Chapter 24
Hours later,exhausted and emotionally wrought, Chloe finds herself in front of an apartment door, white paint chipping on the edges and a rusted knocker she didn’t dare touch. She’s cried herself out; all that’s left of her tears are the dried tear tracks still bright on her cheeks.
It’s so late, she knows, but she drops her bag and pounds her fist on the door.
‘Please,’ she whispers. As if she could hear Chloe’s plea, Elena opens the door. Her expression morphs from caution to concern, eyebrows furrowing together as she spots Chloe in the doorway.
‘Chlo, what’s—’ Elena starts. With a great sniff, Chloe throws herself into her friend’s arms, shoulders shaking as she squeezes her tight. Elena holds her for a moment, then pushes her back, just enough to see her face. She brushes Chloe’s hair back. ‘What’s wrong? Why are you here at five in the morning?’
Chloe knows she looks like crap. Three hours on a plane in the middle of the night will do that to a girl. She just shakes her head, too tired to even try to explain.
‘Can I stay here for a while?’ she asks. Her lip quivers, and for a horrible moment she thinks Elena might turn her away. But of course, Elena would never do that.
‘Of course. Here, give me that.’ Elena grabs Chloe’s duffel bag and leads the way inside.
A surprising wave of homesickness hits Chloe as she takes in the inside of Elena’s one-bedroom apartment. It’s so nice to be somewhere familiar for once. It feels like it’s been a thousand years since she’s felt truly at home somewhere.
Elena’s couch is well-worn, but well cared for. Chloe drops onto the end of the couch, covering herself with a blanket already half-asleep. She curls around a decorative pillow—one Chloe has been using to nap with for years, her favorite of Elena’s.
‘I’m sorry for dropping in,’ Chloe murmurs, her eyes drooping.
She feels it more than sees it when Elena sits next to her, a concerned hand on Chloe’s shoulder. ‘You’re always welcome here, you know that. CJ, you gotta tell me what’s going on. Do I need to call Luke? Or Devin? Your mom?’
Chloe’s eyes fly open. She pushes herself up, shaking her head furiously. ‘Don’t call anyone, please! I don’t want to see anyone or talk to anyone.’
Elena waits, eyebrow quirked. She’s still in her pajamas (an old T-shirt and a pair of sweats), but her hair is brushed and her eyes are bright. Five in the morning, she’d said. She was probably already up and getting ready for work when Chloe barged in.
After a long, pregnant silence, Chloe sighs. ‘Luke and I got into a fight,’ she tells her, and then she’s spilling everything. How everyone was right about her. Of course she fell in love with Luke. Of course she got her heart broken.
Of course she’s ended up all alone.
‘I’m so stupid,’ Chloe ends feebly. ‘Stupid and all alone, just like Dad said I would be.’
The last part is whispered under her breath, meant for her own self-deprecating ears. But Elena bristles.
‘What are you talking about? You’re not alone. Why would you ever think that? Mark—’ she practically spits his name out, ‘doesn’t know what he’s talking about. I’m not going anywhere, Chloe. As long as I’m alive, you’ll always have someone in your corner. Even if you end up in LA with Luke, you’ll have me.’
Chloe allows Elena to pull her into a side-hug, and rests her head on Elena’s shoulder.
‘I dropped everything to go on tour with you,’ Elena reminds, softer this time. She pushes some of Chloe’s hair back, the action soothing the ache in Chloe’s chest. ‘You don’t think I’ll be on a plane in a heartbeat whenever you need me? And you don’t think your mom would camp out in LA to help with the baby?’
‘It won’t be the same,’ Chloe argues, her voice small and scared.
‘No,’ Elena agrees, ‘it won’t be. But, different doesn’t have to be bad.’
Chloe hugs her legs up against her chest. She wishes she could curl up into a little ball and roll back into her safety bubble, but that bubble no longer exists. She spent her whole life playing it safe and never felt overwhelmed like this, and now she doesn’t have the opportunity to go back.
Just as Chloe is falling deeper into her personal pity party, something…moves in her belly. A small movement, a pulse within her bump. Chloe gasps. She sits up, watery eyes falling to her little baby bump.
