Chapter 1
GROUPCHAT: JUST GALS BEIN’ PALS
10:37 AM
Chloe
um
is anyone available to talk?
i’m kind of freaking out
Chloe’s phone shakes in her hand, the messages on the screen blurring with every tremor. It’s the tail end of the longest three minutes of her life, and yet neither of her best friends are responding. She’s sitting on the tiled floor of the bathroom, pressed into a corner as she waits.
The phone screen goes dark from lack of activity, and Chloe shuts her eyes tight.
‘C’mon, Elena, please,’ she mouths silently, wishing she could just will her friend to notice her phone and respond.
Elena Riera is one of the most responsible people Chloe knows. She easily balances her full-time job as a bank teller while also maintaining her grades high enough in graduate school to keep her scholarships. If anyone can look at this situation logically and give Chloe quality advice, it’s Elena.
But honestly, at this point, Chloe will take just about anyone. She’s half-tempted to even text her mom, or her aunt. Anyone.
She just doesn’t want to be alone right now.
Four more excruciatingly long minutes pass, and yet her messages remain unread in the groupchat. Tear prick at the corners of Chloe’s eyes. She rubs at them, ignoring how they spill over silently. She shakes her head, deciding that she can’t wait anymore—the anxiety might actually kill her. She places her phone on her knee and grabs the thin white stick resting on top of the toilet paper holder.
Nothing classier than taking a pregnancy test in a CVS bathroom, right?
Chloe pushes her hair, tucking it behind her ears. Carefully, she cradles the test in both hands, still flipped upside down so she can’t see the result.
God, how did it come to this?
One night stands have never been her thing. That night with Luke was an outlier, her nerves mixing with the adrenaline of being hit on by a celebrity. A chance she knew she would regret if she missed.
If anything, she has always been the stark opposite—the goody-two-shoes, as Devin used to call her. The girl who always made the Dean’s List in college, who never partied, who had absolutely no wild college stories to tell (other than whatever shenanigans she was pulled into by Devin). Hell, before this the riskiest thing she’d ever done was major in English—and look where that’s gotten her…
Stuck in a dead-end retail job, no real job prospects in sight, and possibly pregnant by a man she doesn’t even know.
Chloe pushes her hair out of her face once again. She can’t wait anymore—she has to know. She closes her eyes for just a moment, takes a steadying breath. Then she looks down at the stick in her hand, almost vibrating by how hard her hand is shaking. Blurry or not, she can read the test just fine.
PREGNANT.
A strangled sob slips from her lips. She slaps her hand against her mouth, her nails digging into her skin as she begins to cry. This can’t be happening. This cannot be happening!
Her fingers itch to go grab another test, but she resists. This brand is supposed to be the best, and honestly Chloe’s nerves won’t be able to sit through another three-minute wait.
She sits there for a long moment, trying to compose herself. It doesn’t help. The longer she sits here, the worse she feels. Her head spins as she stands as if her whole world is tilting beneath her feet.
Carefully, she wraps the pregnancy test in toilet paper and tucks it into her purse. She washes her hands, pointedly avoiding her red-nosed reflection in the mirror, and exits the bathroom.
‘Bad news?’ The teenage cashier asks as Chloe passes by him to exit the store. Her cheeks burn. God, it was mortifying enough to buy a pregnancy test from a kid six years her junior, but to have him inquire on whether or not she’s knocked up?
Absolutely not—she cannot take this today. Avoiding eye contact with anyone else, she bolts from the store. Her little Buick has never looked as inviting as it looks right now. She practically stumbles into the driver’s seat, shutting the door behind her.
Chloe grips her steering wheel for a moment before digging her phone out once again. No new texts. Groaning, she leans forward, resting her forehead on the top of the steering wheel.
What do you do in a situation like this? What do you do when you’re barely out of college and working in a fucking bookstore and you get knocked up with a celebrity’s baby?
She presses her forehead harder against the steering wheel. A horrible, sticky, nauseating emotion roils inside her stomach—shame. This isn’t how things are supposed to go. She’s supposed to be figuring out the rest of her life right now—what job she could possibly get with an English degree, what she wants to do with herself—and now…this.
And it’s not like she has a way to even contact Luke! Sure, she’d been forward enough to leave her number on the notepad in his hotel room, but he hadn’t texted. Which is fine—or it was. She never thought he would actually call, though it would have been nice.
But—she needs to tell him, right? It would be the right thing to do. He deserves to know he’s going to have a child out in the world. She bites on her bottom lip, losing herself in these thoughts for a long moment.
The shrill ringtone of Chloe’s phone breaks the tense silence in the car, so loud and sudden that she jumps and manages to slam her knee on the bottom of the steering wheel.
