CHAPTER 6 #2
“You remember Avanjelin, don’t you?” she asks, running a finger along the side of her face. As if I will ever need to be reminded of the girl I accidentally scarred with my blade years ago. “She was in the woods this morning and claims to have stumbled upon the strangest thing.”
I can feel the wrinkles between my eyes deepen as I try to ascertain what this is all about. She lunges toward my left, but I see the feign for what it is and block the fist that swings in from the right before rolling out of her reach and resuming a defensive position on my feet.
“Tell me, Shivaria. What were you doing in the woods this morning with the master of shadows?”
“Training.” I can feel the crease in my brow deepen as I answer.
“Without your clothes on?” She jerks her chin toward the too large tunic I wear and when my eyes flick down to it, she lands another jab.
This time her knuckles land as if they were stone, splitting the tender flesh beneath my left eye. I suck in a curse, partially in pain but also furious for allowing myself to look away from the threat before me.
“I’ve often wondered why you have always been his favorite student. I suppose now the entire keep knows exactly how you’ve gained your marks. I only hope you’ve enough sense to have kept yourself intact.”
Her eyes wander across my cheeks, taking in the blush rushing to the surface of my skin under the weight of her accusations.
Before she can misinterpret my rage for embarrassment, I hiss, “We’ve never—It isn’t like that.”
She barks a laugh, a hideous and bitter sound.
The wind picks up, stirring the dry dirt beneath our feet and, as if inspired by the weather, Leanna kicks a cloud of dust into my face.
I reel back, trying to blink away the grains that scrape beneath my eyelids, and take another devastating blow to the jaw.
The strike is precise, sending me to the ground with a bright flash of light that swallows up the world.
Before I can get my feet under me a fist slams into my side and I yelp just as the crack of my rib claps in my ears.
“I hear you even have a little nickname for the master of shadows. Kesh, is it?”
I grip my side with my loose arm, protecting the broken rib, sucking a punishing breath into my lungs. Leanna stands over me with a self-satisfied smile.
“Get up,” she demands.
I take another shallow breath, carefully maneuvering onto my feet.
I feel like a fool as Leanna rounds on me again.
She hasn’t beaten me in a sparring match in months, thanks to my training with Vakesh.
No wonder she bound my arm and told me to stay in the flimsy fabric of the tunic.
She never intended for this to be a lesson, not in the way I perceived it. This is a beating.
I throw my arm out to block another of Leanna’s blows, only to expose my ribs to a rounding kick.
Even as her knee slams into me, the sharp, brutal pain ripping a shriek from my lungs, I feel her restraint.
The rib floats in my chest like a dagger.
While I’m not altogether convinced that she won’t strike it toward my heart, I hope that her control is a sign that she values my life too highly to end it now.
Before I can recover from the pain, she sends me to the ground with a downward blow that splits my lip.
A warm trickle of blood mixes with my sweat, slicking my chin before it drips to puddle on the silty floor of the ring.
I stay down. This was never a fight I was going to win—she’s made sure of it.
A summer storm begins to roll in, flicking Leanna’s braid in its turbulent winds as she stands over me, victorious.
“I never took you for one of those silly girls who would give a man the power to break her. I thought I taught you better than that. Now, get up,” she spits through gritted teeth, taking a step back, waiting for me to do as she commands.
My arm trembles beneath me as I push myself off the ground, peeling my bloody face from the dirt, leaving a crimson stain on the floor of the ring.
I have nothing left in me that I can call on to defend myself and she knows it.
But I learned long ago that the punishment for disobedience will always far outweigh the momentary discomfort of my submission.
I’m not yet on my feet when the back of her hand slams against the side of my face, throwing me down to the ground. The jab is well-placed, landing high on my temple, and the world spins beneath me after another blinding shock of white takes over my vision.
“Your shadow lessons are over. The shadow master has already been sent away on a lengthy assignment. I’ve seen to it.
” Thunder rumbles in the distance, hiding the sound of the whimper I fail to suppress upon hearing the news.
“You are more than proficient in the way of the shadow, so there will be no need for your lessons to resume if he returns.”
My throat tightens around a strangled choke that burns as I suppress tears of rage.
My mind reels, cradling that single phrase that threatens to undo me completely.
If he returns. I can’t tell if it’s a threat or if she’s simply stating the obvious.
He is Drakai after all, and that means wherever she has sent him his life will be in danger.
Leanna crouches down and swipes the blood from my cheek with a painful stroke of her thumb.
