Chapter Twelve
Chef
“Why the fuck is he so bad at this?” Pops groans from his position on the inflatable riding dick. “Like, how the fuck did you get Sage to fall in love with you the first time?”
I raise my head from the back of the couch where I crashed after the third hour of Pops’ lessons. Everyone else has gone to bed, Mad Dog is asleep next to me, and Rider is in the kitchen looking for leftovers because the other three helpings he had obviously weren't enough.
“I don’t know. We just spent time together, became friends? I don’t know!”
“Pheromones,” Rider says around a mouthful of sausage. “That's the only explanation. Your stank matched her stank and boom! You’re together.” He looks at me thoughtfully. “Did your stank change?”
“I don’t think so?”
“Well, regardless of stank, you’re marrying my grandbaby in -” Pops’ gaze shoots to the clock overhead, “ten hours. And you have no vows, not special words. Nothing. And then to make matters worse you have no plan on how to keep Sage other than ‘do nice things for her’. Fucking pitiful,” Pops spits.
“I just don’t know what to do. Or say. She didn’t even want this wedding! The marriage is to keep that fucker whatshisface off her back. She would have been happier to marry TumTum!” I bitch.
“I’m a good choice,” he says from out of nowhere, making all of us jump.
“Fuck’s sake, Jimmy! I’m old!” Pops growls.
“You’re not that old,” TumTum says, waving a hand at him before he points a sausage in my direction. “You know her man. Better than anyone. You got that dress for her, you buy her flowers all the time. You know when to be up in her business and when to pull back. You got it.”
“Aw, thanks man.”
“Aw, thanks man,” Pops mocks and I’ve about had enough of his shit. I’m tired. Grumpy. And dare I say it, fucking nervous.
I shoot Pops daggers. “Why are you up my ass about this?”
“Why am I up your ass? Why am I up your ass? Oh, because you didn’t see what Sage was like after you fucked things up.
You didn’t see her lose her fucking light and become someone I almost didn’t recognize.
She was always quiet, but after you left?
She barely fucking spoke you absolute douche canoe.
” He lets out a breath. “That is why I’m up your ass, Sunshine.
I know that you fucking love that woman.
But that isn’t enough for me. You loved her before and you fucked that all up.
” He jabs a finger at me. “So, you’re going to work your ass off to prove to me, to God, and to every other fucker in attendance tomorrow that you not only love her, but that you’ll fucking worship the ground she walks on for the rest of her life.
Because you know what?” I shake my head, unable to form words after all the arrows he’s aimed at me.
“A woman only gets to have the experience of walking down that aisle for the first time once in her life. Sure she can get married as many times as she likes, but that first time? That’s the big one.
And this whole wedding might be a bullshit way to keep her safe, but -” He stares me straight in the eye, “there is a teeny tiny possibility that you play your cards right and you get to keep her. Forever. So you’ll want this wedding to be fucking perfect.
Right down to your dumb ass standing there watching your future walking toward you. ”
“Whoa,” TumTum breathes.
“And that is why he is the Love Prez,” Rider crows.
“So, kid. You gonna do this, or am I gonna have to fuck you up?”
I stare at Pops, the twinkle in his eye growing the longer I stare at him. “There is no future for me without Sage in it.”
“Obviously. Now, back to the beginning. Tell me all the reasons why a peckerhead like you deserves a woman like Sage.”
“I don’t-”
“Don’t start that shit! I don’t want the sob story of a man who whines about not deserving a woman. I want the story of the man standing in front of me willing to fight for his woman. Why?!”
“Because I’d fight to the fucking death to keep her safe!
” I yell, exasperated. “Because I would fucking crawl through broken glass to see her smile at me. Because I’d work my ass off to give her everything her fucking heart desired.
Because I have to live up to the image of the man she sees when she looks at me.
Because she fucking deserves me to be better! ” I roar, jolting Mad Dog awake.
“Damn, Chef,” Rider murmurs as Pops’ smile grows.
“There he is. The man that will marry my grandbaby.” Pops nods with approval. “Now, go get some sleep. You look like shit.”
The Mole
“Where. Is. Benjamin?” The voice growls over the phone and I have to remember that I’m safe. For now at least.
