Chapter 47
Rachel
Rachel lay awake in their bed, their shared bed in their shared apartment, staring at the ceiling.
Mac was asleep beside her, one arm thrown over her waist, his breathing deep and even.
Her phone sat on the nightstand, Brad's text still unread but not deleted.
She should block the number. Should delete the message. Should choose Mac and their future over her past.
But her finger hovered over Brad's name, unable to make the decision.
What if Brad had answers? What if meeting him would finally give her closure?
Or what if it would destroy everything she'd built with Mac?
Rachel turned to look at Mac sleeping peacefully beside her. She didn't want to hurt him.
But she also didn't know if she could move forward without knowing the truth fully.
Mr. Darcy jumped onto the bed, curling against Rachel's side with a concerned purr.
Even the cat knew something was wrong.
Rachel closed her eyes and tried to sleep.
Rachel woke up to find Mac already gone from their bed, their bed, she was still getting used to that, and the smell of something burning coming from the kitchen.
She found Mac standing over the stove, glaring at what looked like charcoal that might have once been toast.
"I was trying to make you breakfast," Mac said, looking defeated. "Surprise breakfast in bed to celebrate your first official morning living here."
"That's sweet." Rachel wrapped her arms around him from behind. "But maybe we should stick to cereal for now."
"I can make cereal without burning it," Mac said confidently.
"Let's not test that theory."
They ate cereal together at the small kitchen table, Mr. Darcy winding between their legs demanding attention, Puck watching from his perch on the windowsill.
"The cats are getting along," Rachel observed.
"They've established a treaty. Mr. Darcy gets the bedroom, Puck gets the living room, and they share the kitchen on alternating hours." Mac grinned. "Very diplomatic."
Rachel’s phone buzzed on the table.
Another text from Brad's number.
Brad-the-jerk: Rachel, I know you're probably scared to respond. But please. I need to explain what happened back then. I was wrong about so many things. Can we talk? One coffee. That's all I'm asking.
Rachel stared at the text, her stomach churning.
Mac noticed. He went still, his spoon hovering over his bowl. "Another text from Brad?"
"He says he was wrong about things. That he needs to explain." Rachel set her phone down carefully, her hand trembling slightly.
Mac set his spoon down. The clink against the ceramic bowl sounded incredibly loud in the quiet kitchen. "What do you want to do?"
"I don't know." Rachel looked at her coffee. "Part of me wants to ignore him. But part of me... I spent years believing I was the problem, Mac. That I was too clingy, too boring, too much. What if Brad can tell me what really happened?"
"That's possible," Mac said, his voice tight. "But Rachel, what if this is exactly what Derek wants? To pull you back into that trauma? To hurt you again?"
"I know. I've thought about that." Rachel met his eyes. "But what if I don't go and spend the rest of my life wondering? What if Brad has answers that could help me finally let go of all that shame?"
Mac stood up. He walked to the window, staring out at the street, his shoulders tense. "And if I asked you not to go? If I told you I have a bad feeling about this? That I'm terrified he will hurt you again?"
Rachel's chest tightened. "Then I'd tell you that I hear you. That I know you’re trying to protect me. But that I still need to do this."
Mac turned around. He looked wrecked. Not angry, just terrified.
"Rachel," he said, his voice rough. "Do you have any idea what it does to me? Watching you walk back toward the people who destroyed you? It’s like watching you walk into a burning building and being told I can't pull you out."
"I have to walk into it, Mac. To prove I can walk out again."
"I know." He ran a hand through his messy hair, gripping the back of his neck. "I know you do. And that’s the problem."
"What is?"
"I can't watch it." Mac grabbed his jacket from the back of the chair.
His movements were jerky. "I can't sit here and watch you text him back. If I stay, I’m going to try to stop you. I’m going to argue and plead and try to control the situation to keep you safe.
And I promised I wouldn't do that to you. "
"Mac—"
"I love you," he said, his eyes burning into hers. "I love you enough to know that you need to do this. But I love you too much to sit in the front row and watch it happen."
