13. Knox
KNOX
It doesn’t happen very often that I’m caught off guard, yet somehow it's happened now.
I find myself staring at Lena, more than sure I look like a deer frozen in the middle of the road.
I try to remember the last time I saw her.
It must have been years ago, sometime when I passed one of the shops she used to visit regularly.
She looks almost exactly as she did back then.
Those old wounds closed a long time ago. A few scars remain, of course, although they no longer ache. There is no anger left in me, no longing or bitterness. Only indifference blended with the shock of seeing her again without any warning.
“Knox. How good to see you,” she says as she extends her hand toward me. I’m so stunned that I forget common courtesy entirely. My body reacts only after a few slow seconds. I rise to my feet, grasp her hand briefly, then motion toward the table in an attempt to regain some sense of composure.
“This is Mr. and Mrs. Lowell, and …”
“Mr. and Mrs. Stanley. I admire the number of funds you have raised for children with brain tumors. And Mr. and Mrs. Page, of course. My father is a great admirer of your work, Mrs. Page,” she continues smoothly, as if she had memorized every detail beforehand.
I’m reminded once again why my father appreciated her so much.
She fits the polished image he always imagined for me and expected me to settle for someday.
Everyone at the table turns toward me, including Scarlet. Their eyes carry the same silent question, all waiting for me to explain who this unexpected visitor is.
“This is Lena James … a friend of mine.”
Lena lets out a light laugh. “Oh, Knox, don’t be ridiculous.
I’m his ex-girlfriend. We ended things a long time ago, although we still remain on good terms …
do we not?” Her smile widens, and then her attention shifts toward Scarlet, who sits perfectly still, as if the world has paused around her.
“Oh, I have heard all about you as well. Scarlet, correct? I’m sorry that Knox brought you to this tiresome dinner.
I imagine this is not the type of evening you are accustomed to within your line of work. ”
Scarlet parts her lips, although no sound escapes.
My own voice refuses to cooperate. I know exactly how Lena operates.
If there is information available for her to dig up, she has already done it.
She clearly knows what Scarlet does, and she’s using the knowledge.
Defending Scarlet openly would only encourage her.
She would sense weakness, recognize that she struck a sensitive place, and use it again with even greater force.
“Don’t worry,” Lena says with a casual flick of her hand toward Scarlet. “I’m sure your other engagements will be far more exciting and far more pleasant than this one.”
I turn my head slowly to look at Scarlet. Shock and embarrassment wash over her features, and the sight of it feels like a knife slid into me. The guilt floods me right then.
She rises from her chair. Her eyes glisten, although she somehow manages to keep her tears from falling.
“Excuse me,” she says before stepping away from the table and making her way toward the exit.
In the brief moment before she disappears, my gaze meets Lena’s.
She’s pleased with herself. It’s evident in the faint upward twitch of her lips.
Rage surges through me with a force I haven’t felt in years, although I manage to keep my expression controlled.
This dinner is significant to my work, and I understand that, but the realization still comes quickly that nothing on this agenda matters more than Scarlet and the pain she walked out with.
“If you will excuse me,” I say quietly before stepping away from my seat to follow her.
I take only a few steps before Lena rises as well and catches my arm with her hand.
“Knox …”
“Don’t try to come back into my life like this,” I tell her firmly, not caring who will hear us. “There’s no room for you in it anymore. I don’t care what you’re trying to do; we’ve been done for a long time now. That’s never going to change.”
With that, I pull my arm free and move toward the exit. Scarlet is already close to the door. We reach it at nearly the same time, and once we step into the cool night air, I finally manage to catch her wrist.
“Scarlet, wait—”
“For what?” she snaps as she spins around, her eyes filled with tears that she has stopped trying to hide. “Tell me, Knox. What exactly am I waiting for?”
“I wanted to apologize for—”
Her hand rises sharply, cutting off the rest of my words as if she can’t bear to hear a single one of them. “There’s no need. You’re simply a client, are you not?”
The words strike me hard. For the first time in a very long while, it feels as though the ground beneath my feet is slipping away.
I can’t understand how I failed to see any of this sooner.
We haven’t known each other for long, and there are countless things stacked against us, but I still had something with her. At the very least, I believed I did.
“I don’t understand why you even booked me today,” she goes on when I remain silent.
“You invited me for the weekend, and I know you felt what I felt. There was something there. Don’t try to tell me you did not feel it too, because I saw it in the way you looked at me.
Then suddenly everything changes, and it feels like we are finished.
That’s fine. These things happen. I even expected you to disappear from my life.
Then you book me again, and you stand there while your ex-girlfriend insults me.
” More tears slip down her cheeks, and the pressure in my chest tightens until it hurts.
I can barely stand to see her like this.
“Again, it’s fine, because you don’t owe me anything.
So tell me, why are you here now? What do you want from me?
It’s clear that I’m not the right fit for you, so explain what you are doing here. ”
I open my mouth to speak. My entire career has been built on my ability to argue, defend, push back, and hold my ground in any boardroom.
I know how to dismantle an opposing stance with a few words and a firm look, yet standing in front of her feels entirely different. I can’t form a single coherent defense.
“I thought so,” she says with a shaky sob, pressing her finger firmly against my chest. “Do you know what you are, Knox? You’re a coward. You refuse to let yourself try something new, something that might actually be good for you, because you’re terrified.”
“It’s not like I want to be in this position,” I finally say, and it feels as if something inside me pulls apart.
“I want to take what I want. I want to enjoy so many things in my life, but I can’t.
Do you know why? Because I built my life around certain rules and values that came into my family long before me.
And I don’t expect you to understand what it feels like when the light is always on you …
when you can’t keep even one small thing to yourself.
One wrong step is enough to make everything fall apart around me, and it’s the last thing I want. For you and for me.”
A few people walk out of the restaurant behind us, and their curious eyes land on us, but we both ignore them.
They don’t matter to me right now. All I can focus on is her.
Scarlet’s eyes look shiny, and her vintage glasses frame them in a way that only makes the sadness harder to take.
I can almost taste the disappointment between us.
I used to think nothing could compare to the hollow ache I felt when Lena and I broke up, but now I realize I was wrong. This hurts even more.
“I’m done,” she says softly. “I’m done with this. I’m done making myself smaller for men who will not choose me or stand up for me. I’m just done.”
She turns quickly and lifts her hand to call a taxi. Before I can even take a step toward her or ask her to stay, one pulls over. She gets inside without looking back. The timing almost feels like some cruel joke aimed at me.
The door closes, and she disappears from view. My heart sinks, because I know what I’m losing: something that cannot be replaced.