“I don’t know. I went to the meeting point and he never showed up. But,” I swallow, my hand on my throat, my pulse thundering beneath my fingers. “They, um, they found body parts. Last night.”
I brace for the yelling, the snarling, the belittling. The words that cut like a knife because I can’t do anything right.
“How?”
“I’m not sure. All I know is there were some parts found in the gator rescue place.”
“The what?” his voice snarls down the line so clearly that it feels like he’s in the room with me.
I take a deep breath, then exhale, steadying my voice. “The Landrys. They have their gator rescue here. I think, um, maybe Benjamin didn’t remember the right way in.”
The other end of the call is so silent that I think perhaps he’s gone. He’s going to leave me alone for another day or so. Another day before he calls me wanting to know everything about the people who have been nothing but kind to me.
“The wedding?”
“It’s meant to be today, but I don’t know if it’ll go ahead after what happened. I don’t really know anything.”
There is nothing but breathing on the other end of the line, and I know he’s displeased with me. “One more.”
“One more?”
“Yes. For every moment in which you cause me displeasure, I will offer your daughter to one more man who will take his time to break her. You are at three men already. Do not make me add another to the lot your precious little girl will have to endure on your behalf.”
“Yessir.”
The phone goes dead and so does my heart. For every scrap of information I don’t give to Ashfall the worse it gets.
“Knock, knock!” A cheery voice jolts me out of my thoughts and I almost want to run away and hide. “Hey! Don’t forget the wedding today! It’s at 2pm so I’ll see you there!”
Dammit. I wave at Joe through the window of the cabin the Keep gave me and I push all the feelings down into a dark place where they can’t affect me.
I have a job to do here. One that will set me free.
I don’t have the option to form bonds with the Keep.
No matter how kind they are, how willing they are to help me and my daughter, in a choice between them and me? I’ll choose me and my baby every time.
Sage
“Oh Saaaage! Your wedding party is here!” Damian sing songs as he bursts into my room, flinging the curtains open.
I don’t even bother answering, I just growl.
I’m tired and cranky this morning. Not from drinking too much last night.
More likely from, oh I don’t know, finding body parts all fucked up in the gator rehabilitation centre or whatever Vex calls it.
If there was ever an omen to say this was a bad idea, that would have been it.
“Hey girl, you ready for this?” Joe says cheerily as she walks in wearing a robe that is so colorful it hurts my eyes.
“Can you say that a little louder? I can’t hear you over your robe,” I sass, grinning at her from my prone position.
“Ha. Ha,” Joe replies in a bored voice.
“Right, we have all the pamper things we could ever need. I have the makeup, nails and hair stuff right here,” Loyal says, dragging in what looks like some type of fancy airline luggage.
“What?” I ask, blinking from her to the rolling case behind her. “Did you go to beauty school or something?”
Loyal laughs prettily, because of course she does, before waving a hand at herself. “Eden’s Keep born and bred, remember? I don’t know how to use any of this stuff. Luckily for us, Damian does.”
I stare at Damian who gives me a finger wave. “Lemme guess, you worked at a hair salon your maman owned or something?”
“Close.” Damian grins. “Sometimes I help Maman with the dearly departed when the funeral home gets a lil’ too busy.”
“Oh my god,” Loyal whispers and Joe rolls her lips between her teeth.
“Well, then,” I say, at a loss for words.
“Why don’t you shower and then we can get started?” Loyal suggests, whipping my blankets off me, leaving me exposed in an old shirt of Chef’s and my underwear.
“Oh, ah, maybe defuzz a little while you're at it, cher,” Damian says, judging my stubbly legs.
“I am going to. But I’m not doing it because you told me to!” I yell at Damian over my shoulder while I head to the one and only bathroom in the house.
I turn on the water and wait for it to heat up, sitting on the toilet lid, thinking about what today will entail.
There won’t be any vows. Surely. I mean, what are we going to say?
That you love him. I frown down at my stubble covered legs at that thought.
Do I still love him? Did I ever stop loving him?
I feel like I did. That the anger made it impossible to love him.
And I know that deep down I have big feelings for Chef, but it doesn't feel like it did before. Ugh. I’m already sick of myself and being in my own head.