‘Ow, shit,’ she mumbles as she grabs her phone, but her annoyance and pain dissipates as soon as she sees Devin’s contact photo on the screen. Never has she been so happy to see Devin’s silly selfie in her life.
She swipes to answer.
‘What’s wrong?’ Devin asks before Chloe can even speak. For all of Devin’s jokes and party-girl antics, she’s always known when it’s time to be serious. And as Chloe’s oldest friend, she has always—always—been there when Chloe needed her.
Chloe sucks in a breath that rattles her chest, ready to spill everything to Devin—but something catches in her chest. Tears pool in her eyes, and the next thing she knows, she’s crying.
She can’t help it—she tries to stifle the tears. Presses her hand against her eyes, as if she can push them back where they belong. Devin must be even more worried now, she knows, but the sobs choke her and block all of her words. It takes a painfully long amount of time to be able to speak, but Devin is patient and quiet until she’s ready.
The words stick in her throat when she tries to speak. They taste sour and shameful, coating her tongue as she pushes them forward.
‘I’m—’ she starts, then tries again, ‘I’m pregnant, Dev.’
Devin gasps, an involuntary sharp inhale of breath that feels like a stab in Chloe’s gut. More tears spill down her cheeks.
’What am I gonna do?’
‘Fuck,’ Devin sighs, speechless. As if this isn’t enough, ‘Shit, CJ.’
‘I know.’ Chloe takes a ragged breath. ‘It’s Luke’s. Luke Waters’, I mean.’
Devin snorts. ‘Well, obviously. Who else would it be?’ Chloe smiles at that, just a little.
‘What, you don’t think I’m that big of a slut?’
‘You’re not a slut, Chloe,’ Devin says sternly. ‘And even if you were, I know you’d be careful enough to know who the father was.’
‘Thanks, I guess,’ Chloe mutters. She picks at the chipped vinyl of her steering wheel, just to give her hand something to do. Just to concentrate on anything else.
Devin hesitates, then asks, ‘You used protection, right?’
It’s a fair question but Chloe still bristles at the insinuation. ‘Of course I did! But—condoms are only, like, ninety-seven percent effective.’
It feels like a weak excuse.
‘I know,’ Devin says, placating her. ‘I was just asking.’ Devin sighs again, like she really doesn’t know what to say. Chloe can’t blame her for it.
‘Sorry,’ Chloe says, ‘I just—what am I gonna do?’
‘You gotta be the one to decide, hun. Do you want to keep it? Because I’ll take you to Planned Parenthood, just say the word.’
‘I-I don’t know. I mean, how am I going to take care of a baby on my own? My job pays next to nothing as it is, and I’m not qualified for anything else—’ Chloe stammers, rubbing at her eyes to stop the tears. She’s spent weeks—months, really, at this point—searching for something that pays better than minimum wage retail and has actual job growth, with zero luck.
God, she’s so hopeless! How can she even consider raising a baby when she can’t even take care of herself?
Devin lets out a small, surprised laugh. ‘You really think you’d be on your own? CJ, I guarantee you, if you tell Elena she will force you to move in with her so she can co-parent your baby. And I’ll be there for you, babe. I know I’m irresponsible as shit, but whatever you need, I’m here. This village will raise your baby, if that’s what you want.’
Chloe pauses, struck deeply by how lucky she was in the friend department. Because it’s true. She can see it now; her with a little baby and the plethora of aunties ready to jump in at a moment’s notice. It’s not such a bad idea, she thinks.
‘My parents are gonna kill me.’
‘Hey, you’re not a kid anymore.’
‘Tell that to my dad.’ Ew, she’s gonna have to admit to her father that she’d had sex! That will, for sure, be the most uncomfortable conversation ever. For everyone, but mostly her. Not to mention when she has to admit that it was a one-time thing. That the father wouldn’t ever be in the picture.
It takes her a moment to realize that without even really meaning to, she’s figured out what her choice is. She knows what she needs to do.
‘I think I’m keeping this baby.’
Chloe and Devin talk for a long time as she sits in the CVS parking lot. They talk about the baby—how could they not? But every time panic begins to balloon in Chloe’s chest, Devin manages to steer the conversation in different directions. Calmer directions, at least.
Once again, Chloe is immensely grateful for the friends she has.
Chloe has always felt like the odd one out—the introvert in a sea of extroverts, just floating along while everyone is hurrying forward. Her good grades and her rule-abiding nature were the only things that ever made her stick out from her peers, though they definitely did not ingratiate her to them.