‘It—I think the baby kicked. Or moved, at least,’ Chloe mumbles. Gently, oh, so very gently, she cradles her bump with both hands, and feels it again. She laughs, half-crying, and grabs Elena’s hand to feel.
Elena’s smile is so big it could break her face in two. ‘Wow,’ she says in awe. ‘There really is a little baby in there. I mean, I knew there was before but…Wow.’
‘Yeah, I know,’ Chloe replies. The kicks stop, but neither of them move their hands. Just in case.
Elena gives her a small nudge. ‘See? Being pregnant is different, and having a baby will be really different. But that doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing.’
‘Everything’s changing.’
‘That’s gonna happen no matter what, CJ,’ Elena says gently. ‘And you owe it to yourself, and to your little baby to be happy. You both deserve that.’
‘But what if Luke and I try and it doesn’t work out? What if—’ Chloe hiccups, ‘—we end up like Mom and Dad?’
Elena raises her eyebrows at the question, then makes a face as she tries to think of the right way to word whatever she’s thinking. ‘I don’t think?—’
A knock at the door cuts her off, and she sighs in relief. Chloe sits there confused, as Elena answers the door. Clearly, she’s expecting someone. But at five in the morning?
‘Mom?’ Chloe stands, surprise clear on her face. Lisa’s blonde hair is up in a ponytail and she’s still in her pajamas. Clearly, she rolled straight out of bed and came here. To Elena’s apartment, in the wee hours of the morning…
Lisa’s smile is sleepy, but genuine. Her voice wobbles when she murmurs Chloe’s name and envelopes her in a warm, mama bear hug.
Chloe hugs her mom tight, almost choking on how much she missed her. She hadn’t gone home because she hadn’t wanted her mom to know how right she’d been, but that had been a mistake. Nothing fixes a broken heart like a mother’s hug.
In the back of her mind, Chloe wonders if her hugs will do that for her kid one day.
‘What are you doing here?’ Chloe asks once Lisa finally relinquishes her.
‘I texted her,’ Elena admits. ‘I figured you’d feel better after talking with her. I’ll, uh, make breakfast while you talk.’
Elena heads into the kitchen, and though she keeps quiet, Chloe can hear her call her boss to request the day off work. Chloe feels kind of bad. Surely after their time on R3’s tour, she can’t have any PTO left, but it kind of warms her heart to know Elena isn’t going anywhere.
And neither is her mom. Lisa corrales Chloe over to the couch, fussing over her dark under eyes and tear-streaked face.
‘You’ve always been a bit of a crybaby, my love,’ Lisa says, not unkindly. Chloe rolls her eyes, but really doesn’t have a leg to stand on. The facts speak for themselves.
They settle on Elena’s couch, the sound of eggs cracking and toasters popping drifting from the kitchen, and Chloe just wants to curl into her mom’s side and never move again. This is good. This is familiar.
This can’t last.
‘You gotta talk to me, sweetheart,’ Lisa says as Chloe cuddles up to her. ‘You haven’t been talking to me much lately. I can’t help you if I don’t know what’s going on in that head of yours.’
A lump forms in Chloe’s throat, as if trying to block the words from coming out. Chloe swallows hard, and manages to whisper, ‘I’m afraid if I try to be with Luke like we both want, that he’ll leave me.’
Like Dad did, hangs in the air. She doesn’t need to say it. If anyone will understand, it’s her mom.
‘Oh, honey,’ Lisa murmurs. She kisses the top of Chloe’s head, squeezing her so tight. Conveying all her love through one hug. Yeah, Chloe really missed her mom. ‘You can’t know how a relationship is going to end, not ever. Mark…made me wary when it came to trusting others, but I found Charlie, didn’t I? And it took some time, but he gained my trust and now I know I can rely on him?—’
‘But how?’ Chloe cuts in, turning to face her mother. Her hands grip the edge of the couch cushion, her knuckles white and tense. ‘How can you trust anyone not to leave after that?’
Lisa pets Chloe’s head, and she leans into it, but her gaze never leaves her mom’s face. ‘Because Charlie isn’t Mark. And Luke certainly isn’t like your father, either. I can’t judge them based on the actions of someone else. That’s not fair to them or to me. The alternative is to live my life in fear, all by myself. Maybe it won’t last…or maybe, just maybe, it’ll last a lifetime.’
