Chapter 10
Chloe doesn’t realizeshe’s fallen asleep until she wakes to the late-morning sun shining on her face. She groans, burying her face in her pillow.
‘It’s almost time for lunch,’ Elena says, and Chloe can hear her pull the thick, blackout curtains back some more. ‘You really should get up.’
God, just the thought of lunch makes Chloe’s stomach turn. She moans, and doesn’t move.
Elena sits next to her on the bed, pushing back her hair. ‘Chloe, come on.’
Chloe shakes her head. ‘Go without me,’ she says into her pillow.
‘What?’
With a sigh, Chloe lifts her head and repeats herself. ‘Go without me. I can’t eat ever again.’
‘That bad, huh?’
Chloe pushes herself up, giving Elena a dark look. ‘This baby hates me and wants me to suffer,’ she says dramatically. Elena rolls her eyes.
‘We’ll get you some soup or something, then,’ she says. ‘You need to eat and leave this room at some point. Devin ran to Starbucks, if you want a latte or something.’
And that does it. The mere thought of coffee is enough to send Chloe running to the bathroom once again and emptying the contents of her stomach. (How is there anything left at this point?) Chloe’s still sitting in front of the toilet when Devin lets herself into the room, announcing her arrival with a little dance.
‘Who wants coffee?’ she sings, waving the drink carrier around as she wiggles her hips. Chloe snorts, then ducks her head when she gets a whiff of the coffee. Ugh, it looks like she’s not going to be drinking coffee for a while at this point, decaf or otherwise.
Chloe sips the hot tea Devin brought back for her (‘Tea and honey is supposed to help with nausea!’) and pulls out her phone as the girls get ready for the day. Devin has her makeup spread out across the couch, musing over what shade of lipstick to wear. Elena’s in the shower; Chloe can hear her singing quietly to herself all the way across the room.
Chloe texts her mom back and forth, ignoring the faint stabs of homesickness that come every time her phone buzzes. By now, this is the longest she’s ever been away from home, only rivaling the sleepaway camp Chloe went to the summer before sixth grade. She ended up going home early because she missed her mom too much. But this time is different! She has a piece of home with her, after all, well, two pieces. Not for the first time, Chloe reminds herself how lucky she is to have her two best friends with her on this journey.
Text Thread: Mom
11:32 AM
Mom
How are you feeling?
Chloe
awful :( morning sickness hit hard this morning
Mom
Aw, poor baby! I remember what that was like with you.
I couldn’t eat anything with mayonnaise for months!
Chloe
tragic. you do love your mayo
Mom
The only thing that could keep my stomach settled was dried ginger!
Chloe
ew!! ginger is gross, mom
Mom
You won’t be saying that when every other type of food makes you vomit!
Ooh, just you wait until the cravings start. Soon you’ll be dipping your ginger in peanut butter and wondering why it never occurred to you to do it before.
Chloe
??
‘You ready, Chlo?’ Elena asks, pulling Chloe’s attention from her phone.
‘Yeah,’ she says, ‘I just need my shoes.’
The idea of willingly eating dried ginger sounds, quite frankly, disgusting. But even the tea Devin brought from Starbucks isn’t helping settle Chloe’s upset stomach, so she’s willing to give it a shot. Her mom’s done this before, so she must know what she’s talking about, right?
Elena leads them down the street from the hotel, where there’s a cute little cafe with an outdoor eating section. It’s lined with hedges; a barrier separating the diners from people walking down the street.
It’s a nice day outside, the late summer air lighter than it is back home this time of year. Chloe tips her face up towards the sun.
It’s peaceful for a moment as they wait outside the doors for the hostess to seat them. Devin downs the rest of her Starbucks, giving a satisfied, if obnoxious sigh.
‘Ugh, I’m starving,’ she says after. ‘I’m getting the biggest plate of bacon you’ve ever seen. I can’t wait.’
Elena rolls her eyes, an affectionate smile on her lips. As she checks something on her phone (Probably the menu, Chloe thinks), she says, ‘I’m thinking a waffle with extra syrup. Ooh, and sausage.’
Chloe’s traitorous stomach turns at the mere mention of food, but she swallows hard. Morning sickness or not, she’s not going to ruin her friends’ breakfast.
