Chapter 13 Going Home #5
Kevin was a great kid. He was witty and thoughtful and he could be really sweet when he wanted.
Deep down he had a good heart, but he went to extreme lengths to protect it.
He never opened up. He never showed weakness.
Emotionally, he had completely closed himself off to everyone except Perry.
He was all about walls and boundaries. Disrespect those boundaries and he retaliated in the nastiest way.
He was the silent observer. He didn’t talk much but he was always watching and because of this he could see weaknesses, cracks no one else could see.
That, on its own, wasn’t a bad thing, but when provoked, he didn’t hold back.
He exploited those weakness, stuck a crowbar into those cracks and ripped them right open.
Words were his defense. Words were his way of keeping everyone out.
Deliberate and strategic, he used them to hit a person where it hurt most.
When he was ten, they’d had an argument over something stupid and he’d lashed out, saying that she was just a stupid dork and the only guy dumb enough to date her was Billy Mason.
As an adult she knew it was a trivial, meaningless comment, but as a slightly insecure fifteen-year old, that hurt like hell.
She’d grabbed him by the ear and dragged him outside, gave him a hammer and a nail and told him to redirect his anger by hitting the nail into a log.
After he was done, she pulled out the nail and showed him the hole.
“That’s what your words do to people, Kevin,” she’d said. “And it doesn’t matter if you say you’re sorry, that hole doesn’t close. It stays there forever.”
She’d seen this analogy in some self-help book somewhere and she’d thought it would be a life lesson, a way for him to realize that he shouldn’t say hurtful things without thinking.
Yet the teachings of a big sister had somehow gotten muddled.
It didn’t make him change his behavior. Instead, he used it as a way to keep count.
Out in the backyard was a log for every member of the family and the one with her name had nineteen nails in it. This was the reason why she was petrified to walk into his room. One careless word from her side and she could easily earn herself another nail.
Her brother had lost his best friend in the most tragic way and she didn’t know if she had it in her to be what he needed.
Just do it, she told herself. As she opened the door, she was greeted by posters of J-Lo and Beyonce’ on the wall.
The room was big enough to fit two beds, two bean bag chairs, a pool table, a fooze ball table, a flat screen TV, and a cabinet displaying all his swimming medals.
It was a man-cave her parents had set up just for him and Perry and the absence of Perry made the room feel uncomfortably large.
Kevin sat on his bed, his blue eyes swollen from lack of sleep, his broad shoulders sagging with sadness.
He didn’t say a word, just kept staring out the window.
She knew why. Every morning Perry came by and hollered from the fence until Kevin went outside.
After fifteen years, he was sitting there waiting out of habit.
“Hey, Bink,” she whispered.
His jaw clenched and even though she could tell he was a little annoyed, he shifted the gaming controls next to him to make room for her to sit down.
The thick, white bandage on his forearm was the only evidence that proved he was in a car crash.
She eased herself onto the bed beside him, stretching her legs out and leaning her back against the headboard.
He silently turned back to the window. When a soul is ripped out of a body so unexpectedly, the people who were closest to the body had a hard time accepting that the soul was no longer there.
Kevin was still in the denial phase and he was going to keep torturing himself with false hope.
After half an hour of watching him stare outside, she broke the silence with a tremulous voice. “He isn’t coming, Bink.”
His breathing instantly changed, sharp going in and staggered coming out.
He clutched the dog-tag chain around his neck, holding onto it until his knuckles turned white.
As more seconds ticked by, his breathing became heavier and more strained.
She didn’t look at him, didn’t acknowledge the weakness he was trying to hide.
Instead, she listened, listened to the irritating sound of him grinding his teeth as an attempt to stop himself from crying.
She dropped her hand, palm up, onto his lap.
He lightly shoved it off his leg and drew his knee up.
Placing his elbow on his thigh, he used his hand to cover the side of his face she was exposed to.
She couldn’t see the tears, but she knew they were there.
His shuddering body and the deep sighs told her he could barely keep them in anymore.
She didn’t move her hand away. She kept it there, open and waiting until he was ready.
It was over an hour later when he finally took it and he gripped it so tight she had to stop herself from wincing in pain.
He placed the other hand over both his eyes, still struggling to keep himself together.
