CHAPTER 1 #3
He nearly fumbles the apple, the smile vanishing from his face.
It takes everything I have not to grin wildly at his sudden lack of composure.
Before I have time to register the movement, he’s standing before me, lifting my chin with a single calloused finger until my eyes meet the rather unexpected glower he is leveling at me.
“Never let it get that far,” he warns, “You always strike the first moment you have the chance. If you hesitate, you die, or worse.”
In light of my mission, it is the or worse that truly concerns me.
Though the thought of death can be a frightening prospect to ponder, there is something in the finality of it that offers some small semblance of peace.
Rumors of the gifted feyn across the sea have always been in abundant supply at the keep, and for years I have listened on bated breath to the tales spun by soldiers who lived through the war, never sure of what was true and what was pure fabrication.
Throughout the years I’d heard it claimed, often enough that I suppose it to be true, that the king of A’kori is the last of the reavers. A rare gift, capable of invading the mind and warping the will of any man.
All my life I have weighed the validity of those stories. Really, there is very little I am sure of, and I will be walking a fine line between my ignorance and what knowledge I can glean along the way. I only wish my life did not hang in the balance of the two.
“Vari,” Vakesh hisses, bringing me back to the present moment. “Promise me, you never hesitate.”
“You almost sound concerned.” My lips pull up at the edges mockingly. “Since when does the master of shadows care if one of his fledglings makes it back to the nest? As long as the mission is accomplished, right?”
His jaw tenses, a subtle twitch indiscernible to anyone but me. “You know better than that, mi’ajna.”
My brow creases at the strange term, and his eyes flick between my own before he drops my chin with a sigh and makes his way toward the door.
“We should make the crossing in four days. Leanna had some things delivered before your arrival.” He points to the wardrobe. “I’ve added a thing or two myself. Settle in and I’ll be back to keep you company for meals. You’re not to leave this room.”
“As you say.” I smirk.
He returns the smile, shakes his head, and leaves, closing the door behind him.
He will never admit it out loud, but I have known him long enough to have recognized the pride in his eyes when I received my assignment from the Drakai conclave.
And despite everything we have been through, the look nearly brought me to my knees.
Vakesh is as responsible for my creation as Leanna, perhaps more so, and though I always feel that there are still parts of me that completely unnerve the man, there are also parts of me that slip right through all his carefully constructed defenses.
It is a heady feeling, disarming the master of shadows.
Or it had been, before I’d felt the fearsome sting of Leanna’s unrelenting disapproval.
I push down a swell of emotions I thought I’d buried deep and begin rummaging through the assortment of goods Leanna sent.
It’s all very unsurprising: hair combs and other adornments, four flimsy dresses, and a small variety of lethal concoctions.
I smile when my eyes land on the obsidian daggers sitting at the base of the wardrobe.
A small favor left by the master of shadows himself.
I loose a breath when my hands slide across the familiar form of the blades, and some of the tension leaks out of my body.
Stars above, grant him their favor.
I may not be able to take the blades ashore in A’kori, but I sleep fitfully without them, and they will at least serve their purpose throughout the voyage.
Sitting on the edge of the bed I turn the daggers over in my hands.
Lately it has begun to feel as though there was never a time when my nightmares did not plague me.
Over the years, I have managed to keep Leanna in the dark about them, but there was no hiding them from the shadows. Vakesh knew the moment they began.
I am suddenly all too aware of the images I was unable to chase from my mind this morning.
Four days without sparring, perhaps weeks or even months if I fail to obtain an immediate audience with the king.
I’ve never had to make a concession like it and have been quick to find my release each morning in the ring with Bront.
What others perceived as diligent practice I use to hide a great weakness.
One of the first lessons Leanna ever taught me: perception is the greatest strength of any Fea Dien.
I assure myself that Vakesh will have ideas on how I can manage my demon after the crossing. I just can’t afford to let him know how bad the dreams have become in the time since he last witnessed them.
He’s been gone for years, tying up loose ends on the never-ending bombardment of missions Leanna crafted for him.
If I thought my life was hard before knowing Vakesh, the last four years have been the hardest yet.
I haven’t felt whole since we’ve been parted.
Not that there is a single soul on the continent I will speak those words aloud to.
I pinch one of the obsidian blades between two fingers and with a quick flick of my wrist throw it into the air. It spins in a timing I know well, and I catch it by the hilt when it falls back toward my hand.
I can’t help but wonder how Vakesh managed to obtain a mission that put us aboard the same ship.
The decision couldn’t have been Leanna’s.
She would never allow us to be out of sight together for so long.
If she knew, I wouldn’t put it past her to ensure the shadow master never makes it to port.
I only hope that the years of superficial greetings I have exchanged with him are over and that, finally, we can settle back into the ease we’d once had with each other.
In this moment, I know that there will never be anything I want more.