Chapter 9
Kinsey
“Kins…hey, wake up, baby.”
My eyes slowly open and I blink them ruthlessly, struggling to pull myself out of the ridiculous dreams that have plagued me all night.
Dawn colors the sky outside the windows, pale watery light that barely seems to filter through the blinds.
“Landon? What are you doing?” His face hovers over me and the smile that he shoots me…well, it breaks a little something inside of me.
“I’m showing you what should have happened. I should have chosen you. It’s always been you.”
“What are you talking about?” I ask hoarsely, shoving my hair out of my eyes.
“I didn’t know it because you were so much younger than us, but I’ve been waiting my whole life for you, Kins. No other woman was ever going to do. I met perfection a long time ago and I just wasn’t willing to settle.”
Sitting up, I study him standing there, his gloved hands holding out my coat.
“I can’t go anywhere. My kids are here, Landon.”
“I called Fern and her and her husband made it here this morning on snowmobiles. They’re waiting downstairs. They’re going to stay and watch the kids while we go talk.”
“Who needs to talk? We know that this won’t work. We know that Karter knew that and that’s why he was okay with what I did. I had to do it.”
He leans down and takes my hand in his, his mouth caressing my knuckles and turning my knees to jelly. His breath is warm on my fingers and goosebumps dance up my arm.
“Karter was hung up on the friend thing. But he loved both of us and I find it hard to believe that he wouldn’t want his two best friends happy.”
“You are just not thinking clearly.”
“I am. For the first time in my life, I am.” He holds out a coat and shakes it. “Now come on. Consider me your own ghosts of Christmas past, present and future.”
“You’re being ridiculous.” I roll my eyes. But hope sings in my blood. Maybe…
He wraps me up in the coat as he stands me on my feet and then he holds out a pair of gloves and a hat. I slip them on and he leads me out the door and downstairs.
We stop at the front door and two people holding hands on the couch in front of the fireplace smile at me. She’s dark and exotic-looking and he’s gazing at her like she hung the moon and the stars.
“Have fun, you two!” They call. “We’ll take good care of the kids if they wake up.”
I slip on my boots and glare at Landon. “I don’t know what you think you’re doing but I think it’s all a mistake. Nothing’s going to change.”
“We’ll see.”
He leads me out the door and down to a sleigh drawn by two milky gray steeds. “I think you remember Artemis and Lancelot.”
Smiling, I pat them gently on their silky muzzles and the nuzzle into me, warm breath fanning my fingers even in the gloves. I do!” I look around. “Where’s Mr. Anderson?”
“He let me borrow the sleigh and horses. He’s got a bit of a cold so he’s laid up right now.”
“Oh. I hope he’s alright.”
“He is. Now, climb on up and we’ll head to our first stop.”
I step up into the sleigh and he covers my lap with a soft, warm plaid blanket. Then he hands me a thermos. “Hot cocoa. I think that’s still your favorite.”
“Yeah.” That’s one of the reasons I still have that extra twenty pounds. I love my hot cocoa and chocolate.
Landon climbs up in the sleigh and clicks to the horses, who immediately step forward, jerking at us.
Then the sleigh smoothes out and we move in a whirling, exciting kaleidoscope of frozen land and fairy breath dancing in the air. The horses snort out foggy breaths.
And I sit there and hold the thermos, frozen in memories.
It takes what feels like forever. But suddenly we’re sitting in front of a house that I know well.
“Do you still live here?”
He shakes his head. “My dad still does but I moved out ages ago. But I brought you here because this is where we met. You were with Karter when he came over the one night after my mom died. I was sitting there, shell-shocked and so damn sad that I couldn’t even eat.
And then this pretty little girl sat down next to me and covered my fingers with her own.
She told me that it was alright to be sad.
But that I should always remember the good times with my mother. That she wouldn’t want me to stay sad.”
“You understood. And you didn’t try and change me. I don’t think you ever even told me that it wasn’t okay to cry. You just sat down beside me and listened. That meant so much to me. I idolized you and your brother.”
“And that’s why I say this won’t work.”
“Wait.” He holds up a hand. “Just wait. And listen.”
