Chapter 8
I’d felt it in my bones for the last few weeks.
The shift. The change.
It started with the phone, always face down, always locked.
Then came the new excuses. The new meetings. The lingering scent that didn’t smell like me.
He said he was busy. Said he was tired. Said I was imagining it, that nothing had changed.
But something had changed.
I could feel it every time he made love to me, and then he was out the door shortly after.
And I hated what I was becoming.
Paranoid. Small. A woman waiting for proof of her own heartbreak.
Had the signs always been there?
He said we were exclusive, that he didn't want to share me... but...
Maybe he had grown tired of me. I had thought by now that we would be able to be open about our relationship.
I looked forward to the day we could do normal couple things out in the open, in the light of day.
I thought by now whatever had given him pause about being open about our relationship would no longer be a concern.
It had been stressing me out, and he had been brushing it off.
That night, he came over and made dinner. Lit candles. Played the playlist we built together.
I told myself he was right and I was crazy.
That Andrew wouldn't cheat on me, that it was all in my head. That maybe work was stressful, and our relationship was suffering because of it.
He kissed my neck while I stirred the pasta.
Told me I looked beautiful even though I was still in leggings and an oversized hoodie after a long day.
Said he was lucky.
And maybe he meant it.
But then his phone lit up on the counter.
And he wasn’t in the room.
He’d gone to the bathroom.
Left his phone on the counter, face up for once, it buzzed.
Once.
Twice.
Then again.
My eyes landed on the name.
Victoria.
I froze.
No.
The screen lit up again before locking.
Victoria: Can’t wait to see you later.. When will you be done with work?
Another ping.
Victoria: I miss waking up beside you.
My stomach twisted, but they didn't stop.
Victoria: Dinner was perfect last night
Can you pick up the bagels and cream cheese I like?
I didn’t think. Didn’t breathe.
My hand moved like it belonged to someone else.
I picked up the phone.
I didn’t even realize I was crying until the phone slipped from my hand and hit the rug.
When he stepped out of the bathroom and saw me standing there, shaking, eyes wide, face wet...
He knew.
He fucking knew.
“Cass…” His voice dropped. “Let me explain.”
“No.” My voice cracked. “No. I’m done. I’m not doing this.”
“It’s not what you think...”
“Really? Because what I think is that you’re cheating on me. That I’ve been stupid. Blind. That you found someone else and didn’t even have the decency to lie well. To leave me if you wanted to be somewhere else.”
“I didn’t cheat on you...”
I felt like I was spiralling, that everything was crashing down around me. Andrew was cheating on me, and I wasn't crazy.
“You’ve been lying to me for months!”
“Cassidy...”
“I loved you.” My voice broke along with my heart. “And you, God, I knew something was wrong. You made me think it was all in my head.”
He moved closer, and I backed away.
He exhaled. Quiet. Heavy. Like he was about to detonate the truth.
And then he said it.
Softly. Calmly. Like we were discussing the weather. “I’m married.”
The room went silent.
I blinked. I couldn't have heard that right. “What?”
“I was going to tell you...”
“You’re married?” It came out as a small whimper.
He stepped toward me again. I stumbled back.
“No, no, no...” I shook my head, chest heaving. “I’m... I'm the other woman. You made me the other woman. Oh my god... I thought you were cheating on me, but this is so much worse.”
Every moment where I thought he was cheating on me crashed down on me with the clarity of the truth. I felt like I was suffocating in my own skin. The panic I was feeling was all-consuming.
“Cassidy, listen, please just...”
I screamed. I screamed and cried and tried to shove him away when he reached for me, but he held on, strong arms wrapping around me like they could contain the destruction.
I fought him. Beat my fists against his chest.
But he didn’t let go.
We collapsed to the floor, me sobbing, him holding me tight, one hand cradling the back of my head like I might fall apart completely if he let go.
“I didn’t mean for this to happen,” he whispered into my hair. “I love you. I promise, I love you.”
“Stop. You don't love me... You are a liar and you made me... I LOVED you!” I couldn't control my voice; it didn't even sound like me anymore.
“Please, Cassidy. Listen to me. You still do love me, love, not loved. You need to listen to me.”
“Get off me...” I tried to push free, but he was so much stronger and wouldn't let go.
Like he knew the second I was free, we were done.
“I was forced into it,” he said. “I didn’t love her. She got pregnant, and our families made it sound like it was the only option. Her dad is a major investor in my company. My mom said I couldn’t walk away. That it would ruin everything. That I had to do what was right.”
I froze. Trembling. "You have a baby? No... no, you have a baby..." I choked out. I thought I was going to be sick in his arms.
“She lost the baby a month after the engagement,” he went on. “And I felt, God, I felt relieved. That’s how twisted it all was. I didn’t even know if she’d been pregnant at all.”
I whimpered, trying to breathe.
He was crying now, too. I could feel it in the way his voice cracked. In the wet warmth against my cheek.
“I didn’t want that life. I tried to make it work. But I couldn’t. She’s cruel, Cassidy. Manipulative. She’s cheated. Lied. Used me.”
“So leave her,” I cried.
“I’m trying. But it’s not simple. She has the power; her family has power. I was... am stuck.”
“And then you met me,” I said bitterly.
“And then I met you,” he whispered. “And everything made sense again. You made me want things I’d given up on. You made me feel alive. You are everything to me, Cassidy.”
I sobbed harder.
“I didn’t cheat on you,” he said. “Because I was never really with her. Not in the way that mattered.”
“But you are married.”
“I am married,” he admitted. “But it’s over. It’s been over for years. I just, I didn’t want to lose you before I could find a way out.”
“You made me a secret.”
“No,” he said fiercely. “I made you mine. I wanted our story to be ours. Before anyone else got to taint it. I didn’t want them to take you from me, too.”
I shook my head, choking on a sound.. a word maybe... a plea. “You made me a villain,” I whispered. “A homewrecker.”
“No,” he said, lifting my face to his. “You’re the truth. The first real thing I’ve felt in years.”
He stood and pulled me up with him, carried me to bed.
I tried to resist, to push him away. I couldn't think, wrapped up in him, but he wouldn’t let me. He curled around me, his body anchoring mine as I trembled in his arms.
“I love you,” he murmured. “I’ll stay. Tonight. I’ll stay. You are it for me, Cassidy. My everything. I will give you your happily ever after, baby, I promise.”
I didn’t believe him.
Not really.
But I was too broken to move.
So I let him stay.
I fell asleep in his arms, while he whispered about his love for me and our future together.
And for the first time in so long, I woke up the next morning still in his arms.
We stayed in bed for hours, he told me everything.
.. or he said he did. He told me about his plan to get unravelled from her family.
That he had already told her it was done.
.. that he fell in love with someone else, but he would make sure she understood.
That I was the only one he saw, loved, held, and worshipped.
I cried some more about being the other woman... about being the bad guy.
And he promised me that it was her, that Victoria was the villain in our love story and that he would make it all ok.
I should have let him go then. I should have known better.
I should of...
But he stayed, he explained, he promised.
I wish I had known then what I know now.
Because love doesn’t feel like logic when it feels like the very thing keeping you alive, and so I let him stay, because I was already broken, still believing he could be the one to save me.
And I loved him so fucking much.