The hostess comes out, a smile painted on her face. ‘How many?’
‘Three,’ Elena answers.
‘And do you want to be indoors or outdoors today?’
Just then, a waiter bustles past them with a tray full of freshly-cooked food. Chloe’s stomach roils at the smell, and she slaps a hand over her mouth.
‘Excuse me,’ she stutters, hurrying back towards the street. Anywhere that is away from the smell of food.
‘CJ!’ Devin calls, following behind her. Chloe takes a few good steps away from the cafe, fighting the urge to vomit right there on the curb. She leans against a small tree, her heels digging into the soft square of dirt in the sidewalk.
‘Are you okay?’ Devin asks, placing a tentative hand on Chloe’s shoulder.
‘’M fine,’ Chloe mutters. Her eyes squeeze shut as she concentrates on not throwing up.
God, this is going to be a long nine months, she thinks.
‘Is there anything I can do to help?’
Chloe opens her eyes slowly, and her gaze lands on the convenience store across the street. At this point, Chloe’s willing to try just about anything.
Elena has a corner table all to herself, seemingly as far from the other outdoor tables as possible. Her eyebrows are furrowed as Chloe and Devin walk up and claim seats at the table.
Chloe purposefully takes an outside seat, just in case she needs to make a break for it.
‘Are you okay? Did you throw up again?’ Elena asks, ever the mother hen. Chloe can practically see her fingers twitching to do something, anything, to take care of her.
‘I’m fine and no,’ Chloe says. She holds up her bag of Dry Ginger Chews for Elena to see. ‘Mom was right about these. Unfortunately.’
Elena quirks an eyebrow. ‘Unfortunately?’
‘Honestly, they taste like ass, but they aren’t bothering my stomach so…’ Chloe drifts off, pulling out another piece to nibble on. She wouldn’t say her stomach has settled, but it already feels much better than before.
Chloe has to practically force Elena and Devin to order food, both of them too afraid of upsetting Chloe’s stomach further. She flags down the waiter, staring pointedly at her friends until they order. She orders a small french onion soup for herself, her favorite, and chews on another piece of her ginger.
In the end, she eats more of her ginger than she does of the soup, but all in all it’s a nice morning. Elena actually takes the time to not worry about her schoolwork, Devin jokes but mindfully keeps her bacon as far from Chloe as possible.
‘So, I was thinking…we should go to the pier,’ Devin says, whipping out her phone to show Elena and Chloe screenshots she’d found on Google. It looks beautifully picturesque, with shops and stands lining the boardwalk and a ferris wheel at the end.
Elena eagerly takes the phone from Devin, swiping through the promotional photos of the pier and all its attractions. She looks so excited, yet Chloe’s stomach sinks at the thought of doing anything right now other than crawling back into bed.
‘I-I don’t know,’ Chloe says, hating the way Elena’s face falls when she says it. ‘I think I need to just go back to the hotel and rest. My stomach feels like it’s doing cartwheels right now.’
Devin pouts. ‘CJ, come on! What’s going to be more fun, sitting by yourself in a hotel room or being out with your friends?’ She takes her phone back from Elena, showing Chloe the pictures again as if it will change her mind.
Chloe sighs, gritting her teeth through another wave of nausea. ‘It’s not about what’s fun, Dev. I just don’t feel good. You guys should just go without me.’
‘It’ll be more fun if you’re there,’ Devin argues, half-whining. ‘Please, CJ?’
‘Don’t guilt her,’ Elena chides, waving at Devin to get her to stop. To Chloe, she says, ‘We’ll take you back to the hotel to rest, okay?’
‘Fresh air might do you some good,’ Devin insists anyway. ‘Plus, you’ll actually get to enjoy yourself for once. We’re going all over the country, and you hardly get time to do anything fun.’
Chloe waffles, hating the idea of saying no. It would be fun. If she didn’t feel like hot garbage, that is.
‘Devin.’ Elena’s voice is sharp. ‘Leave her alone.’
‘Don’t you want Chloe to come too?’ Devins rounds on her. And then, it’s all over. Because Elena’s face says that she very much wants Chloe to come along, and Chloe is physically incapable of saying no to her friends.
So, swallowing back her nausea once more, she says, ‘Can we at least pick up some more dried ginger on the way?’
