Chapter Four
Chef
“You gotta make that girl forgive you before she’ll fall in love with you. So whatever you gotta do, you do it. She want’s you to put a butt plug with a furry tail in your ass and ask you to play big bad wolf you fucking do it,” Pops’ voice yells at me over the screen.
“Maybe just start by showing remorse,” Mad Dog says, in a normal volume.
I pause the video on my phone and lean my head on the back of the couch.
This is the third video in a series Pops sent me called How to win back the girl you fucked over because you’re a yellow-bellied pussy.
and I’m not sure if it’s working. So far all I’ve seen is terrible editing, Pops growling at me in what looks to be a basement, so not even the Rev Room, and Mad Dog dropping pearls of wisdom that seem to make sense.
I’m not sure if the vibe Pops is going for is shock and awe, or CIA brainwashing, but somewhere in my brain I can feel a plan forming.
And most of that plan stems from Mad Dog’s words.
I want to get to a place with Sage where we can build our friendship again.
Maybe in the future she’ll forgive me, maybe she’ll give me another chance.
At this point that is all I can hope for, but I understand if she doesn't. Fuck, if I were her I wouldn’t.
I’m a loser, but I think I can become someone she deserves.
I unpause the video, to see what else Pops growls at me.
“You’re a loser kid. I know it, you know it.
But you don’t have to stay a loser. I mean, you may not have it in you to be as much of a winner as me, but shit, we can’t all be me.
” He grins at the camera while Mad Dog rolls his eyes and shakes his head behind him.
“You got something better in ya, kid. You got fight. You know what it’s like to be at the bottom and have to claw your way into something you’re proud of.
I see it in you. You ain’t that trailer trash kid you once were.
You’re a fucking vet. You’ve saved lives.
You’re a mother-fucking Devil’s Rose MC brother.
You earned that, and you’ll earn Sage back.
” I swallow, the screen going blurry for a moment before Pops’ menacing face closes right in.
“Don’t fuck this up again because I will gut you. ”
“We believe in you, Chef,” Rider yells from somewhere in the background before the screen goes black.
Leaning back on the couch I let Pops’ words tumble over in my mind.
“He’s right, you know.” Rolling my head to the side I catch Vex leaning on the polished wood of the bar. “Somewhere inside, you still see the kid you were. You’re not him anymore. You’ve earned everything you have in this life, Chef.”
Swallowing, I look down at my phone on my lap. “I never earned Sage. One day I was prospecting, and the next day she was there. All shy smiles and awkward conversation.”
“How did she make you feel? Like really feel? Before you fucked up.” He asks, moving closer until he takes a seat across from me.
“At the time? She made me feel ten fucking feet tall.
Ain't no one in my life looked at me the way Sage did. Like I was somebody.” Vex nods, running a hand down his stubble.
He doesn't say anything more, just sits quietly while the silence puts my thoughts in order.
“I think that scared me a little, you know? Ain't no one looked at me like that.”
“So, instead of living up to the man she had in her mind, you cut her loose?” Vex raises his brows.
“Look man, you’re her uncle, you know she deserves better.”
“Chef, I may be her uncle, and I fucking love her, but I’m your chaplain.
You’re my brother, and what I see is a man hurtin’ from the decisions he’s made.
So, I wanna get to the bottom of why you made the choice you did.
Once you face that, you can do all the shit Mad Dog and Pops are telling you.
But until you face all that shit in your mind, you’re gonna keep drawing her close then cutting her loose, whether you want to or not.
” He sits back, eyes on me, waiting for my next move.
The problem is, the next move would be diving into some shit I don’t want to talk about. Shit that makes my chest tight and it’s not even a fucking big deal. There are brothers here who had it way fucking worse than me growing up and yet here I am, acting like a fucking pussy.
“Brother,” my gaze meets Vex’s. “I got you.”
I take a breath and let it out, moving my gaze to the back wall, not wanting to look at Vex while I talk.
“You know I grew up in a shit trailer park, right? We were dirt poor, man. My parents were all fucked up. They lived in trailers next to each other because they couldnt stop fucking cheating.” I finally look at Vex, “Do you know I’m the only kid that looks like me?
I’m a fucking black man, dude. Do you know what it was like being the only black kid in those trailers?
Shared between parents that fucking hated each other but wouldnt stop having kids together?
I don’t know who my real father is. Most of my siblings treated me like shit because that’s how our dad treated me.
