Tamsin
My mom is angry with me. I don’t think I’ve seen her this angry since the time she caught my brother with matches.
At first, she reprimanded me for being rude to a guest. I argued back about setting me up with a man who kills people for a living for his family…we all know that means organized crime.
She countered with the fact that no one would be getting killed at all if they weren’t bad people to begin with. I pointed out that it’s not for anyone else to decide that. Moral codes do not make it okay to kill people.
Mom then went on to tell me about how happy Sammie and Delilah are, along with Kimmie and Daisy, and how the Federov’s look after their women, and that’s all she wants for me.
I couldn’t think of anything to say to that. Either the shock of knowing that my best friends from childhood have married into the Russian Mafia, or the fact that my mom is that invested in my love life, made my brain stop computing.
“Life isn’t black and white, Tamsin. You of all people should know that.”
Then she had begun clearing away the table, and I’d grabbed my coat and left for a walk.
The park is quiet at this time of night. The river is still, and the trees are completely devoid of leaves. It’ll start to snow soon. Then winter will set in.
I had every intention of staying here for a while and figuring out what comes next in my life. But this town isn’t big enough for me and Demyan. Perhaps I should just stay long enough to help Sammie while Delilah has her baby, then I can leave, and it will be like I was never here at all.
A twinge of disappointment tugs at my chest, and I put the thoughts out of my mind and just look at the river for a minute.
How could anyone be with someone who is capable of taking another person’s life?
What kind of person can do that?
What kind of person can be with a person who can do that?
Guilt immediately floods me. My best friends are with men like that. Two women I grew up with since the age of five. The two women who know everything about me. The good, the bad, and the ugly.
Have the years that I’ve been away really changed them so much?
I head back home, wondering how I’m going to be able to look at Sammie and Delilah in the morning, much less work in the café until Delilah can return from having her baby. And that just makes me feel even worse about myself.
***
When my alarm sounds, I smack it several times in frustration. I’ve barely slept, tossing and turning all night. Trying to make everything that I know balance somehow.
I can hear mom is up and moving around in her morning routine, and I wait for her to leave the bathroom and head downstairs before I creep out of my room and jump into the shower.
Dressing in jeans and a sweater that I’ve still not properly unpacked from my case, I head downstairs with a plan to head straight out.
“Not so fast,” my mom’s voice catches me and makes my shoulders hunch. I turn around feeling guilty about how we argued last night.
She walks the length of the hallway to me and wraps me in a hug.
“I love you, little one,” she says, and my eyes fill with tears. “I’m sorry I meddled. I just want to know you are safe and happy.”
I nod my head in response, not trusting my voice.
The walk to the café is brisk, the morning fog still thick. I knock on the front door and Delilah appears, waddling past the cats and unlocking the door.
“Morning,” she says brightly. “Sammie said you were coming in this morning so we’ve been waiting.” I follow her to the counter where she has already made three hot drinks.
Sammie comes through from the back with what I imagine is a breast bump humming beneath her baggy sweater, and perches on a stool.
“Where’s Misha?” I ask.
“Valeria is watching them both for us today, Eduard is only working half the day so he will take over and bring them here around lunch time.”
“Oh,” I nod. “Cool.”
“So,” Sammie starts, and I brace myself for questions about last night. “The first thing we do in the morning is feed the cats…”
As if on cue, the cat called Lemur appears and looks at me expectantly. It takes me a second to recalibrate from my expectation of how our first conversation was going to go this morning.
“Right. Yes, of course,” I say, following her into the kitchen.
“I made oatmeal cookies and pecan plaits for the pastry case today, and we’ve got a delivery of English scones arriving shortly,” Delilah says, following us. “I’ll go and write the specials board once this is mixed.”
The morning routine seems easy enough. Set the tables, make sure the cats are fed and not misbehaving.
Clean out the litter boxes, which are tucked away in the back corridor near the door that leads to the alleyway.
Ensure the pastry case is well stocked and that we have enough of everything to make the most popular drinks.
“The peppermint hot chocolate is always super popular at this time of year,” Sammie says absently when she turns the sign in the door window to ‘open.’ “And I’ve been working on a gingerbread coffee, since December is already upon us.”