Until Devin, that is. Devin, the queen of the extroverts and the loudmouths, pulled Chloe into her orbit way back in middle school. She was the first person who made Chloe feel like she belonged somewhere, even if that somewhere was simply “by Devin’s side”.
And then, Elena came along when they were freshmen in college. She and Chloe were randomly selected to be roommates (much to Devin’s displeasure), but by Christmas time the three were inseparable. Chloe had never felt more loved than she did when she realized she’d found her two best friends for life.
Even after they hang up the phone, Chloe feels that comfort and that love on the drive back to home. She almost feels better—until she pulls up into the driveway and reality crashes back in on her.
She can’t help but think about how quickly she’s falling behind her friends. While Devin and Elena found themselves in college, figured out what they wanted to do with their lives and started pursuing it, Chloe’s just…stuck.
Stuck, and now pregnant with a baby.
And yet, life must keep moving. This morning has quite possibly been the most life-changing of Chloe’s entire life—far more than either of her graduations or her parents’ divorce when she was twelve. Her whole world has been shifted—well, that’s not quite true. It’s more like she shifted while everything else stayed exactly the same.
She still has an afternoon shift at the bookstore, and she needs to get ready. To go about life as normally as she can. Sucking in a deep breath, she braces herself before heading inside. Her mother is home and Chloe is definitely not ready to tell her about the baby (or Luke or anything, really).
She just needs to act normal, just long enough to get in and out without raising suspicion. She can do that, right?
Unfortunately, she’s never been a very good liar.
Lisa Cameron is perched at the kitchen table, pen in hand as she balances her checkbook. It’s a normal sight, one Chloe often teases her mother for because who still balances a checkbook? But Chloe suddenly feels off-kilter. Like a house of cards just a breath away from crumbling at her mother’s feet.
The words I’m pregnant bubble up to Chloe’s lips, making them tingle. She presses her lips together to keep them from slipping out, dropping her purse on its designated spot on the kitchen table. Impulsively, she double-checks the zipper, afraid it might somehow open on its own, and her mom will end up seeing the positive pregnancy test inside.
One of the many things she and Devin had discussed was telling her parents about the baby. Chloe wants to figure out a plan for herself first before bringing it up to her parents—hopefully, it will make the awful conversations to come much more bearable if she went to them with a tangible plan.
Sure, she has no idea what those plans might be, but still. She’ll figure it out.
Hopefully.
Lisa glances up as Chloe walks in, a familiar-but-still-stunningly-weird almost mirror image of her daughter.
Chloe got about ninety-percent of her looks from Lisa. They both have the same golden-blonde hair, the same button nose, and the small smattering of freckles on their cheeks. And since Lisa does look quite young, they do often get asked if they’re sisters. The only real differences are Chloe’s green eyes and her cupid’s bow lip, both of which she inherited from her dad’s side.
‘Where’d you go?’ Lisa asks lightly, marking her checkbook some more. It’s not an odd question because Chloe usually tells her mom where she’s going or where she’s been, but now that she has something to hide, it rankles her.
‘Just out,’ she says evasively, hurrying past to get out of the kitchen. She winces to herself as she hears her mother mutter, ‘I was just asking,’ under her breath.
Great job, Chlo. Way to not be obvious!
She shuts her bedroom door behind her, leaning back. This is gonna be harder than she thought. With a small huff, she pushes herself up and gets dressed into some comfy-but-still-appropriate work clothes and throws her hair up into a ponytail.
She catches sight of her reflection in the dingy mirror on her vanity, and stops to stare. She looks different, somehow, but surely that can’t be right. It’s got to be in her head. Her cheeks are flushed an ugly, splotchy red from her anxiety—a clear sign she’s lying right now. But otherwise, she looks like she always has.
Still, her reflection feels…off. Different. Like her pregnancy is seeping through her pores and showcasing itself to the world.
But that’s all in her head, obviously.
She takes a long moment to just sit there, partly to allow the red in her cheeks to fade and partly to allow herself to calm down.
She’s always told her mother absolutely everything and keeping something this huge from her feels…wrong. It feels wrong.
But she can clearly see what will happen if she tells Lisa about the baby right now. They’ll both cry, Lisa will claim that Chloe’s still practically a child who can’t raise a child herself and then Chloe will be forced to go to work, upset and crying.
No, it’s best to come up with her own plan before she brings her mom or her stepdad into the loop.
Finally, she has no choice but to leave the safety of her bedroom. She needs to eat something before she leaves for work, and that means braving the kitchen where Lisa still sits.
Lisa’s back is to her as she walks into the room, and for a few minutes they just exist together silently as Chloe throws together a sandwich and a fruit salad.
