19. Autumn
Autumn
Chile.
Of course shit pops off when I’m hours away.
Now I’m doing twelve and sixteens so I can complete my hours and come home. My Turkey needs me. Pay needs me.
And right now, as I race down the corridors of the ICU well after midnight, my best friend needs me, too.
I’m still in my scrubs. I’m wired off caffeine. I have to be back in Geyser City in twelve hours. But I’m here.
Brina’s scrunched up on a couch just outside Set’s room, covered in a blanket she had to have brought from home.
I skid to a stop in front of the glass and my breath catches.
He’s hooked up to so many things… respirator, heart monitor, a central line, the works.
Set’s tall, six-three, and has a lean but muscular build. And yet he looks so small in the bed. Fragile. Broken.
“Oh, fuck,” I whisper, scratching at my throat. He and Brina just started their happily ever after and this happens.
A broken sob sounds off from behind me, and I turn to see Brina sitting up. I rush to her, kneeling in front of her and pushing her braids out her face.
“Shh, I’m here,” I soothe her as she fully wakes up. “I’ma take you home so you can shower and eat.”
“No, no. I can’t leave him, Autumn. I can’t go,” she chokes out, tears spilling down her cheeks.
“Babe, he made it through the first night. He–”
“He hasn’t woken up. I have to be here when he wakes up!”
She starts getting hysterical so I just hold her to me. I tell her I got her, and let her sob violently on my shoulder.
“Just an hour, my love. An hour to shower, eat, and then I’ll bring you right back, okay?”
“I’ll stay with him Brina,” Nut says from the couch next to us.
That seems to get her to nod. I go and sit next to him while she starts to gather her things.
“He’s gonna pull through this, P. He’s strong.”
Nut just stares into the floor-to-ceiling glass separating the hallway from Set’s room. It’s been three days since Set was shot, and it’s aged Nut at least ten years. Scruff has started to take over his cheeks, and his knee won’t stop bouncing.
“They put him in a medically-induced coma so he can heal, so make sure she gets some sleep at home. He not waking up no time soon.”
I wrap my arms around his head and lean him into me. “You need anything? You should go home, too. I know it’s just been y’all.”
Nut just shakes his head, letting tears free. “Nah. Choc brought me some food some hours back. When you bring Brina back in the morning Ima dip to shower and shit.”
Brina walks past us so I kiss Nut’s temple and get up. “Text me if anything changes.”
Nut nods, so I hurry to catch up to Brina.
She’s a zombie, which is to be expected.
I run her shower, and fix her some leftovers that were in her fridge.
After ten minutes I go in and take her out and dress her in an oversized shirt and some sweats.
She doesn’t speak. The tears never dry up.
Just permanent streams on her face while she’s pliant as I dress and feed her.
She eats it all, but when I take her back to the stairs, life sparks in her eyes and she pulls away.
“I can’t, Autumn. I can’t sleep in there without him. Please.”
So I pull her into the theater room and get her comfortable on the oversized couches, and put on some lofi.
She lays her head on my lap, and I massage her scalp as we listen to the relaxing music.
“Every day I’m scared I’m going to lose our babies,” she whispers. “The only reason I didn’t see him go down was because me and Dal left right before.”
“You’re not going to lose your babies, Brina. Set is gonna pull through, and you’ll be back to getting on his nerves in no time… everything will be back to normal.”
“No… it won’t, Autumn.” She sniffles and scooches closer to me.
“Shad...”
My stomach constricts as my hands freeze in her hair.
“Did you know about his mom and sister?”
“What–”
“They’re dead, Autumn,” she whispers, and my hands itch to call him. It takes everything in me not to.
When it rains, it pours.
“He found his mom and had a seizure. The hospital called me as his emergency contact. He wasn’t awake when I got there, then Case… when I went back up to Shad, he was gone. He’s not answering, Autumn–”
“I’ll find him, Brina. I’ll find Shad. All you need to worry about is eating and staying as calm as possible for your babies. I’ll tell Turk and he’ll find Shad.”
“They’re not talking to him,” she sobs again. I wipe her tears and rub on her hairline. “They’re icing him out, Autumn. They won’t tell me why, only he’s not allowed at the hospital.”
“I’ll find that out, too, mama. You gotta worry about you and those babies. Everything else is details right now. Okay?”
She nods on my lap and goes back to silently crying. Soon, her breathing evens out, and I’m able to lay her on the couch and go get my go bag from my car so I can shower.
Clean, fed, and wired from all of Brina’s ramblings, I sit at the kitchen island and dial Rico’s line.
He answers on the second ring. “Haze. You’re in the city.”
“I took Brina home to get rest.”
“How’s Set?”
I sit up straight. “What you mean ‘How’s Set?’ You haven’t been to see him in these past three days?”
“I, uh, been with Turk and Deuce. He and Nut not really seeing eye to eye right now, and with Nut checked out, he’s been handling everything while I have my lil man.”
“So Brina was right about them being beefed out? What’s going on, Rico?”
