Chapter 51
CHAPTER 51
‘ A re you sure about this?’ Robyn asked, when we met at hospital for her penultimate antenatal class.
‘Of course.’ I was shocked Robyn was thinking about someone other than herself. ‘Lexi’s asleep and sitting in a room full of pregnant women will help take my mind off her troubles for a couple of hours.’
Five minutes before the class started, we settled ourselves. We weren’t with our regular group and decided there was little point trying to bond with strangers. Besides, we were both too exhausted to make new friends.
Robyn appeared drained and pale. Maybe because she was wearing a flowing orange and brown creation. At least she was calm.
‘Insta snap?’ she asked.
I nodded and looked her up and down. ‘Though there are more flattering clothes.’
Robyn grinned and stroked the fabric. ‘This ensemble was made for beach holidays and endless sunshine.’
She had no idea how abruptly her life was about to change. ‘At least you’re wearing shoes again. Sensible flats too. ’
‘Yes.’ She looked about the room. ‘Check all the no-nonsense shoes here tonight. Please edit mine from any photos.’
Twenty minutes into the session about what to expect during labour, Robyn announced, ‘No epidural for me. Why would I fancy a needle stuck in my back?’ She made a stabbing motion with her right hand. It was effective because the woman next to her grimaced and shied away.
I sniggered. ‘Why don’t we do a post about that?’
‘Ha. Ha. Seriously, I’m going to have a water birth, pure and simple. No gas. No drugs and no bloody great needle jabbed in my back. A massage with oils and soothing classical music is all the stimulant I’ll need.’
Robyn had obviously forgotten our recent forceps conversation.
A couple of pregnant women nodded their heads in approval. Others, like the woman next to Robyn, looked at her in horror and covered her mouth with her hand.
Men shifted uncomfortably in their seats. I knew what they were thinking because I was thinking the same thing: Who is this insane woman? Water birth, baby, blood, red bloody water. Is there still time to escape? From my experience, any way you chose to do it, childbirth was not for the faint-hearted.
Eyes swung from Robyn to me. That’s right, hello! I’m her birth partner. I sunk lower into my chair.
‘Really, Robyn,’ I said, after we staggered out later, ‘I thought that guy was going to bop you over the head when you started banging on about how all men are only in it for the good times, that none of them would ever stick by their partners once the baby was born so they might as well leave tonight.’
‘It’s true. They’re only prolonging the inevitable. ’
‘Some of those men looked genuinely excited about imminent parenthood.’
‘Yeah, right. What about you? Telling the lank haired woman she should rent an explicit childbirth video and watch it repeatedly – on a large widescreen TV in the freezing cold, naked, on the loudest volume setting, and with all the lights on, preferably fluorescent. “And even then,” you said, she “couldn’t begin to imagine the agony of childbirth.” What about that?’
‘Obviously, I was being mean. I didn’t expect her to vomit on her partner.’
‘Lucky we were already at hospital.’
‘She never should have eaten nachos before class anyway.’
While the rest of the class fussed over the vomiter, Robyn and I plonked down our peppermint teas and half-eaten McVitie’s and bolted out the door.
According to my calculations, Robyn was approximately three and a half weeks away from giving birth and I was pretty sure neither of us was adequately prepared.
At home, I raced upstairs to Lexi’s room. Matthew was sitting beside her in the darkness, stroking her good arm. Cleo and Rupert were curled up together at the foot of her bed, asleep.
I squatted beside Matthew, my hand resting on his shoulder. ‘How is she?’
‘Not bad. I’ve given her more medicine. Saying weird things, mumbling mostly.’
We both stood and walked away from Lexi’s bed.
‘How’s Robyn?’
‘Still Robyn. She’s in for a huge shock… I feel like this is my fault, Matthew. If I was looking after her?— ’
‘You can’t always be there for her. She’s an adult. She has to stand on her own two feet.’
‘I was talking about Lexi, not Robyn.’
‘Honey, Lexi was at school. There’s nothing you could have done to stop her from climbing a tree and falling.’
‘But I didn’t know about Hunter, that he’d broken up with her.’
‘Neither did I. She told me he wasn’t even her boyfriend.’
‘Dads aren’t supposed to be in the loop. Mothers are.’
‘I thought we were co-parents, equal responsibility and all that.’
I bit my tongue. When it suits you , I grumbled to myself, thinking back to my first day at Delicious Bites .
‘Anyway, the main thing is Lexi’s safe.’
‘But what if she’d fallen on her head and broken her neck? I’ve failed her as a parent.’
‘It’s not a test, Kate.’
‘What do you mean, not a test ? Every day’s a test and every day I either pass or fail. Most days I fail spectacularly, especially where Lexi is concerned.’