I have bigger things to worry about than vows at a fake wedding. Then why does it feel so real?
I growl and step into the shower, hoping the water will drown out the voices in my head. I lather up, then look at the razor taunting me from the shower shelf.
“Ugh, fine. I’ll do it.”
“Thank you!” Damian’s voice booms from what feels like just outside the door and I let out a screech. “Make it quick! I have work to do!”
*****
“OK, now that you’re all washed and moisturized to within an inch of your life, how do you feel?” Joe asks, giving me a solemn look.
“I feel slippery. And near nude,” I reply from my spot on the bed in a robe with nothing underneath.
“Good. Now lie down.” Damian says, looming over me with a makeup brush in hand.
“Excuse me?” I ask, clasping my robe tighter to me.
Damian clicks his tongue. “ I can’t do this if you sittin’ there.”
“Sitting where? On my bed? Do you need me in a chair?”
“Baby, you gotta lie down if you want me to work my magic. Helps if you pretend you're dead, too.”
I stare at him wide eyed, before darting my gaze to Joe and Loyal who look like they’re going to piss themselves laughing at any moment.
I let out a long sigh. I mean, at least I get to lie back down. Maybe I’ll even take a little nap. “Fine. You win. Just, don’t do anything too weird.”
“You mean weirder than making you pretend you’re dead so he can make you look hot for your fake wedding?” Loyal asks, her lips pinched to keep from laughing.
“Something like that,” I reply, waving my hand in the air as I lay back on my bed, hands clasped on my chest in the perfect death pose.
“Just. Like. That,” Damian murmurs.
I lie as still as I can, concentrating on my breathing and not at all on the swirling emotions making my gut feel like there are angry chickens flapping around in there.
“So, cher, how you feeling?” Damian asks the question I keep asking myself.
“Confused. Scared. Excited,” I murmur, using as little lip movement as possible.
Someone, I’m guessing, Loyal, grasps my hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. “I know you don’t want to do this. I know it’s a means to an end. But,” I hear her swallow, “Do you love him?”
I lie as still as I can while my mind whirrs.
Voicing my thoughts has never been something I was good at, but maybe sharing will help me figure out what the hell is going on with me.
“I loved him so much and he broke my heart. Then I hated him. Now,” I swallow, “now everything feels different. And not in a bad way.”
“Oohh child, OK. Let’s work through that,” Joe says and I feel her weight settle on the bed on the other side of me. “What was your love like before?”
“Sweet. Gentle. Hot.” The words tumble out of me.
“Ahhhh,” Damian murmurs. “Young love.”
“Yep,” Joe agrees. “It’s new, fresh, everything feels so damn intense. Like if you could crawl inside their skin you would. Like you’d do anything for them. Put their needs before yours because all you can think about is how much you love them and want them to be happy.”
I freeze, because, shit, she’s not wrong. I loved Chef so much that I would have done anything for him. So much that I think I went along with things just to make him happy. Not that he asked me to, I just preempted his needs because I wanted to make him happy.
“Oh, she’s quiet. I think you got her,” Loyal’s teasing voice says.
“Um, yeah, it was just like that. I guess that’s why when he broke up with me and left it hurt so much. I just couldn't figure out what I did wrong.”
“And then?” Joe prompts.
“And then I realised I wasn't the problem. And that made me angry. And then I saw him get shot and fight for his life and all that anger just… went away. And I got scared. Don’t get me wrong, he still pisses me off every now and then, but it’s not the same.”
“Good. And now? What do you feel now when you look at him? When you spend time with him?”
“I feel safe. And loved,” I whisper the end, because I guess I don’t want to let myself believe it too much, just in case.
“And what do you think he feels when he looks at you, cher?”
“Hopefully the same,” I reply softly.
“That sounds a lot like love, Sage,” Joe whispers before pressing a kiss to the top of my head. “And, at the risk of ruining our little chat, you look fucking amazing for a dead girl.”
I snort and hope that I haven’t ruined whatever Damian has done to me. “All done, cher.”
I sit up slowly so as not to get a headrush, then give my friends a grateful smile before looking in the mirror Loyal is holding up.
“Holy fucking shit on a cracker!”