It’s ugly after sunset #2
“Close that sexy jaw, Willy.” Maddy tips her head back laughing. She squints her eyes studying me, but she’s grinning so wild when she meets my eyes dead on. “I’m kidding.”
I hiss another curse and turn away. “You’re fucking—”
“Oh. Come on. You’re talking like virgins are witches.” She shrugs and snags the joint back from me. “I’m not saving myself for marriage. I only want to give heads. That’s all. No dramatic noble reasons.”
“Bullshit.” I snort. “What about you then?”
Now, it’s my turn to be ridiculous. I am asking about this girl’s orgasm. Why am I becoming curious about this girl’s satisfaction in bed?
“What about me?” Her face changes to obvious surprise.
“Exactly what it sounds like.” I turn to her a little more. I can’t believe I’m saying this. “Don’t you want to— you know—”
Her eyes beam with amusement. “Feel good?” She chuckles at my nod then takes another drag before answering me. “I have other ways.”
Ah. I see.
What does she look like when she comes? Would she close her eyes and let out a soft moan, or gasp heavily with her cheeks flushed?
Jesus.
Why am I picturing this girl’s moan?
I nod too many times, like an idiot.
Although the weed makes everything a little more blurred by the edge. I might look extremely cool or smug or understanding with the nod.
“Got it. So no casual sex.” I lean back on my elbows on the steps, regaining some composure at least.
“The word casual in casual sex is like a religion. Everyone wants to believe in it, we just don’t know where it is. Maybe after death we’ll finally meet it.”
I choke on the next drag. “Does weed always bring out the divine in you?”
No amount of preparation makes anyone ready for a conversation with Maddy. I’ve just learned that.
She laughs at my series of coughs, her face arranged into mock concern. “What?” She squints her eyes theatrically. “Actually you tell me. You’re the one who knows casual sex better than I do.”
I finally recover. “I don’t do it anymore.”
“Congratulations.” She hands me the joint like a trophy. “You’re recovering from fuck boy era. Highly moral. Redemption on the way. You could become a priest.”
I laugh so hard I almost drop the joint onto the step. “No. Nothing moralistic about not having casual sex, Maddy. People do whatever the hell they want.”
A fact. Most of my social circle is made up of confident jocks who enjoy casual sex. They’re horny, somebody attractive is there at the right moment, it feels good. End of story.
“Then why did you stop?” Maddy asks me in all her seriousness. “Why are you torturing yourself?” Her finger gestures around my groin area.
“Cause it’s becoming repetitive.”
“Fucking arrogant.” Maddy laughs at me again.
Fair. “It gets boring. I got bored of being the guy who wakes up the next day and avoids the girl because I want nothing else.”
“Oh com’on.” Maddy starts giggling in disbelief. “Isn’t that what casual sex is? You just said you get it on then you get off.”
“For a while. And for anyone who enjoys it. I have no fucking issue with it, Maddy.” My voice rises a little in defence. “I’ve done enough of it to know it was fun. Then eventually it was just… meh.” I pause. “Too much risk for something I barely remembered afterward.”
“STDs?”
“No. Not STDs. I always suit up, you little gremlin.”
“So… what’s the risk?”
I look at her. “Reputation. I don’t want a rumour, somebody causing a scene at practice or Coach hearing about some shit I could’ve avoided.”
“So… you refuse sex because girls might become clingy?”
I offer her a little shrug while handing her back the joint.
I’ve watched enough guys around me deal with the fallout of casual hookups with the wrong people. And it’s not like you run a fucking background check on some girl at a party before things get heated.
Hell, I’ve dealt with enough awkward aftermath myself. One situation took nearly an entire semester to cut clean.
“If people only wanted my dick, sure.” I hiss. “Some girls treat sex and a night of cuddling like an invitation to a game, the locker room or my class when we literally have nothing to say to each other.”
Maddy takes another drag, crosses her legs and looks up instead of at me. “And you can’t be another dick like everyone else.”
“I don’t want to.” I chuckle at her words. “Not anymore. But depends on who you ask, I’m still a dick.”
“Duh.” She gives me a wicked smile. “That was the only thing you offered.”
Other guys can afford to be dicks about it and simply ignore the girls afterward. I can’t afford to be sloppy.
So frankly, the satisfaction of my dick does not outweigh the trust I might lose from Coach, or some girl going feral in the locker room because I didn’t pick up her calls.
