Chapter Twenty-Seven - Rachel
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
Rachel
“I got one last box for you!”
I hold out the cardboard box to Dominic when he races into my room. He snatches it from me with a mumbled thanks before dragging it into the living room to add it to the makeshift castle he and Lyla have made.
“I was starting to think I’d never get everything unpacked.”
“Well, we aren’t done yet,” Meredith says, gesturing to the stacks of clothes on the table that still need to be gone through. “But we’re close.”
I toss the clothes in piles—mainly to donate or throw away. “I can’t thank you enough for helping me with this. I owe you big time.”
“You don’t owe me a thing. You know I’m happy to help,” she says with a genuine smile that reminds me how lucky I am to have a friend like her.
Since Ryder and I discovered he’s being framed, nothing new has come to light. Ryder says the software he obtained would take time to fully deliver, download, and run, so we shouldn’t expect answers for at least another few days.
So, we’ve spent the last two weeks living as the happy little family I never dared to dream we could be.
Ryder still watches Lyla while I go to work, and then when I get home, we either train or the three of us spend time together—going on walks, to the park, or swimming. Once we put Lyla to bed, we barely make it to the bedroom before we pull each other’s clothes off.
The only part of our routine that I hate is that Ryder doesn’t stay with me through the night.
Though he’s never said it outright, I know it’s to go to work at the base. Between watching Lyla, spending time with me, and working, I’m not sure when Ryder has time to sleep. When I asked him about it, he only assured me I had nothing to worry about.
I’d wanted to push the topic, but when his hands trailed down my body, and his teeth skated over my skin, I forgot my name, let alone my worries.
Besides, he doesn’t seem over-tired or frustrated by the arrangement.
He seems as blissful as I am, and it makes me wonder if he, too, wishes this was a permanent arrangement.
“So, are we going to talk about it?” Meredith asks, eyes never straying from the clothes.
“Talk about what?”
When she does look up, it’s to give me a don’t lie to me look and a wave toward my bedroom. “I’ve been here almost every day this week, and Ryder’s clothes have been on the floor of your room every time.”
My cheeks flame in equal parts embarrassment and frustration. Embarrassment because I was planning to keep things between Ryder and me a secret, and frustration because I’ve repeatedly told him to pick up his stuff.
“It’s complicated.”
“Is it? Because last I checked, you’re either sleeping with someone or you aren’t.”
“Keep your voice down,” I hiss, looking to the kids who are, thankfully, too wrapped up in their own world to hear us.
“I just mean that there isn’t a label on it. We’re enjoying each other’s company.”
“Enjoying each other’s company? What happened to being careful? What happened to remembering that he’s the one who shattered your heart?”
“I haven’t forgotten,” I tell her because it’s true.
I was ready to pretend our night in the pool had never happened, but when Ryder came into the kitchen the next morning, he knew exactly where my head had gone and refused to let it stay there.
True to his words that morning, we haven’t let things be weird or complicated. We don’t talk about labels or the future.
On the one hand, I’m relieved to be free of the weight of expectations, but on the other, I know my feelings are not so black and white. It’s not as simple as enjoying Ryder now, only to lose him at any given moment. I’m not sure if I can handle that.
And I plan to tell him as much tonight before I leave.
He’s staying with Lyla and Dominic for the weekend while Meredith takes Dennis to see his children, and I go on my work retreat. I figure it’ll give us both a few days of clarity to think through how we want to proceed with our relationship.
But until Ryder and I talk, I decide it’s best to play things off for Meredith. “There’s no harm in enjoying things the way they are right now.”
“Even though he’ll eventually leave again?”
The words sting, which I’m sure is exactly what she wanted them to do.
Meredith sighs, putting a hand over mine. “I’m not trying to be unsupportive. You know that if this is what you want, I’ll have your back, but I want to make sure you’ve really thought this through.”
I know she’s only trying to protect me, so I’m not upset with her. I just hate that the past Ryder and I share warrants this level of concern, so I offer her a kernel of the truth. “I think it might be real this time.”
She says nothing, and I lift my head to see her watching me with sympathetic eyes.
“Don’t look at me like that.”
She blinks like she’s snapping out of a daze. “Like what?”
“Like you pity me.”
“I don’t pity you. I want what’s best for you. If you say that’s Ryder, then I believe you.”
I nod because, honestly, I have no idea if this is best for me.
Can’t it be enough that I want this? Want him?