She waited a few more minutes before she lightly tugged his hand and he dropped his head onto her lap.
She gently stroked her hand through his brown hair and his eyes began to drift closed.
“Did you lose to Max?” he whispered tiredly.
“Yeah.”
“What game was it this time?”
“Rock, paper, scissors,” she admitted softly. “Who the fuck cheats at rock, paper, scissors?”
“Max.” A small smile deepened his dimple. “I’m glad you lost, Jo-jo.”
“Me too, Bink.” She leaned over and kissed his cheek. “Me too.”
It wasn’t that he wanted to sleep. He probably hadn’t slept since the accident and he just couldn’t fight the exhaustion anymore. She sat there, rigid and unmoving. He needed to rest and even when her back pulled stiff and her legs went numb, she didn’t do one thing to disturb him.
After almost six hours, he began to stir and it took a few tries to open his heavy eyelids. “Feeling a bit better?” she asked.
He sat up with a groan and rubbed both hands down his face. “No.”
“Tomorrow is gonna be tough, but all of us are going to be there for you.”
His face flinched. “I’m not going to the funeral.”
“Bink, you have to go.”
“I’m not going.” He stated it more firmly this time, but there was unsteadiness in his voice and tears lined his eyes again. “I can’t…I can’t face Momma B.”
This was a decision he would regret for the rest of his life and she had to make him see reason. “It’s the last and only time you’re gonna be able to say goodbye. You need to—”
“Jo-jo.” The whisper was harsh and final, a warning not to tempt him with the possibility of another nail. “Don’t tell me what I need. I said I’m not going.”
“Okay, Bink. You do what you think is best.” She stood up and after giving him a quick kiss on the forehead, she left his room and went back to hers.
It was almost nine o’ clock when she got out of the shower.
She walked to the bed and out of habit, she lifted the pillow.
Tears ran down her cheek when she saw there was nothing underneath it.
No dead frog. No rotting potato. It was further confirmation that Perry was gone.
All those little pranks were gone now too.
She threw her emotionally drained body on the bed. A heavy heart stopped her from slipping into dreamland. She heard a few light taps and when her door slowly squeaked open, her lips immediately tilted up in a smile. Dressed in black track pants and a simple white T-shirt, he looked right at home.
“Hi,” Tyler said, walking to her bed. “Just came to check on you. How are you doing?”
“Not too good. How was your day with my family? Hope my brothers didn’t give you too much trouble.”
“There were a few threats,” he admitted, sitting on the edge of her bed, “but nothing I can’t handle. I like your brothers. Your dad’s great. Your mom’s a little strange…odd fascination with star signs.”
She rolled her eyes. “Yeah, we all hate that about her. What a bunch of hogwash.”
“Well, she said Aquarians are free-thinking and insensitive. She’s got you pegged, Jordan. She may make a believer out of me yet.”
She laughed. Her mother was right about that, but she would never admit it out loud.
“So, yeah,” he continued. “Your dad, your mom, your brothers, they’re all great. The kids…not so great.”
“They’re adorable, Tyler,” she defended.
“The little one’s not too bright.”
As sad as she was, that still made her giggle. “She’s three years old and she can count to forty.”
“Counting and reciting numbers are two different things,” he countered. “I swear, there were only eight ladybugs on her dress.”
The light seemed to bounce off his face in the most peculiar way. She narrowed her eyes and leaned forward to get a better look at him. “Is that glitter on your face?”
“They ambushed me!” he said with exasperation. “And now this stuff won’t come off!” He shrugged with a hint of arrogance. “I have to admit, though. I rock it in pink.”
He did it so effortlessly, pulled laughter out of her despite her heavy heart. “I’m sure you do. It’s the new black. All the bad-asses are wearing it these days.”
He smiled and slowly stood up. “I’d better go. You look tired. I’ll let you get some sleep.”
“Don’t leave.” It was out before she could stop it.
It was an idea he debated for a few seconds. “I’ve been given strict instructions…from your dad and your brothers…and they have guns…and shears, so I’m very inclined to listen.”
“I don’t want to be alone tonight. At least stay until I fall asleep…please.”
The word please seemed to be a weakness of his. There were no further protests and she shifted on the bed so he could climb in beside her. She rested her head on his chest and sank into his warmth and comfort, indulging in his bear-like cuddles.
