Chapter 15
Fifteen
Lila climbed the stairs slowly, still glowing from the surprise birthday celebration.
It had been everything she’d needed for her first Christmas without either of her parents.
She’d laughed and smiled all day, able to push aside the doubts and fears about her birth mother and whether she’d ever meet her.
“Lila?” Sarah’s voice was soft behind her.
Lila turned to find Sarah standing outside her own room. She really did look sick, her face pale and drawn.
“I heard you weren’t feeling well,” Lila said, moving closer with concern. “Are you okay? Can I get you anything?”
“No dear,” Sarah said, her voice barely above a whisper. “I’m okay.” She took a shaky breath. “Could we talk? Privately?”
“Of course. Would you like to come into my room?”
Sarah nodded, following Lila down the hall. Inside the Pinecone Room, Lila flipped on the bedside lamp, then turned to offer Sarah the wingback chair by the window.
But Sarah wasn’t looking at the chair. Her gaze was fixed on the bed, where Lila’s baby quilt lay folded at the foot. If it were even possible, Sarah’s face went even whiter than it had been in the hall.
“Sarah?” Lila moved toward her, alarmed. “What is it? Are you okay?”
Sarah approached the bed with trembling steps, her hand reaching out to touch the quilt as if it might dissolve into smoke at the contact. Her fingers traced the red, green, and white squares with reverent care.
“It’s exactly like I remember,” Sarah whispered, her voice thick with emotion.
Lila’s breath caught in her throat. “What did you just say?”
Sarah’s fingers continued their gentle exploration of the fabric, tears beginning to stream down her cheeks. “I chose this quilt for my baby girl.”
The words hit Lila like a physical blow. The room seemed to tilt around her as she stared at Sarah, this woman who’d been so kind to her all week, who’d understood her grief about losing her mother, who’d felt like such a comforting presence.
Lila’s voice came out as barely a whisper. “You’re my birth mother?”
Sarah lifted her tear-filled eyes to meet Lila’s. “Yes, sweetheart. I am.”
Lila sank onto the edge of the bed, her legs suddenly unable to support her. “I can’t believe this. You’ve been right here the entire time.”
“I didn’t know it until what you said at dinner last night. I was so surprised that I needed time to think about what I could say to you. How I could explain what I did.”
Sarah sat in the wingback chair, pulling a tissue from her pocket to dab at her eyes.
“I’ve been coming back to Pine Ridge every Christmas for thirty-four years.
At first, I told myself it was because this was the last place I’d been truly happy with David.
But really, I think I’ve been coming back because it’s where you were born. It’s the closest I could get to you.”
“David,” Lila repeated, remembering Sarah’s story from their walk in the woods. “Your husband who died.”
“Your father,” Sarah corrected gently. “He died from a very aggressive cancer before you were born. We hadn’t even been married two years yet.”
Lila felt tears burning her eyes as pieces of the puzzle began falling into place. “You came back here because you’d spent Christmas here with him the year before.”
She nodded. “Our first Christmas as husband and wife. We were so happy, so full of plans for the future.” Sarah’s voice broke.
“When he died, I felt like my world ended. I was twenty-three years old, pregnant, and completely alone. I didn’t know how I could possibly raise a child on my own—emotionally or financially.
I couldn’t even take care of myself in those months after he died. ”
“So you came back here to have me?” Lila said, trying to process everything she was hearing.
“You weren’t due for another month. I came back because I couldn’t bear to be anywhere else on Christmas.
This inn, this town—it held so many happy memories from our only Christmas together as husband and wife.
” Sarah wiped at her tears with the back of her hand.
“I went into labor early on Christmas Eve. The storm was so bad the paramedics almost couldn’t get through.
Carol and Tom were there, and Tom’s parents, and they all took such good care of us. ”
“Carol told me tonight she remembered there was so much love in the room when I was born.” Tears were streaking down Lila’s face now.
Sarah nodded. “There was. Even in the middle of my grief and fear, there was so much love for you. But I was drowning, Lila. The pain of losing David was so fresh, and I was terrified I wouldn’t be enough for you.
I wanted you to have everything—two parents, stability, a real chance at happiness.
I’d quit my job and was living off what little savings we had, and I couldn’t afford to keep our house without David’s salary.
I could barely even get out of bed most mornings.
Then I resolved to come here, and it felt like kismet that you decided to be born here where David and I had spent such a magical week. ”
Lila studied Sarah’s face, seeing her own features reflected there for the first time. The same brown eyes, the same heart shape to their face, even similar gestures she’d noticed but hadn’t understood.
