Chapter 20 Daisy
I woke up bright-eyed and bushy-tailed the next morning.
That drink hadn’t affected me at all. Bull’s support had.
And Janie’s confirmation that, even in the club world, it was reasonable to expect to be someone’s one and only.
What Blaze had done to me really was cheating, and I didn’t deserve that.
And Jim was waiting for me, really waiting without expectations.
Those revelations had meant so much. They were empowering.
I had two people on my side, three if I counted Jim.
Jim, the thought of him brought an immediate smile.
I shouldn’t allow myself to feel anything for him, seeing as I’m still technically a married woman and an ol’lady, but damn, being around him felt good.
My smile faded as I looked up at the ceiling.
I had to clear this mess up with Blaze first before I did anything else with Jim.
I owed him an honest start. I gritted my teeth and got up out of bed.
* * *
I pulled into the driveway of my old house. Blaze’s bike was outside the garage. I took a deep breath to prepare myself to see him, and got out of the car.
Blaze came around the corner.
“Daisy!” He grinned. He was wearing pants and boots.
That was it. I looked over his bare chest as he strode towards me.
There were some new tattoos there. One in particular hurt.
Junior and a date. He didn’t deserve to wear that.
It was just the word, not the full name or any indication of the significance, but it was still a sign of his entitlement.
Blaze didn’t go to any of the appointments.
He never heard the heartbeat, he never put his hands in my belly and felt the kicks.
He just lived his life as he always had, and took the glory of impregnating me.
He was almost up to me as I put my arm out and stepped back to stop him from getting any closer. He still reached out as if he was going to hug me.
“Stop,” I told him. My hand actually landed on his chest before he did.
He gripped my shoulders instead, still grinning. “Daisy, you’re back. Do you want me to bring anything in for you?”
I looked into those yellow eyes and shook my head. “No, I’m heading home today.”
His face fell, confused. “What?”
I huffed in frustration. “I have work tomorrow. I’m heading to the hospital to say bye to Dad and Mom…and then I’m hitting the road.”
“But you just got here,” he whined.
I nodded. “I know, but we’re short-staffed. This is all I could get.” I looked down, forcing myself to say the next words. “Apparently, we need to talk.”
I heard his breathing hitch, then, “Yes, do you want to come inside?”
I walked around him to the door and found it locked. I frowned at him.
He looked embarrassed. “I don’t live here anymore, not without you. I just come to keep up the maintenance,” he admitted, reaching past me to unlock the door.
I walked into the room that was almost just as I had left it, except with a layer of dust.
There was an empty vase sitting on the kitchen table behind my old phone, and the jewelry he’d given me at BJs birth. There were a few other boxes that probably held jewelry pieces there, too.
“You forgot those when you left…so I added a few more as I thought of you,” Blaze said, walking in behind me.
“No, I didn’t forget,” I told him, shaking my head. “I left those deliberately.”
I walked forward and grabbed a chair. “I have some questions,” I said, sitting down.
“Sure, can I get you anything? Although, there’s nothing here except water.” He gave his patented cheeky grin. I just stared at him, revulsion sitting at the base of my stomach.
“What was so important that you couldn’t come to me when our baby was born?” I asked the question I already knew the answer to.
He had the grace to look uncomfortable.
“I can’t remember,” he dodged.
“Were you ever going to stop sleeping with other women?” I asked.
He rushed to the table to try and grab my hands. “Of course, Daiz, I love you.”
I jerked my hands away. “How?!” I snapped
He gave a good impression of a fish while he was trying to work out my question.
“Why stop now?” I amended the question.
“I was going to stop when our baby was born,” he stammered eventually.
“Our baby was born, and you had another kid, and you’re still doing it,” I pointed out.
“You weren’t here!” he tried.
I slammed my hands on the table, making the vase jump.
“That doesn’t matter!” I roared.
“You had six months to clean yourself up after BJs death, same as I did. I was only going to be away for six months. I only completely disappeared when I heard that things had not changed,” I hissed.
He looked confused again. “Who’s BJ?”
I took a moment. “Our baby, I called him Baby James. BJ,” I explained.
“No, he’s Junior,” Blaze incorrectly corrected me.
I fixed my gaze on him.
“Not to me, he isn’t. But that’s beside the point. You didn’t stop with the girls ever. No matter how much it hurt me, and you knew it hurt me. Otherwise, why would you buy me this?” I grabbed a box and opened it, tipping the bracelet onto the table.
“This. Dad used to do this and think it was okay ‘It’s all fixed; she’s forgiven me, so I can do it again.
’” I stopped to calm myself down. The hurt and betrayed feelings were always just under the surface.
I took a breath and continued, “I don’t wear jewelry because I heard my mother crying every time she got something.
Because every time she got a new piece, she knew he’d stepped out on her.
I heard her suffering, and he thought some bit of pretty scrap would make up for the cracks in her heart. ”
I looked at his shocked face and realized, “You never noticed. You never noticed that I don’t wear any jewelry.
In all the years you chased me, all the necklaces, bracelets, rings, earrings…
you never noticed I didn’t wear any of it!
? I knew what it meant. I learnt that from an early age.
It meant that you didn’t care about me beyond being a housekeeper and a badge of honor.
‘I am a man, I have an ol’lady and a house.
’ It doesn’t matter that the ol’lady is a human, not a thing. ”
“That’s not it at all, Daiz. I love you. You’re my ride-or-die. I came home to you every day. Those others were nothing,” Blaze started his tired old excuses again.
“But you had a kid with one,” I yelled.
“It was a mistake, we ran out of condoms!”
“If you weren’t screwing her it wouldn’t have mattered!” Tears of hurt were running down my face. “All I wanted was for you to stop screwing around, Blaze. That’s it. But you didn’t love me enough to do that.”
He gaped at me. He had no words. It really didn’t matter. Nothing could make him understand. I’d left, and he still thought he could win me over.
I saw his gaze swing down to my bare hands. “Where’s your wedding ring?” he asked.
“Beside the bed, in the drawer. With all the other trinkets you apologized with. I stopped wearing it one month after the wedding.”
“Why?” He was horrified.
“I found the condoms in your clothes. And I figured if you’re not going to respect me, I’m not going to wear anything that joins us either.”
I could see his mind reeling. I stood up.
“You don’t know me, Blaze. You don’t notice a single thing about me other than what you want to. And I deserve someone who does. I deserve to be someone’s real one and only. The only one they sleep with, the only one they fuck, the only one they think about. That’s what ride or die means.”
I walked out of the house and climbed back into my car. One hard meeting down, one more to go.