‘What time do you get off work?’ Lisa asks when Chloe sits down to eat. Chloe pauses, carefully schooling her face and voice before she answers.
‘I’m closing today, so I’ll be done around nine,’ she says. She’s not a good liar—if anything, she’s quite a bad liar. Her voice always gives it away, and Lisa is known for being a bloodhound when it comes to sniffing out lies. And maybe this isn’t quite a lie—she does get off work at nine, after all. But every moment she keeps her pregnancy a secret from her mom feels like a lie.
Right on cue, Lisa’s eyebrows furrow. She places her pen in the crease of her checkbook, giving her daughter her full attention. ‘Are you okay?’
Chloe’s cheeks begin to warm immediately. She nods quickly, taking a big bite of her sandwich. At the very least, it gives her an excuse not to speak.
Lisa’s gaze doesn’t leave her face. She swallows, adding a small, ‘I’m fine,’ that isn’t remotely believable. Her mom raises her eyebrows, clearly not buying it. Fortunately, she takes mercy on Chloe and doesn’t push it. Maybe because Chloe’s never done anything Lisa has disapproved of, she doesn’t think she needs to worry about whatever this is.
Whatever the reason, Chloe’s grateful for it for about two seconds, before Lisa opens her mouth again with a new, equally as daunting question.
‘So, how’s the job search going?’
Suddenly, this afternoon feels all too normal. Chloe bites back a sigh. She resists the urge to roll her eyes as she does every time this conversation arrives. Because obviously, if the job search was going well, she would have already mentioned it.
‘No luck yet,’ she says, stabbing at a grape.
‘Have you been applying?’
‘Yes, Mom.’ This time, Chloe can’t resist rolling her eyes. Out of the corner of her eye, she sees Lisa purse her lips.
‘I’m just asking,’ Lisa says softly. ‘I know you want something more than the bookstore, honey. I was talking to Morgan at work and they think that we could get you in as a receptionist. The starting pay isn’t great, but it’s full-time?—’
‘I don’t want to be a receptionist, Mom,’ Chloe says heavily, staring down at her plate. Her sandwich is only half-eaten, but she can’t bring herself to eat any more. Her stomach feels like lead now.
Lisa sighs, impatience seeping into the air. ‘I know it’s not exactly your dream job, but it offers more job growth than being a bookseller, Chloe.’
You need to figure your life out, Chloe, hangs in the air, unsaid.
‘I know,’ Chloe says finally. ‘But I just—I can’t just sit and answer phones all day. I want to use my degree—’ Lisa visibly bites back a scoff. ‘—somehow. I’m gonna figure something out. I’m late for work.’
Chloe rises from her chair, disposes of her uneaten food and hurries back into her room to grab the last few things she needs for work.
They didn’t normally fight like this. Before she graduated college, she and her mom hardly fought at all. But this argument—Chloe not knowing what her next step should be and Lisa thinking she knows what’s best but disregarding Chloe’s future happiness has been circling around their house often lately.
Chloe gathers her things quickly—she’s very close to actually running late now—and returns to the kitchen for her purse. Her mom is still in her place at the head of the table, but there’s now a water bottle and a protein bar sitting next to Chloe’s purse.
Chloe swallows thickly at the silent peace offering, shoving them both into her bag.
‘I’ll see you when I get home,’ she says. She gives her mom a quick kiss on the cheek, vaguely wondering if she’ll be half as good a mom as Lisa is.
A lump forms in her throat. She hurries out the door before her mom can notice.
The drive to Storyville Books, the local indie bookstore where Chloe works, is quiet and tense. Her thoughts bounce back and forth between her pregnancy and the argument with her mom.
Would it be better to take the receptionist job? Does choosing to keep this baby mean she needs to give up her own dreams, however vague they may be? Give up her own happiness and end up in a job she hates just so she can provide for her baby?
By the time she arrives, she’s so lost in her own head she hardly notices the world around her. Her thoughts swirl around in her head, keeping her preoccupied.
There’s a mirror hanging on the wall in the break room—some remnant of a manager long-gone who liked to do her makeup in the store before her shifts—and Chloe finds herself pausing in front of it today. She turns to the side, placing her hand on her lower belly.
Obviously, there’s no bump yet. But she can almost imagine it. Can almost feel a baby pressing there.
‘What are you doing?’
Chloe nearly jumps out of her skin at the unexpected voice. She whirls around to face Sajid, the manager on duty for the day. Sajid is a bit older than she is, and new to his manager position. He’s a nice guy, but way too perceptive for Chloe right now.
‘Nothing,’ she says quickly, wincing as her voice cracks. He raises an eyebrow, but mercifully doesn’t comment on it. Instead, he simply asks if she’s clocked in yet so they can start her pre-shift meeting.
