Chapter 6
I woke up feeling off. Those three words I had clung to last night, that had lulled me to sleep, felt hollow now.
The way the night played out was nagging at me now. The moment had felt beautiful, it hadn't felt like fucking... I thought maybe he meant more. But then he got up and had to go... didn't stay, and if that hadn't thrown me off kilter, he said those three words with an ease that left me breathless.
I got up and decided to go for a run. I had always been active, always been one who was up for anything.
But running... something about it cleared away all the bullshit and helped me think.
My feet on the trail, my lungs full of fresh air.
.. the seasons wrapping me up in their beauty. .. it centred me.
As I was getting dressed, my phone lit up. I hadn't changed his name in my contacts yet... something about what he had called himself... called us, felt beautiful. I wanted to keep that beauty. Wanted to keep the fantasy behind our love story.
Last First Date: Good Morning, Beautiful. I miss you already.
I didn't respond, and it wasn't because I was trying to be a brat or be difficult. I didn't know what to say. And that was a first. I had always responded quickly to his texts.
Autumn had my little town firmly in its grasp. So I moved back to my closet and added layers.
The text alert made me jump. Crap, why was I so jumpy?
I pulled my messy hair up into a bun and moved back to my phone.
Last First Date: I meant what I said last night, Cassidy. I love you. Sitting through these meetings and not being near you feels like torture.
My heart beat a little faster, a small smile tugging at my face. But something was still not sitting right with me. So I grabbed my runners and started lacing them up.
Last First Date: Are you still sleeping, or are you ignoring me because you are upset...
I ran my thumb over my phone, thinking about responding quickly... but his last text threw me. Still unsure of how to respond, I grabbed my running pack, threw my keys, my i.d. and headed out the front door.
It wasn't that I was unsure of how I felt for him, god, I wanted to say those three words back last night. I knew how I felt around him, how my heart fluttered, and how my words felt jumbled. My words were never something that had failed me before... I owned my words. My voice.
I made it out to the frost-covered sidewalk and started moving in the direction of the closest running trail before the next alert came through.
Last First Date: Please don't push me away... don't ruin us, Cass... god, I regret leaving last night... I didn't sleep at all, thinking about you in bed alone, thinking about how I could have held you in my arms all night.
My heart did a happy dance... but my gut...
Was he reacting this way because he really cared and was worried about how I felt about last night? Or was this something else?
I needed to clear my head.
So I ran.
With my playlist forcing thoughts out and the warm fall colours pulling my attention to their beauty. I ran.
Or I tried... he was relentless. My alerts kept pulling my focus.
So I turned off my alerts, I silenced everything but my music.
And just like that, I found my stride, and I lost myself to the rhythm and scenery around me.
I don't know how long I ran for. But it felt good.
I knew I needed to talk to Andrew, to understand him, to understand us and this feeling I couldn't push past.
I felt confident in my decision.
I would go up to my apartment, eat, shower, change and...
All my thoughts evaporated when I came to my door and saw Andrew standing there with flowers in his hand.
I pulled my earbuds out and stared at the man for a moment.
He was so beautiful. Warm difused light lit his dark brown hair and made his eyes look like a warm honey amber colour instead of his usual golden brown.
My heart fluttered, and it was like he could feel it, because he looked up from his phone and gifted me one of his smiles that could light up an entire room.
"Andrew, what are you..."
He stepped away from my door, and his smile vanished, replaced with a look I couldn't place or understand. "You weren't answering."
It hadn't been that long since he started texting me this morning... was he really that concerned? "I... I went for a run..."
He moved to pull me closer, his eyes tracing my form.
"I am sweaty, Andrew..."
He grabbed hold of me and pulled me into him, "God, Cassidy, I don't care, let me hold you... Tell me you aren't upset. I need to know that my leaving last night didn't change things for you."
He smelled so good. He pulled me in tight to his broad chest, and I rested my head for a moment... because it felt so good to be in his arms. I had the whole conversation mapped out in my head... I could do this. Talk to him. "I..."
"Fuck I missed you," He murmured into my hair, "I know that sounds crazy because I just saw you.
.. But I have never felt like this about anyone but you, Cassidy and it feels big.
.. and I don't want to screw this up. I love you and I need you and that.
.. fuck I'm forty and you are making me so unsure of myself. "
I pulled back a bit so I could see his eyes. I was having a hard time centring my thoughts. "Andrew, I..."
He silenced me with the softest of kisses. "I cleared my schedule for the rest of the day. Can we spend it together? Just me and you?"
I blinked, my heart beat jumped up, his scent wrapped around me, his brown eyes so sincere and full of love.
"Andrew..." What had I wanted to say before?
He nuzzled into my sweat-soaked hairline and whispered, "Please, Cassidy, let me stay... let me love you."
And just like that, I forgot it all. The worry. The feeling... The clarity my run had given me.
And without realizing it, without having the talk I planned, fall bled into winter, and winter started to melt into spring.
He showered me with gifts and words of love.
He stayed when he could.
He always made it up to me when he couldn't.
I fell madly, deeply in love with him. Like he was the very air I needed to breathe, like my existence revolved around him.
Every time I felt that gut feeling, he seemed to sense it and know exactly how to pull me back to him.
I let myself be rooted in his words, in the dream he was weaving for me.
In our love story that he promised would end with a happily ever after.