“Do you see how weak he’s made you? This is where trust gets you, Shivaria.” She motions to my broken body, still bound and at her mercy. “Don’t let anyone comprise you ever again. Not even me.”
Her finger brushes the fine whisps of loose curls off my face, sending a fearful tremor down my spine.
“Cling to this lesson, hold it close. Because when you do forget it, which I have no doubt you will, and you decide it might be safe to let someone in, that person you choose to trust with your heart or your life, or something else precious to you, that person will betray you.”
She reaches around my back and with a tug on the leather strap my binding sags, releasing its hold on my arm.
“Go change. Then come and find me. It’s obvious there are some gaps in your education that need to be remedied.”
She hovers above me, and though I don’t meet her stare, I can feel her eyes burning against the side of my face.
“Kesh.” Her mouth twists distastefully. “If I ever hear you use such an informal endearment with anyone again, I’ll make sure they regret ever having met you.”
Rain begins to fall as she turns toward the keep and makes her way inside, leaving me alone to stem the pain of every poisonous word spilled from her lips.
It isn’t the tender bruising I can already feel setting in on my cheek, or the sharp pain in my ribs that holds my attention.
It’s the wrenching of my heart as I contemplate life without the shadow master.
Rain patters my face, pooling in the crevice of my eye, running through the streaks of blood that paint my cheeks a shameful shade of red. The rain is a welcome mask, hiding the evidence of the sorrow spilling from my eyes that I cannot control.
Leanna isn’t wrong. The shadow master is a weakness, a distraction. One I selfishly keep because in my life that is only cold and desolate winter, he is the promise of spring.
I have no doubt he will regret knowing me after Leanna is finished with him. I tell myself I can handle his loathing, as long as he makes it back alive.
Looking to the keep, I force myself to my feet, bracing the rib I will need to have bound before finding Leanna for our next lesson.
I don’t let myself ponder what the lesson might be.
As I slowly make my way out of the rain I swear to the stars that I will do whatever it takes to keep Vakesh from her fury, even if that means I will never live through another of the shadow master’s springs.
Six Months Later
“Vari!”
The shadow master has been back from his mission for a week, and I have done everything I can to avoid him since his return.
I’d managed to slip into the shadows the few times he’d gotten close to cornering me.
I curse myself for letting my guard down as I venture into the snow-covered forest surrounding the keep in the early hours of dawn.
I turn to greet him. I won’t be able to avoid him forever. My stomach twists at the sight of his perfect smile. A smile he only ever wears for me.
“I’ve been after you all week. I heard you passed the trial of shadow and wanted to congratulate you.”
“Thank you.” My voice sounds forced, even to me. “I appreciate all the time you put into my lessons. I didn’t miss a single mark, and I’m sure that speaks more to your efforts as a teacher than to my own innate skill.”
The smile shrinks from his face and his brow dips as he takes in my posture and the distance between us.
“Give yourself some credit, Vari. You have always been an exceptional student.”
I dip my head. “I’m sure, now that you are back, you will find many exceptional students who are eager for your time.”
In fact, a great many students have suffered in his absence.
Leanna’s vendetta against the shadow master caused many young Drakai to fall behind in their training.
That she is willing to allow her precious Fea Dien to become weak to keep the man away speaks volumes about the lengths she is willing to go to distance him from me.
“I’m sure I can still find time to meet with you in the mornings,” he says hesitantly.
“Thank you, but I have other studies that require all of my attention right now.”
He studies me, his lips forming a thin line as he does. But the things I keep from him I’ve buried too far beneath the surface for him to expose.
“The offer is always there if you change your mind, Vari.”
There is a palpable tension in his voice, but I know he won’t press me. He never has.
I offer a half-hearted smile and a nod before he breaks into a run back the way he came. He doesn’t look back and I don’t blame him. He spent the last five years patiently breaching all my defenses and I’ve just slammed up an invisible battlement between us without explaining why.
I take a deep breath, the frigid air spearing my lungs, and I remind myself that this is all for him.
Since Leanna sent him away, there is no doubt in my mind she will do whatever it takes to keep me away from the shadow master.
If time and the missions she kept hurling at him did not prove to be a solution to her problem, she would take it into her own hands.
Despite the bitterness I felt when she sent him away so abruptly, she could never know the gift she had given me that day.
For as much as I ached to say goodbye, I would never have wanted him to witness the wrath she laid bare upon my flesh because of our friendship.
I know him too well to think he could let it go.
I will never tell him the full truth of what I endured that day. If I can spare him the guilty conscience that is sure to stem from that knowledge, I will. If it were ever in my power, I would do far more to spare him from even the slightest hurt.