Chapter 45
VIVIENNE
Auren’s gaze holds mine as I rise from the sofa. For a moment, neither of us moves as I stand before him with my heart still bruised in my chest, trying to understand how the man I love can be the same man who broke my trust.
I walk toward the balcony, because I need somewhere to look besides at him. I wrap my arms around myself as I stop near the edge, staring out over the glowing city as a maelstrom of emotions swirls deep within.
Behind me, I hear the faint sound of his footsteps as he moves to my side.
A lump forms in my throat as I recall our journey from my father’s kingdom, full of campfires and tea, and his cloak around my shoulders. I think of the warmth of his body behind mine on Vaelen’s back, and the love that grew between us before I knew the truth.
I turn back to face him, and stare deep into his eyes, remembering they belong to the man I love…
wondering if he is still there inside the king who stands before me now.
“I trusted you,” the words come out quieter than I intend as I blink back tears.
“Why didn’t you tell me who you were from the start? ”
“When I came to your father’s kingdom, I wasn’t there for your hand. I had come to sign a new trade agreement,” he explains. “I just happened to arrive the first night of the ball. And when I saw you, I was completely and utterly captivated.”
His gaze travels over my face like a gentle caress. “Not just by your beauty, but your intelligence, your boldness… your wit.” A faint smile ghosts his lips. “You were everything I never knew I wanted… needed.”
He runs a hand roughly through his hair.
“I watched you eviscerate each man before you, including myself. I worried that if I told you I was king, you would see only the crown, that you’d dismiss me like you did all the others…
before you ever saw anything in me worth knowing.
And I couldn’t risk that… not with the Goblin King waiting to claim you. ”
An uncomfortable truth settles deep in my chest. He’s right. I probably would have rejected him. Just as I did all the suitors who came for my hand. I thought them all pompous and arrogant nobility, who were only there to win me as if I were some sort of prize.
“Even with the threat of the bargain coming due, you refused every offer before you.” He clenches his jaw.
“I told myself I was protecting you from the Goblin King, but the truth is that it was more than that.” He shakes his head.
“I couldn’t bear the thought of you belonging to someone who might try to crush the fiery spirit that burns so brightly inside you. ”
Firelight catches in his black hair and along the hard line of his jaw. His glowing blue eyes are fixed on me, something vulnerable reflected in their depths.
In this moment, he isn’t a king. He’s a man standing before the woman he loves, knowing he wounded her, and willing to let her see exactly how much that truth has cost him.
His jaw tightens. “I should have told you sooner, but I didn’t want you to say yes to a crown. I wanted you to choose me. Freely. And if you had refused me after the thirty days, I would still have found a way to keep you from the Goblin King. Even if it meant you never chose to be mine at all.”
My heart aches as I study him. “Perhaps you’re right about how it all started,” I admit. “Maybe I would have rejected you outright as I did the others. But you let the lie go on for so long, Auren. You should have trusted me with the truth.”
Even as the words leave my mouth, I think of the raven I had planned to send to the Goblin King in secret, without telling him, to spare Auren from risking a war on my behalf, and the hypocrisy of my anger lands with uncomfortable clarity.
“I know,” he says, regret marring his handsome features.
“No. I don’t think you do.” The words come sharper now, pulled from someplace raw. “I trusted you. And that is the wound.”
He flinches as if struck.
“When I slept beside you in the woods, when you cared for me, and held me… I trusted what was growing between us.” A tear slips down my cheek. “But I was building a future around a lie.”
His hands flex at his sides as if fighting the urge to reach for me as I continue. “I hated that my father and brother betrayed me. But you—” my voice breaks. “You were the one that mattered… the one I gave my heart to.”
He looks down at his hands. “There is something else I must tell you.”
“What is it?”
He clenches his jaw as if hesitant to speak, before he finally says, “You are my fated one. When I went to you in the garden that first night, I felt the bond snap into place.”
Pain lances through me. “Is that why you wanted me?”
“The bond didn’t make me want you. It only confirmed what I knew deep in my soul when I first saw you in the ballroom.” He clenches his jaw as if the admission pains him. “Gods, Vivienne, I was already lost.”
He shakes his head. “And I should have told you everything then.” He runs a hand roughly through his hair.
“When we were traveling, I was able to sense some of your emotions—your fear when you were attacked at the inn, and when you were ensnared by the hag. I’ve sensed your nightmares and have even seen flashes of them in my mind, like lingering echoes.