Matthew took my hand. ‘You haven’t failed. We haven’t failed.’
‘Mum?’ Lexi squinted into the semi-darkness, her voice weak. ‘Are you there?’
‘Hello, darling,’ I called. ‘I’m here.’
Matthew let my hand go. ‘I’ll leave you two to talk.’ He walked out of the room, and I sat on Lexi’s bed beside her.
She winced. ‘My arm hurts.’
‘I know it does, sweetie, but it’ll be better soon.’ I’m thinking six weeks. Everything takes six weeks.
‘How soon? I’ve ruined Nanna’s wedding, haven’t I?’
Mum’s wedding! I hadn’t given it a thought. ‘No, of course you haven’t. Why would you say such a thing? ’
‘Look at me. I’m ugly. I can’t be Nanna’s bridesmaid looking like this.’
‘Looking like what? You’ve got a couple of scratches. You’re still gorgeous. And when you smile, you light up the room, bruises or no bruises.’
‘You have to say that. You’re my mother. If you don’t say it, no one will.’
‘You are gorgeous, Lexi.’
Rupert and Cleo edged their way further up the bed in search of hands to pat them. I pushed them both onto the floor and, without so much as a sideways glance, they jumped back up onto the bed again.
‘Let them stay, please.’
‘I don’t know how much sleep you’ll get with these two snoring beside you.’
‘I’ll be okay.’ She patted them as they settled. ‘Mum, do I have to go back to school?’
‘Eventually.’
‘I just want to fit in, but nothing’s working.’ She started crying again. ‘I thought Susie was my friend, and now I’m scared of getting my head flushed down the toilet.’
Hearing the words head and flushed in the same sentence brought back agonising memories from year eight at high school. Twisted flashbacks. I kept as far away from the girls’ toilets as I could. At the time, there were rumours the school cat, Sox, had been flushed and hence why he was deaf in one ear, but they were never substantiated. Still, I don’t think I used a school bathroom for three years.
Twenty-five years later, my daughter held the same fears. What was Lexi’s school doing to protect students like her? She shouldn’t be worried about being unable to use the bathroom. And as for falling out of a tree on school grounds, where had the playground supervisors been at that time ?
‘But worse,’ Lexi wept, pulling me back into the conversation, ‘they’ll post rumours about me on TikTok.’
This was a whole new world to me. I massaged her spiky scalp. ‘I’m sure it’s just talk.’
‘It’s not. Girls post rumours on Insta and Snapchat all the time. TikTok mostly.’
‘All bullies are gutless cowards. Cyberbullies are no different. We’ll get through this together, I promise.’
‘So I don’t have to go to school tomorrow?’
‘No, not tomorrow, and you’ll have the weekend before school on Monday.’
I stroked Cleo and she purred contentedly. ‘Then, you’ve only got another four days of classes before you break up for the holidays, assuming you finish your assignments.’
She grunted. ‘Do you sometimes wish I was never born?’
‘Never, Lexi. How could you think such a thing? You’re the daughter I’ve wished for all my life. I can’t imagine how empty my world would be without you in it. You’re my angel.’ I looked down to where my tears had fallen on her cheek.
Even with her bruises, cuts and rough hair, Lexi was gorgeous. Man-boy posters adorned her walls, her floor was strewn with clothes, books and other paraphernalia, but that was Lexi. And as frustrating and difficult as she could be, I loved her more than ever.
I picked up her school jacket and hung it in the closet. Stuffed out of sight beside her clothes were all the cuddly toys Lexi had been collecting since birth. Hidden, but not out of reach. Whenever I broached the subject of donating them to charity, she’d shut me down. How bad a kid could she be if she refused to part with her teddies? I placed several of them between her, Cleo and Rupert.
Matthew was dozing when I crawled into bed. ‘Lexi okay?’ he mumbled, rubbing his eyes .
‘She will be. She’s worried about getting her head flushed at school.’
Matthew rolled over and sat up. ‘What?’ He sounded genuinely shocked.
‘Apparently there are some spirited older girls who make it their business to make the other girls’ lives miserable. Lexi thinks she’s on their hit list.’
‘Why?’
‘Because of what happened with Hunter, and now with her broken arm and bruises, well, she thinks she’s ugly. She thinks she’ll never have another boyfriend and she’s got no friends. She’s miserable trying to keep up with the cool kids. I wish I could protect her from it all. The thing is it’s probably going to get worse. She’s barely six months into being a teenager.’
‘She wouldn’t have time to be miserable if she was kicking a football around the oval with friends.’
‘I’ll remind you of that when Angus is thirteen. Besides, you know what girls are like.’
‘No, no I don’t. I’m beginning to realise I really don’t know much at all.’