Luke ends up meeting them down the street from the cafe. Chloe slows to a walk, eyebrows raised in surprise. Her stupid little heart stutters a moment when she sees him—pregnancy hormones, she tells herself—and she gives him a smile. His returning one is practically blinding.
‘I thought you had an interview?’ Chloe asks.
‘I got out early,’ he replies easily. It sounds like there’s more to the story, but Chloe figures he’ll tell her it if he wants. It’s not her business, really, if he wants to play hooky once in a while.
If Chloe’s learned anything from being on this tour, it’s that being a rockstar is exhausting. It feels like Luke is never not doing something; whether it be an interview, radio show, fan meeting, performance or yet another hours-long meeting with Regina.
Some days, Chloe hardly gets to see him at all. He’s done really well to touch base with her as much as possible, more than she would expect, honestly, and he constantly reminds her that she can text him if she needs anything. But it doesn’t leave much time for just being together and getting to know each other. Getting on the same page.
She’s had more conversations with Elena about her baby’s future than she’s had with Luke.
Ugh. Chloe shoves another ginger piece in her mouth, as if it can fight off other bad feelings the way it can fight off nausea.
‘I texted him,’ Elena says, effectively pulling Chloe back to Earth. ‘I figured, if he was free he might like to see the pier, too?’
The look in her eye tells Chloe she’s not the only one who’s noticed how unproductive this trip has been thus far. Message received, El.
Luke claps his hands together. ‘Sounds like fun. If you’ve got the directions, I can drive.’
Luke’s rental car is parked nearby—a sleek, black model that Regina rents for him in every city they travel to.
‘Shotgun!’ Devin calls, practically bolting for the passenger door. She gets it half open before Elena yanks on her elbow, dragging her into the back seat.
‘But, I’m the one who has the directions,’ Devin whines. Still, she doesn’t put up much of a fight.
‘Too bad, you’re with me,’ Elena snipes. ‘Why would you not give the front seat to Chloe?’
‘Because I’m the navigator!’
‘You can navigate from the backseat.’
‘You clearly don’t know anything…’
Luke and Chloe share a look of amusement over the girls’ bickering as they climb into the car.
‘You know, I’d say they’re not usually like this,’ Chloe starts, ‘but you’ve known them long enough to know that’s a lie.’
‘Hey!’ Elena and Devin exclaim in unison.
‘What? You can’t be mad at me,’ Chloe says. She meets their gazes in the rearview window, eyes wide and innocent. ‘I’m pregnant.’ Luke snorts.
‘You bitch,’ Devin says with admiration.
Her admiration doesn’t last long. Pretty soon, she’s got herself squeezed between the front seats, leaning on the center console to give Luke direction to the pier’s designated parking lot. No matter how much Chloe elbows her, she stays put.
‘You know, I could have just plugged the phone in and then seen the GPS myself,’ Luke comments lightly after Devin almost misses yet another turn. ‘Just saying.’
Devin sniffs. ‘Looking at a GPS is practically distracted driving. You’re carrying precious cargo, you know.’
‘Please, Devin, tell us more about how precious you are,’ Elena says drily. Devin huffs.
‘I was talking about the baby! Obviously!’
This, of course, dissolves into the kind of bickering one would only expect from sisters. The back and forth almost fades to the background, as familiar as it is to Chloe.
By the time they make it to the pier, Chloe is more than ready to be out of the car. The stop-and-go of city traffic on top of her ever-present nausea is a horrible combination, so much so that she’s already decided she’ll be walking back to the hotel.
There are a ton of stands along the entrance of the pier, brightly colored awnings and merchandise just calling out to potential customers. Devin ‘oohs’ at some heart-shaped sunglasses on a stand and runs over.
‘She’s like a toddler,’ Elena grumbles, following behind. Her short hair whips in the wind, stronger than normal thanks to the water.
‘Where do you want to go first?’ Luke asks, pocketing the car keys. He’s already got sunglasses and his black cap on.
‘We can look at some shops,’ she says. ‘Devin’s got a nose for cute clothes, if we want to follow her.’
We. It makes them sound like a unit, a team.
A couple.
Chloe chooses not to follow that train of thought. She shakes her head, as if she can shake the thought right out.