He walked to the door, his hand pausing on the knob.
"I need to go to the rink," he said, his voice hollow. "I need to burn off this energy before I do something stupid like drive to Burlington and punch Brad myself."
"You're leaving?"
"I'm stepping back. Because if I stay right now, my fear is going to make this harder for you. And you need to be focused." He looked at her one last time, his expression a mix of love and absolute terror. "Just... please come back to me. Okay?"
"I will."
"Okay."
The door closed behind him.
Rachel sat alone at their kitchen table, staring at Brad's text. Mac hadn't left because he was mad. He’d left because he loved her too much to stand in her way, even when it was killing him.
Was she being brave? Or was she breaking his heart?
She didn't know anymore.
Mac
Mac arrived at the rink to find Cole already there, skating alone with aggressive precision.
"You're here early," Mac called out, lacing up his skates.
"Couldn't sleep. Ellie's stressed about the licensing board hearing. I needed to work off some energy." Cole noticed Mac's expression. "You okay?"
"Rachel's probably going to meet Brad Reese. For coffee. To get closure.'"
Cole stopped skating. "How do you feel about that?"
"Terrified. Angry. Guilty for feeling angry." Mac stepped onto the ice. "I told her I thought it was a bad idea. That I was worried. She said she understands but needs to do it anyway."
"Did you tell her not to go?"
"Kind of... She said she still needed to." Mac skated slowly. "And she's right, you know? She's an adult. She gets to make her own choices. I can't tell her what to do."
"But you wish she'd chosen differently."
"Yeah." Mac's voice was hollow. "I wish my feelings were enough to make her reconsider. And that makes me feel like shit because I know that's not fair."
Cole skated over. "Mac, be honest with me. Are you worried Brad's going to hurt Rachel? Or are you worried she still has feelings for him?"
Mac stopped. "Both. I'm worried Brad's going to manipulate her again. That Derek orchestrated this whole thing to destroy what we have. But yeah, I'm also scared she's going to see him and realize I'm not enough."
"That's honest."
"Brad was her first serious relationship. They were engaged." Mac's voice cracked. "What if seeing him again makes her realize she never got over him?"
"Then she wasn't ready for you," Cole said gently. "But Mac, I don't think that's what's happening. Rachel's not meeting Brad because she still loves him. She's meeting him because she needs answers. There's a difference."
"What if getting those answers means wanting him back?"
Cole didn't have an answer for that.
They skated in silence for a while, both working through their anxieties.
"Did I do the right thing?" Mac asked finally. "Telling her I was scared and then leaving anyway?"
"I don't know," Cole admitted. "But you were honest about your feelings. You didn't try to control her. That's something."
"Doesn't feel like enough."
"It never does."
Jamie arrived an hour later, looking troubled.
"Why is everyone at the rink on our day off?" Jamie asked, dropping his bag.
"Cole's stressed about Ellie. I'm stressed about Rachel meeting her ex." Mac skated over. "What's your excuse?"
"Leah texted me this morning. She's coming to visit next month." Jamie pulled out his skates. "Sophie saw the text at the café and got weird about it."
"Weird how?"
"Short answers. Snippy. Then she left without even bringing me my coffee." Jamie laced up aggressively. "I don't get it. Sophie's made it clear she's not interested. But every time I mention Leah, she acts upset."
Mac and Cole exchanged a knowing look.
"What?" Jamie asked.
"Nothing," Mac said. "... maybe you should talk to Sophie. Actually talk. Not assume."
"And risk making things awkward? No thanks." Jamie started skating. "I'm with Leah. Sophie will get over whatever this is. Everything will be fine."
Mac and Cole watched him go.
"Everything will not be fine," Cole said.
"Nope," Mac agreed. "That's going to explode."
Mac skated another lap, his mind still on Rachel. On Brad. On the choice she'd made that he couldn't change.
He'd been honest with her. He'd told her he was scared. So why did it still feel like he'd failed?