We pull away from his house and then we’re setting out towards the old storefront for their company.
He stops at the dark building. “This was my present until you showed up. I was lost in the dark. My family’s business was gone and I had nothing else to live for up here.
Nothing that made me happy. Or just made me…
me. Until you showed up. And then all of a sudden I knew.
I’d been missing you all this time. Missing you more and more every day.
I didn’t know your name but I knew you were out there and I was leaving to go find you. ”
“You were leaving Wildwood.”
“I was. I was running away. Or running to. I’m not quite sure. But I do know that as soon as I pulled up alongside that car on the road, it was like the lights turned on in my soul. Like I wasn’t lost in the dark. I was found. Found by my light. You.”
Forcing down a sob, I stare at him, losing him in a blur of tears. “I don’t know what to do with that.”
“Take it for what it is. A declaration of love, of intent. Of happiness and hope and all my plans for the future culminating in one perfect person. You.”
I shake my head. I can’t speak. Tears crowd my throat.
“One more stop.”
I head back up the mountain and pull up among the trees. Among the new growth that’s just been planted this year. They’re so small now. It’s hard to believe that they’ll grow into something so big and amazing as someone’s Christmas tree.
“I planted these trees after last Christmas. This was the last big thing I did with Karter before he died.”
He moves out of the sleigh and stands by one of the small trees. “They’re still small but they’re strong and determined. Just like you.”
Shaking my head, I whimper under my breath, staring out at the field.
My brother did this. All of this.
“This is our future. Our children’s future.
Not just the ones we’ll have in the future.
Also Will and Katy. This land and these trees are his gift to you, my gift to you in a way.
They’re the future of Christmas Country.
They’re the link to your family and friends.
They’re your home. And I want to take care of it with you.
I want to raise our kids here someday and watch them play on this mountain, watch them grow into the business and watch them become us someday.
Watch them fall in love and bring their own children home to the business just like you have.
I want to grow old with you and see all of it through your beautiful silver eyes and know that somewhere out there…
”. His big hands wave over his head and into eternity.
“Somewhere Karter is watching us and he’s happy, knowing that you’re home and I’m taking care of you the way he always did.
Not as your brother like when we were growing up, but as your lover and friend now. ”
Hiccuping on a sob, I hold out my hands to him, dropping the thermos. He runs to me and covers my cheeks with kisses, his lips warm and firm and so familiar. Like they were always meant to touch me. “Are you sure about this? I come with baggage and not just my kids.”
“Your kids are not baggage. They’re future little you’s. I can’t wait to watch them grow up and take on the world. It would be my joy to raise them with you.”
“We might not get much help from my ex,” I warn him.
“I’d rather he stay gone. I will never stand in the way of him visiting his kids. But I will always look on them as my kids too because they’re yours. They both have your soft eyes and sweet smiles. I couldn’t love them more if we made them together.”
Flushing, I swat at his arm. “That’s rude. You’re bad.”
“Only for you. I’ve waited all my life to be with the woman I was meant to hold forever.”
“Do you mean…?” I can’t even believe what I’m hearing.
“I’m a virgin. I know that’s a weird thing for a guy to admit, but I couldn’t be with any woman that I couldn’t see a future with and since I hadn’t met you again yet, there was nobody.”
“Oh my god, Landon. You waited all this time for me.”
“I would have waited six lifetimes for you. It doesn’t matter how long you took, it just matters that you’re here now. We’re together now. And I intend to spend all of forever with you.”
I hold onto his cold cheeks covered with a light scruff and smile tearily at him. “I love you, Landon Winters. I always have.”
His cold lips touch mine and he smiles softly, gently. “It took me a little longer to catch up but now that I have, I wouldn’t change a thing. It’s our story. The good, the bad and the years in between. It’s all our story. I love you now and forever.”
“Can we go home now? I want to be with you.”
He leans in and his lips claim mine, clinging and moving gently. “”I would love nothing better.”
He climbs up into the sleigh and clicks to the horses, pulling me into his side. I sigh and lean into him, lost in the familiar yet strange scent of the man who was once a boy I loved.
Past, present and future all wrapped up in one man. The love of my life.