Chapter 20
Chloe does not stopuntil she’s safely locked behind the guest room door, and then she falls to the floor with a loud thump. Her chest aches as she sobs, burying her face in her hands.
She’s such a fucking idiot! Never in all her life has Chloe hated herself as much as she does right now.
Sleeping with Luke was a mistake. A mistake she should have known better than to make. Realizing that Luke has feelings for her makes everything so much worse.
Because she can’t give him what he wants from her. He wants her to just trust that everything will be okay? That their relationship—as nonexistent as it still is—will somehow prevail? Her parents couldn’t even handle a normal marriage, and they had way more time to get to know each other and make an informed decision to have a family. Their normal marriage fell apart, and who suffered for it? Chloe, that’s who.
A relationship with Luke means getting anonymous hate on the internet forever. It means watching as supermodels practically throw themselves at him, and having to trust he’ll still prefer Chloe’s girl-next-door vibe over someone prettier than a Victoria’s Secret Angel. It means being far away from her friends and family and trusting that won’t create cracks in their relationship.
Conflicts like that can strain a relationship. Things change; people change. And if Luke decides it’s not what he wants, not what he signed up for? She and her—their—baby would be left all alone; this rejection eating away at them for the rest of their lives. How can she do that, knowing her baby will be the one to suffer the most if—when—it all falls apart? She knows that pain, so how could she be so heartless as to inflict it onto her innocent, unborn child?
Chloe curls up on the floor, the carpet plush and surprisingly comfortable as she digs her fingers between the fibers.
Luke was right. She’s breaking her own heart. Even worse, she’s breaking Luke’s. But nothing would hurt worse than breaking her baby’s heart.
Her phone rings, loud and shrill against the still night. Chloe’s not sure how long it’s been—five minutes or three hours, it all feels the same—but pushes herself up and grabs at her purse. The number on the screen is unknown, but the area code is California, so she answers it.
‘Hello?’ she asks, sniffing as she wipes the tears and snot away. There’s nothing within arm’s reach to wipe her hand, so she just does it on the carpet as she makes a face.
‘Chloe? Thank God,’ Devin says with a sigh. ‘I was afraid you wouldn’t wake up.’
Chloe’s eyebrows furrow. ‘What do you mean?’ she asks. ‘What’s wrong?’
Devin hesitates. ‘Um, I’m kind of at the police station. I need you to come bail me out.’
It’s nearing two in the morning by the time Chloe makes it to the police station. She dropped everything after Devin’s call, barely managing to call a quick ‘Gotta go help Devin!’ over her shoulder towards Luke’s closed bedroom door as she ran out. She pulls into a parking space and she hurries inside.
Devin wasn’t given much time to talk on the phone, so Chloe has no idea what the hell she could have done to get arrested. She’s been thinking about it the whole way here, and honestly she’s just praying that Devin puked on a cop.
She marches into the police station, clutching the strap of her purse like a security blanket. She pauses in the doorway, her eyes scanning the plethora of police officers and literal criminals milling around. She pulls her purse so it’s in front of her belly like a shield.
Devin is easy to spot, thanks to her bright red hair. She’s sitting at a desk, a female officer on the other side. Devin’s slouched in her seat, resolutely staring at her handcuffed hands in her lap.
Chloe’s stomach sinks at the sight of those handcuffs. This is really bad, isn’t it?
Devin looks pretty worse for wear too. She looks like she’s had a bad night partying like those nights in college where she’d get wasted and then fight with her boyfriend in front of the whole frat house. Then she’d come storming into the dorm room, throw herself on Chloe’s bed, and cry.
Just like then, her hair’s thrown up in the world’s messiest bun, her mascara bleeding enough to form raccoon rings around her eyes, and her lipstick’s half smeared down her chin. Unlike then, her shirt is torn and dirty, with a sleeve hanging on her arm by a thread.
Chloe sighs and heads over. An officer waves, stopping her in her tracks.
‘Sorry, can I help you?’ he asks Chloe. Chloe points to Devin, who perks up when she sees her.
‘I’m here to pick up my friend?’ It comes out more like a question, much to Chloe’s chagrin.
The officer—his name tag reads “Evans”—looks over his shoulder and sighs when Devin waves at him, her handcuffs glinting in the fluorescent lights.
‘You’re here for Miss Bar Brawl?’
Chloe’s jaw dropped. Gripping the strap of her purse, she steps around Officer Evans and hisses at Devin, ‘What?!’
Devin rolls her eyes, acting so nonchalant. As if she weren’t being detained in a police station right now. ‘Oh, he’s just being dramatic. I hit one guy, it’s not my fault it caused a riot.’
‘Devin Anne Little!’ Chloe says, teeth gritted. She turns to the officer sitting with Devin. ‘I’m so sorry, what do I need to do to get her out of here?’
The officer hands her a form she needs to fill out and tells her how much bail for bar fighting is. Chloe grimaces; she can practically hear her wallet crying. She fills out the form, taking full responsibility for Devin, and hands over her credit card.
When the paperwork is finished and the two women finally leave the station, Chloe is two thousand dollars in debt and Devin is singing like it’s the best night of her life. She dances out into the parking lot ahead of Chloe, tilting her face up towards the moon and cheering, ‘Freedom!’
‘What the hell are you doing?’ Chloe hisses, grabbing Devin by the arm and pulling her towards Chloe’s rental car. Devin whines, but allows herself to be dragged along. ‘This is not time to be cheering, Dev.’