The two of them decide to trail behind Elena and Devin, who have ended up in a cute, nautical-themed gift shop a little ways down the pier. It’s got a full-wall window on the side with a gorgeous view of the water. For a moment, Chloe can’t help but stop and stare.
The shop is fairly crowded, so she doesn’t say anything when Luke slips his hand in hers to keep from being separated. And if her heart kicks up a notch, well, pregnancy can bring all sorts of symptoms, right?
They meander through the shop, wandering away from Devin as she contemplates which novelty shot glass she should buy. Luke is quiet by her side, quieter than normal. Chloe glances up at him.
He looks like his mind is a million miles away. Like he’s not really seeing the T-shirts in front of him.
‘Hey,’ Chloe says softly, nudging him in the side. ‘What’s on your mind?’
Luke blinks, looking at her like he almost forgot where he was. ‘Oh, uh, nothing,’ he answers quickly. He smiles, just a bit too tight to look genuine. ‘I’m fine. Oh, this is cute, isn’t it?’ he adds quickly, pointing at a little blue onesie with an anchor on the cover.
Chloe knows what he’s doing, but allows him to distract her with the cute baby clothes they have in the shop. She coos when he holds up a pair of teeny-tiny little boat shoes.
‘Oh my god, how is it possible for anything to be so little?’ she says, cupping the little shoes in her hands.
‘We should buy them,’ Luke says, ‘and these, too! It could be the baby’s first outfit.’
He holds up a striped onesie and blue overalls with ships all over it. It’s so utterly adorable, Chloe could cry.
And then she starts to cry.
Luke’s eyes widen and he drops the clothes back on the shelf. ‘Or not! We don’t need to get it, if you don’t like it. It’s okay, please don’t cry.’
‘It’s not—no, I love it,’ Chloe sobs. She covers her mouth with a hand, trying to stifle her sobs. ‘I-I don’t know why I’m crying! It’s just so-so cute.’
‘CJ, what’s wrong?’ Devin demands, almost running over from the other side of the store. She shoots Luke a dirty look. ‘What the hell did you do?’
‘I didn’t do anything!’ Luke says indignantly. He takes a step back though, as if afraid Devin might hit him.
Chloe holds up the little outfit with the baby boat shoes, as if they’ll see how cute it is and understand why it’s moved her to tears. ‘Look h-how cute!’
Luke looks absolutely flummoxed by this, but Elena walks up to Chloe’s other side and gently takes the shoes from her. With just a glance at Luke, she says, ‘Those are adorable, Chlo. We’ll have to buy it for the baby, okay? Here, you’re probably thirsty. Drink some.’ She pushes her water bottle into Chloe’s hands.
Chloe avoids everyone’s eyes and takes a big gulp of water, then another. The act of drinking helps her calm down for a moment, her sobs becoming fainter and further apart. She clutches the water bottle with both hands, feeling very much like a child that needs to be coddled. And she is far too aware of everyone’s eyes on her.
‘Thank you,’ she says, hiccuping a little. ‘The water helped.’
‘No problem,’ Elena says carefully, like she’s afraid of setting Chloe off again. ‘Is everything okay?’
Chloe doesn’t know how to explain that she just started sobbing over how cute baby clothes are any more than she’s already tried to. ‘I’m fine, it’s—I guess it was just mood swings. Pregnancy is so fun, right?’
‘Shit, CJ,’ Devin breathes, ‘you’re just a mess right now.’
‘Devin!’ Elena and Luke admonish in unison. Devin holds up both hands in surrender.
‘I say it with love!’
‘I’m fine now,’ Chloe says again. ‘You guys can keep looking around.’
‘You sure?’ Devin asks seriously. ‘We don’t have to.’
‘No, let’s look around the pier,’ Chloe insists, waving off her offer. ‘If my stomach can handle it, I wanna do the Ferris wheel.’
Devin shudders visibly. ‘You’ll have to do that one without me, CJ. Oh,’ she adds, turning her attention to Luke, ‘sorry for blaming you immediately like that. Mama bear instincts, you know?’
‘Uh, yeah,’ Luke says. ‘No problem.’
Devin beams, slaps him in the shoulder and heads back to the novelty shot glasses to make her pick. It takes a bit more urging for Elena to drop the Mom Friend? act and head over to the shop across the boardwalk she was eyeing, but eventually Chloe manages.
