EPILOGUE
FIVE MONTHS LATER
HOLLYN
I step out onto the back porch of the beach house we’ll be staying in for the next few days and take a deep breath. We made it. It’s done.
I’ve seen the country and explored towns so small they only have one stop light, and I’ve visited big cities that made me feel so damn small while also filling me with wonder. And now we’ve come to the end.
At least, the end of this road trip.
After being on the road with Elwood for the last month, I have a feeling we’ll be taking road trips in the future. The first few weeks when I was alone were okay, but seeing everything with Elwood at my side made it all magical.
Maybe it wasn’t the journey or the destination that mattered the most. Maybe it was always the company.
And I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I hold the box holding the last of Hillary’s ashes as I look out at the private beach on the Atlantic Ocean.
This is the entire reason we rented this place.
We needed access and to ensure there weren’t hordes of people around all the time.
It was worth it because now I have a place to spread Hillary’s ashes in private and we get to finish off this road trip in style.
What could be better?
A strong arm wraps around my waist, and I lean back against the man who has become my everything. I’m glad I didn’t pass up the gift I was being given. If I would have driven away from Storyville, I would have missed out on so much.
I wouldn’t have had the chance to fall into the deepest love I could imagine. I wouldn’t have found a group of people who feel like a family. I wouldn’t have found a place that feels like home and gives me a sense of peace beyond what I thought was possible.
“Good morning,” Elwood’s voice is still gruff with sleep as I soak up some of his strength.
My breath hitches as I look out at the ocean and my fingers tighten around the box in my arms. “This feels final,” I whisper the words, afraid to give them more than the barest of recognition.
Because what if they’re true?
“Nothing about this is final,” he rumbles against my back and grounds me when all I want to do is dissolve into a mess of tears and memories that hurt instead of heal. “Look out at the ocean.”
I open my eyes, unsure of when I even closed them to begin with, and take in the view.
It’s been our backyard for the last two days and there was something tugging at me to do this today when I woke up.
It was a feeling I couldn’t shake, and I’ve learned to listen to those instincts, even if they don’t make any sense.
“It appears endless, a horizon, because from our perspective it is. We know that this ocean meets more land, but we can’t see it.
Even when this water hits land again, the currents take it around to meet up with more water.
It flows and ebbs, it transforms and it pays homage to so much more than we could even fathom. ”
He kisses my neck, and I let the tears fall over my cheeks, not caring about being vulnerable with this man. I trust him with all I am.
Including my fears.
Including my hopes.
Including my love.
“This is just a different stage of grief and moving forward, one Hillary would want you to take. She’ll become one with the water and flow all around the globe.
She will dance with fish and ride the waves with whales.
She will evaporate and then fall back to the ground as rain which will nurture plants and give new life.
Even when her ashes are washed away, the memory of her will live on.
In you. In Montana. In everyone Hillary made smile. In everyone she loved.”
I let out a sigh, some of my pain melting into something sweeter.
The last five months have been a journey, one that I didn’t have to be on the road to endure.
It was all done within my heart and soul.
I’ve ridden highs and I’ve coasted through lows.
Losing someone who felt like a sister left a scar.
Elwood has helped me by asking me questions about Hillary. He’s helped to keep her memory alive. Through that, the edges of my grief have dulled. But they haven’t disappeared.
I’ve made peace with it as best I can.
Would I rather have my best friend back instead of having to learn how to navigate this grief? Without a doubt, yes.
“How do you always know what to say?”
Elwood chuckles and I bounce a little with the action because of the way our bodies are molded together.
“I don’t always know what to say,” he admits, “but I do love you and I’ll do anything I can to help hold you together as you grieve and heal.
I’m just trying my best and hoping I do an okay job. ”
I turn and look up at my man, his icy blue eyes already looking down at me and holding so much warmth. “You do a damn fine job,” I assure him.
The smile he gives me is full of love and pure affection. When he leans down, he takes my mouth in a soft kiss, one that fuels my soul and makes me feel stronger.
I don’t know how he does it, but I’m grateful all the same.
“Okay,” I whisper against his lips before pulling back and turning toward the ocean again, “it’s time.”
I take a step and am surprised when I don’t feel Elwood move with me. I look back at him over my shoulder with a raised eyebrow and questions on my tongue.
“You need to do this on your own,” he tells me, his eyes serious, “but I’ll be right here when you need me.” I nod and then face forward again. “Don’t say goodbye,” his voice carries after me as I move toward the water’s edge, “just tell her you’ll see her later.”
As I release the last of her ashes in the water while it laps against my ankles, I do exactly what Elwood said.
“I miss you, Hillary,” I whisper while tears coat my cheeks, “but it doesn’t hurt as much as it could.
Thank you for ensuring I ended up where I belong.
I won’t say goodbye. I can’t, not to you.
I’ll see you when I’m meant to see you again, and if you can help me out here and there when life gets hard, I wouldn’t be opposed. ”
The breeze from the water picks up and wraps around me, blowing my hair this way and that. I smile as I close my eyes while the last of my friend’s ashes are swept away to become part of something larger, something unimaginable.
“Thank you.”
It’s not nearly enough, but it’ll have to do.
Until the next time I feel her presence. Until the next time she lends me strength. Until the next time air feels like a hug and the path feels like fate.
After taking a deep breath, I turn around and my eyes immediately find Elwood again. He’s no longer on the porch of the house we’re staying in. He’s a few feet behind me and I can’t help but smile.
He shrugs one shoulder, not at all bothered as he explains, “Just in case you needed me.”
I walk straight toward him and when he opens his arms for me, I don’t hesitate to step into them and bury my face against his chest.
“I love you,” I mumble.
“I love you, Sweet Girl.” He pauses for a moment before he pulls back enough to look down at me again. Before I realize what is happening, he’s holding a box up between us. He breathes out, “Will you do me the ultimate honor of walking through life with me as my wife?”
I blink at the ring and then up at my man, and then at the ring and then my man. My mouth opens and closes a few times before I launch myself at him.
The action takes him by surprise, and the box goes flying as he falls back into the sand and I end up sprawled on top of him. We let out a grunt, and I cup his face in my hands.
“I’d love to be your wife,” I yell the words because the joy flowing through me is almost impossible to contain.
He laughs and reaches for the box that went flying. I cover my mouth with my hands as I watch him in horror. It’s only when I see the ring is still in place that I breathe a sigh of relief.
As he slips the ring on my finger and kisses me, rolling us until he’s hovering over me. While the warmth of the sand seeps through my clothing, that breeze flows back over us. It feels like acceptance and a celebration.
I’m so glad I broke down right outside of Storyville. I can’t imagine my life without this man and the future we’re going to continue to build together. It’s a future I deserve and one I’ll fight for every single day.