“I worked with the adoption agency for months, looking at profiles of potential parents. I was so particular about choosing the right family for you.” Sarah’s voice grew stronger, more certain.
“When I saw your parents’ profile, I knew immediately they were perfect.
They were older, established, desperate for a child to love.
I could see in their photos how much joy they would bring to your life. ”
“They did,” Lila said softly. “They gave me everything I could have ever wanted.”
“I’m so grateful for that,” Sarah whispered. “All these years, I’ve prayed that whoever raised you was giving you the love and opportunities you deserved.”
“Why did you seal the records?” Lila could finally ask the question that had bothered her for years. “If you loved me, why make it so I couldn’t ever find you?”
Sarah’s face crumpled with fresh tears. “The agency counselor said it would be better for everyone. She said it would be a clean break so I could move on, and you could bond completely with your new family. It seemed logical at the time, but I regretted it almost immediately. By then, it was too late to change it. Five years ago, I did one of those DNA tests. I kept hoping you’d do one and we’d find each other that way.
I never imagined we’d meet like this, without knowing who each other were. ”
They sat in silence for a moment, both overwhelmed by the magnitude of what had just been revealed. Lila looked at this woman who’d been such a comfort to her all week, who’d understood her grief and loneliness in ways that made perfect sense.
“So, you thought about me sometimes?”
“Oh, honey,” Sarah came to sit by Lila on the bed, taking Lila’s hand in her own.
“Of course I did. Every single day for the last thirty-four years. I hoped and prayed you were having a beautiful life, and I tried to find ways to atone for what I did. I became a school counselor because I wanted to help children who were struggling, who felt alone or unwanted. I kept thinking that somewhere out there, my daughter might need someone like that in her life, and maybe if I helped other children, someone would be helping you too.”
The selflessness of it made Lila’s chest tight with emotion. “All these years, you’ve been trying to take care of me indirectly.”
“It was the only way I knew how. I never stopped thinking about you. Wondering who you’d become, what you looked like, if you were happy.
” Sarah’s voice was barely a whisper. “When you told us why you were here last night, I could barely breathe. My baby, my daughter, was right here with me. And I already loved you from the time we’d spent together, and I was so afraid you wouldn’t feel the same when I told you the truth. ”
“Is that why you hid in your room today? You weren’t sick?”
“I was terrified,” Sarah admitted. “I was afraid that when you found out the truth, you’d hate me for giving you up. For not fighting harder to keep you. For making a choice that changed both our lives forever.”
Lila looked at Sarah’s tear-streaked face, at the fear and love in her brown eyes.
She thought about the woman who’d raised her, who’d always told her that her birth mother must have loved her very much to make such a difficult choice.
She thought about Sarah’s career spent caring for other people’s children, about her annual pilgrimages to Pine Ridge, about the grief and loneliness that had shaped thirty-four years of both of their lives.
“I don’t hate you,” Lila said finally. “I could never hate you. What you did—giving me up so I could have a better life—that was love. The purest kind of love.”
Sarah’s sob was audible as she reached for Lila, pulling her into an embrace that felt like coming home. They held each other as thirty-four years of separation melted away, both crying for the lost time and the love that had never really been lost at all.
“I’ve missed you so much,” Sarah whispered against her hair. “Every Christmas, every birthday, every milestone you had that I wasn’t there for.”
Sarah cupped Lila’s face in her hands, studying her features with wonder. “You’re so beautiful, so accomplished, so kind. Your parents did such a wonderful job raising you.”
“They did,” Lila agreed. “But they would have understood this. They always told me that if I ever wanted to find you, they would support me completely.”
“They sound like amazing people.”
“They were. You absolutely chose the perfect parents for me. And now I know where I get some of my traits from too.” Lila managed a watery smile. “I think maybe I have your eyes.”
Sarah nodded. “Passed down from my mother.” She reached up and stroked Lila’s hair like she was seeing it for the first time.
They sat together on the bed, holding hands and looking at the quilt that had brought them together after decades of separation. Outside the window, snow was falling on Pine Ridge, the town where their story had begun and where it was finally, beautifully, continuing.
“What happens now?” Lila asked, her voice small and uncertain despite the joy flooding her heart.
“Now we get to know each other,” Sarah said, squeezing her hands. “We have thirty-four years to catch up on, and if you’re willing, we could even build a future together.”
“I’d like that,” Lila whispered. “I’d like that very much.”
The Christmas miracle Lila had been hoping for had been sitting right beside her all along.