TIMELESS
In other words, my dad’s sensible car isn’t all that sensible.
Until me.
My band, Less Than Zero, has been topping the charts for many years now.
Guitar Magazine just named me as the most influential guitar player of my generation.
Meh.
Since he ignored me the first time, I decide to needle my dad some more. “Are you going to answer? Are you getting back together with Mom?”
Carter— yes, I mostly call my dad by his first name— shoots me a look. “Don’t be a fucking asshole.”
My beautiful, sweet mother is the renowned prima ballerina Lianne Rocks.
She started her career at Pacific Northwest Ballet here in Seattle.
She and my dad were together until we moved to Denver—away from Carter— when I was six.
Her career as a dancer continued at the Colorado Ballet until she retired and moved into the artistic director role she holds now.
“Um, Carter? It’s Christmas Eve. Twenty minutes ago, we were eating dinner at Ty’s house, celebrating his engagement to Zoey. You shocked the shit out of me when you told me we were leaving to pick up my mom.”
My dad turns off 1-5 to the airport exit. “So fucking sue me if I thought it would be nice for her to spend Christmas with us instead of alone.”
Call me baffled. The situation is fucking bizarre, Jesus.
Is there really something going on with them? I was just joking for fuck’s sake.
Nah.
No fucking way.
The whole thing is weirding me out. I mean, no one likes to picture their parents fucking, but in my case it’s literally impossible for me to imagine. It’s a complete mystery how my mom and dad ever got together in the first place all those years ago. Let alone made me.
With all the craziness going on in my life right now, I guess I shouldn’t be surprised by adding one more thing to the list. Like mom spending Christmas with us this year.
And staying at Carter’s house.
“Jesus, Zane. Snap out of it.” Carter clicks his fingers in front of my face. “I asked you a question ten times, what’s going on with you?”
Despite my best efforts, my mind is a jumbled mess.
That’s what’s going on. So many things are changing drastically.
At light-fucking-speed. My bandmates, Ty, Jace, and Connor are burned out.
After nearly a decade of nonstop recording and touring, they’ve tired of living in a fishbowl.
Ready to begin new chapters. Blah. Blah. Blah.
We had a vote, and it was three against one. I lost. We are officially on hiatus. Which fucking sucks. Because I know what this means.
The end of LTZ.
I feel it in my bones.
LTZ is my fuel. My identity. Playing music keeps me sane. Balanced. So, when my bandmates are moving on to new chapters without me?
It fucking hurts.
Probably because my own happily ever after blew up in my face.
“Nothing. I’m just tired,” I lie.
“Bullshit.” Carter’s voice is kind. He’s been through it. He knows.
His phone buzzes as we pull into Alaska Airlines arrivals at Sea-Tac. He picks up and squints over at the sidewalk where hordes of people are waiting to get picked up. “Yeah, we’re here. Ah, there you are. Yeah, the black Audi. Okay. I’m pulling over.”
I see my mom waving at us. Surreal, I tell you.
We park. I jump out of the passenger seat. She’s standing next to three large suitcases. Good god. How long is she staying? She floats into my arms. Mom’s graceful that way. My entire face is covered with her kisses. “Zaney,” she coos.
“This is a surprise.” I hug her tightly.
She steps back. Thumbs the lipstick off my cheeks. “Well, your grandparents are in Minneapolis with your uncle. When Carter invited me to spend Christmas with my son, I thought, why not?”
“Lianne.” Carter acknowledges my mom. Kinda like a giddy teenager. His eyes sparkle. “Let me get your bags.”
WTF?
A few people begin to recognize my dad and me.
I can always tell when they start to whisper and point.
Some pretend to be talking on speaker phone even though the devices are pointed toward us.
Recording us. Just a day in my life. And Carter’s.
Mom’s too, on a lesser scale. All of us are high-profile in our own professions.
I motion to the Audi. “Let’s get going unless you want this little family reunion to be broadcast all over YouTube.”
“Jesus, fuck.” Carter opens the door for my mom. “Sorry about this, Lianne. I was hoping to just have a low-key airport pickup.”
My mom slides into the front seat, laughing. “The low-key ship sailed long ago as far as you two are concerned.”
We navigate back onto I-5 in silence.
“Let’s check out the new Mission on our way home?” Carter looks over at my mom and grins. “Construction is coming along.”
“That sounds great.” She settles back and smiles over at him.
I’m trying to read their body language.
Unsuccessfully.
Twilight Zone, I tell you.
I slump back into the back seat. This night is getting weirder and weirder. I bury myself in my phone until we pull into the parking lot of what will soon be Seattle’s premiere midsize concert hall. Three stories. World-class restaurant. Bar.
It’s going to be epic. Just what this city needs with so much development going on displacing music and other arts venues. When I notice a black Toyota Highlander parked close to the front entrance, my heart plummets. Shit. The last person I want to see tonight is Fiona.
She’s my childhood friend. Business partner.
Among other things.
So many other things.
