Chapter 27
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
YORICK
I fret over what else to do for Johnny, but Atticus assures me he just needs some rest and pulls me off to his room. As soon as we’re there, he sits me down on the bed and starts again with a thorough investigation. I feel like I even get some of my hair parted.
“Are you looking for fleas? Because I suddenly feel like a dog at the vets,” I tease.
“What? No! Did he hurt you?”
“No. I promise you, he did not hurt me at all. He was like ‘look at me, I’m amazing’ and then he let us go to a room where Julian and I sat and waited.”
“And then he just let you go?”
“Yes.”
Atticus sighs, and I know that I need to tell him the truth before it eats away at me.
After all these years, it’s finally plain to see that he cares about me, but the moment I expose the truth, he’s going to hate me and refuse to interact with me.
He’ll probably never want to see me again and will push me away for real this time.
Can I live without him?
“What happened?” he asks, his expression turning dark. “He did something to you, didn’t he?”
“No.”
“I can tell you’re lying by the look on your face. Did he say something to you?”
“It wasn’t… he didn’t…” I bite my lip and look away. “I just…”
“What did he do?” he asks, a bite to his words. I’m afraid that if I don’t answer this right, he’ll run off and take on Morpheus without even waiting for an explanation.
“He didn’t do anything… not… really. It was me. I did it.”
“Did what?”
I don’t want Atticus to hate me. I don’t want this to destroy our relationship, but how could it not?
“Yorick, stop. What happened?” he asks, looking extremely concerned.
How could he be concerned about a monster like me?
How could he even care about me? He kneels in front of me and swipes a tear off my cheek, and why does that devastate me even more?
This is all I’ve ever wanted, and the only reason I’ve gained it is that I’ve deceived him.
This is why I don’t deserve him. I don’t deserve the kindness that I’ve been given.
His grip on me tightens, like he’s trying to encourage me to speak up when I can’t even find the words.
“Yorick, please, answer me. What’s going on? I can’t help you if you don’t talk to me. What did he do to you?”
“You’re going to hate me. I deserve to be hated.”
“I’m not going to hate you. Yorick, please, just talk to me. Answer me. Now.”
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. When I left your manor back when I was still human…
I fled. I promise I did, but Morpheus found me at a tavern.
He told me I had two options. I could either give him information on your whereabouts, and he’d let me stay close to you, or he’d kill me.
I refused. I told him I couldn’t betray you like that.
I couldn’t do that… I just… Then he dragged me back to you.
I didn’t want you to leave me. I didn’t know how to live without you.
I fucked up. I told him I wanted to be with you.
I fucked up. He comes to me… sometimes it’s once every few years and sometimes it’s a hundred years.
He makes me tell him where you are. He doesn’t always do anything, but he likes to keep tabs on where you live. ”
Atticus stares at me before he waves his hand. I assume it’s him planning to wave me to the door—he doesn’t even have words for me—but the hand moves in almost a “continue on” motion.
“W-What?” I ask, confused by the action.
“Get to the part that has upset you so much.”
I gape at him while I try to figure out whether I might have said all of that in my head and not out loud. “I… I just told you.”
Atticus pauses.
I pause.
His eyes search mine. “I’m sorry… you think I had no idea that you were the one telling Morpheus where I was?
How could you possibly think I didn’t know this?
It was pretty damn obvious from the day I turned you.
Don’t you remember me telling you that you were going to help me kill him because you had connections with him now? ”
My eyes widen in shock. “That’s… what you meant? In my defense, I was dying and might not have heard everything perfectly clearly, but you still could have clarified at a later point in time! You… you knew since the day I was turned?”
“If Morpheus wanted you dead, you’d have been dead.
He wanted me to turn you. That much was apparent.
I later found out that the people you stayed with kept dying because of him, because he wanted to push you toward me.
He wanted to make sure you had no one in your life but me.
So I decided that we had no choice but to play his game, to an extent.
I still knew I couldn’t let you become close to me because if you were, he’d eventually use you against me.
I needed you to rely on him, and in turn, he’d rely on you and wouldn’t hurt you.
I just couldn’t let you get too close to me… it’s why I shouldn’t let you now.”
“I’m sorry… I would like to go back to the point where I’ve been devastated about betraying you for hundreds of years and you knew.”