‘Sorry about that,’ she says to Luke, trying to ignore how utterly mortifying that was. She fiddles with another pair of the little boat shoes.
‘Don’t be,’ he says quickly. ‘Did you want to buy those?’
Chloe nods. ‘It’ll be the first baby clothes I’ve bought,’ she tells him.
‘They’re cute enough to cry about,’ he teases her lightly, a mischievous look in his eye. Chloe gasps.
‘Rude!’
The next thing she knows, they’re both cracking up. Luke’s smile is the first genuine one she’s seen today, and that alone makes the stupid mood swings worth it.
They buy the outfit, well, Luke buys it, but Chloe carries the bag. Luke slips his hand in hers once more as they exit the shop, and leads the way onto the white-painted boardwalk.
‘Where to next?’ he asks, looking to Chloe for a decision. She purses her lips, looking this way and that to see her options.
‘How about?—’
‘Excuse me? You’re Luke Waters, right?’ A girl, head held high and far braver than Chloe would have ever been, breaks free from her group of friends to approach them. Well, to approach Luke.
Looks like his disguise didn’t work too well this time.
‘Uh, yeah, I am,’ Luke says, pasting on his “rockstar” grin. He drops Chloe’s hand, instinctively taking a step away from Chloe.
She pretends that doesn’t sting.
‘Could my friends and I get some pictures with you, please?’ the girl asks hopefully, batting her eyelashes in a way that makes Chloe’s stomach twist with something she doesn’t want to admit is jealousy. And with her perfectly curled brown hair and sharp features, this girl reminds Chloe horribly of the girls who used to bully her when she was younger, which makes it even worse.
As Luke graciously accepts, waving over the fan’s two friends, Chloe inwardly chides herself. She has no right to feel jealous of someone flirting with Luke, no matter how pretty they may be.
Awkwardly, Chloe shuffles over to lean against a nearby wall to wait as the girls alternate taking selfies with Luke. The first girl, the brave one, wraps her arm around his waist and pulls him against her for her barrage of pictures. Luke laughs, the smile never leaving his face as they take turns.
And Chloe absolutely does not take pleasure in the fact that she knows his smile is fake.
‘Hey, Chloe?’ Chloe blinks, Luke’s voice pulling her back to Earth. He waves at her, hardly visible with the circle of girls around him.
‘What’s up?’ she asks. She pushes off the wall, but doesn’t really approach. The fans look…less than enthused to be including her in this at all. It makes Chloe wonder what people are saying about her online right now. She hasn’t looked since the day Luke helped her private her accounts. Not that the urge hasn’t been there, she’s just gotten good at ignoring it.
‘They want a group picture, would you mind taking it?’ Luke asks. The look on his face tells her that he knows it’s kind of an awkward request. Still, Chloe nods.
‘Yeah, of course!’
She accepts one of the girls’ phones, grinding her teeth and smiles as two of the girls wrap their arms around Luke’s waist. They cling to him tight, and Chloe reminds herself that this is their one opportunity to meet a member of their favorite band.
‘I tried to get a couple so you have options,’ Chloe says as she passes the phone back. The girl takes the phone a little harsher than needed, immediately swiping through the pictures. She makes a face.
‘I look awful in all of these,’ she grumbles, shooting Chloe a dirty look. Luke’s distracted by one of the girl’s friends, signing her phone case, and doesn’t notice.
‘I’m…sorry?’ Chloe says, shifting her weight awkwardly. She feels so out of place here. She doesn’t know what she’s supposed to be doing. What’s expected of her at this moment. ‘I tried my best.’
The girl tsks under her breath. ‘Guess we know Luke didn’t fuck you for your brains,’ she mutters.
Chloe takes a step back, feeling very much like she’s just been slapped. Her cheeks burn with embarrassment. She knew that people knew about her and Luke, and that she’s pregnant with his child, but to have a stranger bring it up so cruelly right in front of her…
Her chest squeezes painfully, and now Chloe’s swallowing back more than just nausea. She refuses to cry in front of these people, pregnancy hormones be damned.
Louder, with a syrupy sweet smile that looks anything but genuine, the girl asks Luke, ‘Can we take another? None of these are good enough, Lukey!’
