Chapter 7
Kinsey
The kids are both laughing as Landon throws wads of tinsel at the tree like a crazy man. Tears fill my eyes as the blond-haired man of my dreams makes my children laugh.
Laugh like they haven’t in what feels like forever. Katy grabs her own fistful and throws it at the tree, giggling like a little demon.
And my son, the boy who’s hurting so badly that he hasn’t smiled in months, is smiling at the two of them even as he takes a few strands and throws them as well.
“Come on, Will! You can do better than that!” His sister hollers as she takes an entire box and whips it at him.
He grabs it out of the air, opens it and then chucks it at the tree. Huge, shimmering wads of tinsel explode out of the air and land in glittering swathes among the dark green branches.
Landon backs away and stands next to me. His smile curls something strange and warm in my belly. His blue eyes shimmer with happiness.
“Are you magic?” I whisper softly to him. He turns to me and the impact of his smile is stronger than any alcohol. My head swims, my heart thundering in my ears.
“Perhaps I am. But I’ve been saving all of it for you.”
A fuzzy warmth wells up in my belly, spreading out through my body until it feels like I’m glowing from the inside out.
All these years, I had a humongous crush on this man. But there’s more to him than just a gorgeous face, a glorious body and a smile that warms me from the inside out.
He’s a good man. I can’t remember the last time I met one of those. They’re not exactly running around all over California. Most of those men tend to be caught up in the pursuit of fame and fortune. Not in the happy little things that bring so much to the world.
To my world.
Or at least that’s what the men I ran across were like.
Shaking my head, I step away from him. “No. I don’t know about magic anymore. None of it is real.”
His eyes darken. “Oh, Kins. That’s not true. Give me a chance and I’ll show you that there’s real magic out there. Real hope and chances for something strong and lasting.
“I don’t deserve something like that, Landon. I’ve done nothing but messed up my life over and over again. I couldn’t even make it back for my brother’s funeral. I am a horrible sister. A terrible person.”
He shakes his head, his eyes soft and open. “Sweetheart, I’m telling you that your brother understood what was happening with you.”
“How could he? I didn’t tell him anything.
Just disappeared and then called him every once in awhile.
I could tell when I called that he missed me.
I missed him too. But I was trying so hard with Jeremy that I couldn’t take time away to come see him.
And then when he died, I was still trying to get things taken care of with my family.
I wasted so much time with Jeremy and my kids never even got to meet their uncle in person.
” Tears spring to my eyes and a sob catches in my throat. “He was so alone.”
“Oh, Kins. Stop blaming yourself. If Landon really wanted to he could have come to find you. It’s not that he didn’t miss you.
But he told me over and over again that you were running from something and it was better that you had the strength to do what needed to be done.
He said that the secret you were hiding could have destroyed all of us. ”
My stomach sinks. “He couldn’t know,” I whisper.
“He didn’t tell me what it was.”
I nod my head, sniffing. “That’s good.” But obviously my brother understood me far better than I thought.
“Hey, guys! Why the long faces?” Will leads his sister over to us and I shake myself free of the memories of my bother.
“I was just thinking about your uncle and wishing that you guys got to meet him.”
“Don’t you have pictures of him?”
“Just old ones.”
“I have newer ones on my phone,” Landon says. “We were best friends and I was out here with him all the time so he wouldn’t be…”
Alone.
Another sharp twinge hits my heart.
“I’m not trying to hurt you, Kins. He didn’t hold any hard feelings about you moving on. He loved you too much.”
He nods at the kids and they come closer while he sits down on the floor beside the tree, the lights twinkling behind him. He pulls out his phone and pulls up his pictures. Tears sting my eyes even though I smile through them.
“What on earth…?”
“Halloween last year. He and I went as John Travolta and Olivia Newton John from Grease.”
Both of the kids laugh so hard that they fall over, rolling on the floor. “You’re wearing a wig and leather pants. How the hell did you get those on?”
Giggling, I lean closer as he moves on to the next picture. Every one of them breaks my heart a little more. And yet they build something else back up in me.
My brother’s gray eyes smiled in every one of the pictures with Landon. Playing around in town. Having beers at the bar. Riding on a float in the high school parade that always started the new year. Riding a motorcycle that he must have got after I left.
Landon glances over at me, smirking as he tells yet another story about my brother and the hijinks the two of them got up too.
And the warmth in his eyes pulls at something lost and lonely in my heart and soul.
“I wish I never left…”. His eyes widen and then he nods.
“I wish you’d never left either,” he says.
I sit beside him on the floor and lean against him, holding Katy at my side, just learning all about my brother and his life.
Learning what I missed by hiding from my own feelings for so long.
God that hurts.