“I didn’t know that you didn’t know!”
I shake my head wildly. “You never fucking mentioned it!”
“Do I mention much? You’re the one always talking.”
I hesitate as I realize that maybe that’s true. But come on!
“You…” I slide off the bed and drop down into his arms, nearly knocking him down on his ass. “I… fuck. I’m so sorry for betraying you.”
“Do you think there was any other option? You think I’d have preferred you to die?
” He pushes my hair back. “How the fuck do you think I could ever be mad at you for any part of this? I’m the one he’s after.
It’s because of me that your life has been hell.
It’s because of me that people you loved died.
I think all the time about the fact that if I’d never entered your life, it would have been so much better.
I tried so hard to push you away from me, but you always came back. ”
“If you hadn’t entered my life, I’d have been dead. You gave me plenty of opportunities to pull away, but I never did. And I never will. I love you, and nothing you say is going to stop me from loving you until the day I die.”
Atticus is quiet but doesn’t push me away as I lean against him, my arms wrapped around his neck. His hands brush against me, but it seems to take him a lot of effort to slip his arms all the way around me, and when he finally does, his hold is almost painfully tight.
“I don’t care what Morpheus asks you to do, you have to do it. You have to always remain so useful to him that he would never consider removing you, do you understand?”
“Yes.”
“Even if it’ll hurt me, you still do it. Please?”
“Atticus—”
“Promise me or I’m leaving.”
“That’s not fair.”
“I think you’ve been around me long enough to know that nothing in my life is ever fair.”
I tuck my head against his neck, hoping he doesn’t choose to push me away. “Fine.”
He squeezes me tightly as the room falls into a comfortable silence. It’s almost like I’m feeling relief for the first time. I can breathe… Somehow, I can breathe.
I pull back just enough to see his expression, which is rather unreadable, before I lean in and brush my lips against his. It’s a feather-light touch, just to see what he’ll do, but when I lean back, his face shows nothing.
“You—” My words are cut off as his lips find mine and he presses a feverish kiss against them.
He lifts me up and drops me onto the bed before climbing over me.
He watches me intently for a second, and I don’t know what it is about that look, but it makes me wish I could make my clothes explode off me.
I mean, the faster we get to this, the less time he’ll have to change his mind.
I flip the button of my pants and manage to pull them halfway down my ass despite the position we’re in.
“Just put it in.”
“What?” Atticus asks.
“Your dick, my ass, now.”
“No wonder you can never get laid if this is your idea of sexy talk and foreplay,” he says.
“I have to be fast or you’ll bring me right to the edge and run off again. You’ve edged me for hundreds of years.”
“Edged… you? Are you talking about the time you crawled into my bed?”
“Of course I’m talking about that time! Wait, no, we’re wasting valuable time. Quick. Get the dick out.”
Atticus pins my hands to the mattress. It’s very assertive and extremely sexy. I wish he’d pin me to more things… the wall, the floor, the table—
“I’m not going to run off,” he assures me.
I eye him suspiciously.
He chuckles. “If this is your sexy face, I’m getting more concerned by the moment.”
“This is my ‘you’re suspicious’ face.”
“I see.”
“But joke’s on you. All of my expressions are sexy,” I inform him as he pushes a knee between my legs, easily parting them, even when my pants are still half on my ass. I feel like I’m fully at his mercy and I love it.
“Hmm. Some expressions are. Some definitely aren’t,” he says while he lifts one of the hands he’d pinned down. He kisses my palm before he nips my wrist, his fangs running down the skin but not puncturing it.
“Did you even bring lube?” he asks.
“I sure as fuck did. I bring it everywhere I go with you. Some days, I just debate pouring some on you and seeing if maybe then you’ll just accidentally stick it in.”
“Sounds plausible and sexy,” Atticus says sarcastically.
“I’m a desperate man,” I growl as he releases my left arm so his hand can dip under my shirt and slide up my skin, dragging the fabric with him.
“You’re beautiful; how have you not already been wooed by another man?” he asks.
Those words kind of startle me since I didn’t expect them from someone like Atticus. He rarely says what he actually thinks out loud.
“Because the only person I’ve always wanted has never looked my way,” I say. “And now that you’re looking at me, I’m terrified you’ll look away again.”
“I only did it to protect you… and to protect myself from the pain of losing you.”