Choosing the Hard Way

1. Prologue

Prologue

Royce had ten months to prepare him for this very moment.

His friends and family all thought the mother of his son got pregnant on a whim, but that couldn't be further from the truth. No. Royce Taylor Atkins, Jr. was planned and conceived from love. A love that, some days, he didn’t even understand.

Swaddled in a green blanket with his name stitched in it, Royce Jr., or Deuce, as he’s called, is sound asleep in his father’s arms. It’s mid-morning, though the blackout curtains in Autumn’s bedroom block out all the light so she can sleep.

Royce has known and loved Autumn since he was eight years old.

He remembers what she had on the day he noticed her on the playground at his new school, and how he felt when he realized they were neighbors.

It wasn’t until years later, when they both went through puberty, that he acknowledged the feelings he had for her weren’t like a best friend, but of something way more deeper, powerful, and terrifying.

This was the type of love his mama felt when she met his dad. The type that transcends dimensions.

Autumn felt it, too. But where Royce leaned into it, Autumn ran away constantly.

She cited many reasons why she didn’t love him like he loved her over the years.

Their friendship was too special to change; Autumn’s confusing feelings about her sexuality; Royce being a ho; Autumn declaring she’s a lesbian; Royce starting the infamous Foe Dub gang with his friends.

The list goes on. But Royce saw right through her.

He saw how her pupils expanded every time she looked at him.

He saw how she subconsciously looked for him in every room.

He saw how whenever she's in trouble, needs to vent, or just wants to shoot the breeze, he’s the first one she calls.

And just like her soul calls to him, his soul calls to her.

Even ten months ago, after making her watch him kill the man she was about to lose her virginity to, Autumn overlooked the grisly, gruesome scene in the hotel room, where someone else would have called the police.

She broke down, screaming and shouting her problems and what led her to be courted by this lame nigga, and just like when they were younger, Royce professed his undying love for her.

Promised her the world, the moon, the stars.

Told her he’d take care of her like a man should take care of his woman. And asked her to have his first child.

He never expected her to say yes.

And now, ten months later, he’s staring at the result of that one word.

Deuce yawns and starts fluttering those long lashes he got from his father. His son begins to make noises, so Royce gets up and goes into the living room. By the time he sits on the couch, Deuce is awake, and his blue eyes are roaming around the space.

The baby books he read said he won’t be able to focus his eyes for a while, and he always thought that was funny. He’s really a newborn, figuring out the world, innocent and clueless.

“Waddup, lil man?”

Deuce quiets immediately. Royce smiles as pressure builds in his eyes. He’s been crying since his son made it earthside, and doesn’t know when the shit’s gonna stop.

“You gotta bear with me son. I ain’t have a pops, but my granddad stood in, so I know a lil something.

We gone relate on a lot of shi-stuff, but not that.

I’m promising you, right now, the only thing keeping me from you is death.

I got you forever son, on Foe Dub. I got yo mama, too, even though she be playing with me like she don’t love me. ”

“Oh, shut up.”

Royce looks up to see the object of his affections hugging the door frame. She’s wearing a tall tee and nothing else, since her boobs are leaking, making little circles on the gray shirt. Her hair’s in frizzy cornrows that go to her waist, courtesy of her prenatal vitamins.

“I need to feed him.”

Royce stands and shakes his head. “I fed, bathed, and changed him. He’s good to go for at least another hour.”

Royce goes into the nursery and places Deuce gently in his crib. He knew Autumn would follow him, so he isn’t surprised when he feels a small hand on his bare back, and smells her scent.

“He’s so handsome, Turkey.”

Royce turns and wraps his arms around Autumn’s waist. Her stomach is still swollen, since she just gave birth a week ago, but he’s already planning their next one.

“Handsome like his daddy.”

Autumn wraps her arms around his neck and her eyes shift to his brow. Her name in cursive sits right above it. He got it after their first doctor’s appointment, and now Autumn couldn’t help herself in looking, touching, and smiling about it.

When her gaze shifts down, Royce feels her stiffen. “Thank you, Turkey. For everything.”

“Why you thanking me for doing what I’m supposed to do? I told you about that shit.” He kisses her forehead before pulling back and smirking that infamous smirk of his.

Autumn closes her eyes, giving Royce the opportunity to just stare at the love of his life.

His friends and family still can’t believe at twenty-one they’re parents.

He’s actually the first one of his friends to even have a kid.

But it feels right. Here, the three of them, feels right, a step in the right direction.

Not quite complete yet, but getting there.

“I do love you, Turkey. You know that, right?”

Royce grins. “Yeah, I know. I let you make it in public because the opinions of others don’t move me.

Daddy knows the real. You still not ready yet.

Still healing and finding yourself. Having Deuce not gone magically give you the answers you looking for.

Time will. Experience and shit. But when you figure it out, I’ll still be here like I always been. ”

Autumn’s eyes tear up as she searches Royce’s. “Have you figured it out?” she whispers.

He shakes his head. “Nah, I haven’t, Auty. We young, babe. Just hit twenty-one. All I know foreal is that I’m gone be with you. I’m still fleshing out the details, same as you. But we got Deuce now, and that’ll light a fire under our asses. We gone figure it out. Even if it take fifty years.”

“What if I end up with another man?”

Royce smirks. “You wanna go down that road again?”

Autumn rolls her eyes, no doubt remembering the night her son was conceived.

“Okay. What if–”

Royce squeezes her ass to quiet her. “You always worry too much. Stop trying to find a reason why I’ll leave you alone. There isn’t one. You said you just wanna be happy, right? Aight then. Just focus on finding your own happiness, and being the best mom to our seed. Daddy got the rest.”

“And if I get a girlfriend? That doesn’t wanna share me?”

Royce shrugs and says the first thing that comes to him. “As long as you happy, then do that, mama. Stop worrying about what everyone will think, including me, and just do it. You perfect. And the people who supposed to be around, know that and will act accordingly.”

Autumn lays her head on Royce’s chest and he squeezes her again. She’s been so emotional, the hormones from giving birth, he read. But even if it were a regular Tuesday, he'd always wipe her tears, and pour life into her.

Where Royce should feel contentment, in the quiet nursery with his seed and his baby mama, his spirit was still restless.

Yeah, they had some time to go before they could be one.

Autumn still had a long way to go. But he knew in his heart his patience would pay off, so he held onto it, and prayed for it, knowing that right after his family, patience was what he needed most.