Chapter 24
CHAPTER 24
I was awake most of the night worrying about Robyn, and just as I dozed again, the alarm woke me. Climbing out of bed, I felt an overwhelming sense of dread that this was the beginning of the end of my life. I was having a mid-life crisis. I was sure of it. I felt unattractive, had zero energy, couldn’t jog thirty metres without my legs aching, my kids hated me… I hated me.
I’d recently read about the five signs of a mid-life crisis:
Uncharacteristic thoughts, including feelings of entrapment, anger, depression, boredom, anxiety and dissatisfaction – all of the above, thanks. I dreamt of running away and starting a new life. I felt like a prisoner, a caged animal. Don’t get me started on anger – the neighbours, their dogs, our hedges, the plumbing. There was a long list.
Constant inner questions, such as, What do I yearn to do for the rest of my life? and Who am I? – another tick. I was always having those thoughts except I asked them with several expletives thrown in.
Difficulties with work and relationships. Another thumbs up.
Emotional outbursts. Hell, yes!
Showy behaviours, such as flirting and affairs. EEK!
Thankfully, I had the prospect of a brisk morning walk to distract me. I even took off my pyjamas and dressed in appropriate exercise attire. By the time Diane opened my front gate, I was already outside the house and jogging on the spot. Well, perhaps not jogging but at least I was awake and upright.
‘It pains me to do this, but I will.’ I forced a smile in the dark. ‘I’m here for you.’
‘Great,’ Di replied flatly as we walked out my front gate and trekked up the street.
‘I don’t know how you do it, Di, working full time, four kids. I’m barely coping with work and mine’s only a temp job. Plus, I made the mistake of getting drunk on Wednesday night…’ I hesitated, unsure whether to tell her about Graeme and the kiss but decided to keep it to myself. Diane had her head down and was walking at a frightening pace. ‘And the politics! But at least I get to see the gorgeous Arnaud.’
‘Nice.’ Diane’s tone was subdued.
‘Then last night, at Robyn’s antenatal class?—’
‘David and I are splitting up.’
‘Shit.’ I stopped in the middle of the street and faced her. ‘Really?’
‘Yes. No. Maybe.’ Di started walking again. ‘The upcoming school holidays, Christmas arrangements. It’s all so stressful. David wants me to negotiate with his ex. Me! I’ve got my own ex to negotiate with. Then Oliver said he doesn’t want to have Christmas with us. So, I jokingly said to David, “Great, one less problem to deal with”. He was furious. “Are you calling my son a problem?”. ’
‘Yikes.’
Diane sniffed. ‘It’s a monumental fuck-up.’
We walked the final four kilometres in companionable silence.
‘I’ll ring you,’ I called as she opened her front door.
Back home, there were beds to make, animals to feed, children to find and finally a shower.
My mid-life crisis could wait. Kissing Graeme wasn’t the smartest thing I’d done but neither was drunkenly mooning a police officer when I was twenty-two. At the time I was mortified – once the hangover kicked in and I woke to find myself inside a police station holding cell. I never thought I’d live that one down, but I did. You move on. Life’s crap one minute and then not so crap an hour later.
I believe it takes roughly six weeks for the horror of a crisis to work its way through and pass. I can’t remember what I was worrying about six weeks ago, but I’ll bet I was having dramas. Now, six weeks on, those old dramas have been forgotten and I’ve got new ones to work with. In time, these current dramas will fade. Though I’ll admit the kissing incident was a major departure from my normal daily activities.
‘Mum, Angus is hitting me.’ Lexi’s voice could pierce a balloon. I heard a whack, then a thud, a shrill squeal, associated crying and a door slam.
I climbed out of the shower, wrapped a towel around myself and walked down the stairs to the sound of someone banging on the kitchen door. Lexi was nowhere to be seen. I opened the door to Angus, shivering and crying.
‘She punched me,’ Angus shouted, then picked up a punnet of dahlias and flung them across the patio, narrowly missing Cleo.
What parallel universe was I living in? Since when had my normally good-natured son turned into a snarling, two-headed monster? I thought that honour was exclusively reserved for Lexi.
‘Angus, leave the plants alone. Tell me what happened. Did you hit her first?’
‘No.’ I could tell Angus was fibbing because he’s a very bad liar. His whole face twitched, convulsing, as he desperately tried to think of a way out of it. Sensing trouble, he took off down the backyard, yelling, ‘I hate this horrible family.’
Cheers. Why had I let my mother leave?
Moments later, Lexi appeared. ‘Tell me he was adopted at birth. He really can’t be my brother, seriously.’
‘Seriously, Lexi, he is your brother, and you’re old enough to know better. Why don’t you walk away when he annoys you?’
‘Because I’d be in London by now, that’s why. He’s such a baby!’
‘You’re such a baby!’ Angus roared as he stripped leaves off the gardenias.
Next door, the two dogs were going ballistic, throwing themselves at the fence, which was going to come crashing down any second.
‘Everything all right over there?’ Great. Meddlesome Margaret. ‘That’s an awful lot of noise for so early in the morning. Peter and I are trying to enjoy a quiet cup of tea, and we can’t hear ourselves think over the racket.’
‘Everything’s fine, Margaret.’ I grabbed Angus by the hand. ‘Get. In. Side. NOW!’ I hissed through gritted teeth. I pushed him inside, following close behind, and slammed the door. ‘As if I haven’t got better things to do than pander to you two every second of every day.’
‘Where are my shoes?’ Lexi demanded, ignoring me. She pointed to the middle of the kitchen floor. ‘They were there yesterday.’
‘Freezer. ’
‘What?’
‘I’ve told you before. You leave things lying around and I’ll put them in the freezer.’
She stomped to the fridge, opened the freezer drawer, and retrieved her shoes. ‘Mum, your joke is old and embarrassing. Just like you!’
I reached for my teacup. ‘But motivational!’