Chapter 18 Daisy
Jim lifted Dad down from the truck after we arrived back at the hospital, and placed him gently back in the wheelchair. I quickly connected the lines up as Jim tucked the blanket around Dad. Dad was worn out. Happy, but worn out.
Jim stood up and nodded at me with a smile. “He’s ready to go. I’ll wait for you out here.”
I smiled back and pushed Dad into the ward.
I helped the nurses get him undressed out of his jeans and kutte, and back into pajamas, then settled him into bed.
“Daisy,” Dad grabbed my arm just as I was about to go, “Don’t be mad at Blaze. He didn’t mean to hurt you.”
I sighed. “Dad, don’t,” I pleaded, shaking my head. I was proud of myself for getting through today without screaming or making a scene, although there were moments it was close.
Dad pressed on, “I have to say this, Daisy. He loves you. All those other girls don’t mean anything. He’s waited for you to come back.”
“No, he hasn’t, Dad; he’s just gone on as he always has. He’s got a son, and he still hasn’t grown up.”
“You can always give him another son. That boy doesn’t matter.”
I jerked my head back and then closed my eyes in disgust. “That’s so wrong, Dad. Dylan should matter. He’s Blaze’s son. And Blaze is a single dad. They don’t have anyone else.”
“Give him another chance, Daisy…that’s all I’m asking.” Dad gasped. He wasn’t oxygen deprived…just panicking that I wouldn’t give Blaze a second, third, four-hundredth chance…I shook my head in defeat. It wasn’t worth arguing about. Not with a dying man.
“Okay Dad, I’ll see what he says and does. But I’m not going to be cheated on anymore.”
Dad visibly relaxed and closed his eyes, ignoring my boundary. He heard what he wanted to. The rest didn’t matter.
“Thank you,” he whispered.
I walked back out to Jim, who looked at my face and silently opened the passenger door for me.
He walked around and climbed in. As he started the truck, I rested my head back and closed my eyes.
It was happening again. I was questioning myself and my choices.
My mother would call me selfish for thinking of restricting Blaze’s fun.
She’d done it so many times before. I felt my carefully cultivated independence slowly being sucked away.
A tear crawled down my face. I shouldn’t have come.
I should have started home and dealt with the guilt when it happened.
“Hey, it’s okay. I’m here, what do you need?” I felt Jim’s hand touch my knee. I reached for it, gripping it tightly as I let out the breath I’d been holding. I needed the contact.
“Freedom,” I sighed, my eyes still shut. I felt him disengage his hand, change gears and then curl his fingers around mine again. I needed the thing that was being threatened.
“Freedom it is,” he promised glibly. I didn’t believe him. How could he give me back something that was being dragged away from me.
I opened my eyes and stared out of the windscreen bleakly.
That was what I had in the city before coming back.
Freedom from judgement, freedom to make my own mistakes, freedom to walk away from my mistakes…
and I was feeling the pressure to give it all away to fit the picture-perfect image my parents wanted.
Jim drove past the turn-off to Bull’s house, and into the driveway of a dilapidated farmhouse.
He glanced at me. “It was my grandparents’ house. I got it a while ago and am slowly renovating. The roof was the first thing to be replaced.”
He pulled into a shed with other cars and junk, and hopped out. I slowly followed him into the house where he dug around in a cupboard and pulled out a helmet.
“As you wish. Freedom for the rest of the afternoon,” he said, giving it to me.
“Jim, you can’t take me on the back of your bike…it’s obvious I’m still considered an ol’lady,” I told him gently. Ol’ladies did not ride on the back of anyone else’s bike.
He turned around and handed me an old leather jacket.
“Who said you’re on the back?” he asked, before taking my hand and dragging me back to the shed.
“Ta-dah!” Jim pulled the cover off a vintage Harley.
“This was also in the inheritance from Granddad. Almost perfect condition.” He touched it reverently.
“I can’t ride your granddad’s bike,” I told him. It was beautiful.
He frowned at me. “You’re not riding it, I am!” He smiled a quirky smile. “You’ve got my regular bike. It’s not customized, so no one will pick it.” He pointed behind me and dangled some keys in my direction.
I looked at the red Street Bob behind me.
“You sure?” I asked.
Jim grinned. “Definitely. Uh, you can ride, can’t you?”
It was my turn to grin. “Yeah, Tinker taught me,” I bragged.
Then the smile faded. The ending of those lessons with Tinker were the first time that my wings had been clipped.
Dad had gotten pissed off and told me very clearly that girls belonged only on the back of the motorbike, never in control. Mom had agreed.
“Hey, what’s going on in your head?” Jim’s hand cupped my face.
I shook myself. “Nothing,” I told him. He was giving me back the taste of freedom…I wasn’t going to blow this chance. I walked over to the Bob.
“Helmet and jacket on. I’m not having a Janie monster tear me into shreds because you weren’t dressed appropriately. She’s worse than Bull in a temper,” Jim teased, putting his own gear on. I grinned, pulling the jacket on and holding the helmet.
“Jim!” I yelled as he started his granddad’s bike. He turned his head. “Thank you!” He waved it off as my helmet covered my grin.
I started the bike and followed him carefully down the driveway, then away towards the highway.