He’s silent for a second before audibly sighing. “Nut feels like he’s covering for Pay and that’s why Set got hit. Did you know she was engaged to Grimey?”
“What?” I brace myself on the island so I don’t slide down.
“And Cochise is her little brother. He got hit too, and she’s been in East Kenton with them. She’s Apache Beverly’s daughter.”
“You’re fucking lying!”
“Nah. Ask your baby daddy. He’s OT right now–”
I end the call in his face and slam my phone down.
It’s one thing to not be forthcoming about your past. We all have secrets. But how many times have I mentioned Cochise since I’ve been in Geyser City? How many times has she been around him?
And then Turkey knowing and not telling me…
It feels like betrayal. Like my heart has been ripped in two.
I feel played in the worst way. Like I’m the last to be in on the joke.
Left behind.
Like always.
This is why I never gave him all of me.
I knew the day would come when I’d see that Turkey would be like everyone else. He’d prove me right, that when it counts, he’d leave me in the dust.
When I first thought we could all be together, I never once thought they’d leave me out to dry like this. Keeping secrets from me, both of them. I thought this space and time away from Pay would help her see what I saw; that she wanted Turk.
I worked hard to make myself believe my place in his life was unshakable.
Maybe he did what my mother and Renelle said he’d do.
Maybe he finally got tired of waiting for me, and he found someone who’d give him what he needed in Pay.
God, the very thought of Turk not loving me the way he has been has me ready to die.
He’s been there since the beginning. He knows all about my raging mommy issues, and sister issues, and life issues. He’s always been nothing but patient and reassuring. And a hundred percent transparent and honest.
Until now, it seems.
It’s my fault. I should have just been with Turkey from jump. Ten years later I’m still miserable. I’m still chasing after a mother’s love that I’ll never get. I’m still running from my sister’s ghost. Me and Wyn are still estranged.
But just like Turkey, Pay calls to a part of me I can’t neglect.
I need both of them.
I can’t let them go. Not them.
I’m passive with everything else. I let Mommy hate me. I let Wyn pull away. I let my Dad pretend he doesn’t see me.
I let my sister die.
I can’t let Pay and Turk slip away from me.
My phone vibrates and I pick it up to check the notification
@PCdaHitmaka wants to send you a message.
I open the notification and go to the profile, and it’s the Native guy in Cochise’s crew. The one without the tattoo, that seems nice.
If this isn’t a sign, I don’t know what is.
PCdaHitmaka: U busy ?
AwesumAutumn: Right now?
PCdaHitmaka: Yes . Important about Fox .
AwesumAutumn: Meet me here in an hour.
I send the address to a gas station on the edge of town. Might as well fill up while I’m meeting strange men.
After washing my face, I gently wake Brina up, promising her I’m on it to find whatever info I can. She nods, and within the hour she’s safe at the hospital, and I’m at the gas station filling up my Beamer.
As soon as the pump stops, an electric blue Ferrari pulls up behind me, and PC gets out.
“You know,” I call out, “I’ve listened to your songs before, but I didn't know you were the same PC. You used to wear your hair in a fade.”
He smirks and leans on my car. “When I first came out, yeah. I started growing it back out like five years ago.”
“I never connected the dots on Native Sons being from East Kenton,” referencing his rap/producer duo with Trippy.
“Back then we weren’t trying to put the First Nations in the spotlight… shit, we still not. Just the lil homies be heavy into social media now to promote they music. That’s why Tripp and I really just be with Sheisty behind the scenes and leave the flashy shit to Cochise and the lil homies.”
“Makes sense why Wyn linked with y’all, she had the biggest crush on you back in the day.”
He smiles then. “Wyn is cool peoples. She talks about you all the time.”
“She does?” I lean into the car and fold my arms.
He nods. “Yup. You and your son her phone screensaver, too.”
This I know. I peeped when we were in the studio.
“Did you reach out to tell me this?”
He turns serious then, and stands straight. “Nah, let’s get in my whip.”
I follow him to his shiny car and he opens the passenger door for me, making sure I’m in before closing it and rounding his car.
“I came to you because there’s some shit you need to know if you and your son’s father are serious about Fox.”
I lift my chin. “I love her. I’m in love with her. We’ve been together over four years, and I can’t imagine life without her.”
I wipe a stray tear hoping he didn’t catch it, but with those intense eyes the color of jade, I’m sure he did.
“Even though she’s pregnant by your son’s father?”
My mind goes to my birthday weekend, and the corners of my mouth slide up to damn near my eyes.
He puts up a hand. “Say less. I don’t need details; Fox is like my sister. But I get it. I figured, but I needed to be sure.”
My brows furrow. “What do you mean?”
He sighs and wipes his face. “How much do you know about Fox?”
I sit back and fold my arms. “Honestly? Nothing. I don’t even know why you call Pay by her last name.”
“Yeah. I figured. You got anywhere to be?”
I check my Apple Watch. “Just gotta be to Geyser City before eight-thirty, so I have like three hours.”
PC shrugs. “I think that’s enough time.”
And then he proceeds to tell me everything.