“I’ve heard stories of the bond manifesting this way between Elves, but you are human and I was worried it might scare you… make you feel trapped or pressured in some way. Especially since you never mentioned sensing the bond as I did.”
His gaze lifts to mine, raw and unguarded. “But you must understand, I never wanted to hurt you. I would sooner take my own life than cause you pain.”
My heart clenches. Because even now when I can see how badly he wants to be forgiven, he’s still not asking for more than I am ready to give.
And I don’t know if I can feel something of his emotions through the bond, as he claims he can with me. All I know is that I want to believe him.
I draw in a shaky breath, caught between the hurt and the love, the betrayal and the man.
Slowly, painfully, another truth begins rising beneath the hurt as I think of the marriage ribbon. Of how he never forced the bond deeper when he could have. Instead, he asked for thirty days. He offered me freedom even when it might cost him everything.
I recall the nights on the road when he slept apart rather than presume to share my bed, and cared for me during my courses without embarrassment or revulsion.
After he rescued me from the hag, I would have given him everything. Every single part of me. But he stopped because he knew I was vulnerable… even though he wanted me desperately.
He offered an annulment. And when I feared the Goblin King might still have claim over me, he refused to use that fear to press me into his bed to seal our marriage.
Despite the threat of war, he has vowed to protect me anyway. Even if I never choose him.
As all these memories resurface in my mind, I understand that the lie was real, but so was the love. So was every moment where he gave me room to choose, even while wanting me so fiercely he could barely stand it.
As I search his eyes, I know the man I fell in love with does exist. “Auren,” I whisper.
His whole body stills as I step toward him.
“I have been trying so hard to hold onto my anger, because I was hurt. I’m still hurt.
” My eyes sting with tears. “But every time I touch that hurt, I realize something else.”
His brows draw together. “What is it?”
“You kept giving me choices.” I cup his cheek. “Even now when it would be easier to let me go, and avoid a war with the Goblin King, you have left the choice to me, to either accept you or leave. You offer your protection without expecting anything in return.”
“You will always have it, Vivienne. I—”
I press a finger to his lips, silencing him, because if he speaks right now I’m afraid I’ll lose the courage to finish. “At the ball,” I say, voice trembling, “I thought no man there was worthy of me.”
Emotions lodge in my throat, but I manage to speak around them as I give him the truth that has been waiting inside me all along. “You are the only man I would ever choose. You broke my heart. But it never stopped being yours.”
For a moment he doesn't speak. Something breaks open in his expression. He looks like a man who has braced so long for the worst that the absence of it undoes him completely.
He reaches for me but stops short, as though uncertain if he’s allowed to touch me. "Are you… saying you forgive me?"
“When I promised you forever, I didn’t know everything then. But I do now.” I touch his face. “I know you’re a king. I know you lied, and I know exactly what kind of man you are.” I meet his gaze evenly. “And I still choose you... this time with my eyes open.”
Something achingly fragile flickers across his expression as he waits for me to continue.
“I’m not choosing a crown, and I’m not choosing a lie.” My hand slides up his chest, over his heart. “I’m choosing the man who would burn the world to keep me safe… and still give me the choice to walk away.”
Silence stretches between us as I rise onto my toes and slide my fingers into his hair, staring deep into his eyes. “I’m not walking away. I love you, Auren. With all my heart.”
He goes completely still. As if he doesn’t dare believe me… like one wrong breath might shatter this moment entirely.
I close the distance between us and press my lips to his in a tender kiss. He inhales sharply against my mouth, his control fracturing in the smallest, most telling ways, but he doesn’t take over. He lets me lead and set the pace… lets me choose.
Something shifts in him. I feel it in the way his hands hover before settling at my waist, the way his breath trembles, and in the low, broken sound that escapes him as I deepen our kiss.
His lips move against mine with aching tenderness, and when his thumb brushes lightly over my side through the robe, the touch is so gentle I could weep again for entirely different reasons. “I need you, Auren,” I murmur. “All of you.”
He pulls back and drops his forehead to my own. “Careful, Vivienne,” he murmurs as his hand tightens on my waist. “You don’t say things like that to a male who has spent every day wanting you.”
Desire ripples through me at his words, and I seal my mouth over his in a passionate kiss. When I pull back, I scrape my teeth lightly across his bottom lip because I know it drives him mad.
His blue eyes swirl with black as desire and hunger burns in his gaze. Reaching up, I trace my fingers over the pointed tips of his sensitive ears.
“Vivienne,” he growls low in warning, the sound rough with restraint.
“I love you, Auren.” I brush my lips to his, and whisper against them. “Make me yours.”