Nothing to talk about #2
“No. I’m feeling a bit off today so just stayed in bed.” I try to take a step back to keep distance. Dear God, I do not want anyone to look at me up close right now.
“Define a bit off.” Will’s jaw is tight.
“Just a bit tired.”
“You haven’t eaten anything all day?” His voice cuts through again, firmer this time.
“No. I’ll eat tomorrow.” I try to smile faintly and give him the little more assurance.
“Why don’t we all go downstairs and have something to eat? We haven’t had dinner yet.” Nate asks me. “We’re ordering Japanese because if I have to have another of Will’s chicken or Lizzie’s quinoa, I think I’ll die and reborn as a chicken.”
He always manages to make me laugh. I glance at Nate, some of the brightness has found me again. “Thank you. But I think I’ll pass today. Maybe tomorrow?”
Nate gives me another grin. “Baby girl, you’re sure?”
Will continues to study my face to see if I change my mind.
I nod again to assure him. “Yeah. Enjoy your dinner. Don’t worry about me.”
My bladder is not on my side and I admit seeing Will in this state is not the most glamorous, okay fine, I’m not Lizzie. The most on brand look for me so I really rather get out of his sight. But also, bladder.
Nate finally heads downstairs to order dinner. Will follows him, or I assume he does. Because when I return from the bathroom, his familiar silhouette is still leaning beside my door. That’s how much I’ve been clocking his body into my every day.
I still jump a little from the surprise.
There was a time when life was so much easier, when I only miss Will Turner. The heroic pirate who cuts out his heart for the love of his life who he only gets to see once every ten years.
Now, I remember Will Mercer, who I meet every single day and comes to my door when I don’t answer his texts. Properly.
He snickers, one shoulder leaning against the wall near my room. “Feeling better?”
Damn it. Can I be any more undignified in the span of these fifteen minutes? I’m torn between concealing the sound I make when I pee and not giving a single care. But it’s Willy.
“Yeah…” I summon a faint smile. “How is your ankle going?”
Will turns his head to follow me as I walk back into my room. “I’m walking. Recovery training this afternoon so we’re looking good in maybe another week. You’re sure you don’t want to eat. You look a bit pale.”
“Mhm…” I give him another nod, staying an arm’s length from him. “I’m not down or anything. I just need to sleep this off and I’ll be back tomorrow.”
Will stays on his feet for a little longer, just studies my face which I really wish he doesn’t right now, so I cover it with both my hands.
Then he pulls a bottle of green juice from his hoodie and hands it to me. “I found some sachets in the pantry,” he tells me simply.
I look up at him in confusion and take the bottle anyway.
“It’s your grass juice. Barley, you said?” He sounds hesitant.
Oh. That juice. The one he made a face sipping weeks ago?
“Barley juice?” I clarify.
“Yeah. I saw your sachets. It’s the same one. And that probiotics you added too.”
Sneaky. Those probiotics sachets are written in Korean.
My lips press into a smile. “You saw me put them together?”
He shrugs with a small smirk. “You always put the green one and the yellow one in one glass. I figured you like them together.”
I don’t. They taste like grass. But they’re healthy. And it’s better to have two rubbish-grass-tasting things in one go than two different glasses.
I stare at him but I’m pretty sure my eyes say I’m melted into a puddle. I hope not.
“You said it’s good for your immune system. Get better.”
“Mhm.” I nod. That’s all I could manage today. “I’ll feel better tomorrow.”
His eyes stay on mine, evaluating if I’m lying. He slowly nods, too. “Good. Text me if you need anything.”
II smile wider at that and nod like an idiot, retreating into my room and closing the door behind me.
He brought me grass water and left.
Secretly, I’m so thankful for this level of patience he has for me. I know anyone else would barge into the door and demand an answer for the conversation we didn’t finish, but he doesn’t. Text me sounds like a warm hug I desperately need, and I let myself be wrapped in it tonight.
The blanket takes me in the familiar shape that I’ve been lying down for the whole day. Instead of watching a movie, my notes app is open on my phone.
I started typing.
THINGS THAT MADDY FAIRFAX IS AWESOME AT
-set shit in motion
-Hide nothing
I think about this then change delete ‘Hide nothing’ and change it.
-have nothing to hide
-Tell people the truth
-Choose foods
-Don’t forgive people who don’t deserve it
Then I pause, and start a new note.
WILL
-He double-texts!!!!!
-He’s so calm + unflinching
-He can argue properly
-So funny
-He listens
-Barley!!!!! Green grass juice. Probiotics!!!!
-Smile!!!!! When he’s really happy. Tiny dimple <3
I’m already smiling to myself in the dark room before I create another heading underneath.
REASONS I SHOULD KISS WILL AGAIN
-Unicorn!!!
-He wants to. He said so.
-I want to
-He kisses like he chooses me
-Not an asshole
I’m still typing when another message from Leila pops up on my phone and removes my smile immediately.
Leila: Maddy, can I call you? I just really want to talk
Leila: when you’re ready of course.
I hesitate for a moment.
There is no miscommunication in life. I don't believe in it.
There are things people deliberately say and there are things people deliberately conceal. And if a thing is left unsaid? There, that's your answer. If a thing is left without an explanation, however badly, there, that's your explanation.
I am not cold-hearted. I am warm like sunshine with a touch of hurricane. Sunshine, nevertheless.
My dad used to say: seek the truth until you don't want to any more.
I stopped chasing a long time ago, because I'd already chosen mine.
Maddy: Nothing to talk about
Maddy: hav a good life Leila