In short, it’s a great deal of inconvenience in exchange for something I could barely remember. So I keep my dick in my pants before it gives me bigger headaches.
Simple maths.
“So you put your dick through strict management?”
I snort. “Pretty much.”
I don’t know why we’re still talking about my dick, but I guess we’re sitting on these cold concrete steps doing a Cost-Benefit Analysis of My Former Sex Life. So we are.
“You’re not doing it to make yourself more desirable are you? You know, the whole people want more of what they can’t have.”
“Fuck no.” I bark out a laugh. “If I wanted sex, I’d be having sex. Making people want me has never really been the problem.” I’m giving out free dick facts tonight I think.
“So if Jenny was here, would you still get hard?” Maddy asks with mischief. “I gotta ask cause you said your dick is still excellent."
“Yes, Maddy. My body still functions.” I snort loudly enough. My functioning dick won’t listen to me, that’s just fact. “But I wouldn’t sleep with her.”
“Well, you’re allowed to change your mind. She’s not clingy. Hot and very emotionally not-give-a-fuck.”
I raise an eyebrow. “Are you trying to convince me to fuck your business partner?”
“Nope. I’m trying to point out the bullshit logic behind your decision to deliberately deprive yourself of pleasure.”
“You missed the part where I stopped finding it pleasurable.”
“You’re kidding me. Sex?” Maddy uncrosses her legs and turns fully towards me. Her eyes dazed from the weed.
“No. Meaningless sex.” I scoff, reminding her. That’s when I realise, I’ve somehow moved closer to her.
“What ‘bout me?” She asks me in delight.
“What about you?” I answer her with another laugh.
She looks me over slowly, from my face down to my waist. “Yeah. What about me?” Her eyes are nothing but teasing. Probably. It’s impossible to tell with Maddy.
“Ten minutes max.” I huff a chuckle.
“Ten minutes? You’d come in ten?” Her face turns into disappointment.
“Jesus Christ. No.” My head tips back laughing. “Though I wouldn’t be surprised. But if I saw you at a party a year ago? Ten minutes max. Maybe less. I’d have to come over.”
She gives me a satisfied little grin. “To chat me up.”
“Wouldn’t have been just chatting.” My shoulder bumps into hers. “But sure. We could’ve started like this.” I turn my gaze towards her, bare leg right next to mine. “Too bad you don’t do hookups. And apparently you don’t want a relationship either.”
“Nope.” Maddy snickers, shaking her head.
“So specifics. Why?”
“Because.” She shrugs.
I huff, relighting the joint in my hand. “Answer me. And don’t give me that bullshit non-answer you gave Nate.”
Maddy reaches for the joint. I pull my hand slightly away.
Her mouth drops open. “Are you withholding my own joint from me?”
“Answer. You owe me a real one. I told you mine.”
She thinks about it. At least, her eyes say she’s considering giving me a real answer.
“I'm a lover girl with a spicy attitude,” she announces.
“Okay. Explain. I don’t read cryptic.” I raise my eyebrows.
“People either run from me or try to calm me down.” She sits up and tries to take the joint from my hand. “Like, maybe don’t do that. Don’t say that. Don’t buy that. Don’t climb that, Maddy.”
I laugh because I can absolutely hear people saying every one of those things to her.
Maddy points at me. “I don't want to calm down. I want to wake up and grab the world by the throat and say, 'watch me fly.’"
Oh. This girl wants to fly. Funny thing to say when we’re relaxed as fucked.
I grin without handing her the rest of the joint yet. “You’re high.”
She sits forward, arm reaching out to take the joint back before it dies. “No idea what that means. Just feels right in the mome—.”
Our lips brush at the exact moment I turn my face.
Not a kiss. Just the softest touch of her lower lip against mine.
I’m not moving. Maddy’s eyes lift to mine. The joint burns forgotten between my fingers.
What the fuck just happened?
No. What the fuck am I doing?
Because I’m already moving my lips against hers, tasting her cherry lip gloss between mine. Her eyes flutter shut and I close mine too.
Maddy pulls back barely an inch and looks at me. For a second, I think she might reach for the joint again. I can't read her expression, except for the tiny smile beginning at one corner of her mouth.
“Again?” I murmur.
Maddy presses her lips into mine without hesitation. And for the first time since the buzzer, my brain goes completely quiet.