his jeans. It takes me a minute to push the zipper down over the erection that’s made a tent in his pants and he stifles a groan as my fingers make contact.
I push the jeans down over his hips and ass, taking his black boxer briefs with them. They slide down his muscular legs and he steps out of them with ease.
We stand there, slightly breathless, staring at each other. With the exception of my bra, we’re both naked. I can feel my pulse pound in my neck, my wrists, and between my thighs.
I take Ben’s cock in my hand and stroke it once, base to tip. He grunts like he’s in pain as he leans forward, bracing his forearms on either side of my face against the wall.
“Still like it when I’m in charge?” I tease, pumping him again.
He hisses out a laugh. His eyes are squeezed tight as though he’s trying not to completely come undone. “I want you to get what you want. Whatever that is, Madness. Even if it kills me.”
I believe him. I know in my heart there is nothing I could ask that this man wouldn’t deliver or die trying.
“I want you to pick me up and take me right here.”
“Thank fuck.”
Before I know it, I’m being lifted up and pressed against the cool wall. I wrap my arms around his neck as he spreads my knees wide and positions himself between them. I barely have time to say his name before he slides into me, filling me so hard and fast I lose every thought in my head.
With one hand on my hip and the other, gently holding the back of my neck, he thrusts into me with long, languid strokes.
I can’t move. Can’t even arch into him. I’m pinned against the wall as he does all the work.
My first orgasm tears through me. Ben keeps moving, talking me through it, praising every gasp and moan and shudder my body gives him.
I rest my head in his neck as it subsides, though I already feel my body climbing, reaching for another. With my remaining strength, I tighten my arms around his neck and bring my mouth right to his ear.
“Good boy.”
His control snaps as his pace quickens, moving in and out of me with more force. Our movements become more frantic and wild and just before he takes me over the edge again, I give my last order.
“Come with me.”
Bliss. Blinding, raw bliss threatens to split me into a million fragments of light. Ben tenses as his release takes over and we cling to each other like survivors in a storm.
“I love you so much.” He kisses the sweat and maybe a few tears from my face.
“I love you, too.”
He continues to pepper me with kisses on my temples, nose, and neck until I start to squirm in his hold. Reluctantly, he sets me down and I reach for my clothes.
“You don’t need those,” he says.
“I don’t?”
“Nope. I’m gonna eat a banana, rehydrate, and take you to bed for round two.”
I giggle as I sneak past him. “You need to call your sister!” I call over my shoulder.
“Why?”
“Why do you think? We didn’t know where you were. I wasn’t the only one worried sick.”
“Sorry. Okay. I’ll text Beth quickly, then round two?”
“Deal.”
I make it to our room and am pulling one of Ben’s t-shirts over my head when he pokes his head in. He’s still very much naked. The softness in his gaze as he looks me over in his shirt makes me blush.
“What are you doing?” I ask.
“Can I borrow your phone to call Beth? Mine’s dead.”