They stop in front of the dark SUV, and Devin huffs.
‘Why not? You got me out, I’m a free woman?—’
‘You now have a criminal record?—’
‘— and I’ll pay you back for the bail, don’t worry?—’
‘— you started a riot?—’
‘— we can just head back to my hotel and?—’
‘DEVIN!’ Chloe shouts, her voice cutting through the night air. Devin finally stops talking over her, looking at her in surprise. Chloe’s never one to raise her voice. But her blood is boiling right now. After the night she’s had, this is the last thing she needs to be dealing with.
‘What is the matter with you?’ Chloe continues. ‘You’re acting like this is no big deal! You just got fucking arrested, you now owe me two grand, and you think this is just all hunky-dory now? You started a bar brawl. You made me come out at two in the morning to get you. You know, tonight has been an emotional one for me; I’ve got a lot going on and I don’t need to be cleaning up your messes, too!’
Devin scoffs, shaking her head.
‘You’ve got a lot going on?’ she repeats slowly, like she can’t believe what she’s hearing. ‘You’ve got a lot going on? You cannot act like the rest of the world has to go on pause because your shit is more important!’
‘I don’t act like my…stuff is more important!’ Chloe argues.
‘Really? What have I been up to lately, CJ?’ Devin asks hotly. She waits half a second for a response, then barrels on. ‘I’ve been in Los fucking Angeles for a month and I’ve seen you all of three times. What have I been doing?’
‘Getting into bar brawls, apparently!’
‘Grow the fuck up, Chloe! Not everything is about you and your problems, you know? I’ve been supporting you through all this with no questions asked, but the one time I need you to be here for me, you act like you’re so high and mighty and above it all! Neither of us would have been in this situation if you had just kept your legs closed!’
‘Oh, that’s nice,’ Chloe snaps, hating how tears start pooling in her eyes at that. God, that fucking stings. ‘Right! I’m such a slut and somehow your bad decisions are all my fault, too. Sure, Dev, as if you haven’t made bad decision after bad decision ever since I met you.’
‘Please, I’m the only reason you’ve ever had any fun in your entire life. You’re so bad at having fun that the one time you tried to do it on your own, you ended up knocked up!’
Chloe takes a step back, like Devin just smacked her. It might have hurt less if she had. In the heat of the moment, all she can think is to give as good as she’s getting.
‘Fun? You think all the stress and problems you’ve brought into my life is fun? My life would be so much more peaceful without you!’
‘Well, fuck off, then!’ Devin snaps, furiously wiping her wet cheeks. ‘I won’t bother you with my problems anymore! At least now I won’t have to deal with all your fucking whining and crying.’
‘Fuck you,’ Chloe mutters, pushing past Devin to get to the drivers’ seat of her rental. She doesn’t even bother to make sure Devin has a way back to her hotel. She’s a big girl, so Chloe decides it’s not her job to handle it anymore.
Luke is waiting in the kitchen when she gets back, swirling something dark in a crystal glass. Whiskey, maybe? Chloe pauses in the doorway, waffling on whether she should try to sneak upstairs or face him.
God, today has been such a mess. How has everything blown up in her face all at once?
Just as she decides to try to make it to the guest room without being noticed, Luke spots her. He sets his drink down, the soft clink of crystal on wood ringing in the otherwise silent room.
‘Chloe.’ He says her name like a dream, and somehow it hurts even worse than Devin screaming at her half an hour ago.
‘Hey,’ she replies softly. She fiddles with the hem of her shirt, not knowing what else to do with her hands. ‘You didn’t need to wait up for me.’
‘Is everything okay with Devin?’ he asks, pushing his glass away from him. ‘You ran out of here pretty fast.’
‘Yeah, I-I took care of it,’ she says wearily. God, she cannot do this right now. ‘Listen, I’m just gonna—I’m really tired, I’m gonna head to bed.’
‘Wait, Chlo, please.’ Luke jumps from his seat. ‘I think we should talk about earlier.’
He looks tired, and Chloe can only imagine how she looks right now. It’s close to three in the morning, and god knows they’ve both had a long day.
‘Chloe,’ Luke begins. Chloe tries to interrupt him, but her voice sticks in her throat and he barrels on. Clearly, he’s spent much of the night planning what he wants to say. ‘I know, since the beginning, you’ve had hesitations about us. And I think you were right in Atlanta when I first brought up the idea of us being together. We didn’t know each other or if we could work as a couple. But it’s so clear that we do work well together! And we need?—’
‘Can-can we please not do this now?’ Chloe begs, tears streaming down her cheeks. Luke grabs her arm, looking like he’s two seconds from getting on his knees and begging, too.
‘Chloe, please?—’
‘I just…I can’t right now.’ She pulls her arm from his grip and practically runs up the stairs, ignoring his cries to come back, to talk to him, to stay.
She shuts the guest room door behind her and leans against it, letting her head fall back and hit the wood. Her sniffles are loud and ugly, but at this point she doesn’t fucking care.
This morning, everything was fine! She was quietly pushing her feelings as far down as they could go, and they were happy. They were planning for their baby’s future, and working towards each of their own futures, too. But somehow, Chloe had to fuck it all up.
Because that’s just what she does. No matter how hard she might try, she always, always ends up fucking it up. Hell, if she couldn’t convince her own father to stay in her life, how could she ever convince Luke?