We don’t talk as we finish sorting through the clothes, putting what’s to be donated in a stack by the door, and throwing out what we’ve deemed trash.
Meredith hands me Dominic's Cars-themed book bag as we watch the kids play in their castle—which will probably be their focus all weekend. “He should have everything he needs, but honestly, I let him help me pack, so it might be a completely mismatched set of clothes.”
“I’ll let Ryder know,” I assure her.
“And how does he feel about being Mr. Mom this weekend?”
“He’s a dad. It’s his job whether he likes it or not,” I laugh. “But I’m sure he’ll do great.”
Meredith says her goodbyes to her son, then comes to give me a hug. She pulls back with a hesitant pause. “I’ll support you no matter what,” she tells me.
My smile is wide and real. “Thank you. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
She shrugs, her short hair bouncing atop her head with the motion. “You’d still be living out of boxes.”
She’s probably right.
“Again, Mama!” Lyla shouts, and I go in to tickle her stomach as she squeals in delight.
“Shh!” Dominic hisses, getting so close to the TV screen it’s a wonder he can even see the images on it.
“Okay, okay. You kids watch your movie. I need to pack,” I say and move to stand.
Lyla clings to me. “I don’t want you to go,” she whispers, burying her face in the crook of my neck.
“I know, baby girl.” I ease her away so I can look into her eyes. “But Daddy will stay with you, and you’ll have a blast.”
She contemplates that. “Will Daddy make us cookies?”
I try to imagine Ryder baking in the kitchen, and the picture is laughable. What’s even funnier is that he’ll do it if she asks.
He’d do anything for this little girl.
“I’m sure he will,” I tell her. “I’ll be in my room, okay?”
She nods, settling in and smiling forward—whether it’s at the movie or Dominic, I’m not sure.
I take a suitcase, set it on my bed, and grab my favorite work outfits. I’m going all out this weekend. This is my first management dinner, and I need to put my best foot forward.
I can’t help but smile as I think about the promotion that’s so close I can taste it.
“Having a good day?” His low voice seeps into my bones and settles comfortably there.
My smile grows at Ryder’s mere presence. His strong arms wrap around my body, encasing me in a warmth I would live in forever if I could.
“Don’t go,” he murmurs into my neck. The rumble of his chest and the brush of his breath over my throat twist something in my stomach. My chest clenches, and I have half a mind to simply agree.
“It’s only a few days.”
“Too long,” he says, planting a long, sensual kiss right behind my ear, and I shudder.
His lips travel down my neck as he turns me to face him. When he gets to my collarbone, I brace my hands on his chest. “The kids are in the living room.”
“Think they’re ready for bed?” he asks against my skin.
“Before they’ve eaten dinner?”
“Do you expect me to wait until Sunday to have you again?”
“Do I expect you to wait three days? Yes, yes, I do.”
“None of the conferences start until tomorrow,” he says. “Stay tonight and leave first thing in the morning.”
I pull away and study him. “Have you been stalking the retreat schedule?”
He shrugs. “I like to know what you’re up to.”
“You’re impossible.”
“And you’re beautiful,” he says, dipping to kiss my throat again.
I laugh, soaking in the feel of his lips against my skin. Maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad idea to have him just one last time before we talk about the future.
Depending on how the conversation goes, who knows if he’ll ever touch me like this again?
I take his face between my hands and pull his lips to mine. He obliges, and the kiss is slow—painfully sweet. I’m sure he’s soaking in the moment just like I am.
Ryder’s phone buzzes in his pocket, and while he doesn’t acknowledge it or move to answer it, I decide now is as good a time as any.
Here goes nothing.
“I need more.”
“I thought you’d never ask,” he rasps. Ryder lifts me into his arms, and I pull back to place my hands on his chest.
“That’s not exactly what I meant,” I clarify, and my nerves must show in my gaze because his eyes turn thoughtful as he slowly lowers me to the ground.
“What’s on your mind, Rebel?”
I take a deep breath, but before I can even open my mouth to answer him, his phone buzzes again. “Should you check that?”
He shakes his head. “I’ll deal with it later.”
My heart swells in my chest at having his undivided attention, and my nerves ease. “These last two weeks have been so incredible, and it’s made me realize—”
I’m interrupted by a ringtone that makes Ryder go rigid. The thoughtfulness in his gaze dies as his eyes dart to his phone, which is out of his pocket and in his hand in an instant.
“It’s Moreno,” he whispers. “This must be important.”