Chapter 12 Belle
Belle
Okay, so hear me out. Yes, I researched how to break up with Alex and had finally decided that it was time for us to end things but…
“Are you coming?” Alex asked, heading toward the ski lift. “I need to make sure I’m back down the mountain in time to get set up in the lodge for my call.”
Yep, he was still working. And yep, I was still a coward. As much as I was annoyed with him, I was even more annoyed at myself.
In my defense, I had tried to talk to him last night after dinner with his parents, but he’d kept going on and on about how tired he was and how exhausting it was to be so good at his job.
I’ll admit that my attempt was halfhearted, but I figured I could break up with him in the morning when he wasn’t so tired.
So how come I was now skiing with him as his girlfriend instead of his ex-girlfriend?
Yeah, I was confused by it myself. There just hadn’t been any time.
First it was breakfast with his parents, then it was off to renting ski gear, and now we were on the mountain.
And I really loved skiing and rarely got the opportunity to do it.
I figured I’d let myself enjoy skiing for a couple hours and then break things off after his work call.
So here I was. Still technically in a relationship, still dodging the breakup conversation, still clinging to the excuse of “timing” like it was a valid reason.
The skiing itself was fun, with snow-dusted trees, powdery trails, and the occasional thrill of speed, but even the gorgeous view couldn’t distract me from the pit in my stomach. Or the way Alex kept pulling way ahead, barely glancing back to check if I was keeping up.
When we got to the bottom of the hill, Alex took off his helmet and goggles. “Let’s head into the lodge. You can rest so we can hit the run again, and maybe then you can keep up,” he said, adding a wink as if that would make his rude comment go over better.
How had I ever liked him? Had I been at such a low point in my life that I had thought trying to get a guy like him to like me would prove something?
Ugh. That was a hard realization to swallow.
I used to be so confident and sure of myself, but trying to be a photographer in New York City sure had beaten me down.
I don’t think I’d realized how deep a hole I’d fallen into, and meeting Alex, him offering to help me get a better job, had felt like him throwing down a rope.
Although I was doing well with my job now, it wasn’t what I wanted to be doing. Architectural photography wasn’t where my heart was. Now I found myself working a job I didn’t enjoy and dating a guy I enjoyed even less.
And can we talk about the wink he’d given me? Yuck. It’s a rare guy who could pull off the wink, and Alex was not one of them.
I bet Holden could, I thought.
But let’s be honest—I didn’t think there was anything Holden couldn’t do that he wouldn’t look good doing it. Yeah, he was that kind of guy.
We entered the lodge, and Alex immediately veered toward a corner chair to take his call, but I didn’t follow. Instead, I turned in the opposite direction and made a beeline for the hot chocolate bar.
The line was surprisingly short, and I quickly placed my order.
I took the cup between my hands, letting the warmth seep into my fingers as I wandered toward the fireplace glowing near the back of the lodge.
I hovered for a second, debating whether to snag one of the big leather chairs, when I heard a familiar voice.
“Hey.”
I turned, and there he was. Holden.
He was dressed in sleek black ski gear with his goggles pushed up on his head, cheeks flushed from the cold, and that easy, crooked smile that made something flutter in my chest.
“Hi.” I tried to not sound breathless, but I wasn’t quite successful at it.
He looked good. Really good. So good I wished I could do an hour-long photo shoot of him. And I was way too happy to see him.
“Are you planning to sit alone?” he asked, and I thought I heard a hint of hope in his voice.
“Yes,” I smiled, way too big for someone who had planned to sit alone. “Do you want to join me?”
“Yeah.” He pointed over to the hot chocolate stand. “Let me grab a drink, and I’ll be right back.”
I claimed one of the leather chairs and waited for Holden to return, really glad I happened to be in the lodge instead of still on the slopes.
As he stood in line at the hot chocolate stand, he turned to glance back at me and caught me watching him. Instead of looking away like a normal person, I held his gaze, unable to look away.
He didn’t look away either. Just flashed me a lopsided grin and turned back around.
My stomach did an unhelpful little flip. I needed to break up with my boyfriend. Stat.
Not to go running into Holden’s arms, of course, but I definitely shouldn’t be having these kinds of feelings for someone else while I was still in a relationship. I was getting more and more determined by the minute to end things as soon as possible.
Holden returned a minute later and dropped into the seat beside me, long legs stretched out, a bit of snow still clinging to the cuff of his pants.
We sipped in silence for a minute, the crackle of the fire filling the space between us. It was a cozy kind of quiet, not awkward. I could almost forget the complicated web we were tangled in. Almost.
He turned his head toward me. “So…skiing with Alex. Not the thrilling romantic adventure you were hoping for?” He glanced over at Alex, who was sitting in the corner, still talking on the phone.
I exhaled a breath. “Not exactly. Although anything romantic between us seems to have disappeared a long time ago.”
Holden’s brows lifted slightly, surprised. He didn’t say anything at first, just nodded slowly, like he was trying to figure out what to do with that information.
“You know,” he said finally, “I didn’t think you’d actually admit that.”
I glanced down at my cup, swirling the whipped cream with the wooden stir stick. “I probably wouldn’t have yesterday.”