Recently, I made a vow about our situation.
Stop. Making. A. Fool. Outta. Yourself. Son.
I’m just not quite there yet.
Despite my misgivings, we enter through the back entrance using my key.
The entire place is dark. We just passed an electricity inspection, so I try the switch and the entire place lights up.
It’s still a construction zone. Over the next six weeks, the flooring, tile, stage, painting, and trim out will be done.
By the end-of-March completion date, the facility will be state-of-the art.
“Wow, you guys!” Mom twirls around like the ballerina she is. “This is breathtaking.”
“Who’s there?” I hear an angry voice and heavy clomping footsteps approaching. “I’ve got a fucking gun and I’ll fucking blow your head off.”
Instinctively, I leap in front of my mom. “Jesus, Fee. It’s just me. I’ve got Carter and Mom with me.”
“What the fuck, Zane?” Fiona Reynolds appears from the shadows, her fuchsia hair the perfect contrast to her black-rimmed blue eyes, which squint at me with annoyance.
She’s wearing red-plaid pants, chunky black boots, and an oversized black sweater.
Her voice softens when she sees my folks, yet her arms remain crossed defensively.
She tilts her head up. “Hey, Carter. Lianne, it’s been a minute. ”
My mom strides to Fiona and practically squishes her. “It’s been way too long. Sweetheart, I’m so glad to see you.”
Fiona’s arms are like noodles at her sides until she reluctantly reaches around my mom and hugs her back. “Um, yeah. It’s good to see you.”
“Don’t worry. We’re just looking around for a few minutes.
Mom’s spending Christmas with us. Carter and I were over at Ty’s house earlier.
Ty got engaged to Zoey tonight,” I babble.
No matter how hard I try, my tendency to spew out more information than anyone ever asks for always kicks in when I’m deep inside my head.
Little known fact: I’m almost always deep inside my head.
I’ve just gotten good at hiding it. Most of the time.
In other words, word vomit is my tell.
So is joking. Bouncing off the walls. Getting lost in music.
“I’m very impressed.” Mom turns to Fiona. “You’ve all gone through so much to get it to this point.”
A wave of agony passes across Fiona’s face, likely at the thought of— well everything. She covers it up quickly. “Onward and upward, I guess.”
“You must be tired,” Carter says to my mom. I notice Carter touch the small of her back and gaze into her eyes. I raise an eyebrow at him, and he moves his hand away.
Mom catches the look that passes between me and Carter and steps aside. “It’s getting pretty late.”
“We’ll head out then. See you later, Fiona.” Carter and my mom head toward the back exit.
I don’t move. Fiona and I are eye-locked into a showdown stare. “I’ll be there in a couple of minutes.” I wave them off.
Fiona looks weary. She’s so tense, her hands are balled up in fists. She glares at me. Except no, that’s not it. She’s pleading with me. But for what? “Just go with them Zane. Let’s not do this right now”
I step toward her, run my hands along her forearms and unclench her fists with my fingers. Her long, black nails dig into my wrists when she grips them tightly. I lean in, my mouth is right up against her ear. “You. Can’t. Make. Me.”
Fiona shivers. Her breath hitches. “Stop being such a child.”
My cock stiffens. Strains against my jeans.
“I haven’t been a child in a very long time, and you know it, Fee.
” My lips drag along her jawline and then press against hers.
I don’t kiss her, exactly. I simply take her in.
Her sweet, orangey essence permeates my entire being.
Her soft skin feels like silk. Her blue orbs bore into mine until she closes her eyes, and her entire body relaxes against me.
Us. Together. Close like this. It’s our safe space.
It’s always been our safe space.
Abruptly she pulls away. “I can’t, Zane. I told you, I can’t.”
“You can.”
“Fine, I won’t risk it.”
“Pushing me away won’t work.” I close the gap between us, wrapping my arm around her shoulder. “We promised never…”
She runs her fingers through her pink hair and looks up at me. “The stakes are too high. If I have to sacrifice us, I will. I have to. You know that. You’ve always known that.”
Ouch. Direct hit.
Yet, something about the contrast between the snarky tone of her comment and the pleading look in her eyes gives me pause.
She’s scared.
She needs me.
The most precious thing in the world is at stake.
Finally, I know what I have to do. I’ve probably always known, but I didn’t see it until this moment. It’s up to me to break the destructive pattern we’ve fallen back into.
A-fucking-gain.
Oh yeah. I’m fucking done.
Done with the push and pull.
Done with the yo-yo.
Done with her excuses.
Done with mine.
Done. Done. Done.
I may not have control over much in my life, but I do have control over this. And I’m not waiting one more minute. I turn and gently cup her jaw with both hands on either side of her face. I touch my forehead to hers. Our eyes meet. She blinks up at me and places her hands over mine.
This time, she’s going to listen.
This time she’s going to hear me.
Because if she doesn’t?
I’ve made up my mind.
I’ll end this situation we find ourselves in for good.
For my sanity. And for hers.