* * *
We pulled into the lookout right at sunset. In all the years of living in this town, I had no idea this place existed. But then, I’d only had a few rides outside of Tinker’s yard, and only a few club rides with Blaze.
I turned off the bike and pushed down the stand. Jim was off his bike already and pulling off his helmet, revealing his big grin.
“How was that?” he asked.
“Amazing!” I grinned back and swung my leg over the bike. “How did you find this place?”
“Just riding around. I’m thinking of using it for a Valentine’s Day club ride.”
“It would be perfect,” I agreed. “You could get the prospects to bring up blankets, champagne, and strawberries for the couples.”
“Hey, that’s a great idea,” Jim said as he held out his hand to help me walk to the rail of the lookout. I placed my hand in his and stepped up next to him. The view took in all the town lights nestled against the main roads.
I shivered from the beauty of it.
“Cold?” Jim asked. I shook my head but still felt him put his hand on my hip and curl me into his body so I could soak up the warmth radiating from him.
“This is beautiful,” I said, looking up into his face. He grinned down at me. I lost myself in his eyes. His smile slowly disappeared as we looked at each other.
“You’re beautiful,” he rasped. I felt the words rumble through his chest. I closed my eyes at the magic of it, and leaned my head against him.
“Daiz,” he whispered. I shook my head against the voices warning me, listing the rules I was breaking just by being here. I just wanted them to shut up. I knew those stupid rules didn’t exist in real life.
“Please, just let me stay here for a moment. Let me listen to you breathe,” I pleaded.
He stopped what he was going to say, and instead wrapped both arms around me, turning me into his body. Somehow, my arms fit perfectly around his waist, and my head found the perfect place on his pec. I felt his breath tickle my hair as he rested his face on top. I felt safe.
I let myself relax and just breathe. Just a few deep breaths, and then the hurt hit me.
I felt the lump well up in my throat. I knew if I stayed here in Jim’s warmth, I would break down.
But I couldn’t move. I needed to stay here like this, here in these arms that supported me, protected me.
Fuck what anyone else said. I felt the tears start flowing, and my breath turned shaky.
“Daiz?”
I squeezed my eyes shut and buried my face into his chest. I felt his arms tighten around me.
“Oh, Daisy.”
The way he said my name was like an endearment. I gripped his body harder. I couldn’t let him go. He swayed us around so he could lean on the railing, and he rubbed my back.
“It’s okay, Baby girl. It’s okay…you let it out. I’m here,” he hummed, both inside his chest and out. I sobbed my heart out.
As night fell, I cried and released some of the pain and resentment I’d been carrying around for four years. Jim rocked me in his arms until the tears slowly dried up.
“I’m okay,” I whispered.
“Not yet, but you will be,” he replied, not loosening his grip until I pulled my hands to his waist and leaned back.
“Thank you,” I murmured, looking up at him. He smiled with one corner of his mouth.
“Oh no, thank you.” He dropped his head and kissed my forehead. “Thank you for trusting me,” he said.
I took a deep breath and replied, “Who else would I trust?”
His grin glinted in the moonlight. “Bull and Janie?”
“Yeah well, I think Janie and the kids might complain if Bull holds me like this,” I replied. I felt him chuckle.
“Good point.” He smiled. “You hungry?” I nodded.
“Let’s go eat.”
He released me and we walked back to the bikes. Then I followed him to the diner. I pulled up next to him and watched him walk the bike back into a spot. He hopped off and looked at the bikes, then shook his head.
I followed his lead and reversed my bike into a spot beside him.
“Do you mind waiting here? I’ll grab a couple of meals to go, and we can find somewhere else to eat. These guys will cause trouble if they recognize you,” he said.
I nodded. I was nervous enough about appearing to be on a date with him as it was, so this was a great solution. I kept the helmet on as he walked in.
A couple of guys walked out to have a smoke after Jim disappeared. They nodded politely at me, probably assuming that I was just a prospect who had been told to wait by my VP. They stood near the bikes and lit up their smokes.
“Did you hear Blazes ol’lady came back?” one guy announced.
The other guy did a double-take. “Yeah?! She’s real?”
“Yep, Matchstick’s daughter. Beautiful thing. Can’t believe an Asshole like him got such a gorgeous thing.”
“Blaze or Matchstick?”
“Both.” They chuckled.
“I’m telling you, they don’t deserve her. Neither of them.” the one stated sadly. “She’s a real firecracker. Those two will just drag her down and turn her into another Molly.”
Jim came out then and placed the bags in the panniers on my bike.
“Hey Midwife,” they greeted him. “What do you know about Blaze’s ol’lady coming back?”
He drew himself to his full height and turned around. “I know she’s staying with Bull and Janie, what of it?”
“Not with Blaze?”
Jim shook his head. “No. Why do you ask? Gathering gossip?”
“Just watching out for Dylan. Stacey has gotten attached to the little guy, and we don’t want to see him hurt.”
“How would he get hurt?” Jim sounded confused.
“Well, what if she doesn’t want him?”
Jim sighed, and then replied, “I guess we cross that bridge when we come to it. Chances are that D2 will try to adopt him, and that means Bull is in trouble.”
The men chuckled again in agreement.
Jim walked around and pulled on his helmet.
“I’ll see you later,” he told the guys as we started the bikes and headed home. They waved us out.