Chapter 3 Blaze
The hospital visit didn’t go well. I forgot to apologize.
As soon as I saw the baby, everything flew out of my mind.
My son was born. I just gave Daisy the gifts I got for her on the way over, without saying anything.
Instead, I sat and looked at my son in my hands.
He was ice cold, dressed in tiny clothes, and he was small enough to just fit in my hands.
I felt my palms warming him up, but I couldn’t put him down. This was my son.
Daisy was facing away from me. She’d rejected my gifts.
She’d told me that she saw through them, and she knew about the girls.
But she’d named my son after me, just like I’d wanted.
Just like my parents wanted. Wasn’t that forgiveness?
Oh God, I’d have to tell my parents. They were so excited to be grandparents.
They loved kids, and they loved Daisy. I had made them proud and happy when I married Daiz.
Dad joked that a child would help me grow up and settle down.
Not really a joke. I was planning on doing it once he was born in another few months.
I was just having a final blowout. Sowing my wild oats, as they say.
Then I’d settle down like Dad demanded. “Something something, show Daisy some respect - she’s not like her mother, blah, blah, blah.
” At least, that’s what he sounded like.
But now it starts, I promised silently. No more nights at the club when Daisy falls pregnant again. I’d come straight home after day shifts. I guess I should have started that a little earlier. But it’s better late than never.
I glanced over at Daisy. She still had her back to me. The coldness from her was worse than the cold crib. I put Junior back into the crib.
“When…how long do they want you to stay in the hospital?”
She didn’t answer.
I stood up and walked around to see her face. She was asleep. Her face looked like she hadn’t slept for a week. The skin around her eyes was bruised with fatigue. I guess my apology wasn’t accepted. I just dropped my head, then walked out.
I drove to my parents. Mom came out as I pulled up.
“Hey honey! What a surprise.” She looked around me. “Where’s Daisy?”
“In the hospital,” I sighed.
Dad came out of the house in time to catch the conversation. “Is everything okay? Is the baby okay?”
I flopped myself down onto one of the chairs on the porch.
“No,” I admitted.
Mom sat next to me. “What happened?” she asked softly. I sighed, tears tickling my eyes as I tried to find the words.
“He was born last night,” I said.
Mom gripped Dad’s hand. “A boy. Tinker, we have a grandson,” she hummed to Dad.
I gulped and forced the rest of the news out. “He didn’t make it,” I admitted.
Dad looked hard at me. His face turned into a fantastic impression of granite.
“What else are you not telling us?” he asked.
“I wasn’t there for the birth. I found out this morning.”
“Where were you?” he growled suspiciously.
“Busy.”
“Goddamn it boy!” Dad stomped off, then turned around.
“I told you to knock it off. How do you expect to raise a family when you’re living like a college brat?
Gah, you disappoint me.” He stormed off and climbed into his truck, slamming the door before reversing out to head to the garage, where he worked.
I flinched at the treatment of his truck.
Dad had a temper, but he never mistreated Mom, and rarely a vehicle.
“How is Daisy?” Mom asked, tears thickening her voice as she sank into the chair beside me.
“I don’t know, she wouldn’t talk to me.” I wiped my eyes wearily.
“Do you blame her? She had to give birth to the baby alone.” Mom snorted angrily.
“She wasn’t alone. Bull sent a prospect to be with her,” I countered.
“A prospect.” Mom’s voice was filled with derision.
I shrugged, not seeing her point. Daisy had someone with her.
Mom spoke again, sounding more frustrated.
“So, a stranger, a kid who is working on belonging to the club, who traditionally is allocated the shittiest of the shit jobs, supported your wife through one of the most vulnerable times in her life…do you have any idea how wrong that is? What that looks like?”
I rubbed my eyes. “I’ll do better. When she comes home, I’ll shut it all down,” I conceded, just to stop her lecturing.
“You may have to do more than that. You could lose her, no matter what Matchstick says.” Mom sighed.
“Mom, it’s Daisy…she’s my forever, my ride or die. She’ll forgive me. She always has. We’ll try again and have another baby.”
Mom sighed then rubbed her face. She looked out toward the street, watching the neighbor’s curtains twitch. She pressed her lips together.
“What’s his name?” she eventually asked.
I smiled. “James Paul Lovelace,” I said proudly.
“Get out,” Mom snapped, standing up and walking back inside. I stood in shock as she slammed the door.
“Mom?” She didn’t respond. I tried the door handle. It was locked. I knocked. There was no answer. What the fuck? What did I do this time?
I went home. There was nothing else to do.
* * *
The clubhouse was quiet and solemn that night.
A few people came over to offer their condolences to me, but most converged around a prospect named Jimmy, shaking his hand and clapping his shoulder.
Just about all the ol’ladies had gone up and spoken to him as well, some giving him a hug and a kiss on the cheek under the watchful eyes of their men.
I sat at the bar, and for the first time in my life, I ignored the townies.
I thought about Daisy and how she was reacting.
Normally, she’d yell at me, lay into me about growing up, and ask how I could do this to her if I really loved her?
I’d sweet-talk her into bed and she’d forgive me.
But now she wasn’t here to yell at me. She was lying in a hospital bed, staring at a dead baby.
In the end, Daisy stayed in the hospital for days.
The nurses there gave me dirty looks when they realised that Daisy’s husband was me and not the prospect who brought her in.
Daisy still didn’t talk to me. Every time I visited, she’d be watching Junior, gently stroking his cheek with tears silently falling down her face.
I tried to apologise, but each time, my words got stuck in my throat.
So I brought flowers and all the jewelry I had stashed.
Shaquilla, the flower shop owner, was a townie regular who was surprised to find out I was married.
She was also one of the friends who looked after Delilah that night of sex.
She had no qualms about charging me double for each bunch of flowers and giving me the stink-eye every time I saw her.
I couldn’t argue because she’d just sneer and say something about what a fantastic husband I was to have to get flowers every day for my sweet wife while she recovered.
I saw Delilah once. Turned out her name wasn’t even Delilah, but Dani something. She ran away from me.
Daisy wasn’t ready to forgive me. Not until she left the hospital, which she didn’t want to do.
Leaving the hospital meant leaving Junior behind.
So the table beside her was piled with boxes of jewelry, and I took on a few extra overtime shifts just to keep my mind busy.
Then, after work, I’d scour the shops with my father-in-law, Matchstick, and his wife Molly for something Daisy might like.
It was a difficult time for me. I was looking forward to it being over and our lives getting back on track.