Xyleek’s Epilogue #2
We decided to name her Promise because that’s exactly what she was to us.
A promise to be a better version of ourselves than we used to be, for her.
A promise to love each other better and to make smarter decisions, for her.
A promise to break any toxic cycles while choosing each other every day, for her.
Our daughter was our promise to one another that no matter how ugly or hard shit got, we weren’t gonna run.
We were gonna talk it out and come to some sort of resolution because Promise deserved to grow up in a household with two parents who loved each other unconditionally.
Marriage so far hadn’t been all sunshine and rainbows.
Drek and I argued, mostly about dumb shit, and she might’ve had her days where she was mad as hell at me.
Therapy taught me, that was okay. She was entitled to her emotions, and I couldn’t tell her how to feel about a situation or argument that I caused or played a part in.
That was one of the toughest concepts for me to grasp, too, that her feelings were hers.
They weren’t mine to control or dismiss.
If she was hurt then she was hurt, and it wasn’t my place to tell her she shouldn’t be.
It was my job to understand it, and then fix whatever I did to cause it.
I’d come to learn that we were really learning and loving each other in different ways now.
In the past, we were loving each other through hurt, distrust, disappointments, and a whole lot of baggage that was never fully unpacked.
Trying to love me with a broken heart like Drek was doing, our marriage would’ve never really lasted.
Now we were loving each other from healed and honest places, thanks to us both being in therapy.
We decided it’d be good for us to go separately until Gordon felt like it was cool for us to do it together.
He said we had to heal within before we could heal as a unit.
If I didn’t understand my own triggers, how the hell was I supposed to understand hers?
If she didn’t have the space to unpack her hurt without feeling like she had to protect my ego, how were we supposed to build anything real on top of that?
We couldn’t. I dealt with my anger, my insecurities, my need to control, and the guilt I carried for treating Drek so poorly so that I could treat her how she deserved to be.
We weren’t fighting to prove a point to social media or the naysayers anymore.
Fuck ‘em. We were only fighting to protect the peace we’d surrounded ourselves with.
At the end of the day, we human, so we gon’ have fights, but we knew how to communicate properly through them.
All that yelling, screaming, fussing, and fuckin’, that shit was dead.
I barely raised my voice these days, and when Drek tried to, I had to remind her that Promise was watching now.
Our daughter not only changed our lives, but she changed the way we treated each other.
I’d be forever grateful for my lil’ angel.
“Wassup, Angel?” I answered for my wife as I pulled into our driveway.
“How was therapy? Did P do okay?”
I chuckled and sucked my teeth, jumping out into the warm May sun. “She did fine, bae. She fell asleep just like I said she would. Are you done with your client? That should be the only reason you’re calling.”
“He’s picking out colors with Win right now, so I just wanted to check in.”
“Angel, we talked about this,” I gently reminded her, easing P’s heavy ass out of her car seat.
She sighed deeply, and I knew she had that crease line in the middle of her forehead. “I know, but I can’t help it. I miss her, and it’s hard not to worry when I’m not there.”
“Worrying tells me you don’t trust me, love.”
The line fell silent for a minute, and I let it stay that way as I maneuvered my way inside. Going straight to the living room, I put P in her playpen and dropped her baby bag on the couch.
“I do trust you, Xy, you know I do,” she finally responded.
“Then you should know our daughter is fine, right? Mama, I told you, you worked your ass off to get your business to the level it’s at now.
You don’t need to put it on the backburner to be a mother.
You can be a boss and a mom, and when you gotta step into boss mode, Daddy got it.
Just like you hold me down when I gotta handle business, right?
” I continued speaking in a calm, soothing tone so that I didn’t upset her.
The last thing I wanted to do was add to the guilt she already felt. When P was born, Drek went through post-partum bad, and we were just starting to come out on the other side. I never wanted to be the reason she didn’t feel good enough anymore.
“Yes,” she quietly admitted.
“Exactly, so let me hold you down, too. Don’t let that sneaky mom guilt make you feel like you’re doing something wrong, Angel, ‘cause you’re not. You’re building a successful legacy for her and all our other kids,” I snuck that line in there purposely.
She kissed her teeth and giggled. “Ah, I see what you did there. And on that note, I have to go.”
“I bet you do,” I chuckled, glad to hear her laugh. “Angel?”
“Yes?”
“In case I don’t say it enough, you’re a wonderful mother and woman.
You’re the kind of woman Promise gon’ grow up and try to emulate.
I can see her now stealing her mommy’s purses and lipsticks just to try and be just like you,” I paused, and Drek laughed softly.
“You’re killing it in motherhood and in business, ma, and I’m so fuckin’ proud to call you mine. ”
“Thank you, bae. I really needed to hear that.”
“I know, and you know I got you and our baby. Finish up with your client so you can come home to us. I love you so much, Mrs. Chambers.”
“I love you more, Mr. Chambers. Thank you, for always knowing what to say. I’ll see y’all soon.”
“Alright, baby.”
The call ended, and I slipped my phone into my pocket. Promise stretched in her playpen, scrunching her nose before rolling onto her other side. She let out the heaviest sigh, like she had been working on the railroad, all the live long day. Babies, I tell ya.
“Your mom is so strong, little one, and I’m spending the rest of forever making sure she knows that,” I made a promise to Promise before retreating to the kitchen and finding something to eat until my wife could come home and feed me.