The door between the café and the bookshop opens, and a man I haven’t met pokes his head through.
“Morning, Mechislav,” Delilah says. “What can we do for you today?”
“Black coffee,” he grunts. “Strong.”
Daisy follows him through into the café, laughing. “I only asked him to help me re-organize the romance section.”
“The covers are all shirtless men…” he trails off. “I’ve never seen anything like it.”
Delilah laughs and wiggles her eyebrows. “Ah, the competition.”
Sammie joins in, “Book boyfriends aren’t actual competition…” she trails off with a dreamy look on her face that makes my eyebrows raise.
“I’ll be sure to let Eduard know your thoughts… and your facial expressions.”
Sammie laughs and swats at him. “If you want your coffee fix, you’ll keep your mouth shut.” She slides the mug across to him. “Oh, Tamsin, I don’t think you’ve met Mechislav yet.”
She introduces us and I offer a tight smile as I shake his hand.
Sammie excuses herself to sort the breast pump out as the bell above the door chimes and the one I know as Natan walks in.
“Kimmie has sent me. She says she is desperate for a ginger tea and is considering offering our first born for it…but she still can’t cope with the smell of coffee so she sent me instead.”
“Ha,” Delilah huffs. “I remember that stage.” She makes the drink and hands it to him as the door opens again and customers start arriving. “No first born, or husband, required. We’ll just put it on her tab.”
The morning passes in a whirlwind of coffee orders and wiping down tables and talking cats down from the top of the pastry case like it’s a hostage negotiation. The atmosphere in the café is vibrant and alive and fun.
Then Eduard arrives with the children and something in the air changes. Sammie brightens right in front of my eyes. The women at the table by the door to the bookshop lower their heads and begin whispering in a way that says they come here just on the off chance they might see him.
Lilah wobbles to her mum on wobbly legs while Eduard carries Misha in the car seat.
“There’s my big girl,” Sammie coos, her arms stretched out to receive a giggling Lilah. “You’re growing up too quickly,” she says, spinning Lilah round and pulling her in for a tight hug.
Eduard drops a kiss on Sammie’s head and asks how her day has been so far.
“Busy,” she says, smiling up at him. “But having Tamsin helps.”
The door opens again, and this time, Jasper walks in wearing a leather jacket and jeans. He is a stark contrast to Eduard, who is wearing a suit.
He checks in with Delilah, making sure she is okay, and her ankles aren’t swollen.
“Maybe, now Tamsin is here, you can finish sooner. I’d like some alone time with my wife before the baby arrives.”
“That’s fine with me,” Sammie says from beside Eduard.
“I’ll think about it,” Delilah says, looking at me. I smile, trying to encourage her to say yes. I’m sure I’ll be fine now that I know the basics.
The day continues in a rhythm of pouring drinks, maneuvering cats, chatting to customers, and constantly looking at the door every time the bell chimes.
By the time Sammie is flipping the sign over to ‘closed,’ Delilah has already been gone an hour, Eduard has taken the children home, and Daisy has closed and locked the door between the bookstore and the café.
The quiet of closing feels loud, the routine from yesterday already feeling mechanical. I go through the motions. Clearing and cleaning the pastry case, making sure the coffee machine is clean and prepped for tomorrow, cleaning the tables, and mopping the floor.
Sammie watches, while she counts the money and then disappears to put it in the safe.
I’ve finished mopping when she comes back through and I’m carrying the bucket of dirty water through to the back.
“It’s like a huge family,” I say.
“Hmm?”
“All of you. You’re like a huge family. The way the men just pop in and out throughout the day. I don’t know. I suppose it’s just not what I expected.”
“What did you expect?” she asks softly, helping me pour the bucket of water down the drain.
I think about it for a moment. “I don’t know, to be honest.”
She just smiles at me.
“Does Demyan come in much?” I ask, surprising myself.
Sammie shakes her head. “Not really. But he asked Eduard to send him elsewhere for a while, so he won’t be around much for a while anyway.”
I stop what I’m doing for a second and then catch myself before Sammie notices.
The timing isn’t lost on me. I told him to leave, and he is literally leaving town.