Kids at school knew we were fucked up and would get on our cases because we were poor.
Wore hand me downs, had no food. When the water was out we’d stink.
I got taken away once when the hygiene got real bad one part there.
They gave me to a real nice older black lady.
She taught me how to take care of my hair.
First time anybody cared to help with my texture.
Then the system up and placed me back in that trailer park.
” I take a breath after all that word vomit, chest tight.
“And you fought to get out of there. Now you wear some of the nicest clothes I’ve seen on a brother.
Your room is neat as a pin, and fuck, you smell good.
” I huff out a laugh even though my memories are still there, lingering.
“The man you are now, isn’t that kid that was picked on.
You’re more than that.” He narrows his eyes for a moment.
“Lemme guess, even though your siblings are shit you still made sure they were fed? You made sure the little ones got to school and were looked after?”
I swallow, looking at my hands before nodding. “I wasn’t the only one that was given shit all the time. I have a little sister, Hannah, she had it rough too.”
“She have the same father as you?”
“Nah, I’m pretty sure her dad is Asian. She’s beautiful, but she had it rough too. We’d stick together.” My lips tug up thinking about Hannah. She was tiny, but shit she had fire. She was the only one who really had my back.
“Where’s Hannah now?”
My lips tug up into a real smile. “She’s a dermatologist in Dallas. Living the high life. She has a real nice fiancé and she’s really made something of herself.”
Vex nods once before standing and slapping me on the shoulder. “So have you, Chef. You just gotta look around. Sage sees you, brother. You just gotta see yourself. You won't get Sage back until you do.”
I sit for a moment in silence, the only sound in the room is the noise from the kitchen where TumTum is clattering around and singing off key.
“Yo, we’re gonna take Sage’s car to your new place. May as well grab your shit and we’ll drop everything off at once,” Saint says, walking through the common room on the way to the door.
Looking down at my one duffel bag on the ground I scoop it up, following him, Omen and Vex out the doors to a cute little Toyota Yaris.
“Cute car.”
“Yeah and a fucking tight squeeze so, good luck.” Omen laughs as he hot foots it to the front passenger seat, leaving me to squeeze into the tiny fucking back seat. “Watch your feet,” he says as he pulls the lever and rams the front seat into my shins. “Oops, my bad.”
He and Saint share a look before they burst into laughter at my expense. I mean, shit, I guess I deserve it, but still. I’m fucking raw after that talk with Vex and all I want to do is climb into bed and make a plan. A plan to grovel on my fucking knees.
“We’ll stop fucking with ya once you do right by Sage,” Omen says, waving to some of the Keep guests as Saint drives the Yaris over the path and grass. “You do want her back, right?”
“I should never have let her go. I was a fucking idiot.”
“Yup,” Omen replies, popping the “p”.
We drive in silence for a beat, each of us in our own thoughts. Mine on Sage, Vex’s probably on his family, and, well, I’m not actually sure what Saint and Omen think about other than gators.
“What in the hell is going on here?” Saint mutters as he peers out of the windshield.
Sage
“Why are you moving so slow?” Damian asks around the toothpick in his mouth.
“Why do you weigh so much?” I grunt out, hands wrapped around Damian’s ankles. “Seriously, dude, you have to be like 250lbs.”
He makes a screeching noise, “How dare you? I’m built like a swimmer.”
“If that swimmer was a hippo,” Joe grunts and I lose my balance when I burst into laughter.
“Chop chop, mon cher,” Damian demands, wiggling his boot in the air.
I take hold of his ankles again, eyeing Joe who has Damian’s wrists. Justice is sitting on the porch steps sceptically watching us try to move Damian’s limp body while Loyal giggles next to him.
“Don’t look at us like that, Justice,” I scold, managing to get Damian’s fat ass off the ground enough to be able to drag him a little more comfortably.
“You can do it!” One of Vex and Loyal’s twins yells out. I have no idea which one it is, Addy or Bree, but I figure I’ll have enough time to figure it out. One is definitely quieter than the other, so I see that as a good way to tell them apart.
“What are y’all doin’?” Saint asks, leaning back against my car. Huh, I didn’t even hear them pull up.
Damian angles his head up., “They’re auditioning for the place of second best friend. One of the challenges is to be able to move a dead body.”
Chef raises his brow in that judgey way he does. “Why would they need to be able to move a body?”