The meeting lasts a mere seven minutes where Sajid gives her the rundown on current sales and notable information since the last time she worked. And the whole time, Chloe fidgets in her seat, getting more and more worked up over the pregnancy. It must be written all over her face, she thinks. Like an invisible stamp on her forehead that reads, KNOCKED UP.
This sets the tone for the rest of her shift. Every time she bends down to get a book off a shelf, she thinks she feels the baby. More than once, she finds herself wandering back to the kids section and just getting overwhelmed by the books.
‘Okay, what’s up with you?’ Sajid asks about halfway through her shift. Chloe starts, so absorbed in reorganizing the picture books that she didn’t notice his approach.
‘Nothing,’ she says quickly. ‘I’m fine, I swear. Why?’
Sajid gives her a look. ‘You’ve been acting weird all day,’ he says. He taps his right temple with one finger. ‘Your head’s not here.’
Chloe bites her lip. ‘I-I don’t know what you mean,’ she says. The words sound false even to her ears.
‘Chloe, you’ve given at least three customers the wrong book and accidentally hung up on two more. You’re never off like this.’
Her cheeks flush with embarrassment. He’s right, she’s been very absent today. ‘I’m sorry,’ she mumbles. ‘I just—there’s a lot going on right now.’
He nods. ‘If you need to talk…’ The offer hangs and Chloe gives him a small smile.
‘Thanks, but I’ll be okay,’ she says, straightening her pile of picture books. She notices the title of the book on top and sets it aside.
‘Doing some shopping?’ Sajid asks. Chloe nods, struggling to keep a straight face.
‘Yeah-yeah, someone I know is pregnant. I thought I’d buy the baby some books,’ she answers. It’s not technically a lie…
Sajid looks at the books, then at her, and back again. Chloe’s heart pounds in her ears. She turns from him and fixes a face-out on the shelf, hoping he won’t be able to put two-and-two together.
Even so, she sees it out of the corner of her eye when it clicks into place for him. To her immense relief, he doesn’t look outraged or judgmental in the least. He nods to himself.
‘I’m sure the baby will like them,’ he says a little awkwardly. Almost fidgeting, he looks at his watch. ‘Uh, it’s time for your break, if you wanna go.’
‘Sure thing.’ Chloe scoops the books into her arms and carries them back into the break room to sift through. In the end, she returns most of them to their shelves and chooses to buy two. Even with her employee discount, it’s more than she probably should be spending. Picture books aren’t cheap, and she really needs to be saving every penny right about now.
Still, there’s no way she’s not going to buy her kid some books!
The store closes at eight, and Sajid and Chloe get to work on the evening closing tasks right after locking the doors. Chloe’s phone buzzes in her pocket, but she resists the urge to check it until she’s clocked out. Sajid was nice enough to not punish her for her underwhelming work performance today—she doesn’t need to push her luck any more than she already has. Sajid’s nice, but he’s still her boss.
When the clock finally hits nine, Chloe gathers her purse, water bottle, and the bag of picture books before she heads to the front to meet Sajid by the door. He walks up a moment later, his own Storyville Books tote in hand.
‘See you later,’ Chloe calls with a wave, stepping out into the cool night air.
‘Oh, wait a sec,’ he says, fumbling with his keys and bags for a moment. Chloe turns to him, eyes widening when he holds out the tote bag. ‘For…your friend. The pregnant one.’
Chloe takes the bag, gasping a little when she sees the plethora of picture books inside. All the ones she’d put back, plus a couple others.
A lump forms in her throat at the incredibly thoughtful gesture. She swallows hard, a wobbly smile on her lips. Tears well up in her eyes, and she pretends they’re not there.
‘Thanks,’ she says thickly. She grasps the straps of the bag, wishing she could articulate how grateful she was. All she can manage is, ‘This is really nice of you.’
He just shrugs, a smile on his handsome face. He brushes off his own gesture, kindly not making any of this a big deal. ‘You work on Saturday, right? I’ll see you then.’
Maybe…maybe things won’t be as bad as she thought. If Sajid didn’t freak out over her being pregnant, maybe her parents will take the news better than she anticipated. Maybe, just maybe, this isn’t such a scary thing.
For the second time today, Chloe cries as she settles herself in the driver’s seat of her car. She sobs, an odd mixture of gratitude, hope and sheer terror swirling inside her chest. It’s several minutes before she’s able to calm down enough to drive, her hands still shaky from the emotional outburst.
One of the perks of being pregnant, she thinks, is that now she can blame such outbursts on her hormones.