Chloe opens her mouth to argue, but finds herself coming up short. ‘You don’t even know Luke,’ she says instead.
Lisa raises her eyebrow, a patented Mom Look on her face. ‘Your friends have done a much better job keeping me in the loop than you have.’
Chloe has the grace to smile sheepishly at that.
‘And anyway, from what I’ve heard, I think Elena and Devin were harder on him that I
would have been.’ Another look. ‘And I will be, once I have a chance to meet him. Right, young lady?’
Chloe bites her lip, but nods. ‘Right.’
Lisa sighs, deep and heavy. She cradles Chloe cheek, and in the kindest voice says, ‘Depriving yourself of happiness for fear of losing it is no way to live, sweetheart. You’ll just hurt more in the long run.’
Chloe swallows against a dry throat, and can’t do anything but nod at that. Somehow, when it’s coming from her mom, she can’t just stick her head in the sand and pretend she’s right. Of course her mom is right, and Elena, and Luke, but…
‘What about you, though? And Elena, and Charlie, and my whole life here?’ Chloe asks. ‘If I were to actually be with Luke, I’d have to move to California. I’d never get to see you guys. I’d have to give up my home.’
Lisa’s face tightens. She keeps her face neutral, but Chloe can tell she doesn’t like the thought of her only child moving so far away.
‘I told you,’ Elena says, carrying two plates stacked with food into the living room. They smell delicious; the scent of bacon and eggs and buttered toast filling the air. She sets them on the coffee table. ‘I’ll be there all the time. At this point, who knows if Devin will ever come home.’
‘And I’ve got plenty of vacation time saved up,’ Lisa adds. ‘Charlie too. We’ll be there so often, you’ll get sick of us. Now, eat. I’m sure you’re starving.’
Chloe is, so she digs in. Elena is a fairly talented cook, (honestly, what isn’t Elena good at?) and Chloe nearly moans over how good everything is. She makes sure to tell Elena as much.
‘Oh, hush.’ Elena waves off the compliment. ‘You’ve been up all night, and I’m sure you haven’t eaten. You’d say that about anything right now.’
‘It’s true! Mom, tell her.’
‘This is very good, Elena,’ Lisa says dutifully. She spears some toast with her knife. ‘You certainly don’t hold back on the butter! My kind of girl.’
Elena’s cheeks darken, but this time she doesn’t dismiss the compliment. She just smiles to herself while taking a deep sip of coffee.
As Chloe eats, her resolve strengthens. They’re right, of course, and Chloe needs to woman up and go after her own happiness. It scares her, but she needs to trust that everyone saying they’ll be there and she won’t end up alone is telling the truth. She needs to trust the ones she loves, even if it scares her shitless.
And it definitely scares her shitless.
Chloe snags an extra slice of bacon as her phone vibrates in her bag. In her heart, she knows who’s calling, but she still sucks in a breath when she sees ‘Luke Waters calling’ on her screen. There’s a selfie of the two of them at the pier as his contact photo.
‘I’m-I’m gonna take this,’ she tells Elena and her mom.
‘I want to talk to him when you’re done!’ Lisa calls as Chloe slips into the kitchen for a bit of privacy.
‘Mom!’
‘What? He’s the father of my grandkid and your soon-to-be boyfriend! I deserve the chance to talk to him,’ Lisa says, only half-joking.
In the kitchen, Chloe hesitates for just a second before swiping to answer Luke’s call.
‘Hey,’ she says softly. It feels kind of lackluster, but it’s all that comes to mind. Her heart pounds in her chest, almost to the point of being painful. If she was Devin, she would be cool and clever, sounding just flirty enough without going overboard.
But she isn’t Devin. She’s just plain old Chloe. But that’s okay, Luke seems to like—love —her exactly as she is, she reminds herself.
‘Chloe,’ Luke breathes, and Chloe’s eyes immediately fill with tears. His voice, the palpable relief there makes her heart ache. She really has been denying herself everything she wants, nothing could be clearer now.