He smiled softly, a flicker of something unreadable in his eyes. “Well…I’m glad you did.”
A silence settled between us again, not as comfortable this time. I could feel the weight of his gaze, feel him trying to decide whether to say something more.
“You and Alex don’t seem close,” I said, needing to fill the space with something other than the racing of my heart.
Holden let out a dry laugh. “That’s generous. We tolerate each other at best.”
I tilted my head toward him. “Why? Just personality differences or…”
He looked toward the fire, jaw tightening for a moment before he spoke. “Our moms are sisters. Maggie is the reason I even exist, technically.”
That surprised me. “What do you mean?”
“My dad bailed when my mom found out she was pregnant. Didn’t want anything to do with her or me. My mom…didn’t take it well. She blamed me. Always saying that I ruined her life.”
My chest ached. “Holden…”
He shrugged like it didn’t matter, but his grip on his cup betrayed him.
“Maggie was the one who talked her out of—” He stopped short, lips pressing into a tight line before continuing.
“Out of getting rid of me. Then when things got bad—when my mom started going out all night, forgetting to feed me, forgetting to come home—Maggie stepped in. She put me in hockey. Drove me to all my practices. Made sure I had equipment, food, and a jacket that fit.”
I didn’t say anything. There wasn’t anything to say.
“She’s the only reason I didn’t end up completely messed up.” He smirked faintly. “Well, more messed up.”
“She’s an incredible woman.” And I meant that. She was the only thing I would miss about dating Alex.
“She is,” he agreed. “But Alex always hated that she spent so much time helping me. He thought I was just some charity case she dragged around.”
I blinked, trying to take it all in. “No wonder you like to keep people at arm’s length.”
He glanced at me then, something guarded in his expression. “Yeah, well. Growing up being told you’re the reason your parent’s life fell apart doesn’t exactly set you up to believe people will stick around.”
My heart twisted, but before I could say anything else, he straightened and nudged my knee lightly with his.
“Anyway,” he said, abruptly lighter, “we should go do a ski run. I’ve got a reputation to uphold as your personal vacation backup plan.”
I blinked at the sudden shift, but I saw the self-protective glint in his eyes and understood. He’d said all he could for now.
I smiled and stood, grabbing my gloves. “Well, if you’re offering…”
Holden stood too, taking my now-empty cup and throwing it away in a nearby garbage can.
He held out his arm toward the door to have me lead the way. “Don’t say I never did anything for you, Rudolph.”
I rolled my eyes at his reference to when he’d put red frosting on my nose.
Gosh, that seemed like a lifetime ago. Had it really only been two days since our frosting fight? It had felt like we had known each other so much longer.
Holden held open the door for me, and the cold hit my cheeks the second we stepped outside.
“You sure you want to do this?” I asked, glancing up at him. “I don’t want to mess up your day.” He probably had better things to do than babysit his cousin’s girlfriend.
He looked over, one brow raised. “You’re not messing up anything. I’m voluntarily skiing with a beautiful woman. Sounds like a win to me.”
My blush was instant, but hopefully it could be passed off as a response to the cold instead of his compliment.
Once we reached the lift, Holden helped me clip in without even asking, checking to make sure everything was adjusted just right. It was a small thing, but it felt…nice. Thoughtful.
Alex had barely looked up from his phone when we’d gotten ready earlier.
The chairlift swept us up the mountain, trees and snow and sun all blending into something postcard-perfect. We sat in companionable silence, our arms brushing lightly every time the wind rocked the chair.
At the top, he glanced down the slope and then back at me. “You good with blues?”
“Yeah, blues are perfect.”
We pushed off together, and right away I noticed the difference.
With Alex, skiing felt like keeping up. Like chasing.
With Holden, it felt like moving together. Like flying.
He wasn’t showing off or rushing ahead. He stayed just a little ahead of me but always turned to check on me, slowing when I needed to slow, adjusting when I wobbled.
And when I caught a patch of ice and yelped, he was there instantly, skiing backward for a few seconds just to make sure I was okay.
We coasted to a stop at the bottom, and I looked over at him, heart pounding—not from the run, but from him. From how easy it had been. How fun.
“That was actually really great,” I said, trying to sound casual and not emotionally overwhelmed.
Holden gave me a wry smile, one brow raised. “Actually?”
I laughed, still breathless. “It was a little different from my earlier runs today.”
“So you’re saying I’m the superior ski partner?” he asked with a knowing smile.
“You are,” I admitted. “But don’t let it go to your head.”
“No promises.” He raised both hands in mock surrender, a smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth.
His eyes locked with mine again, and just like in the lodge, I couldn’t look away. There was something in his gaze that made me feel like we were the only people on the mountain.
The moment stretched between us, quiet and electric. Like we were standing on the edge of something big, something that could change everything if we let it.
But it couldn’t be a moment. This was Holden.
Holden, who happened to be my boyfriend’s cousin.
Holden, who wasn’t mine to fall for.
And yet, standing there with him, heart racing and breath caught in my throat, I felt like I was poised at the top of a run I wasn’t ready for, terrified to push off, but even more afraid I already had.