‘Can I see?’ Luke asks. He accepts the girl’s phone and swipes through the pictures Chloe took. ‘I think you guys look great. And we kinda need to be going?—’
‘Oh, please?’ The girl juts out her bottom lip in an overexaggerated pout. ‘It’ll only take a minute if she actually tries this time.’
Luke’s eyebrows knit together at her words and his eyes flit over to Chloe. She gives him a tight smile, doing her best to not react to the girl’s mean tone.
‘We can do a couple more and then get going, yeah?’ Chloe holds out her hand for the phone.
‘Okay,’ Luke says finally. All three of the girls squeal, getting back into their poses. They’re beautiful, really, and Chloe can’t help but feel insecure next to them. Her hands shake just the slightest bit, and the phone slips from her grip.
She catches it immediately, but that doesn’t stop one of the girls from snapping, ‘Careful! That’s expensive, you know.’
‘Sorry, sorry,’ Chloe mumbles, fumbling with the phone and accidentally locking it. ‘Can you unlock it again?’
‘Fucking idiot,’ the fan says, under her breath but still very audible, and steps forward to snatch her phone back. Chloe winces, but keeps her mouth shut. At this point, it’s better to just shut up and get this over with. Then, maybe she and Luke can actually enjoy their day.
‘What did you just say to her?’ Luke’s voice is sharp as a knife, and boy does it cut. All three fans’ heads whip to look at him, eyes wide. Luke Waters, the level head of Reckless 3, who always has a smile on his face in interviews, is pissed.
‘I didn’t—I was just—’ the girl stammers, cowing at the thunderous look on his face. She tries to smile and wave her hand airily. ‘It’s just a joke—we’re joking. Right, uh, Claire?’
‘Her name is Chloe and that was not a fucking joke,’ Luke snaps. He doesn’t shove the girls next to him, but they jump away from him just as fast. He stalks over where Chloe and the girl stand, an angry finger stabbing the air at the fan. ‘Who do you think you are speaking to her like that?’
‘Luke, it’s fine,’ Chloe starts, grabbing his shoulder. He shrugs her off. ‘Calm down?—’
‘No, that’s not okay!’ Luke says, glaring at the fan. ‘I know people are saying all kinds of shit about Chloe online, and unfortunately I can’t stop that. But you don’t have the right to be anything but perfectly fucking decent to her in real life, got it? You’ve got your pictures and your autographs, and we’re leaving.’
‘But, Luke—’ the fan starts, her eyes welling up.
Luke grabs Chloe’s wrist and pulls her away from the three fans, resolutely not acknowledging the small crowd of onlookers who’ve stopped to eavesdrop while he yelled. Chloe spots at least one person recording on their phone, and wonders how Regina will respond if this ends up online.
Luke doesn’t seem to care though and just pulls her through the crowd, his grip surprisingly gentle as he slips down to hold her hand properly. It’s all Chloe can do to keep up with him.
Once Luke deems they’re far enough away, he slows his pace. Chloe doesn’t point out how he does not let go of her hand.
‘You didn’t have to do that,’ she tells him, her voice as small as she feels right now. Luke looks at her, incredulous.
‘Of course I did,’ he says fiercely. ‘You don’t deserve that kind of shit from them. I knew Regina was wrong about all the hate online just blowing over. I should have done more to try to stop it. I’m sorry. That was the least I could do.’
Chloe wants to argue and her words sit on the tip of her tongue, but the way his shoulders slump and his expression goes stormy makes her bite her tongue. She squeezes his hand instead.
‘Thank you, then,’ she says softly. With all the people around, she almost thinks he doesn’t hear her, but he looks up at her words. ‘You don’t seem to be having the best day,’ she adds lightly.
He grimaces. ‘That obvious?’
Chloe tilts her head, considering it. ‘No,’ she says after a second. ‘But I can tell. If you want, I’m here if you’d like to talk.’
‘Do you wanna go on the Ferris Wheel?’ Luke asks. Chloe nods and accepts the abrupt change of subject.
‘There’s a chance I might throw up,’ she warns him, only half-joking. The dried ginger has helped a lot, but there’s still some underlying nausea that Chloe just can’t shake.
Luke winks at her. ‘I’ll hold your hair, then.’