‘I’m so sorry,’ Chloe says. Her voice cracks, her guilt over running off like that seeping through. He didn’t deserve that.
‘You don’t need to apologize,’ Luke replies, like it’s so simple. Like simply picking up the phone is enough to make everything okay. Chloe shakes her head, even though he can’t see it.
‘I do,’ she insists. She clears her throat and forces herself to speak louder and clearer. This is an apology, dammit! She needs to do this right. ‘I’m sorry, Luke. I—you were right from the very start. I’ve been pushing you away and denying myself what I really wanted because I was scared. A coward. You have been so great, and honestly haven’t given me any reason to be so chickenshit. I’m sorry for any pain that I’ve caused you. I haven’t been fair to you at all.’
‘I never cared about you being fair to me,’ Luke says softly. Chloe stares at Elena’s plain kitchen cupboards and wishes she was looking at Luke. ‘It just drives me crazy when we both want the same thing, and yet you wouldn’t just let it happen.’
‘I’m sorry,’ Chloe says again. ‘I’m working on it though. I had some good advice,’ she adds with a half-hearted laugh.
‘Good,’ Luke says. ‘I’m glad. I?—’
‘Actually, I have one more thing,’ Chloe interrupts. ‘I’m sorry, I know I’m being rude, but if I don’t say this now, I’ll probably chicken out. We both know I’m good at that.’
There’s a knock at the front door. Chloe spares it a glance—who could be at the door so early on a weekday?—but turns her attention back to the phone call when Elena answers the door.
Luke chuckles over the phone. ‘Go ahead.’
Chloe squeezes her eyes shut and finally says, ‘I want to be with you, Luke. However we can make it work, I want to try. I think we could be happy together: you, me, and the baby. I want to give us a chance.’
She swallows, waiting for him to speak. He doesn’t.
She glances at the screen and—yep, the call is still going. ‘Luke?’
‘Is it my turn now?’ Luke asks. But his voice isn’t coming from the phone. Not solely, at least. It’s coming from behind her.
Chloe whirls around, eyes wide as she sees Luke standing there, phone in hand and a cheeky grin on his face. His eyes, though, are watery, and relief is painted all over his face.
For the first time since the day they met, Chloe lets herself do exactly what she wants and just goes for it. She takes one step, then another, and another. Then grabs him by the front of his shirt and pulls him down to kiss her.
Kissing Luke is like a breath of fresh air, like she hadn’t realized she’d been holding her breath for so long and now she can breathe again. She keeps one hand grasping his shirt, but the other goes straight to his hair.
God, Luke’s curls are a fucking dream. Chloe’s fingers bury themselves deep into those dark curls, tugging on them until Luke groans into her mouth. His hands find her hips, pulling her close.
After what could be fifteen seconds or eternity, their lips part, but not far. Chloe presses her forehead against Luke’s, their eyes meeting.
They’re both out of breath, their softs pants the only thing Chloe can hear. In the back of her mind, she wonders where Elena and her mother went, or if they’re just sitting silently in the living room. But honestly, she doesn’t care. The world could go up in flames around her and she wouldn’t care because Luke is right here.
‘I want to give us a chance too,’ Luke tells her quietly, like speaking any louder could shatter this whole moment. ‘I’ll do anything, Chlo. Because you’re worth it. We’re worth it. If that means moving to Nashville for you, I’ll do it.’
Chloe shakes her head, but she can’t stop the smile on her face. ‘Your whole job is in LA.’
‘So, I’ll video chat songwriting sessions and fly in for radio performances,’ Luke says with a shrug. ‘I don’t care. I’ll make it work. There are recording studios in Nashville, you know. There’s a whole music industry here.’
Chloe snorts. ‘I’d love to see your pop punk being recorded next to hillbilly country as much as the next person, but I don’t think that’s going to be necessary.’
‘No?’
Chloe swallows hard, but nods. She’s still scared—God, how could she not be?—but this time, she’s going to choose to be brave. Chloe isn’t her mother and Luke is certainly nothing like her father. Their relationship can be something totally different; something so much better.
‘Let’s go home, Luke.’
And the smile that grows on his face is enough to light up the whole damn room.