He tightened his arm around her and gently brushed her hair back. “Did you know cars can run on gumballs?”
She didn’t know what he was on about, but she was in the mood to entertain his craziness. “I did not,” she answered tiredly. “What a revelation. We’ve been doing it wrong all these years.”
“With the state of the economy, I think it’s a much cheaper alternative.”
She smiled. Tyler offered something no one else in her family could provide.
Detachment from the situation without detachment from her.
She needed that. Unbeknownst to him, his odd sense of humor genuinely made her feel better and maybe subconsciously she’d known that when she asked him to come along.
“Keep talking, Tyler,” she whispered, allowing her eyes to drift closed. “Just keep talking.”
* * * * *
Tyler woke up the next morning and wanted to kick himself. First time there and he’d already disrespected the only rule her father had given him. He’d unintentionally fallen asleep in her room last night and he needed to get out of there before anyone woke up.
He took just a few more seconds to enjoy the feeling of her head on his shoulder, her hand on his chest before he gently pulled his arm out from underneath her and slipped out of the bed. This bed-sharing thing was becoming a problem for one reason only. He was beginning to like it.
He tip-toed across the wood floors and intended to do a stealthy leopard crawl back to the guest room. The door squeaked as he opened it and he cringed.
Hopefully that wasn’t loud enough to wake anyone.
He silently stepped out and slowly closed the door behind him. Just when he thought he was in the clear, he looked up and saw Max standing on the other end of the corridor.
Oh, crap! “It’s not what it looks like,” he said immediately.
“It looks like you just spent the night in my sister’s room and you’re sneaking out before my parents catch you.”
He pulled his lips in and nodded. “Mmm. Then I suppose…it is what it looks like. But I assure you, nothing happened.”
Max shrugged but didn’t say anything and the silence was worrying. In fact, the silence was causing panic to set in.
How pathetic would it sound if I beg? “Please don’t tell your brothers,” he pleaded.
“Balls and shears, Tyler.” Max smirked, giving him a quick tap on the shoulder as he walked past. “Balls and shears.”
Tyler shut his eyes and groaned. That threat became scarier every time he heard it.
* * * * *
It was just past ten when Jordan arrived home, feeling exhausted and miserable. It had been an awful day. Saying goodbye to Perry was the hardest thing she’d ever had to do. Re-living memories through the eulogies of friends and family. Seeing the dismay on Momma B’s face. It was unbearable.
What was worse was saying goodbye to Kevin before they left to the airport.
He regretted not going for the funeral. That was obvious.
But it was the inconsolable loneliness she saw in his eyes that broke her heart.
She was worried about him. Nothing, no words or deeds, would be enough to help him and her helplessness only made her feel more depressed.
Her phone beeped and she groaned. She had received over a thousand texts from Neil and Gemma.
They were struggling to book a flight back home and even though she’d told them so many times already not to cut their trip short, they were still insisting.
She let out an annoyed breath and typed a text as Tyler carried her bags in.
Jordan: DON’T cancel your trip on my account. You know I love you guys but in all honesty I just want to be alone for a few days.
That worked. After a few emoticons of hugs and kisses, her phone finally stopped beeping and she was grateful. She didn’t want to entertain texts. She didn’t want to talk about how she felt. All she wanted to do was fall straight into bed and hide away from the world until the pain stopped.
After dropping her bags in her bedroom, Tyler came back to the front door. “You should get some sleep,” he said, gently rubbing her shoulders. “It was a rough day.”
“Thanks for coming with me, Tyler. You made it a lot easier.”
“You don’t have to thank me.” He gave a small smile. “Don’t come back to work until you’re ready, okay? Take as much time as you need.”
She nodded and he stepped outside. “Tyler?”
“Yeah.”
“Can I ask for one more thing?”
“Of course.”
“A hug, please.”
Without hesitation, he took her hand and pulled her into his arms. She didn’t even have the strength to cry anymore so she just held onto him, nuzzling her forehead against his neck, and she stayed there until she felt ready to face reality again.
In a few days, when she started feeling human again, she would find a way to reverse the evolution that had happened over the last forty-eight hours, but right now having her head, heart and body wrapped up in Tyler Evans was the best feeling in the world.