Close for business
For two days after we get back from thanksgiving, I barely see Maddy.
She passes me once on campus while talking on the phone, gives my wrist a quick squeeze and keeps moving without interrupting whatever instructions she is delivering. That night she comes home after midnight.
The next morning she is gone before I reach the kitchen.
Her messages arrive at strange hours.
Maddy: do hockey players look better holding bottles or towels
Maddy: urgent professional question
No it is not. I couldn’t answer because I’m sitting in another ECO499 tutorial and our tutor is anal about phones in class.
Also my advisor wants a full draft of my Thesis by the first of March, which is in nine weeks, and I have a conference tournament between now and then.
Maddy: also ur shower technique gets 9.4
I finally reply to her right after the tutorial.
Will: Why not 10?
Her reply comes even later that afternoon.
Maddy: arrogance deduction
Then, on the second evening, the house becomes quiet.
And by that I mean, Maddy’s quiet. No Pirates score vibrating through the ceiling. No high-pitched voice shouting questions from another room and expecting the entire house to participate.
I come home to already find her shoes kicked off beside the front door. Her bag left unattended on the living-room floor. I want so badly to knock on her door or text her, but sending a short “u up?” text feels rude. So I head to the shower instead. Maybe she’s just taking a nap.
Even after my long shower, her room stays dark.
I stop outside her door and knock gently. “Maddy?”
Nothing.
I press my ear closer. There is movement beneath the covers. Nate is probably napping or playing games on his headphones so I feel a little bolder. “Maddy, are you in there?”
A pause. Then her voice comes softly through the door. “Will? Come in.”
The room is almost completely dark. Her laptop sits closed on the desk, her phone beside it rather than attached to her hand, which is the first indication that something is genuinely wrong. Maddy lies beneath the covers facing the wall with only her hair visible.
I close the door behind and step in quietly. “Are you hiding, Maddy? Why do you lie there without the lights on?”
I sit down on the edge of her bed.
“The world has become a little irritating.” She turns enough for me to see her face.
The brightness has gone from her eyes. She does not look sad exactly. She looks emptied out, as though somebody switched off every light inside her and forgot to explain where the controls were.
“Did someone give you a hard time?”
“No.” She shakes her head very softly.
“How much did you sleep?”
She gives me a tired look. “That question again.”
“And I will keep asking it.”
“Everything is going well,” she tells me quietly. “The campaigns are good. The clients are good. Jenny is good. I’m just…” She makes a vague movement beneath the blanket. “Temporarily unavailable.”
“Like a website?”
“Scheduled maintenance.”
“Should I come back during business hours?”
Her mouth curves slightly. Success.
“Do you want food?”
“No.”
“Water?”
“Eventually.”
Maddy draws one knee closer to her chest. “Sometimes I get like this,” she admits lightly. “I go very fast, and then I don’t.”
I have already maxed out all the possible solutions I could think of for the current situation. And Maddy doesn’t seem to need anything from me right now.
“Do you want to be alone?” I try anyway.
“From everyone else.” She scrunches her nose but her smile is hallow. “Not you.”
I clear my throat. “Thank God. Because I have already invested the time walking to your room.”
“You should be proud of yourself.” She chuckled lightly.
“I know. I’ve known for sacrifice.”
I kick off my shoes and move around the bed. She instantly lifts the covers so I climb behind her still wearing my T-shirt and track pants, and fit my body along the curve of hers. My arm settles around her waist. She immediately catches my wrist and pulls it closer.
“Did you have a nap?”
“Couldn’t sleep.” She shakes her head slightly. “My brain won’t shut up, but it won’t give me one useful thought either. I’ve just been lying here being tired.” A pause. “Sometimes I just crash and need to hide from the world for a night.”
“Then we hide,” I say at once, burying my face on the crook of her neck. My thumb moves slowly over her stomach beneath the blanket.
It feels so fucking good holding her again after all these days.
“I haven’t showered.” Maddy admits, trying to pull herself away from me.
I pull her back immediately, pressing her firm against my chest. “You smell so nice.” I kiss the back of her neck.
I inhale like an addict, a soft moan left me as her scent fills my lungs. I can never imagine Maddy not smelling good. Ever.
“I also haven’t brushed my teeth.”
Even that does nothing to my addiction.
“I still want to kiss you,” I tell her, then bite lightly at the back of her neck before I can stop myself.
“You’re lying to get me to sleep.” She gives a weak laugh.
“Does it work?” I murmur. “Because I could also explain defensive rotations.”
“Okay. Explain it to me.” She giggles softly.
So I explain defensive rotations for a full five minutes.
“Maddy…” I swallow, my arms pulling her a little closer. “Can I ask you a question?”
She doesn’t answer. Her body has gone soft against mine and her breath slows into a peaceful rhythm.
I tighten my arms around her waist, bury my face in her hair and let my eyes close.